IVF Pregnancy Club- Part Two

[pastelheart]

Hey girls!

thread number two for us, thank you again for all being so lovely and supportive. I still can’t believe, after all those years and all the upset… are babies are on their way ♥️

IVF pregnancy club Due Dates/Birth Dates

AmberRose- 3rd July (baby girl) 🩷
Sara237- 24th June (could be a week earlier)
Zirafica- 21st August, c-section could be 14th August
Magpie234- 1st May, could be 24th April (baby girl) 🩷
Nosejug- 27th June, may be earlier though
Fancygoose- 28th March- c-section could be 24th March
SarahAndQuack- 19th June
MintOwl- 14th May, (baby girl) 🩷
CloudyIvy55- 15th May
SamVan- 7th April (baby boy) 🩵
Pastelheart- 4th June (baby boy) 🩵

Dubkitten- baby girl born 8th January 2026 🩷

@CloudyIvy55 I have had this thought on and off the whole time so you are definitely not the only one! I reckon is pretty common especially as like you say as a community we will be more prone to anxiety after a harder journey full of uncertainty to get here. There is the odd horror story of course but my husband tries to reassure me by reminding me how rare they are and how bad it would be for the clinic and therefore how many checks they do to avoid it! I have freak-outs sometimes because he ended up having to do two sperm samples so it just got a bit more complicated than it was supposed to be. That and that this baby was a frozen embryo so had been in storage for a few months. But I think… think… I feel OK about it atm 😅

Hey everyone! Sorry I have been a bit quiet… and you are all welcome no need to thank me for the thread! It wouldn’t be as amazing as it is without all of you- I would have been very bored yapping away to myself!

@CloudyIvy55 I completely get this! I can’t remember how we started joking the other night but my partner joked something like ‘you will be in big trouble if the baby isn’t mine’ and I was like how would I? I didn’t make the baby or put it back in so you need to go be mad at the doctors lol and his face was like 🤨😵‍💫 when he realised lol 😂

can I ask you all about your 20 week scans please, I know mine was over 6 weeks ago now but it’s still bothering me- we saw baby for about 20 seconds at the start and then she turned the screen and did all her checks, then at the end she goes baby is fine. And that was it, she didn’t tell us any measurements or what she saw etc etc, there isn’t anything on badger notes and I just still feel really disappointed with the only thing we were told is ‘baby is fine’. I see my midwife next at 28 weeks (10 weeks since I last saw her) and it just feels like we have really been just left to it with no much info and it’s worrying me a bit. Was anyone else’s 20 weeks since scan like this? As if that’s normal then that’s fair enough! X

@pastelheart that does sound a bit odd, I could see the screen the whole time and they talked me through everything they were looking at and measuring. We still use handheld notes but I had a print out with all the details on and they gave us some photos. We have had loads of scans because of all the issues we have had crop up and they have always been similar to that experience.

at your husband.

But yes, broadly the same, so don't worry. I was chatting to someone else about it - the consensus is 1) badger notes is crap and 2) they don't routinely tell you lots of info. No idea why but they don't. She did turn the screen towards me but apparently they don't always.

I expected that they'd put loads more on the notes than there is. I have basically nothing there, so I'm not sure what the point of it is.

@FancyGoose yeah i feel like the lady who did the scan was quite rude, there was a massive poster at the end of the bed that said “we will be happy to tell you babies gender at the end of the scan” so at the end i asked and she was like that’s not part of the scan. Okkkkkkkkkay then. I had said it was fine for a student to scan and practice, so I think I was quite nice agreeing to that and the. Just felt like the care we got was minimal.

I am going to book a 4D scan and hope that makes up for it I think xx

That is rude! Odd.

I did ask a couple of questions during mine and she was fine answering - she did talk me through what the heart looked like because I said I'd not had NIPT for Down's (because of having had PGT-A) and I'd got worried. But I assumed we'd get all the data put on the app and clearly we don't.

When I asked mine if they could tell the sex she said 'we'll look at the end if there's time' so I suppose maybe sometimes they are rushed (she clearly was). But if they've got a great big poster up you'd think they'd at least be polite about it!

@SarahAndQuack oh thank you, maybe it just varies quite a lot where you are in the country? Did you have anything filled out in your hard copy notes? X

@SarahAndQuacki know and the way she snapped at me made me not want to ask anymore questions, as I did have a few more and they would have been how do I find out the measurements etc etc x

Sorry we keep posting at the same time @SarahAndQuack, that’s why I keep reply in separate messages lol! X

@pastelheart that does sound really rude! I know some trusts have a policy not to reveal the gender but when there is literally a sign saying they are happy to then it's a bit of a joke! They would definitely have told you if there was something concerning - they have to - so definitely don't worry but it's just a shame you didn't get the reassurance you wanted.

I don't know! I've never seen my hard copy notes - would my midwife have them? I don't have anything.

(And sorry about cross-posting too!)

It was really unnecessary for her to snap.

