What is 3 under 3 like

[ChicNavyPanda]

Currently have a 16month old and almost 5 month old and am considering getting pregnant again.
if I got pregnant straight away I would have a newborn, a 13 month old, and 25month old.
has anyone else been in this situation. Financially it would not be a problem. I would need to get a new car for 3 car seats, but wanted to know the raw truth of the ins and outs of this.
I absolutely love having 2 under 2 and just thinking would 3 under 3 be that bad?
should I wait a few more months, should I wait a few years, or should I get pregnant now?

please be kind, I understand this is not for everyone

@ChicNavyPanda id space the last two over the next four years as you said.
would be good to understand why 4 kids before 30 is important for your DP.? It seems like it is something that is important to him… what about you? What about your DCs?
Also you say “partner” are you not married? If you are not, do that now, just in case!
Then i would not rule out the possibility of neurodiversity or mental ill health spicing up your life through the children…
i know you are one of 5 but things are different nowadays and the fact you had one (good it seems) experience of childhood does not mean your children will have the same experience.

There were extra needs, and a bereavement and a house move, so not ideal. The problem was I never worked out how to be in more than place at the same time.

3 under 3 is doable but 3 under 3 with hospital appointments and worry was a lot. Mummy’s juice wasn’t the answer, it wasn’t their fault!

I do hope you are in a better place now @Seriestwo

I think one of the things I would be cautious with is you’re very young, 3 under 3 will be hard, it’ll put a lot of strain on your relationship, how would you manage as a single mum of 3 so close together?

no we are not married but do plan to in the near future.
my partner would like to be young and fit whilst the kids are young. He hates the idea of being an older dad and no have enough energy to run and around and play with them. He wants to give them the best childhood and to do that he was to be as young and fit for them as possible.
im slightly more impartial. I’m happy to have kids up until about 35 but I understand why he would rather have them younger.

I have 4 DC with the youngest within 3 years. If you plan to have 4+ I would have a bit of break and then 2 close in age again.

If you may stop at 3 I would give yourself at least 18 months between the youngest two just for your body to recover.

I absolutely loved the smallest age gap but it is hard on your body which tends to catch up with you a few years down the line.

From a practical point of view in the depths of a cold wet winter a triple pushchair would not be fun!

Positives are that they play with each other so much and you get through the different age stages more easily.

If I could go back and plan perfectly I’d have 2 with 12-14 months gap then a 2ish year break then another 2 with a 12-14 month gap. So 4 in 5 years overall.

I do remember being worried about the risk of disability/severe illness with the youngest. Your life and business does get more hectic the more you have.

I would maybe wait and see how you feel in a few months. I had 2 under 2 and loved it, they are now 2 and 8 months old and I would definitely say it feels harder now than it did when my youngest was immobile😂 I expected the early months to be the hardest but actually it’s been harder (in different ways) now that my youngest is crawling, pulling himself up to stand, eating food, learning to play etc than it ever was when they were younger. It’s only really the last maybe 6 weeks that I actually feel like I have 2 children rather than one child and one really cute package that could be put down!

When I only had my eldest I could totally see where another baby would fit in, hence we decided to go for 2 under 2, but my husband & I both say I have genuinely no idea where a third baby would fit in now without taking time away from the two children we have. If we do decide to have another baby we would be waiting at the very least until my oldest is 4 because I just think at that age at least she would be more independent and need us less. If you fell pregnant again now your eldest would only be just turned 2 when your third is born and honestly between 2 & 3 they need so much of you, time, attention, communication, things like potty training even, unless you have a lot of family/friends help I think you’d be stretched very thin with 3 under 3 x

Totally depends on the individual child. Some have easy going children some have ones that are hard work. I was lucky.

Also, don’t just focus on babies and toddlers, 3 teenagers close in age with hormones and activities etc will not be for the faint hearted.

Honestly I don’t even think its necessarily about some children being difficult or at least not deliberately, just that a 2.5 year old is actually becoming their own person with their own wishes and opinions (and the ability to express those opinions) compared to an 18 month old which is still more baby-like.

My eldest is 2 and I wouldn’t say she is a difficult child but just the age she is at makes some things trickier than when she was younger. Now she wants to get herself dressed, choose her own clothes/shoes, totally normal for her age but does mean that this takes 10 mins now rather than 1 min when I was choosing and getting her dressed. At 18 months old she was still getting her confidence walking/running, now she’s FAST and confident, and loves to run😂 she has opinions on everything- snacks, activities, toys, bath time- and the words to express them. More boundary testing, bigger emotions, dropping naps which can be a tantrum-filled process, everything is a negotiation. It’s all so so developmentally normal, but there is a huge difference between an 18 month old and a 2.5 year old!

