Pregnancy after loss

[ChasingRainbow5]

Hi, I'm 4+4 after a loss at 6+5 in April. I don't want to join the 'due in January' thread yet as I joined the December one then had to bow out, but thought it might be nice to have a thread where anyone in a similar position could chat/vent? I can't see any recent similar threads, apols if I have missed.

I'm feeling a lot more nauseous than last time which I have read can be a positive sign, but obviously doesn't guarantee anything. Just trying to cling to any hope I can!

@sapphirerubydiamond sorry to hear you’ve not had any answers yet! I hope they come soon!

I'm doing ok in the heat mostly, although I live in a new build so it's been rather warm! The portable aircon unit has been massively appreciated for cooling the bedroom before bed though. My DS was born in August between heatwaves a few years ago so I'm grateful I'm not as big as I was then! How are you coping?

Sorry to hear you're feeling anxious, would you consider a private 16 week scan? I had one although it was an NHS one and it's really helped me cope between the 12 and 20 week scans. It's such a long wait when you aren't getting any movements to reassure you.

I’m not coping 😅 and I’m not even in the hottest part of the country! Feeling really sick and lethargic, my partner has been working away a few days a week and I’ve never been so glad to have him back.

I would definitely consider a private scan around 16 weeks, are you planning to find out the sex? You could make that a fun thing if so! Or not of course but it would bring reassurance either way 😊

It’s been 36-37 degrees here so it’s been a struggle! Just been told I have really severe anaemia as well so waiting for the decision if I’m going to get to trial iron tablets or if it’s straight to an infusion so that explains a bit more why im feeling rotten!

I would like to find out the sex, I have a suspicion it’s another boy but dh wants to leave it to be a surprise!

do you think you’ll find out?

Oh my word, it was “only” 30 here - but 30 in my son’s room at night, so that was great fun at 11pm when he was still awake 😩

Oh no, having had the tablets I hope you get straight to an infusion and you feel loads better!

We’ll definitely find out, I also think it’s another boy but I think that’s me preparing myself as I’d secretly love a girl - obviously will be thrilled either way and think two boys would have a lovely bond.

@Namechangedforthis60 sorry you're feeling awful! I hope you get the iron infusion, it's not instant but within a week or 2 you should feel a lot better!

@ChasingRainbow5 we've got a boy already too and at our 16 week scan she guessed it's a girl but I really don't trust it! Trying to stay prepared for either as I know it's not totally accurate! Although I did feel like it was a girl from around 8 weeks and nub theory of the 12 week scan pointed to it being a girl too.

I tried to do nub theory with my scan but I have no idea what I am looking at haha! I don’t think there’s even a nub visible!
I’ll probably have a nose at the 20 week scan as if it’s a boy I expect I’ll be able to see by then!

Have either of you had an iron transfusion before?

The nub isn't always visible, I managed to get it right when I was expecting my son though so was keen to try again this time!

Yes, I had one after my first MMC as ended up really anemic. They didn't even offer tablets. It was very straightforward and I went from feeling absolutely horrific to good again in a couple of weeks.

I wonder if it’s the miscarriage that’s caused my levels to be so low as it’s not something I’ve experienced previously! It was in Jan and I got pregnant again in march so not a massive gap I suppose! It was quite a long drawn out process and I bled for a long time so it’s possible I guess!

do you have a preference on the sex of baby this time? It’s good fun to try and guess!

That sounds very possible as that's what happened with me. Bled on and off heavily for 4 weeks, I was pale, exhausted, getting dizzy and feeling horrendous.

We'd love a girl as my husband would be such a good girl dad (twin girls were his request years before we even started TTC 😂). We both just want a baby that's healthy really though. Do you have a preference?

I’ve not had an infusion, was on tablets last time and hated it as they were such a faff, to not upset my stomach I had to take it with a glass of orange juice then not eat or drink anything else for an hour.

my nausea has only recently reduced so hoping they don’t make me too sick again! Worth it if I feel better though as I have been so exhausted and breathless and I do look generally drained and ill!

id like a girl but I’m exceptionally lucky and have both already so as long as i get a healthy baby at the end ill be happy!

@ThatMintMember sounds like we had very similar experiences! It was horrible, had to go for multiple scans as I just wasn’t passing everything and they were really reluctant to intervene as it was “happening naturally”.
I think that made it even worse as I just felt I wasn’t being listened to! I’m a nurse (not in the field though!) so have a bit of medical knowledge and it was really frustrating to be the other side of the nursing station so to speak and I sadly didn’t rate the experience I had!

@Namechangedforthis60 I had the same, rang so many times over the weeks as was concerned about the heavy bleeding and they constantly told me it was normal. In the end my husband spoke to them and insisted they see me, I finally got a scan which showed retained products but was told it would pass and I could go home. They rang that evening to tell me my iron was very low and I needed an infusion. It feels like they just fob you off automatically before even knowing the history! It's quite dangerous really as i think I'd have been in trouble if I'd had another big bleed.

Very similar here, I only ended up going back due to my constant calling them expressing concerns about blood loss. After the miscarriage was initially confirmed they sent me home as I was already bleeding and basically said to expect “a period”. It was so much worse than a period and I have horrible periods! Even after having retained products and continuing to bleed heavily for another 10 days they were unconcerned. I didn’t find them particularly compassionate either to be honest, I understand they see bad outcomes every day and that can burn you out but they were very dismissive sadly.

@Namechangedforthis60 I'm sorry you had such an awful experience 😔 this is exactly why I had the surgery for my second MMC, I absolutely couldn't put myself through that again (I took the pills to miscarry after several weeks of my body not starting to miscarry naturally with my first MMC). It took a long time to physically and mentally recover from the first one, the second one was so much better.