@FancyGoose thank you, yeah I am sure baby is fine but I think because I will only get two scans with the nhs, I wanted this one to be really special and it just wasn’t. I still feel disappointed 6 weeks later, I hadn’t said anything until now incase I was just being emotional and got over it, not even to my partner but I mentioned it and he agreed so we are going to speak to the midwife at 28 weeks appt and see if she has any of the details (the details won’t mean anything to us but it’s just nice to know how big he was etc etc) and we have also booked a 4D scan at 28 weeks too so I’m really looking forward to that, can’t wait to see him again!

@SarahAndQuackoh I’m not sure?! I have a folder with my notes and also have badger notes too! Isn’t it crazy how different it is across the country. I know, I do have a feedback form they sent me so I might complete it with some honest feedback of ‘the person who scanned me needs to make sure she has her cornflakes in the morning so she’s not as grumpy’

I think baby has deffo started squishing my bladder more this week, I used to wake up every 2-3 hours for a wee during the night but we are now down to every 1-1.5 hours so this is fun! Also my back is starting to feel a bit sore, I was trying to make the bed this morning and even my partner commented that it sounded like a lot of effort LOL

I am also very proud of myself, I really really wanted an artipoppe baby carrier which are VERY spenny… but instead I have found one very similar (same colour, cream houndstooth 😍) and same style etc, they look exactly the same tbh and it only cost £50. So that was very good of me as normally I would just buy the expensive one lol

is anyone considering buying an owlet sock for baby? I think we are going to get one, and that is the last thing we need I think! (Bar things for my hospital bag but I am buying that as I go along) xxx

@pastelheart yes, also considering the owlet sock. I know they're not necessarily needed but I wonder if it will help me be a little less paranoid. They are expensive but can't put a price on peace of mind can you! :)

Yes, you should definitely feedback and a 4d scan sounds like a lovely way to experience it with your partner 😊

@pastelheart Makes total sense about your scan. Sorry she was like that. I hope your private one is a much nicer experience - sure it will be. Some of my friends had similar experiences with their NHS scans. Our scanner was a bit grumpy too but she did talk us through what she was doing a bit and let us see baby. I guess they are all just so pushed and busy but impact matters as well as intention… especially when pregnant and anxious and sore and exhausted!

You sound just like me with the baby carrier 😂. I have also spied those and want one but they are really spenny and also apparently not actually the best for support for you or for baby. Not very breathable either maybe? Where did you get your other one from? Think we might get an Ergobaby one I think it was called but tbc. I wanted the leopard Artipoppe! Funny how we both have the same pram too… similar (expensive oops) taste maybe…

Not sure on the Owlet yet. Think we might leave it for now but get it if we think it will help once she is here. I am wary that it might actually make me more anxious but will see how we go. Otherwise I have lots of things ready to buy on my Amazon baby list but am waiting for the spring sale end of March to transfer them all to my basket and click buy. Eek!

@FancyGoose yeah I agree, I don’t think you would ever regret having it but could regret not having it, I might order it later I think! Have decided not to order a baby monitor yet though as obvs he will always be with us for first 6 months so that’s one stress removed as I just couldn’t choose one lol xx

@CloudyIvy55 I laughed when I read it not because it’s silly but because I have the exact same back of my mind suspicion! How did I get a good quality embryo after so many bad ones?? It’s not so much the worry about the genetics not being mine (we were about to do donor ivf anyway) but that they might try take away the baby! It’s not an ‘out loud’ worry but def hovers in the shadows. Solidarity!

I am tamping down my irrational embryo worries (I do have them!). But I do think IVF clinics should be better regulated and they should be required to be more transparent.

I haven't got any kind of baby monitor yet and I suspect I should. We had the angelcare mat when DD was a baby - if you're not familiar, it's a thing that sits under the cot mattress and sounds a very loud alarm if the baby stops breathing. Sounds great, but if you are in a sleep deprived haze and you go to grab the baby before a whimper turns into a scream, it's awful because then the bloody thing goes off and you end up with a screaming baby anyway. DP loved it because she was really frightened about the baby not breathing, but she couldn't pick DD up for months so it was always me getting her out of her cot, and always DP who had the controls on her side of the bed.

(In retrospect, how we were so sleep deprived it didn't occur to us to swap that over?! hmm] )

Is anyone thinking about co-sleeping? With or without a next-to-me type crib? I am pondering. Skint, but also pondering.

(Actually, my genuine embryo fear is that they'll suddenly say 'oh, we got confused, we did use sperm from your first round for these embryos, not donor sperm'. They admitted they'd mixed us up with someone else when they were getting rid of the embryos from the first round, and when I did the second round on my own with donor sperm they kept thinking I was still doing it with him and referring to him, so it's not actually a totally irrational worry. And that would be a bloody nightmare emotionally and practically.)

Thanks @FancyGoose I actually only heard the BRAIN acronym about a week ago in a hypnobirthing workshop where they also gave us quite a useful list of questions you can use if you're unsure about something or want to probe the hospital protocol a bit. That said, when it's taken such a journey to get here, it's quite hard to push back against a consultant's 'strong recommendation' in the moment! The midwife gave us a bit more of a sense of the labour ward e.g. the fact the rooms are all separate with their own bathrooms and you can dim the lights etc. so that was helpful. One of the rooms has a birthing pool apparently but obviously it's just luck / timing as to whether you get that one. Really wishing you all the best for the next couple of weeks, will be thinking of you!

