Fabulous 40+ and Proud: Mum and Mums to be Part 2

[Kaz1967]

Ok we have talked to the end of the topic so here is a new one

aye - that's true kaz - it depends what scares you (I'm scared of the hospital business myself but I'd be way more scared if there was no-one stood about in a white coat especially if somethig went wrong.

I still think they are all mad!!

Re pain in childbirth I think as I've gone along with my 4 it's a question of mind over matter. I started with the full gamutt...epidural, gas and air, heroin if it had been offered. By Richard (the third.......child) I had nothing and with Katherine a whiff of gas n air. I found the harder you fight it, the harder the pain so it's best to just ride the contractions if that makes any sense.

As for ROP mrsjupiter you should in theory be ok with it. The more premature (and more importantly) the more oxygen they're exposed to, can in theory damage their retina and of course the fact that their eyes are immature like the rest of their body. Katherine is very mild and at best or worse, will require a small amount of eye laser surgery.

Btw, she's come through her first round of immunisations with a mere cry when the needle went in...no high temp or back on CPAP. Lucky indeedy.

...and just to make her look teeny tinier than she is...they've put a 10lb 15oz baby in the next incubator.

Sods law

johnworf great that you got your cuddle...and in the posh chair too. Any on ebay? Or on MN? Pleased her jabs went well...Verity winced, gave a little cry and went to sleep after hers. She's been a bit mardi all day so I think it's made her feel a bit yuk.

mrsjupiter sounds like it's all going well even if the cultural differences do mean the staff show a lack of positive encouragment.

Never experienced 'giving birth' as such but i do agree that any pain is always made worse by angst and fear. I did get to 6cm dilated with Iris and I have to say I tried to treat it like the worse period pain ever....but with something nice to show for it at the end. I think I managed it ok....but will never know what the hell I would have been like if I'd have got to push....probably beaten DP black and blue

Almost punched him while I was having the contractions as he was reading from the
'Practice of Obstetrics...1904 I kid you not. His friend gave it to him....a gruesome tome...and somewhat out of date. He kept saying..."ah yes, this is what's happening now.." *Slap!!

jeanjeannie I would have shoved that book, well, it's easy to guess where. Did it have hand sketched illustrations of nurses in bustles and lace, holding lamps whilst women gave birth by candlelight?

Sounds like Verity didn't blink either when she had her jabs. Good girl

Btw, didn't know you were a northerner...using words like 'mardy' !!!!!!

Hello all,
Well, here goes...it's bad news... we lost the baby. On Monday I went for my 20 week scan (though was 22 weeks) and found the baby had died, probably a few weeks earlier in what is called a 'missed miscarriage' (so basically you still have signs of pregnancy and don't realise and the baby doesn't come away), something that is very rare once you are past your first trimester.
We were sent to gynacology straight away, where, after a chat with the doctor, I was induced and then sent home for 'things to start'. We then went back into hospital at about 4am on Tuesday morning and we got back about 8pm last night after 'giving birth'.
I have to say I don't feel very positive right now. I feel utterly devastated and numb. All our plans and happy expectations have been horribly taken in a moment and I just feel that life is bloody rotten and unfair. Dh has been incredible and by my side through all this awful procedure and thank God for DS who is here to keep us smiling and take our minds off what has happened. I don't really have anything else to say right now - just wanted to let you know and sending you all hugs.

oh pwcbird. I am so, so sorry, I am gutted for you - how bloody unfair at this stage where you think you are past the risky part.

I don't know what to say - everything I write sounds like a platitude.

Just take care of yourselves

xx

Oh pwcbird.....I don't know what to say... my heart goes out to you That is so rare and devastating. I had wondered why you'd not been around. God, I'm crying reading your post....just utterly, utterly crushing, sad news.

It's right you should feel numb - it isn't fair - not at all. Sounds like your DH is being a star - and of course he'll be distraught to.

Sending you massive hugs across cyber space and thanks for letting us know. Be thinking of you luvvie and I'm just so sorry there's nothing we can do to lesson the sadness...xxx

pwcbird I am so sorry you poor girl, I can't belive it. Big hugs to you and your DH. I'm trying V hard not to sob as I write this (in office). We are tinking of you both xxxx H

pwcbird Trying to find words to convey my sorrow I just cannot imagine how you or your DP are feeling after this absolutely devastating news.

I'm just so sorry.

Keep talking. We're all here for you if or when you want to.

(((((((((hug))))))))

Yes...I echo what JW says......we're definately here if you need us xxx

just back from work so I can post properly. PWCbird This is so appalling I am beyond words TBH. Please keep posting and as the other say we are here for a cyber shoulder to cry on, rant at etc. ((((big hugs))))

mrsboogie each to their own I would have loved a home birth but with a midwife, I was in hospital but no men in white coats (told them they could f off in the throws of labour when one tried to come in ) but I agree someone who does it with no professional support is barking

pwcbird don't know that to say words are just not enough, my thoughts are with you

MrsJupiterWonderful to hear how well Eva is doing
JohnWorf Sorry Katherines going to need another ROP appointment but glad she is no longer in solitary. Good luck with the chair hunt.
We have all been busy suffering a nasty virus,.... a 10mth old with a sore throat, bunged up nose and croup like cough whilst suffering teething is not a great combination..particularly when you are feeling sorry for yourself too ...hope you are all faring better

Oh God!
Now realise I had missed a whole page of catching up and now see PWCBirds dreadful news...I'm so so terribly, terribly sorry.
I lost at 17 wks gestation so know a little of what you are suffering...I wish there was some way to help ease the pain..it is so unfair...I am weeping for you, (not that that helps). If you need a shoulder we are here for you.
A thread here on MN that helped me was "Eris's thread for bereaved mummies" it will have moved on by now but I'm sure you will find some help there in the words of others who have trodden the painful path you have been forced on now....I cant find the words to express the depth of my empathy and sorrow.((((((hugs))))))

FloriaTosca hope you and your family are feeling a little better today. Poor LO with sore throat/cough and teething combo isn't very pleasant.

kaz tried to add you back as a friend on Facebook - but link seemed to fail so don't think i'm mad if you get a friend request back!

