What is 3 under 3 like

[ChicNavyPanda]

Currently have a 16month old and almost 5 month old and am considering getting pregnant again.
if I got pregnant straight away I would have a newborn, a 13 month old, and 25month old.
has anyone else been in this situation. Financially it would not be a problem. I would need to get a new car for 3 car seats, but wanted to know the raw truth of the ins and outs of this.
I absolutely love having 2 under 2 and just thinking would 3 under 3 be that bad?
should I wait a few more months, should I wait a few years, or should I get pregnant now?

please be kind, I understand this is not for everyone

Yes but a lot of the negative comments are coming from ex-children themselves telling you that being 1 of 3 was not a good experience for the child.

I think you could be fine with it and cope etc. But I don’t think it’s in the best interests of child 1, 2 or 3. All of them would be comprising on crucial adult attention and interaction in their formative years.

She’s not saying it isn't for her. She wasn’t rude. If you get pregnant straight away it will be two babies in less than 18 months. There is a lot of evidence to say this is not ideal. Obviously it’s your decision.

I think you need to think about their whole lives, not just the first few years. You're in the very cheap age range at the moment.

I know people who have chosen age gaps that mean that there is one school year between their children as they don't want them to immediately follow each other at school. It's also hard to have hand me downs in the same way because everyone needs the same thing all at the same time. I'm not just talking about clothes here but also bikes, sporting equipment etc. As someone else already mentioned, holidays will be tricky. You won't be able to take them all swimming in many public pools because of the age/ratio issue.

I would also suggest seeking medical advice first. I don't know how your previous pregnancy and births were but speaking to an expert who has that information might be useful. If pregnancies in very close succession is going to cause medica issues for you, it is something to take into account.

Yes but how do your children feel?

And it’s not just about their childhoods, how about potentially financially supporting three people at university at the same time? Potentially three of them doing their A-Levels at the same time? Driving lessons, teenage years, university applications etc.? Will any of them ever have one on one time during their milestones?

I had 3 under 3 didnt find it too bad, their dad left when my youngest was 13 months and did it mostly by myself before he left. It was tiring but so worth it

I did it. I’m a recovering alcoholic. It was related.

OP I'm one of 3 (21 months between me and middle DB, then if I've calculated properly, 33 months between my middle DB and youngest DB). Absolutely loved being one of three as the oldest and I'd love 3 DC myself. There is always someone to play with, feeling of chaos in the way I'd picture the Weasleys though they obviously have way more.

I did grow up with dysfunction in my family but nothing to do with there being three of us and actually I'm so happy I had the feeling I'd never be alone. My youngest DB despite there being 5 years between us is one of my best friends (and one of DH's closest people now too). My mum read to each of us for 20 minutes each night, we did extra curriculars, she always made our costumes and craft projects by hand.

I think 2 under 2 can be intense - if we conceive our second as planned we'd have a slightly over 2 year age gap. I wouldn't do 2 under 3 personally, I wanted to enjoy my baby. But I do get the urge for more and to give them siblings. I'm hoping to go for 3 depending on how it feels having 2 kids, but I'd space them out a bit more to give yourself breathing room.

I had 3 under 3 and a 5 year old.
I found it easier than just having one little one because they kept each other occupied and I had a good routine.
All in their 30's now.
I would do the same again.

We did this.

My hisband had a bit of a nervous breakdown and it was a tough time. That was woth him very much pulling his weight too. Little family support and.fimamcial troubles too though.

Now they're older, they have the same friendship group, best of friends and life is wonderful.

Like everything its swings and roundabouts, but for us wed do it again, and i feel bigger age gaps would've been tougher. I wouldn't have liked to go back to nappies etc after things getting easier, and dealing with different ages at once...

Excuse typos

Well, they might thrive and they might not. Same as any children from any family with any number of siblings. We will obviously do our absolute best to try and make it the former.

I think it’s a reach to suggest that they’ll definitely be harmed through being one of three, though. There are way too many variables at play to extrapolate from your own experience.

I would say that having two children with a two year age gap is very typical and wouldn’t raise any questions about parental ability to cope or execute financial planning. We can manage one extra with the same gap without suddenly having to neglect them or delight in their individual milestones. For others, the limit may be more or less.

