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Pregnancy

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Original poster

Does anyone think their NCT class is really not bonding?

90 replies

Saymyname · 20/06/2008 10:39

Hi there,

We're halfway through our NCT class and I have to say I really don't think I/we've gelled with anyone else in the group. I don't think anyone else has bonded either though, so it's not a sort of cliquey left-out feeling.

I just think we're a real bunch of misfits, very, very different from each other. I know none of that's supposed to matter because having same-age children is what bonds you. But, I'm wondering if that is really likely to happen.

Did anyone else feel like this early on and go on to end up great mates?

OP posts:

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DarrellRivers · 20/06/2008 10:42

I felt like this
Was disappointed as thought i had very little in common with them.
Once we had our babies it was very different.
Saw everyone for first year every week.
We moved out of london after that, but I still see 1 girl who is a very dear friend
Give it a bit of time

cmotdibbler · 20/06/2008 10:44

Ours never really bonded - either before or after. Which was unfortunate as it was the reason I went.

Ours was a bit disparate and the span of birth dates ended up very wide - almost 3 months in the end. Our local NCT didn't do postnatal classes and only had bumps and babes once a month, so no arranged chances to do anything.

artichokes · 20/06/2008 10:46

I was not convinced we bonded at all in the ante-natal classes but on the last class the teacher made us all arrange to meet for lunch the next week. We did and then people started having babies and we still meet once a week 2 years later!

poppy34 · 20/06/2008 10:48

at the classes would agree was very awkward but since we've been meeting once a week (some of us have popped, rest are about to) we do seem to have got closer.

BroccoliSpears · 20/06/2008 10:58

Ours never bonded. Have lost touch with all of them 2 years later. They were weirdies - I think some of them are prob still in touch with each other.

Don't dispair though - I made lots of friends via antinatal yoga, aquanatal and other groups. Then made friends through friends. Honestly, being pregnant and having babies has caused me to have more friends than I ever have at any other point in my life. You just have to be a bit brazen about it and MAKE people be your friend - take their mobile number, invite them round for a coffee or to meet for a walk in the park. Good luck.

Thankyouandgoodnight · 20/06/2008 11:01

The NCT also do tea group meeting things in your area. That's what I've been on and met people. You meet a different crown as that's what the NCT will offer if they can't squeeze you on to the antenatal classes and it seems that there are a lot of people who can't be squeezed on!

Original poster

Saymyname · 20/06/2008 11:04

I think part of the reason I'm not bothered is I've already made friends with babies anyway. I don't feel any desperation to try to force something with the NCT lot as I kind of have the social side of thing covered.

Having said that, there's only one couple I would say I don't particularly like and can't see ever getting on with. The rest of them are all nice enough.

OP posts:

Soapbox · 20/06/2008 11:22

Mine didn't really bond until after our babies were born and we had some 'real' experiences to share.

We met up pretty regularly in the first few months (once or twice a week) after they were born. 10 years on, I still meet up with three of my NCT friends every month for dinner and every 6 months or so we do a family get together!

mum2b1 · 20/06/2008 11:51

I felt like that with our NCT class. No one really talked to each other and everyone was so quiet. I felt quite sorry for the teacher as I was one of teh only ones making an effort to answer her questions.

In the last 2 seesions everyone seemed to come out of their shell, esp after the women only class.

We have now met up twice since class (no one has given birth yet) and everyone is a lot more chatty.
My hubbie says the men are chatty now too.
I think everyone just felt awakward.

Give it time. Dont despair.

There are also other ways to make Mummy friends!

Booboobedoo · 20/06/2008 11:58

Absolutely, give it time, but don't worry if it doesn't work out.

I've lost touch with my class, and DS is only 15 months, but I have loads of mates with children now.

I decided that everyone having a baby was not a good enough reason to spend time together. I need more than that from my social time, and I don't really like spending lots of time with people I have nothing in common with. It's tiring.

Original poster

Saymyname · 20/06/2008 12:08

Thanks everyone, don't worry, I'm not worrying or in despair!

Just feeling that I cannot be asked to make the effort at the moment but that I ought to give it more of a chance.

OP posts:

nappyaddict · 20/06/2008 12:11

i don't go to NCT but i do go to toddler groups. i haven't gelled with anyone. there are 2 people i have really gelled with since having kids - one i work with and the other i met off netmums

MrsTittleMouse · 20/06/2008 12:16

I didn't do NCT classes, but I have to say that as someone who has moved around a lot (before and after having DD) it's not a great idea to rely on just one source of friends. I have done lots of stuff with DD to try to meet other Mums and most of them turn out to be a bit of a bust. But it only takes a couple of "hits" and then you start building up a bit of a social circle.

stuffitllama · 20/06/2008 12:18

Give it time. As due date approaches it gets better, more giggly, more serious, more intimate. Unless there's anybody who's really ghastly and dominant.