Have also had similar thoughts @CloudyIvy55!

Sorry to hear about your scan @pastelheart that does sound very unnecessary. My hospital uses quite a good app and we got a rundown of all the measurements from the 20 week scan on there, though weirdly I now can't work out where they are and if we can access the same for the 28 week scan we just had. The midwives seem to vary a lot as to how much they speak to you during the scan, but we've always been able to watch the screen. It'll be nice for you to have the private scan after that experience.

Has anyone else experiencing back pain tried a belt of some kind? My physio recommended a Serola belt so I'm going to give that a go.

We're still just collecting whatever free stuff we can get at the moment and haven't bought anything, but I have a few basics in an Amazon basket and have started putting things in a hospital bag. I just had to look up the owlet sock - looks good!

Ah @pastelheart just catching up and sorry to read about your 20 week scan. I know exactly what you mean about hoping something will diminish in your mind so just leaving it for a while. But it does sound a bit weird (stronger than weird)…abrupt and poor bedside manner, esp in the context. It’s like she’d decided before you came in that you had asked too many questions. Your cornflakes comment made me bark laugh! Can I ask, was is a sonographer or dr or consultant doing your scan? I think since I’ve already gotten to know the consultants I’m being given a lot of kindness. I try to shut up as I ask a lot of questions about what they’re looking at but they’re very kind about it. And both consultants wanted to do their own 20 week scan? I’ve been given no notes but asked what was what as we went along. They also have a screen above my head as well as their screen, now I’m thinking this is very fancy (esp for a non central hospital!) I’ll be downgraded to sonographer scans after 28 weeks so maybe things will change (if I get there. I can’t help caveat every time I project forward in case I’m being complacent!)

23 weeks tomorrow 🥳 excited for 24 weeks @SarahAndQuack ! Amazing milestone!! 🍻 (non alc)

owlet sock… I think about it too. I don’t know if it gives you reports etc, but I think maybe the more information I have the more I will have to worry about. It’s an interesting product ethically as was mentioned, the idea of regret is panic inducing. I’ll need to do more research I think.

we’ve been offered a next2me cot, an electric swing chair(?!) a bugaboo and a wooden cot (that my 31yo cousin slept in us all my nieces and nephews!). And a family friend is currently housebound so I’m buying baby wool (actual quality wool) and they’re knitting me things 🤩

Have ripped off the plaster of a whole external bedroom wall, cut away a crumbling sandstone hearth and will be getting the wall replastered (baby’s room). Not quite ready for stuff yet haha!

Have ripped off the plaster of a whole external bedroom wall, cut away a crumbling sandstone hearth and will be getting the wall replastered (baby’s room). Not quite ready for stuff yet haha!

Do you think you might be nesting?! That made me laugh.

Lovely that your friend is knitting for you, too. Isn't it wonderful being able to do these things for a baby.

Haha that’s what my sister said! I should be clear I’m not allowed to help though id absolutely love to hah. There was a 1980s piece of ply board covering the fireplace cavity whose supports we discovered had wet rot 🫣 though the important bits of wood are fine. So we were right to remove it all! But this is babies room as it stands. We’re thinking to go for the rustic dust and damp theme. Maybe paint in some spiders.. I’ve actually had to paint fake mould on a shower curtain at work a few years ago so I have the skills..

Ooh! That looks fab! It'll be such a lovely space when it's done. I love a fireplace.

About three weeks ago DD and I ripped all the paint off our tiny upstairs loo in a fit of enthusiasm, and discovered that instead of plaster or board underneath, there was a really weird 4mm layer of hard, crackly stuff painted in pepto-bismol pink. Needless to say I've got halfway through sorting it but not finished!

One day I will learn that old houses are not the place for ad hoc 'hmm, I wonder what'd happen if I just took this up/ripped this out ...' experiments.

@SarahAndQuack we have bought a snuzpod which is a next to me type thing. Haven't set it up yet though. I'm too nervous to cosleep properly although everyone I have spoken to says that even if you don't intend to, you will so to look up safe cosleeping guidelines just in case.

Thanks @MintOwl for the well wishes 🥰 yes it's definitely hard to go against advice, I was actually really glad when I got a strong recommendation as felt like I just couldn't make the decision by myself but equally it's important you understand the why and are happy with the final approach. I ended up in a delivery suite for 1:1 monitoring when I was in a few weeks ago and it was actually a really lovely space - an individual room with an en suite and fairy lights and just felt really nice and calm. They had a wireless ctg monitor as well so you could still walk around while being monitored - sounds like yours might be similar (east surrey but don't suppose we're at the same place!)

We’re doing next to me cots as well and on the owlet, a paediatrician friend said buy one only if the doctors tell you there’s a reason to, otherwise it’s a waste and will just cause anxiety!