I would say two toddlers is very different to a toddler and a baby.

I know some toddler defiance and tantrums start to rear their head around 12 months but <18 months is still quite malleable, IME. They can be distracted with a snack and a toy and the world around them and five months is still on milk, not moving and napping a lot.

Fast forward twelve months and it is a vastly different backdrop!

I don’t have any personal experience here, so my comments are not clouded by my own judgement or the need to prove a point.

I just find it interesting that most of the posters saying go for it are doing so from the perspective of it being fine for them as a parent, while most of the posters who are advising against it are focusing on child needs and welfare.

Oh @Seriestwo 🥲 had you no support

I think it makes a big difference on what they are like as babies and toddlers. I had a 5 year old 2 year old twins and a newborn. None of them were velcro babies so no carrying them around all the time so had more time with the older children. I was also lucky to be a SAHM and had help from my DM. I have no regrets at all. They have always got on very well. Obviously if you have siblings that fight alot could cause problems.

I loved my two under two (now one and two), and yes tbh I would happily throw/have thrown another in the mix if circumstances would allow (for various reasons they won’t), however the only thing that would’ve stopped me was seeing how much less of my time my older boy got once his sister was born. He was a very laid back and easy going baby who was happy from morning until night however his little sister was the complete opposite, very colicky baby who wouldn’t be put down, fed around the clock and naturally took up the vast majority of my time. I always made sure I gave him dedicated one to one time on the rare occasions that she slept 😅 and would try my best to entertain them both at the same time like getting him to sit next to me while she was being fed and turn pages of a book so I could read to him but I just felt constant guilt. So if I had a second like my little girl I would really struggle now to split my time with them and that’s the main thing that would put me off I think

Why the rush?
also why are talking exclusively in the first person? Where is your DP in that?

i had three under 3.5 years and i wished i had spaced them put a little more… you dont know what life will bring you…
Leaving a couple of years between them will make things easier for everyone.

As @pronameposts “Why the rush….you never know what life will bring you……Leaving a couple of years between them will make life easier for everyone.”
So true.
IMO Children need time (with you) not things.

I guess there isn’t too much of a rush. Me and my partner are both 26years old. He wants to be done having kids by the time he is 30 years old. I am speaking in first person as he is ready to have kids whenever I feel ready. He is extremely good with the kids and is a very supportive partner.
we would both love to have 4 kids which means fitting in 2 kids within the next 4 years.
I am just undecided whether to have them all back to back or have 1 in a year or two and the next a year or 2 after that.

i understand that the oldest child may always feel neglected and like the “helper”, whilst the middle child feels a bit invisible and the youngest is always babied, I have grown up being the middle of 5 kids, so completely understand what that’s like and will do everything in my power to ensure each child has 1:1 time and the children are my choice not theirs, and younger siblings are not an older siblings responsibility. But no matter what I would like 4 children, so don’t think 3 under 3 affects that. Because it doesn’t really matter how big the age gaps are. It just is it better to have all 4 bath to back or space out the last 2 over the next 4 years

Buggy situation for longer walks?

Unrelated to the thread, can you give more insight into how difficult they get after 18 months?

if you were worried about that, you would stick to an only child anyway.

Makes no difference if the have the same milestone or different ones, there's always something special.

You can reasonably think you cannot manage financially to have 3 children, and that's a very sensible and fair approach on the kids, but a slightly longer or shorter age difference is irrelevant.

there are no rules.

Some kids are an absolute nightmare until they can move by themselves and find their independence, some toddlers are fascinated by toys for at least some time, others just want to climb or as clingy as hell.

I don't' believe you can plan anything assuming that a child will fit a certain way, it's more a surprise what you actually get

I had three under two (twins before DC1 was two years old). They are now nearly adults. I have not given any of them the time and attention I would have liked to. I grimly held on through the pre-school years. It was incredibly hard. Now they are all looking at uni and driving lessons both of which we would like to support them with the ££ is out of hand. And holidays -- very few places cater for 2+3. But I don't think you make decisions about babies with your rational head on, to be honest! If you do go for it, in summary: it will be hard in places, sometimes you will wonder why you did it to yourself and to them, and mostly you will muddle along.