Pregnant with third baby and struggling with possible gender disappointment

[MellowCyanSwan]

I’m currently 14 weeks pregnant with my 3rd. I have 2 beautiful boys already and kept the gender of both a surprise. It meant that I was the first to know after they were born and it was just wonderful.

we chose not to find out the gender initially because I was concerned about gender disappointment in my first pregnancy and I knew it would not matter to me when the baby was actually born.

This time I’m convinced I’m having another boy. Someone looked at my 13wk scan and said it looked like a boy. I just can’t believe how sad it has made me feel, which is ridiculous. I have always said I was destined to be a boy mum but clearly a part of me always hoped for a girl.

How do I get out of this ridiculous funk? I will love my baby whoever they are and it shouldn’t matter.

Just don’t find out, wait till they are born. :)

i know this is the only reasonable response to my non problem. I’m hoping that my current sadness is actually compounded by the fact I feel like crap and don’t yet feel pregnant. Hopefully when there’s a bump and kicks I’ll feel very different

Hi! I'm 11 weeks, also have 2 boys, also hoping for a girl this time.

It goes without saying my boys areamazing and I wouldn't change them for the world but I want a girl too. DP feels the same. We'll definitely be disappointed but obviously we'll love a boy anyway.

First trimester is shit especially the third time around

We'll be finding out because I don't want to hold onto false hope or be disappointed at the birth.

How could you possibly be disappointed at the birth, assuming that your baby is alive and well?

As the mother of a baby whose condition rendered them incompatible with life, for whom I grieve daily, I'm stepping away from this thread.

Please just be grateful.

I’m so sorry for your loss. I literally said it never mattered when they were born. This is about how I’m feeling at this moment in time and managing that.

I cannot imagine the pain and grief that you are going through, and I agree this is not the thread for you

the 3rd time round has definitely been rough and I think tiredness is definitely playing into my feelings at the moment. It’s hard because the boys are amazing and I would love another boy. But I think it’s the fact that a 3rd boy means never having a daughter has made me feel more sad than I expected.

congratulations on your pregnancy and I hope the second trimester energy comes to you soon!

I think you’re lucky to be having children as it is, and you should be hoping that they are healthy not what their gender is.

I am the youngest daughter of three daughters and always had the feeling I was the " let's try for a boy" baby. What a disappointment I must've been

I’m sorry you feel that way. We always planned on 3 children so this was not our “trying for a girl”, it’s just our 3rd planned and very wanted child

Yes. Multiple feelings can exist at once

Aw 3 boys is amazing. I feel so proud having 3 boys, it is so special, I think the chances of baby being same gender is pretty high if first two are same so embrace it

Ah let yourself be a bit sad because you'll never have a girl.

But don't allow yourself to dwell on it over time. Consciously, then make yourself greatful for having an amazing little gang of 3 boys.

Both things can be true: I was sad to never have a daughter, and I adore having boys.

The sadness only becomes a problem if you allow it to dominate and taint the actual joy of having 3 gorgeous boys.

I only have boys. Well now men 😊. This is what I did. Very Consciously. I was disappointed to not have a girl. But I've loved every minute of having boys and am so thankful for the life I've got that I won't spend time mourning the life I didn't get.

Little gangs of boys are so fun, especially when they're teenagers! And having lots of young men and their lovely girlfriends around is just so wonderful too.
Lots to look forward too!! Xx

I completely understand and your feels are valid. I have three boys and after I found out my third I was another boy, I felt sad, not for the fact that I have another boy, but because I was never going to have my daughter. Things will get easier. X

Are you sure you don’t want to find out? Then you can adjust and enjoy your pregnancy whatever the result

Why is it always disappointment about boys on here? Never girls!

I have two girls and a boy. I’ll be honest and say I really didn’t mind what I had for no 2and 3 because I had a girl first. I hate the fact I thought that way.

Thank you for this, it’s such lovely advice. I do think a little gang of 3 boys will be wonderful and will definitely embrace it!

Curious if it just works that way round. I have 2 girls and no interest whatsoever in having a boy.

Honestly, I was slightly sad when I found out my third was a boy (I did cry tbh) but my fourth is also a boy and I’m not in the least bit disappointed! I feel worlds about them I did when I found out about my third (this time round baby does have a medical problem so maybe that puts things into perspective).

A girl would have been nice to even the numbers but my eldest is 10.5 now and gosh what amazing sons I have, it only gets better & better … may change in the teen years hah!

A girl will bring no benefits to you over a boy, apart from the clothes. Girl clothes are elite. No matter boy or girl they will be loved & honestly three boys are fantastic. My own little band of bothers. The bond they share is incredible.

Im sure would be the same if I had girls in the mix too but try not to be too sad. Plus you don’t know, it could be a girl, so what’s the point in getting worked out. Honestly if I felt worked up now I’d rather just find out & rip the plaster off!

The thought of having 3 daughter in laws who all listen to MN is probably terrifying......

My friend has two girls and would LOVE a little boy! Obviously it does work both ways but it’s very individual!

I felt a little sad when I found out my third was another boy but it didn't last long. He was the only one where I found out what I was having. I did go on to have a dd for my fourth although wasn't planned so at the time I found out my third was another boy I did think I would never have a daughter.

Get actual information - find out the sex.

'Looks like a boy' 'feel I'm having a boy' - they're irrelevant

Find out. Then deal with the feelings that come.

That way by the time the baby comes you've managed how you feel and are ready to meet your new arrival.

I feel a weird irrational 'pride' of photos of me surrounded by my gorgeous sons who tower over me.

I'm not sure what it is but being the mother of a group of boys does feel very special.

And before you get to that stage you have the joy of squidgy baby boys who love their mummies and take longer to grow up.

It’s still 50/50 as to whether it’s a boy.

What I would say is that if it is a boy- how special and lucky are your sons to each have TWO brothers to see them through life’s ups and downs. Same sex siblings tend to bond and form friendships in a way that often mixed sex ones don’t and men are often friendless and lonely as they get older. having 3 sons would make for a wonderful family unit.