Is 37-40 too old for a first baby? 🙁

[Vanillalatte01]

So I'm currently 35 and my partner (male) is 45. By the time I complete my degree I'll be 37, which is when I plan on trying to conceive naturally. At this point conception may be when I'm between 37-40 and my partner will be 47-50.

• In your opinion, is this too old to have a first baby?
• Did any of you have your first baby at roughly the same age or older?
• How was your pregnancy & delivery?
• Was your baby healthy?

Thanks in advance 🫶🏼

Two of my friends had babies at 36 and 39. One baby had cleft palate. Others all fine.
Theres no guarantees at any age but it’s not uncommon to have babies later

So no, I know lots of people who have had babies at that age, it’s very normal now.

However… I think if you want a baby, leaving it so late is a bit of a high risk strategy.

While I know many women who have had babies naturally with no issues at this age, I also know many who have been through many years of IVF to have a baby.

What planet are you living on? That's a perfectly normal time to have a first baby. I wasn't even thinking about it till well after that age.

I think waiting 2 years at 35 to start trying to conceive is potentially risky. You may be fine, you may not. I had mine at 35 & 37 and they're both fine, but would say I have lots of friends that had to go down the IVF road at a similar age. Also if you want more than one, it's harder.

I would also say that going through puberty and menopause at the same time has not been particularly easy!

Conceiving is less likely as you get older, and pregnancy is riskier. But it’s not too old.

In my opinion, for myself especially, yes I think it’s too late. With possible health issues, the impact of being an older parent and the possibility the child will have to deal with the decline and death of their parents much sooner than their peers it’s just not something I’d do.

Yes, I have known a few people who are/had older parents and there have been serious challenges beyond ‘normal’ parenthood stuff but nothing especially serious with the health of the baby. Unfortunately in two cases the older parents became frail before their children were grown up, leaving the child in a caring role and eventually dying leaving young adults to handle everything.

That being said only you know your situation, are you both healthy people that avoid anything that could increase health risks? Do you have financial and practical support in place if something were to happen to either of you before the child reached established adulthood? etc. in which case crack on I guess.

If you want more than one yes its risky. You also may not be able to have a baby naturally and need to factor in ivf time etc. personally i would not wait. Times ticking.

Honestly in this day and age i dont think so. There are no guarantees in life so i say go for it. I know someone who had both of her babies at 40 and 42 and they were perfectly healthy and she had textbook pregnancies. Another at 39. Again perfectly healthy. But you will always find people who have the opposite experience. So in summary people are different. So it can go either way but more and more women are having healthy kids later on in life. However in all honesty there are studies that say the older you are the higher the risk of certain conditions. But this could happen at any age. So my view is no its not too old unless you or your partner already have a genetice disposition to certain conditions.

It's not too old, but I don't think I would want to wait, if I was in your position. Could you start trying now and take a year out of your degree?

I was older than you when I decided to have a child.Pregnancy was very straightforward and I now have an incredibly healthy 5 year old DS.

If you had a DC now you would be one of the younger mums at pick up for my DS’s Reception class!

I had first baby at 39, DH was 50.
i had second baby at 41, DH was nearly 52.
Healthy pregnancies, relatively straightforward births (first one was forceps delivery), swift recovery. Both boys healthy, now 18 & 16.

DH has been a hands on Dad throughout but when you have children late (I’ve said this on here before) you have to keep yourself fit and healthy. Nobody can predict the future and health can be a lottery but I think you have a responsibility to your children to do what you can to stay healthy and alive. We also have good genes which is fortunate. DH is now 68 with both parents still alive in their mid 90s.

I have found teenagers in my 50s fairly exhausting at times, toddlers in my 40s was a doddle in comparison! But I don’t regret a moment. Best of luck to you both.

That being said, its statistically harder to conceive naturally the older you get. And i know when i had my second at 35 recovery was much harder. Do you absolutely have to wait to try to conceive till you finish your degree. Maybe start trying last year of your degree to give yourself a better chance.

With modern advances (IVF/surrogacy), people assume that woman are fertile well into their 40's. The stats show a much higher increase in MC and genetic issues and this hasn't changed much since they used to call over 35's geriatric mothers!

