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Original poster

Does anyone think their NCT class is really not bonding?

90 replies

Saymyname · 20/06/2008 10:39

Hi there,

We're halfway through our NCT class and I have to say I really don't think I/we've gelled with anyone else in the group. I don't think anyone else has bonded either though, so it's not a sort of cliquey left-out feeling.

I just think we're a real bunch of misfits, very, very different from each other. I know none of that's supposed to matter because having same-age children is what bonds you. But, I'm wondering if that is really likely to happen.

Did anyone else feel like this early on and go on to end up great mates?

OP posts:

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slalomsuki · 25/06/2008 18:53

we are 7 years on from ours and I do keep in touch with 3 of them out of 7 and would be able to track down the other 3 since the first 3 keep in touch with them. I was the only one who went back to work quickly and then found it hard to do the coffe day time routine but we moved it to saturdays or sundays as the kids get older.

they are not best of friends but I cold call on them in an emergency

evansmummy · 25/06/2008 21:53

We didn't really bond until our children were born.

But we have met practically every single week since. Our first children were born 3.5 years ago, most have second kids, two of the ten of us now have three. We have boonded amazingly well. One of the ladies of my group is now my best friend. I wouldn't be without them. We have given each other the most amazing support, and I count these ladies as my friends.

I say, hang in there. You will get to know them better when your babies are born, when you share your birth experiences, and listen to, laugh, cry and moan about life with a newborn! It's worth it. Don't know what I would do without my NCT group. Love them to bits!!

SlapAndTickle · 27/06/2008 00:13

LOL I love my NCT friends - we met 10 years ago in January 1999.

There are 4 (out of 7) of us that keep in touch regularly. One I see daily. I'm honoured to know them, my live has been enriched by knowing them and I also love them to bits

MamaHobgoblin · 27/06/2008 10:27

Our group bonded superficially - we had a good teacher who'd split us up into mums and dads for discussions and brainstorming, probably because she knew we'd use it as an opportunity to have some liberating same-sex whinging! - but it wasn't until we had a couple of daytime women-only classes that we really gelled. From then on, it was meeting up once or twice a week until you dropped the sprog, with pub meets for the couples and aquanatal for us, even some hospital visits...

4 months or so in, we see one another 2-3 times a week for music groups, walks, picnics, coffee, pub nights...TBH, it's a life-saver and I dread it tailing off, as these things tend to do. I don't think we'll lose contact, though - some of us are pretty close now.

mum2go · 27/06/2008 10:46

As a working mum before my 1st and now i have had the chance to go to any NCT CLASSES as dh works evenings in the week and they book up so quickly as you are left trying to book one.

It,s a sad reflection on society if
we can,t bond and make new friends with others today,that we have the comon theme with ie being or becoming parents .

Emzywemzy70 · 27/06/2008 12:27

yeh in our class people have bonded but I don't feel like we have bonded with anyone. The difficult thing is that my baby is not due until August and more or less everyone else is due from now on but I had to do the earlier set of classes as the later ones clashed with our due date, so they are all seeing each other for lunch etc whereas I am still at work. My teacher is going to organise a postnantal meeting up but I don't know if we will have had our baby by then!

imaginewittynamehere · 27/06/2008 14:49

I really felt like this, For us the classes were so full of information & full on that you just didn't have time to chat. When we finished them & moved on to coffe mornings we got to know each other really well, I also think the arrival of the babies helped - we always had things to talk about then. After a rocky start we are still all in contact, in fact I'm off on a night out with them all tomorrow (dd is 21 months)

jimmiejobs · 27/06/2008 20:14

2.5 years on and we are all still in contact to varying degrees. Our NCT classes consisted of just 2 x 1 day sessions and then we started meeting for lunch every Tuesday. As the babies were born we met in each other's houses every Tuesday. We've had joint b'day parties for their 1st and 2nd B'days as well.

I keep in touch with 4 of the original 8 on a regular basis now that we're all back at work. We all have Fridays off!

I'd say 3 are really close friends, I speak to one of them every day. Our sons are best friends and we've just returned from 10 days in Spain sharing a villa together.

4 of the dads go to Dad's Club at the local children's centre every Sat morning - a procession of prams leaves my house at 10 and they all regularly go to the pub on a Friday night.

It was money well spent!

meep · 28/06/2008 00:41

[waves at balthamos] having just got home from a night out with the nct girls !

Aspi · 28/06/2008 22:30

3 years on (our little ones are 2 1/2 now); 6 out of 8 of us are still in touch, to the extent that we see eachother regularly (at least once if not twice a week). I think it is difficult to know what the other members of your class are really like until after you've had you babies and then they become invaluable friends who completely understand what you are going through.

See how you get on once you've had your babies, I love my NCT friends.

NumptyMum · 29/06/2008 18:20

We went to one of the NCT intensive weekends, think they help bonding as you're not too tired after work. My DH found it better for chatting to other dads than the NHS antenatal class (had to go to back to work after these) but mostly it's been the mums who've met afterwards. Was really great in the weeks leading up to/after birth for swapping info (eg baby acne!) and support (for those getting induced).

After 6 months we didn't meet as regularly, but we still meet up from time to time - and as someone else said, it's lovely to see the other babies growing up. All our group were nice folk, though we've not seen so much of some, perhaps because babies being born later, or people living further away; but then life with new babies gets pretty busy! I've met other new mums through various activities eg NHS classes such as baby massage, and Bounce & Rhyme at local library.

cwooldr · 29/06/2008 19:13

hi have a 7 month old son. went to NCT classes- 2 consecutive sundays and one evening. the others all met up afterwards but as I had nt really got to know them I did nt go. My partner also felt that he didnt have anything in common with the others (except for expecting a baby!).Made some good friends via the pre-natal pilates class at the gym, met them ay 3 months pregnant, started meeting for coffee afterwards so friends through out pregnancy and afterwards.

manuka · 29/06/2008 21:27

I felt similarly when I was doing my nct classes. We were all so different. I wouldn't have seen any of them again if 'C' (won't say their names!) hadn't suggested meeting up after final nct class. SO glad I did! We are all close friends now. I love them all and their kids! and it's so lovely to see our kids enjoy themselves together. I had awful pnd and they all helped simply by being there. I'd say it's worth making the effort to meet up a few times because eventually you'll stop just talking about babies and have interesting normal conversations.
One thing I've learned since hanging out with 'mums' is that I must stop judging on appearances because people who I thought were 'not my type' have surprised me by being people who actually are my type if you see what I mean!?!!
Anyway all the best to you and I hope you enjoy your new life as a parent!

Original poster

Saymyname · 03/07/2008 17:04

Wow! Thanks for all of these responses.

Well, we had a social non-class event last night. It was ok, I am determined to make an effort. I have realised though, that my biggest problem is that I really don't like one of the other women. I am trying to give her a chance etc etc but I just find it hard to like her. Unfortunately she is very loud and tends to dominate the group, so for me I'm finding it very off-putting. Normally when I don't really like someone I just avoid them, but obviously it is hard.

There is one very sweet girl who I really do like, but I'm guessing it's bad form to form separate friendships within the group.

Not sure where I will go from here really, will persevere with it but this woman has already said a few things that have really upset me and I don't really want to be around her.

OP posts:

Sunshinemummy · 03/07/2008 17:05

Ours didn't bond until after the birth. Once we started meeting up with our babies we started to bond properly and one good good friend and I are still friends and have moved into the same area 2 years later.

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