‘Older’ mom experiences

[katek88]

Hi everyone, I have 2 children already (had them both in my 20s) but have recently remarried and strongly suspect I am currently pregnant, will test in due course.

Anyway, I turn 37 next month and given that I’m significantly older than I was with my other 2, I’m interested in others’ experiences not just of pregnancy but also of being an older parent. I always wanted to finish up having kids by my early 30s but life happens! Thanks all xxx

I had my first at 23 and 2nd at 36.
They're 16 and 3 now.
With my first, we had so much fun, it was just me and her and I enjoyed everything 🤣
With my 2nd, it was very different, married, caring for my very ill mum, and with a teenager. The actual pregnancy was much easier 2nd time round, which was good as I had to look after my mum in hospital and when she came out.
Also now expecting my 3rd, and it's been the easiest pregnancy so far!
I'm just so glad of the gap as my 2nd is starting nursery in the new year.
I love my gaps 🤣
Edited to add, I don't feel like an older mum. I don't feel or look too much different to what I did even 10 years ago.

Same here really - I had mine at 33,34 and 37. Now all teens and I’ve never felt like an older parent! Very average age here in the South East.

Congratulations OP!! I’m 50 - my DC is 13 and I can honestly say that this is the a great time, we do a lot together, I’m trying to be healthier as I get older. Best wishes to you a baby to be

I know you've had plenty of comments, but thought I'd add my experience. I had my 2 at 34 and 38. As far as I'm aware my age made absolutely no difference to my pregnancy, or mattered to the midwives or doctors. The only thing is that over 35 it's an extra risk factor they add into deciding whether you need to inject anticoagulants (so I had to with my 2nd, but not with my first). Other than that I had no major complications, certainly no more than any other mum, and i wasn't treated any differently. I'm assuming my recovery won't have been as easy, being older, but we are all different with regards to that anyway, so it's hard to compare. I also think I would have coped with lack of sleep better when I was younger too. But all in all, I'm happy having had my kids at this age - I've enjoyed my 20s and financially and socially I'm more set up for having kids. I would have been a disaster in my 20s 🤣

I've found much harder physically and mentally tbh , it was much easier when I was younger . I'm 37 and have a 7 mo currently

i had my first 3 children in my teens and twenties and then remarried at 35 and had 3 more, the youngest born when I was 44 (natural conception) It’s been lovely 🥰 I think you can appreciate the grandma sentiment of enjoy every minute once your first set of children are grown up and you think back to how precious that time was. You’ve also got the benefit of all the experience of having raised children, that said my 2nd set of children have been completely different to the first set (I really don’t think I’d of coped with them if they’d been my first set 🤣) so I’m still learning all the time but many of the things that feel like such a challenge first time round don’t feel so bad this time, the sleep deprivation, tantrums etc but part of that is also giving yourself more space and grace to handle them, aka making life easy for yourself while prioritising the things experience has taught you is important for your child. Also I think you are so much more relaxed as you remember worrying about different challenges etc your older children had, but then it all generally turned out fine so of course you don’t really stress so much about what they are or are not doing. Alternatively you are extra adverse to the things you did think potentially had a negative effect on them and so are much more assertive in that sense.
I must admit though I did suffer from postnatal anxiety after I had my 4th and was anxious about things I’d never worried about with my first 3 and I think there is that general underlying anxiety that comes with being older whereas you are much more fearless in many ways when you’re young.
Overall however it’s been a great experience and obviously being more financially comfortable and in a better more stable relationship makes things miles easier too

@katek88 I was nearly 38 when dd was born 27.5 years ago. I was not an older mother compared to my contemporaries or the school gate. You are being a little disingenuous and have a rathwr dated view.

It does make me laugh reading through the thread and some mothers almost offended that the OP has called 37 ‘older’ Having had my first in my teens of course having my 4th at 35 felt very old, my 5th at 40 ancient and my 6th at 44 (naturally conceived) well …. But not at all in a negative sense, she feels like an absolute miracle and never thought would get to experience all this again at this age 🥰

Congratulations!
I had my first children in my early 20's and my last in my late 30's. I have to say that I found pregnancy and labour much easier this time round. Less complications and much more straight forward. I also find that I'm much more patient as a parent now too. Plus there are so many more parents my age around then there were when I had my first ones, I was very much in the minority then.

