Pregnant with third baby and struggling with possible gender disappointment

[MellowCyanSwan]

I’m currently 14 weeks pregnant with my 3rd. I have 2 beautiful boys already and kept the gender of both a surprise. It meant that I was the first to know after they were born and it was just wonderful.

we chose not to find out the gender initially because I was concerned about gender disappointment in my first pregnancy and I knew it would not matter to me when the baby was actually born.

This time I’m convinced I’m having another boy. Someone looked at my 13wk scan and said it looked like a boy. I just can’t believe how sad it has made me feel, which is ridiculous. I have always said I was destined to be a boy mum but clearly a part of me always hoped for a girl.

How do I get out of this ridiculous funk? I will love my baby whoever they are and it shouldn’t matter.

Don’t click on threads like this then, it’s on the pregnancy board and the title is clear. It’s normal to start a thread without considering everyone else’s feelings and what their own experiences might be first. OP is allowed to have feelings despite being pregnant

Everyone's problem on here is relative. If you have struggled to have or cannot have or have lost children, your perspective is hugely different to someone who has 2 of one gender and another on the way. Your problems and opinions reflect your own emptions and situation, not someone else's, and they will never fit together if they are at opposing ends of the spectrum. I have a DS and am pregnant with #2, and I honestly would like a girl this time. Why? Because I, as a mum, would like the opportunity to feel how it feels to be a parent to both genders. No I won't be disappointed if it's a boy, but why would I not be reasonable for wanting to experience both?! I don't need a "mini me", I would be quite happy for them to have their own identities and excel in their own lives. I don't need dollies to dress up, but would very much appreciate being able to have mothered both a son and a daughter.

Someone who has no children will never understand how an exhausted overwhelmed parent feels when they say they're struggling. They imagine none of the hardship or the sleep deprived frustration that comes with parenting. Yes we are blessed to GET to, but that gives no one the right to downplay OUR feelings when times get tough. If you choose to be a part of MN or MN thread then do not use it as an outlet for your own misplaced emotions. As for "MN is all about women and daughters and men hating" comments, are you not an MN'er then? Or why are you here if that's your true feeling? If all you want to do is tear other people apart, then you're shaming no one but yourselves.

My Nana was baby number six after five boys. Turned out the mum was then jealous of her and treated her appallingly. Sad to be the child that isn't wanted for them and what is between their legs matters so much.

As a mum of four boys (and they're four individuals who are all different from each other with the same father), I do feel sympathy towards women who fail to see the joy in raising the children they're meant to have. They're yours. You have what you're meant to have. Why dwell on it?

I often feel a huge sense of relief that I didn't have a daughter as my own relationship with my mum is strained. I hate shopping and don't fit girly stereotypes at all. I have had lots of gynae issues my mum and grandmother also had too. So there's that element. The hypothetical daughter has been spared that grief.

OP just see that there are many positives to having sons as much as for others who have daughters or a mix of the two. Enjoy whatever you have next. They are yours!❤️

I know several with three sons and a daughter last. I feel sad for the girl as the couple suddenly stop once they get the opposite sex. The boys must notice how unwanted they are due to this. One woman didn't hide the fact she kept going until she got one of the opposite. Sad. The boys are just left to their own devices and all attention is for the youngest.

This is what I mean about the families that I know who have three boys then a girl...it's like they didn't care once the next boy came along until they got to a girl.

I’m currently 22 weeks pregnant and we have 2 boys already. I desperately wanted a girl during the first tri but as the pregnancy went on and I started to feel movement etc I started to care less. We’ve just found out it’s a girl but I honestly didn’t mind by the time we found out. You’re in the thick of it at 14 weeks and probably just feeling a bit rubbish overall which won’t be helping

I understand you! You're allowed to have a mixture of feelings, particularly being pregnant! I think you shouldn't find out and wait until the birth. And then when your precious baby is placed in your arms, you truly won't mind anyway! And yet if you find out and it IS a boy, it may mar your pregnancy a little.

Exactly, it is easier finding out at the birth in a lot of ways op.
If it is a girl, than great. However on the other hand if a boy, once you hold that baby in your arms and see his little face you wouldn't want it any other way. There is a mini human being in your stomach, and honestly as long as baby healthy, things will work out!

Edited to say it is a huge privilege to raise those boys to be good men; we need more of those in the world.

Oh and I am a Mum of boys, and wanted a daughter at one point. Now I couldn't imagine raising a girl! I feel it is amazing to see how different my boys are, and they are so loving and affectionate. The feeling will pass, it did for me. I no longer look at fhe girls clothes anymore, I dont care about them!

Hi OP, sorry you’re getting so much grief. People judge things through their own biases and perspectives and can’t always understand the nuanced emotions you have. Everything is relative and people shouldn’t click on a thread that might trigger them when you’ve made it clear in the tread title what it’s about.

Anyway, you’re allowed your feelings. I wonder if it would be better to find out this time, to help with the acceptance rather than wonder what if?

Maybe look to families that have 3 boys and identify the positives. Emily Norris (the influencer) has 3 boys and their family always seems to have loads of fun. If the children are all the same sex they are more likely to have more in common and play together. Plus you’d be able to re use a lot of the clothes and save money.