Floriatosca a 10 month with a virus sounds horrid. Not what you need at all

Johnworf sorry that you've got to go through the ROP thing again....no, it's not nice is it? Iris had an eye check thing at GOSH and she was most indignent about it.....really stressful.
Oh and BTW.....I'm not from up north....but that lovely exciting place known as the East Midlands....Nottingham to be exact. The place where a standard greeting runs along the lines of "Hey up me duck....yer all-ri-yurt?"..

No sun, baking hot, miserable children.....ah, must be time for the Cbeebies babysitter!

Thank you so much for your kind messages. I feel a little better today.

I think the worst thing almost is the speed that it all happens and you're in so much of a daze. One minute we were waiting in the waiting room for the scan and from there (and of course the scan was only 5 minutes as there wasn't anything for them to do other than confirm the appox date of the baby from the size - they think 17 weeks) you're put in a little room (which is reserved obviously as the room for when things go wrong as it has a table, a few chairs and a box of tissues and that's it) and from there directed to gynecology and virtually within the hour you're being given a tablet to induce the delivery. And everything is whirring around you and you feel like it's some kind of out of body experience you're going through. I was then 'observed' for two hours (which meant Dh and I sitting in an empty waiting room and not observed at all) and then sent home to wait adn told to come back when the pain was unbearable and the bleeding heavy (sorry if TMI). All just so fast and though everyone was kind it was matter of fact - possibly better given the emotional nature of it all.
Of course, in reality, it's better that way. What is the point of hanging around and the baby has to come out and the sooner the better but it's so harsh to deal with.
I think for me, the fact that I already have a child and a) have had the experience of childbirth and b)have a child to come home to has helped enormously. I think of all the people who are trying and trying and then have to go through that and then have to come home to an empty house - that must truly be horrendous. I am lucky - I have my ds who is happily oblivious to everything and demanding my attention and smiling away. That helps keep things normal and in perspective. We have to be positive for him.
And life goes on. I have a friend who lives around the corner and is 3 weeks from her due date. I have to say I'm a bit anxious about facing that but will have to and just because of my sadness it shouldn't mean we block out her happiness. I still think, in a way, I haven't actually realised it all yet as I'm just trying to get over the physical side of it all. My head is a jumble of conflicting thoughs.
Well, sorry if this is rambling. I just wanted to say that I've read all your lovely messages and will post and keep in touch as I love to hear all about what's going on. Thank you again xxx

pwcbird lovely to hear from you. Good to hear that your gorgeous lad can, without even realising it, give you some comfort and joy at this truely awful time.

I see what you mean about the speed of things... It really was a whirlwind. Like you say, there is both the mental and physical side of things to get to grips with....so remember to be kind to yourself and give yourself plenty of time.

You'd better stay in touch - or we'll hunt you down I'm thinking that we should move the thread on - maybe into 'chat' section. We can then include everyone 40+ - then no one disappears...we can all just keep updating each other - give support - or just rant. What does everyone think? xx

pwcbird do the hosp have any explantion for what happened? are there any test they can do? I sounds like anything was so quick but I think you are right it was the best way rather than going home and then back to the hosp a couple of days later. Big hugs Hxxxxxxxx
JJ - we could move to chat but then I think we wouldn't get many new joiners who were expecting.

pwcbird - glad you are feeling a bit better - the whole experience must have seemed a bit unreal (while all too horribly real at the same time). It is better to get it over quickly but I imagine it takes a while to get over the shocked stage especially when you had no time to prepare yourself mentally.

It is good that your LO is there to keep you on an even keel and bring you some comfort. You're doing the best thing by focussing on that, especially as it will be painful for you when your friend gives birth.

take care
xx
C

pwcbird glad to see you back and thanks for taking the time to tell us what happened.

Although it is no where near what you are going through, having Katherine so unexpectedly was as you say, like an out of body experience. But, as time wears on and your emotions and hormones spring back into action I think you need to take some time out for yourself as at some point it does catch up with you (I didn't realise this and thought I'd escaped it, but of course that isn't how things work). I'm hoping that having your LO at home will help you with the healing process. What a little treasure he is

You are in my thoughts.
JWxxxxxxxx

jeanjeannie I have been half mulling over this thread and where to go with it. Not sure what chat entails but perhaps it's worth going there if enough people think it's a wise move.

As for the ROP it's a necessary evil. I've also been told that she's got a cardiology appointment in the offing. You gotta just go with it.

Nottingham???? I thought you were from some posh place like Chelsea or Kensington Didn't have you down as one of the great unwashed like moi

K is now weighing in at 3lb 10oz and took her first 10mls from a bottle today - down in one I might add

I'm happy to go wherever the thread takes me.

Do you mean to keep this one plus have another one somewhere else?