I'd just echo re thinking ahead to the challenges of teens and young adults.
The impact of supporting the through gcses/alevels/driving lessons/uni applications/ uni support/work etc can be relentless and having 3 going through it in consecutive years would have finished me off!
We had 2 then a big gap.

I had 3 under 3. I had my identical twin girls first and 13 days before their 2nd Birthday I had my baby boy.
My Girls are 26 now & My boy is 24 they are all so close. I loved every minute of it and watching them all grow together.

Hi OP, I don't have that exact age gap but thought my experience might be helpful. My first two have a 12 month age gap, and my third came when my middle was 2.5 (so eldest 3.5).

In terms of their relationships, it is so brilliant, they get on so well and we don't have some of the struggles that friends with older children have. I'm glad for myself that baby/toddler days are now done and I didn't have to keep going backwards.

BUT I wasn't particularly well after my third, by the time she turned 1, I was completely deficient in vitamin d, iron, can't remember what else. Very underweight. I found it very hard looking after myself and I think three pregnancies close together really took a toll on my body. It was all easily solved so no major issues and I feel fine now (they are 7, 6 and 4 now) but something to consider.

We originally wanted four, with a small age gap between third and fourth, but I just couldn't manage another pregnancy. I'm very content with the three, they are a perfect little trio. Because they are close in age, there isn't really the dynamic of older children looking after younger.

OP I'd say your body is the one that will have to go through and recover from four pregnancies and (I assume, feel free to correct me) do the bulk of the childcare. 30 is plenty young for a dad. My DH is 37, we're trying for our second. He's extremely athletic, in amazing shape and often gets mistaken for being a student. Very annoying when he gets ID-ed! A friend of his had his DC starting at about 19/20. Lovely guy but his physical health is let's say towards the other end of the spectrum. A couple of years to spread out the DC won't make a difference to your DH's vitality but it'll make a bloody enormous difference to yours. Make sure he's exercising and has good nutrition if he wants to stay in good shape for the kids!

Such a good point your last sentence. I definitely wasn't helping with nappies etc when my youngest brother was born when I was 4.5

OK. Obviously nobody is going to have another child if they don’t want one. But I would have thought that most parents are very focused on their child(ren)’s needs and welfare.

Our youngest are 4 under 3 because our last was twins and I love it and there adored by all there older siblings. Gave up my career a few years ago and adore being at home with the kids plus huge bonus on having a great dh aswell

3 lots of uni costs at the same time, would be fun!

What’s your financial position if not married?

How did you find giving up work financially. We currently both work and are financially stable, however if I gave up work this we would struggle more. I would however love to give up work and focus solely on the kids.
also wondering how you coped day by day. For example your buggy situation, car situation, did you manage to get out the house alone or did you only go out when you DH was around.

@ChicNavyPanda
Am I right about you being unmarried? If yes, then it would be very unwise to give up working because it would put you in a potentially vulnerable situation if you were to separate. Particularly with 3 or 4 small children. Do you rent? If you are a homeowner is your name on the mortgage/deeds?

@ChicNavyPanda unless you have other means of income or substantial assets in your name I wouldn’t give up work unless you are married

Yes I am unmarried. We have bought a house. The mortgage is in both of our names.
I can understand where you are coming from. I don’t think we will ever separate but I guess that easy to say now and something I should think about in case it ever did happen

I didn’t call you stupid, that’s your words not mine.

My response was honest and factual. I didn’t soften it with cutesy euphemisms, I simply pointed out that it’s actually not a good idea. You say you know your body needs to heal, yet you were pregnant within a couple of months of giving birth, and are contemplating it again. You say you know your babies need your attention, but you are deliberately considering adding a third baby even though you already gave your hands full. My answer was not unnecessary or mean, I’d argue it was probably what you really needed to be told.

@ChicNavyPanda
I am afraid it’s easy to say you can’t see yourself separating from your partner but you never know. So many relationships breakdown especially cohabiting ones. Also when you’re in the thick of parenting 3 or more very small children it’s easy for things to go wrong. Men not enjoying their children being your top priority for attention or finding it all too stressful and they look elsewhere for attention when they should be prioritising their family.