@MellowCyanSwan

I felt the same as you when pregnant with my third son. Don't think I ever posted about it because I read so many other people's threads telling the OP off for having such feelings, it just made me feel worse.

Years on, as the mum of three boys and a girl, I love them all equally for the unique human beings they are. You will be the same.

My boys are all very different from one another but DD is a similar character to DS3 - relaxed, self motivated and with a wry sense of humour.

My advice - pick a name for your new baby. You don't have to stick with it if it feels wrong when he arrives, but thinking to yourself 'I'm carrying Arlo / Max / Titus' or whatever (Ok maybe not Titus) will help you to focus on him as an individual.

And don't tell other people in any event. They are weird and project their hang ups on to you. Best wishes for the rest of your pregnancy and a lovely healthy baby.

How horrible of you. Do you think other people also judge YOUR choices? Maybe try reflecting a little more thoughtfully.

Sad for that family IF what you say is true. But I have three sons and a youngest daughter - I love them all for the unique humans they are so please don't make sweeping assumptions about everyone as we cannot control which children we have in which order - that's the whole point, surely?

Hi OP. Your feeling are natural. I have 4 girls. Of course at times I fancied a change and felt a bit sad I would never have a boy however now that I have 4 girls running around all with different personalities and interests. I absolutely love it and wouldn't change a thing. Surely I will get a grandson one day 😁.

You won't be disappointed for long. Wishing you all the best ✨

One of the women said she wanted a girl from her second pregnancy. But carried on until the fourth til she got what she wanted. She isn't hiding it, never has. One friend said its horrible to think that way of your DC and said this woman should just be grateful boy or girl.

Your situation is different in that you are treating yours all equally. Unfortunately others are not like this which is sad for the boys in the family.

I always wanted girls and was disappointed when my first was a boy. (He's actually turned out not a typical boy at all - very creative, loves writing and reading, hates sport, and says he's gay!). I then ordered two books on how to choose the sex of your baby and read them both. It turned out all the foods you're supposed to eat for a girl are foods I don't really like, so I just took the advice on what time of the month to conceive and struck lucky, Mind you, she was a nightmare child until she was about 12, whereas he slept through the night from the start! I always felt so guilty because I knew I should just be grateful for having beautiful, healthy babies, whereas some people find it so hard to conceive or have miscarriages, etc, Hope you get your baby girl!

The most important thing to remember is babies are all wonderful and a blessing. Even when they’ve got colic, no matter how little they sleep babies are just perfect. Hard work, but so perfect. When you hold a baby, you can’t be disappointed, babies are great.
Until toddlerhood. Then they’re a bunch of unreasonable little creatures regardless of their sex. Mini psychopaths, all of them. Mine keeps trying to force the dog to say miaow and then having a tantrum when poor pooch barks and loses their mind when I don’t let them put wotsits up their nostril. Psycho.

Girls clothes have more choice but boys shoes are really cute, both have lovely nursery designs these days. That’s something.

Baby boys are so cuddly and gorgeous
no idea about toddler boys as mine is a bay at the moment. I also have a daughter but my son is way more loving and cuddly and smiley

enjoy your baby whoever they will be

I have two girls and hoped for a boy both times. More so with the first because I always imagined myself with a little boy. After having one girl I realised that girls are great so the second time I was only a little sad about not getting one of each.

I think same sex siblings can be lovely, I say this as somebody who always wanted a sister! However sex aside, you don't know which personality type you're going to get, eg girlish boy, boyish girl. It doesn't always go the way you think.

I know I could not have a better relationship with a daughter than I have with my chilled laid back sons; their toys are way cooler too! Although I do occasionally miss girly things, jewelery making kits/dolls etc, it is fleeting. I couldn't imagine life with girls now, and wouldn't have a clue! I also didn't have the best relationship with my own dm growing up, so probably for the best!

Also to add- I think it's natural to want what you don't have. I have friends with one of each and they often say they wish they could/had given the girl a sister or the boy a brother. I think it's just human nature.

Agree with this find out as soon as you can OP.

I was told a 3 separate scans i was having a boy and out popped a girl 😂😂
Don't believe everything the medical professionals tell you!

we first had two absolutely perfect boys, and we wanted a third baby; we did so on the assumption that it would definitely be another boy and we would be over the moon with that - otherwise we wouldn’t try for another baby.
i did really want a girl before we had our first, but I will say it was for absolutely stupid nonsensical reasons such as getting to buy Barbie’s and dolls, princesses, fairies, my little pony and cute clothes and do their hair and pink and sparkles! But as soon as we had dc1 I realised how stupid that is, and although my boys are very stereotypical boys, and I can’t bring myself to be excited by football, and superhero’s, Minecraft, Fortnite, and Roblox; there is plenty of their intrests that I can get onboard with easily and share their excitement about. And who is to say a girl would be into the girly stuff I was so excited about anyway- chances are with two older brothers they probably wouldn’t be! Plus my boys adore me; and give the best cuddles in the whole world so the thought of third boy to join our gang was marvellous!

I think rather than finding out, try to find a way to become OK with either outcome - which I do believe you ultimately will be once baby arrives. I've one of each and while I'm super happy and love them to bits, I am sad my children won't ever have same-sex-sibling!