I like the way ante natal groups throw together people with nothing in common except for the fact that they're having a baby. It can be a great support in the first six months and a mind-broadening thing.

missblythe · 20/06/2008 13:20

Nearly all my NCT-ers were utter weirdies, forever musing on how best to knit their own underarm hair to fashion an eco-freindly sanitary towel etc.

Frowned on me and my painted toe-nails, and made no bones about showing their disgust at my choice of pram/baby name etc.

Luckily, one was 'like me' and we still meet up with our toddler girls two years later.

Agree that after the nutty 'I've had 2 hours of sleep in 3 days' stage, when you just want to talk to ANYONE who is feeling the saem way as you, haveing children the same age as yours is not enough to make a friendship-that's like being friends with people just because they have brown hair like you.

The closest mummy-friend that I have, I met at teh breats-feeding support group when DD was about 3 weeks old.

EffiePerine · 20/06/2008 13:23

I think pg women (me included) are generally grumpy, antisocial, self-absorbed and terribly touchy. Not a great recipe for bonding . You'll prob all get on a lot better when your babies have arrived.

Original poster

Saymyname · 20/06/2008 13:27

I want to tell you stuff about why I don't think I'll gel with this one particular couple but I can't because "what goes on in NCT classes stays in NCT classes."

Also, will just sound like I'm bitching because I won't be able to explain it without it looking that way.

Actually, there is one girl I really like there.

OP posts:

missblythe · 20/06/2008 13:31

Please tell!

See, that girl will turn out to be lovely, I'm quite sure.

crokky · 20/06/2008 13:33

I think you should give it time. I didn't bond with anyone in mine whilst pg (was really ill, too ill to make conversation etc). After the babies were all born, I really got on well with all of them and saw them every week (apart from 1 girl who I just couldn't relate to, but there was no problem). We went out for a meal one evening about 4-5 weeks post birth with partners as well. Then after that, just the girls in the daytime as we were all off work. Occasional weekend meetup with partners. That's the thing, even if you have friends already, they might be at work etc when you are at home in the day.

lululemonrefuser · 20/06/2008 13:40

Don't worry about it. In my experience you spend the time from your child's 1st -2nd birthday quietly dropping all the barmy people you became friends with when you were off your head with sleep deprivation when they were small!

Original poster

Saymyname · 20/06/2008 13:45

Hehe lulu, that's what I'm afraid of!

I remember it being like that as a newbie at University. Everyone clinging together like limpets in the first year then trying to shake each other off later.

I tended to avoid that kind of thing then too to be honest.

OP posts:

Botbot · 20/06/2008 13:50

Mine never did. I'd imagined cosy coffees round at people's houses throughout my maternity leave, leading to lifelong friendships, but it never happened. We didn't seem to have anything in common, and it all just fizzled out.

We did meet up occasionally, but even when I started the ball rolling by inviting everyone round to mine, people preferred to meet in a café instead. Everyone was very reserved. One of us moved away shortly after the babies were born, too.

In addition to that, I was the only one of the group who had to go back to work after six months, and I always felt I was being judged for that. Which didn't help.

gillythekid · 20/06/2008 18:11

I did a hypnobirthing course instead and found I had much more in common with others as we shared the same ideas about the way we wanted to have our babies. Remember though, just because you're all going through the same experience, doesn't mean you actually bond with these people. I went to school for god knows how many years and couldn't wait to be away from most of them (now they try and track you down on Facebook!)

TeaDr1nker · 20/06/2008 18:16

i didn't feel i had anything in commom either. Look up other groups you can go to after baby is born such as baby massage/baby yoga/swimming etc

also, are there any surestart groups in your area? they usually run a mother and baby/toddler group.

nappyaddict · 20/06/2008 19:05

i go to baby swimming - not really time to chat and get to know eachother. only there for 30 mins and cos it is a "lesson" we are always doing something.

i also go to tumble tots. it lasts for 45 mins but that is non stop helping ds on the equipment or singing songs so again there isn't really an oppurtunity to chat.

i go to a free library group which lasts for half an hour and again not really any time for chatting.

i go to 3 toddler groups - lots of chatting about the kids but not much else. haven't clicked with anyone tbh but then it could be my age. there was one younger girl who came a couple of times but she came with her mum and only really talked to her and then never came back. was a shame really cos i think we would have got on and hope she didn't stop coming cos she felt she didn't fit in. i find with toddler groups where you're not actually doing something to keep you busy you need to go for a few weeks to fit in.

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