I didn’t give a “view” for it to be dated? I stated a fact, I’m comparing me to me. I am now an older mom than the first 2 times around. I haven’t said that’s a good or bad thing, I’ve simply asked for people’s experiences of having kids a little further down the line. People really will get triggered over anything these days

I am 37 and pregnant with number 2 now 🙂Had my first just before my 34th birthday.

I have felt more tired and sick this time but I think the tiredness at least is more due to the fact that I am also working full time (luckily from home) and running round after a 3 year old who still wakes in the night. I just have far less time to relax in the way that I did in my first pregnancy.

I know pregnancy is harder on your body the older you get, but I also think a huge part of it is related to your own physical condition before and during the pregnancy. I definitely haven't regained the muscle strength I had prior to having my first child, so I am expecting it to feel harder towards the end than it did last time - although tbh I had horrible PGP last time so dreading that returning too🙄However I have been regularly running for a few months now and am making an effort to keep it up so hoping that might help.

I am absolutely dreading the newborn lack of sleep stage though, I feel like I am already knackered from 3yo still waking, god knows how I will manage them both.

You asked for other people's experiences and I have given you mine. I find it rather sad that at 36 you feel you are an older mother. Congratulations on your pregnancy. FWIW I was much more tired at 37 than at 34 but that was compensated by a perfect baby girl.

Very much appreciate you sharing your experience, just not so much being called disingenuous. I don’t consider myself at 36 to be old at all, nor do I think it’s too old to have children (if it was, my body wouldn’t fall pregnant in the first place right?). Simple referring to myself as older than I was at 26 and 29

Honestly people seem to be offended at anything nowadays, I definetely thought myself as an older mother at 35 as I had my first at 18, I’ve just had my youngest at 44, yes I’m an older mother but she was naturally conceived, born healthy at home, just feels like a little miracle to us

I know 🫠🫠 ahh, see I totally get that and feel this time around I’d probably appreciate the journey more too as now I have first hand experience of how precious it is and how fast it goes!

I had my last at 39 and it was an easy pregnancy. I was definitely tired but I had two children already so that was to be expected. Easiest birth of the 3. No issues at all. In my late 40s now and I am creaking a bit but ok! Children are much more self sufficient which helps.

Good luck with it all OP! Im not sure why posters are getting annoyed with you for posting about being an older mother. I also had my kids in my twenties and if I was pregnant now at 38, would feel like an older mother. I’m not in London and it’s perfectly normal to have kids in your twenties here so late thirties/early forties is definitely considered older. I hope it all goes well for you! Congratulations!

It's not old to have a pregnancy, but a fairly large gap between pregnancies increases the risk of pre- eclampsia ( which they monitor for) .

I totally don’t understand it as late 30 and 40s is on the older end of the age spectrum to naturally be able to have a baby. I became a grandma in the same year I had my baby before last at just turned 40, when we married in our mid thirties I thought we’d be very lucky to manage to have 1 child, let alone 3 🥰
It doesn’t mean it’s a negative, many of the risk factors are higher for first time mothers of any age than for older mothers ( as an independent risk factor)
Obviously when you get in to the realm of fertility treatment as your body is not playing ball with the idea of being past the age your body naturally conceives then that’s a completely different issue

In my area no one batted an eyelid when we were out and I had one 4 year old calling me grandma and the one calling me mum 🤣

I had first at 18 and last at 37 and there was a big difference in how my pregnancies went. I breezed through my first two and labours were much easier. I was much more tired when I had my last 3 in my thirties and defo didn't have the same energy but had a lot more wisdom and had better routines and was not as stressed or feel like I was missing out on life. It's swings and roundabouts

Most of my friends have had their Dclate 30s and early 40s, only a few in their early 30s and 20s so pretty normal in my circle! X

But you’d had the wear and tear of two previous pregnancies and had already brought up two children — no wonder you were tired. I had my only child three months before turning 40 and had lots of energy throughout pregnancy and the baby stage, I imagine in part because this was my first pregnancy, and I was well-rested and fit.

I was 37 when I had my first/only child. I was under joint consultant/mudwife care for various reasons- age and ivf. Had a few more scans than normal.
My son's now 11 and a few of his school friends have mums in their late 40s so I don't feel alone. Baby group was different though because the other mums were all in their 20s!
Hubby has older kids who are now adults so he is essentially an only child.

I don’t think so much ‘wear and tear’ as I’ve had 6 babies and don’t think suffered too much ‘wear and tear’ as such 🤣 I was tired of course but funnily enough when I went to stay with my mum kid free for a couple of days during my last pregnancy at 44, all the usual pregnancy tiredness completely disappeared for a while 🤣