We TTC from 34. 12yrs TTC, 3 losses, rounds of IVF and no cause for sub-fertility found. Tubes clear, no gynae or health problems, semen good etc. My AMH was high for my age but I can only assume my egg quality was poor. Obviously there are many woman that can conceive in their late 30's/40's and have healthy children, but you don't always hear of cases like me who will never have any living children.

I'm now late 40's and DH's early 50's. I think back to those pregnancies and IF any had survived, I'd now have a 5, 7 and/or 9yr old- which frankly I can't imagine. DH would be well into his 60's before they'd even finish secondary. If we did have kids though, I'm sure they'd have keep us young. If you'd asked me at your age then absolutely I was going to keep TTC. I think my last IVF round was age 42.

Do you have any known gynae issues or had any testing done? My advice is to start NOW and not wait. You might be lucky but it can also take months of TTC. Best of luck.

Its absolutely not too old to have a first baby.

Why on earth worry about such a thing? Dont put yourself under such pressure.

You hope for a safe, healthy pregnancy and birth - that doesnt change regardless of what age you are.

My wife had our children aged 32, 35 and 37. So, although not the first, she did have one in the same age range as you. Everything was perfect, hassle free and healthy (im sure the excellent quality sperm involved obviously helped this).

You will be fine!

I actually paused completing my degree as I was likely to be the same age as you are now when finishing my degree. I then went back and completed my degree after my first baby and then had my second just after completing my degree and have a good job now
I basically thought about it as if I were choosing a career or family which would I choose. I hoped to have both but if something happened I knew I would regret not having children or at least trying to. I did also have two pregnancy loses before my first child and I think I may have ha another between babies.
However we did also own a home with room for a child, my husband had a good job and I knew I could get a job in the sector I used to work in if I absolutely needed to. So it was thought through and I would never pretend it wasn't hard completing my degree with a very small child (incredibly difficult at points and there were times I regretted it - nursing degree but now it's all over I would do it again).
I also know I could have completed my degree and waited to try when finishing and most likely it would have been okay but for me I always wanted children so did not want to wait. I think you just need to decide what you and your DP are most comfortable with.

I met DH at 35. Got married at 37 and started ttc immediately. I got pregnant very quickly but sadly miscarried. After that it took another two years to conceive again. It was a very stressful time and we thought it might never happen. So I was 40 when I gave birth.

Labour was long and difficult although I recovered well. Tbh most people I know had difficult labours needing various forms of intervention. The baby was healthy, and is a joy to us.

A very large percentage of people I know who left babies until their late 30s struggled to conceive / needed ivf. Tbh I'd advise anyone in this age range to not delay.

Had mine at 38, no problems, she is now a successful academic.

I had a baby at 40 then another at 45. Super easy pregnancies, easy deliveries, gorgeous healthy babies and life is grand. I’d do it all again if I could but I’m 55 now so that ship has sailed 😉

You’re not too old at all, but if there are any problems then you might be, if that makes sense.

I’d be more concerned about your DH’s age tbh. He’ll be nearly 70 with a child in university / training. I’m not sure how fair that is to a child, but plenty of fathers are older so 🤷‍♀️

I had mine at 36 and 40. You’ll be aware that statistically fertility drops off after 35 and then again more after 38. So it might be risky if you want more than one?

I have no issues whatsoever with the parenting side of being an older mum/energy etc, though it seems to get mentioned a lot on here.

No its not too old but egg quality declines after 35 and whilst lots of women have healthy babies, theres lots who dont due to genetic issues but I wouldnt let it put you off as theres testing available for potential issues. Good luck

It’s not too late. I’m 30 and can’t even find a man who wants kids yet, so I’m hoping by 36 I’ll be having my first with a nice person and good father to my kids.

You’re right about people commenting on the energy, being old when they are in school/college/uni etc but what people forget is that kids keep you young!! I have a 24, 13 and 9 year old so I’m up on trends, music, fashion that they are into. They chatter and fill me in on their days/lives/friends. Me and their dad (step to my eldest) keep ourselves healthy and demonstrate a happy loving couple and thank our lucky stars that we have beautiful and happy children to make our lives full 🥰

No. Normal age range these days.

I was 41 when DS was born. Wouldn’t consider it as having been to late…either then or now.