Very similar over here @Namechangedforthis60. With my first loss after they confirmed the miscarriage they said to expect it to be like a period, it was my first pregnancy so I took their word for it. It was absolutely nothing like that and I rang back due to the blood loss and they told me I can’t possibly be bleeding that heavily as I was “barely pregnant”- ended up in a&e 4 hours later after keeling over on the bathroom floor. They were so dismissive and condescending it was awful. I ended up with an infusion as a result and found it much better than the tablets(I had to take them a few years ago too!) I had such a bad experience that when I fell pregnant again I went to a different hospital out of county and they handled my most recent miscarriage so much better.

sadly I think that our experiences are far from unusual and it’s reflective of women’s healthcare and general medical attitudes towards “female problems” which is awful!

My first miscarriage I was lucky that it was pretty textbook, no intervention needed. The second one was much worse, they wouldn’t prescribe me the pills even when I asked for them as they said there wasn’t “enough” products retained to warrant it and apparently wanting it to be over wasn’t good enough reason! I don’t plan any more pregnancies after this one as I have a larger than average family already 🤣 so thankfully I won’t have to experience it again!

Just catching up, the heat is awful! We've got an a/c unit that we have downstairs during the day, we've been putting it in my daughter's room at night as she's got bunk beds so both kids are sleeping in there and getting a lovely night's sleep while DH and I sweat it out. 😂 It's been 34/35 here and it's reminding me of when DD was born in 2018 so at least I'm not recovering from a C-section this time!

I had my booking in appointment finally (at nearly 11 weeks) and the midwife was lovely, you never see the same one twice here unfortunately but it would be nice to have some consistency.

I've had a 16 week scan with both of mine and I'll have one again this time. I have zero preference on sex, I didn't care before but now we've got a girl and a boy so I really don't care. I just find it's so good for putting your mind at rest between the 12 week scan and 20 weeks, or when you start feeling movements. Just counting down to my dating scan on the 9th now, I have zero symptoms at all and the 8 week scan feels like such a long time ago.

Interesting how so many people have had the experience of dismissive care when going through miscarriage. I remember my first MMC we were ushered into a room after the scan, only it had an adjoining door to the scan room, so we had to sit there listening to other people have successful scans (which obviously is what I want for them, but still...) it was awful.

Ladies can I ask some advice please.

I had a scan a couple of days ago when my calculations had me at 6+1. Gestational sac seen with yolk sac. Measured at 6 weeks exactly. No fetal pole seen yet. Sonographer said probably too early and booked me in for a weeks time to check.

Since then, although this all sounds positive, because of previous experience I’ve gone into a total spiral.

I already had a scan booked on Sunday coming up through EPU (scan the other day was at the recurrent loss clinic at a different hospital as I found out I was pregnant on my referral there) which if the one on Wednesday had been reassuring I was going to cancel. Now I don’t know what to do. Do I cancel Sunday still and wait the full 7 days to go back for a 2nd scan at the same hospital? Or do I go to Sunday’s scan which will be only 4 days after the original one?

I feel like I just want answers asap. But I’m also scared that it might not show enough progress as only 4 days later and it might make me panic more.

I hope everyone else is doing well and stressing at least slightly less than I am

I'm sorry your scan didn't give you the reassurance you wanted! Early scans can be great but there's so little to see that it can cause a lot of anxiety. The fact that you're only measuring one day behind sounds positive and not seeing a fetal pole or heartbeat at 6 weeks can be totally normal.

If i was in your position I personally wouldn't have the scan on Sunday and instead would wait the 7 days. I'd rather bury my head in the sand for a week than risk another scan that didn't offer definitive answers. I've had 2 previous pregnancies where it took 3 early scans over several weeks to find out whether things were ok or not, this time i chose to wait until 8 weeks before getting a scan so that it would be very clear whether things were ok or not. By 7 weeks it's likely that you'll see the fetal pole and heartbeat if all is well so your scan on Wednesday has a far better chance of giving you the answers you need.

That is obviously just my opinion but hopefully it helps you with making your decision. Wishing you lots of luck for the next scan x

I think this is the sensible approach, but not necessarily what I’d do - the temptation of the scan would probably win out for me, but could definitely cause more worry.

With a logical rational head on I’d say wait 7 days and go back to the original place, but if you don’t choose to do that I completely understand and we’ll be here afterwards @Fullofconfusion x

Went for my 20 week scan today and everything is exactly as it should be which is the best news :) and we also found out we're having a baby girl!

They found a small area of blood which would explain the bleeding i had at 14 weeks so that's useful too! Apparently it'll either reabsorb or I'll have another bleed though. I'm now booked in for scans at 32, 36 and 39 weeks to keep an eye on it. Hopefully nothing more comes of it.

How's everyone else doing?

Aww lovely news! Congratulations 💕 did you have an inkling baby was a girl or was it a total surprise?

fingers crossed nothing further comes of the bleed- at least you know what caused it now though! Hopefully it just reabsorbs and causes you no further worry!

I’m not too bad, still no histology results but negative tests. I had my first post miscarriages period this week which wasn’t fun at all and was worse than I expected but we’re cracking on with TTC next week now it’s arrived which makes me both nervous and excited in equal measure! X

That's brilliant news @ThatMintMember, congratulations! Good to know about the blood, too.

I've just finished my progesterone which is both a relief, as I was feeling so awful and bloated, and terrifying. I've got my dating scan on Monday, I'm really nervous about the combined screening given my age so it's going to be an anxious couple of weeks.