MIL calling unborn baby a stereotypical name instead of chosen name, am I overreacting?

[JSmith1990]

Feeling really upset and not sure if I’m overreacting.

I’m currently pregnant and my husband and I have chosen a name for our son. His mum knows the name.

However, she’s started referring to the baby as “Baby Igor” instead. There’s already a difficult relationship there and we don’t really speak much, but this has really bothered me.

For context, I’m originally from a country that’s often grouped with Russia, so names like that carry a bit more sensitivity for me personally, even if it’s not intended that way.

It doesn’t feel like a harmless nickname to me, it feels quite dismissive of the name we’ve chosen for our child, and it’s left me feeling really disrespected and upset. My husband doesn’t really see the issue and thinks I’m reading too much into it.

Am I overreacting, or would this bother others too?

Is it just a pre- birth nickname?
My sister and I both did this

Chat to your baby when she’s there and say “that noise is granny batshit, she’s here today”
Or you could tell her the name she uses for your baby is awful and you don’t want to hear it because it’s not your baby’s name

That would be my take on it.

My mil was a right dick about both mine snd my sister in law's children's names. We both had issues about it and her sons called her up on it. It was really annoying and upsetting
However she ended up being a great grandparent. Our kids are now in their 20s. They adore her and we take the piss about her name facism.
She is a bit tricky but well worth the love she gives them. She is definitely very important their lives.

@Shithotlawyer I don’t think Igor is all bad! I think that’s a very skewed view! There was Igor Stravinsky, Igor Tudor, Igor Thiago, Igor Sikorsky, Igor Judge - many others. Not sure if it’s a popular baby name but there are good Igor’s!

Does he tell her to stop?

But how do you know what she is saying? Are you present but silent? That would be odd. Does your husband repeat what she says to you? Either way, you need your DH on board and sorting this. You know what your MIL is like; I'm afraid 'this is a DH problem', as the parlance goes on MN.

It doesnt matter if she thinks its lighthearted or affectionate, you find it offensive so if she were a halfway decent human being who cares about her relationship with you and the baby, she would stop right away. You dont have to swallow your feelings and your history, to allow her to have her little joke. It all sounds a little condescending to me anyway. Tell her firmly that you dont like it and why, and ask her in clear terms not to doit again. Then in your mind, set the consequence of what will happen if she does. It can range from immediately and loudly correcting her and calling her out on it, or even standingup and walking out - only you know the tensions /relationships and if you want to escalate and to what degree. Good luck with the baby!!

Well if she isn't in your life enough to go your wedding then she is probably trying to upset you. Just don't communicate with her so much let your husband deal with her, and definitely correct her every time. Say oh you mean. "Baby name"

This is her clearly being antagonistic because of your lack of relationship with her, and your DH is doing nothing about it.

You don't speak with her, but your DH does. So how has it been relayed to you that she's calling the baby Igor, if not via DH? He should have told her to pack it in, not relay it to you.

Brace for carnage when the baby is born if he can't hold a boundary and stick up for you now. He needs to decide which side his bread is buttered and quick.

So why isn’t he telling her to stop?

Is he saying nothing to her and then just coming come to tell you?! Why!? I think you have a DH problem.

Your feelings are valid.
Tell your husband he needs to speak up.
My mil had told everyone our babies name before we had even 100% decided ourselves or registered him. We had cards and gifted sent to X name. i decided to change his name yet mil was still being a cunt sending me messages addressing him by X still

If you and she don't speak, you must have heard from someone else - DH or someone - that she is referring to your baby with this name. As you don't like each other, she is definitely being hostile - with a stereotypical idea of a Russian type name - to wind you up. That is a very horrible thing to do to a pregnant mother.
Your DH needs to get off his backside and put a stop to it. You and DH hold all the cards here, as she won't be seeing your baby without your agreement. You need to get DH on side and sticking up for you, telling his DM that she needs to stop or she won't be seeing her grandson. 💐

My FIL does something like this. Grandchild's name was really Matilda, but he will ostentatiously call her Morag both when she was a baby and unable to make much of a reaction, and then when on the phone or something now she is older - "Ah! It's Morag!"
Nothing against either name, but he does it because it wound us up initially and then her up.
(The initial's right, but the names are changed to very similar ones to what he has picked on).

That said, he still shortens her father's name to one that he has never used for himself (like Steve for Stephen) - and for the same reason.

It does wind me up no end even though the best thing would be to ignore after all these years. I'd be tempted to say things like 'Oh, bless, is your memory so bad you can't remember what she's really called? Or is it a pronunciation thing?' But I don't.

He is certainly on board with her not having access to our son. I simply do not feel comfortable with that given that she hasn’t attempted to be civil in any way. I don’t care if my husband sees her obviously, that’s not up to me, but as for my son I won’t allowed anybody who genuinely dislikes me around him as I know how that was like growing up. If somebody dislikes the parent they usually don’t treat the child well (I’m not talking about cases where the parent is clearly abusive and the dislike is justified obviously).

Baby Igor. 🤣

@JSmith1990 So just to be clear, your husband tells you that his mother calls the baby "Baby Igor". And yet you say he is fully on board with her having no access to your child. This doesn't make sense. On one hand he's very happy to repeat something clearly offensive and on the other he seems to understand that it's wrong. Why does he feel the need to repeat something that will obviously upset his pregnant wife? What do you say to him when he does repeat it? Sorry OP but this all seems a bit mixed up.

Apologies. He doesn’t see her very often but when he does he does tell me what happened. I don’t know if he fully intended to hurt me by telling me what she keeps calling our son, but he did say it annoyed him when she called him that in person. He didn’t exactly sternly tell her that it’s offensive and he didn’t have the reaction I would’ve had had I been there though of course as I think he did not realise that it’s clearly meant to point out the fact I’m originally not from the UK essentially. Why else use that name in particular given its connotations? Hope that makes sense.

Why does he see his mum if he’s not wanting his own child to see her?

Tell your husband that you absolutely do not want to hear anything about his racist cunt of a mother, nothing she says or does is to be repeated back to you.

Can you just refer to her as 'Nanny Shithead'?

Your husband needs to tell her she had her chance to name her children. She now needs to respect his choice of name.
If that fails start calling her by her name when talking to the baby. Instead of “does Nanny want a cuddle,” or “thank you Nanny for whatever” use her name.

My father wouldn’t call my daughter by her given nickname so when my dd called him by his name but a variant of it (thing Bill for William), I didn’t stop it. And said I suppose we don’t need to respect what others want to be called. He’s used her given name ever since and she dutifully calls him Grandpa.

Start calling her Granny Gertie and see how she likes being given a nn?

If you are NC with her and intend for her to be NC with your child, I'd tell your husband that you don't want to hear anything she has to say ever and ask him not to repeat it to you.

And I think baby Igor sounds so cute! I go with the idea that you just don't act and talk about the baby as though it's there until it is there. Also ... no matter what you've decided to call baby you may change your mind when you meet them.