‘Older’ mom experiences

[katek88]

Hi everyone, I have 2 children already (had them both in my 20s) but have recently remarried and strongly suspect I am currently pregnant, will test in due course.

Anyway, I turn 37 next month and given that I’m significantly older than I was with my other 2, I’m interested in others’ experiences not just of pregnancy but also of being an older parent. I always wanted to finish up having kids by my early 30s but life happens! Thanks all xxx

It depends on your fitness and health now, if your BMI is high then they may monitor you more. I actually hike and am more active now than I would have been in my 20’s. I eat better and drink less alcohol. I’ve had two children in the past 4 years and I’m now pregnant again with baby number 3. I’ve had great quick births so far, healthy pregnancies with no complications and hoping for the same for this one so I can have a home birth. ❤️

Huge congrats!!! I think it’s normal to be apprehensive when pregnant whatever the situation. The very fact you’re pregnant shows your body and you can totally do this!

My prenatal group ranged from one woman in her early twenties, four around age 30, one late 30s and me aged 40. Obviously I can only go by what they’ve said, but I don’t think I’ve had it harder than any of the others. All of us had different experiences, some with more complications than others during pregnancy and in the first few months but age didn’t seem to be the reason. Everyone is knackered regardless.

Congrats op!

I had a baby in my teens then two in my early 30s.

I did have terrible sickness and gestational diabetes with my last two pregnancies although that could just be bad luck.

I am also a lot more tired with 2 little ones in my 30s but again that's probably to be expected 🤣

Do you have any risk factors or health conditions such as diabetes high blood pressure etc?

You are more likely to develop gestational diabetes and have hyperemesis on each subsequent pregnancy, so regardless of age your third pregnancy is more likely to see you develop both. I think if your diet isn’t great I would be looking to improve it and build in exercise now, easier said than done but basically the fitter you are the easier the pregnancy and recovery regardless of age. I was 35 and 38 having my children so nothing to compare it to, I will say the second was a lot harder because of severe morning sickness and anaemia but I don’t think that was age related, it was mostly to do with having put on more than a stone in Covid and cut down on exercise etc. However I found actually parenting the baby on number two way easier because I was much more experienced and knew what I was doing, I think a third child most often just slots in so I wouldn’t worry too much about that and I’d focus on building yourself up physically as much as you can.

I don’t think many of us who had kids in our 30s can answer your questions as we don’t see ourselves as ‘older mothers’. It’s just when we had kids so there’s nothing to compare. I clicked on the thread assuming you meant 40s as that is ‘older mothers’ in my mind, know you don’t see it like that but many here do in my experience.

I agree with pp who says the only people who can really answer your queries are those who had kids in their twenties and then had more later after a gap. Good luck, hope all goes smoothly.

I turned 38 last month and I'm 26 weeks along with my first baby, so have yet to experience how being a mother is beyond pregnancy. I went through numerous miscarriages to get to this point, most of them were IVF pregnancies and getting pregnant naturally is so rare for me (lots of sex, timed and otherwise, through the month, mind).

It's very common to have children later in life, sadly. I say 'sadly' because it does become harder to conceive for many women once they get to their late 30s, which is also right about the time you become more financially stable and emotionally mature.

I've heard being an older mum keeps you young and fit, so it's not all bad.

Oh I’m sorry, that sounds a tough thing to feel. Is there anything you can do do get a bit fitter? I’m sure your baby is getting the best from you, just a different version to your 20s.

I agree with the previous poster, I was so much fitter and healthier in my early 40s/late 30s than my 20s. I would have been an absolutely awful mother in my 20s, I could barely take care of myself!!

Haha! I have a 4 year old and baby and I was chatting to other reception school mums and we all realised we were 37 (oldest child 4/ 5 younger child preschooler or baby). Commuter belt. 36-38 is very usual for second child here (or third if you got going early). That said I did feel bloody knackered in the pregnancy but fine now she's here!

Where I am it's average. None of our NCT group were in their 20s, most in their 30s a few in their 40s. I can't imagine being ready in my 20s, practically or financially.

I had mine naturally at 39 & 45 (met DH relatively late I was mid 30's). Both easy pregnancies and no extra monitoring other than with my second pregnancy I was offered a test for gestational diabetes as an extra precaution (didn't need it, took the test anyway and was fine/didn't have it) and they would have wanted to induce me at or by 40 weeks (can't remember exactly) if I didn't go into labour naturally by then with my second. I was also under the "care" of a consultant but never saw them, I only ever met the midwives. It was all fine and both arrived healthy. I don't feel that I was more tired but then again I have nothing to compare it to and didn't have older children to juggle. Best of luck OP, you'll be fine!

I had my youngest at 38. People ask if I'm his mum or grandma. I'm not 50 yet and people I was at school with have grandchildren at secondary school. It is very area dependent.

I agree with PPs that those who had children in their 30s, will never think of themselves as older. I live in London where the average woman starts having children in mid-30s so it's normal here.

I'm pregnant with 3rd (Dc1/2 are 3 and 1) and I'm in my early 30s.Now compared to the average here, I'm slightly young.

However, I won't deny, when I come across mothers who started in their early to mid 20s, I can feel a huge difference in their energy levels. Conversely, there's also a big difference in maturity.

I guess, there will always be pros and cons whatever age you go for.

37 really isn't old to have a baby these days but I get that it feels like that if it isn't your own "normal".

I had my first at 30 and then my second/last just days before I was 40. (Not planned like that but finances, change of jobs and then fertility issues got in the way. ) I was worried about being older but it was great. I was quite physically fit and in good health, birth and recovery was fine. I was surprised that I was less tired than first time around, I think I need less sleep as I get older. Also much more confident so didn't stress and worry about the phases, took it more in my stride and just enjoyed it, knowing she would be my last!

I assumed I'd be the oldest mum ever everywhere but often I wasn't. And it doesn't really matter. The best mum friend I made after I had my youngest is 14 years younger and that makes no difference at all.

Good luck!

I had mine at 28 and 29

i don’t think of those in their thirties as older parents

im in south east. I felt young!!

I suppose this reinforces the earlier points made that how we feel is shaped by our environment. There are many parts of the world where the average age a woman has her first child is in the early 20s, and others where it's in the late 30s.

I had my first at 28 too. I don't think of myself as an old parent, though I certainly wouldn't claim being a young one.

I had mine in London at age 41 and 43. I know a number if it gets who also had children in their 50s - the oldest was 46, and most were not in London!
Other than being offered a couple extra tests no mention was made of my age - none of this ‘geriatric mother’ stuff you hear about! As for brining an older mum - I was a bit older than most at they’d first school, but not sure if that made a difference, though I didn’t make friends there. At they’d second school (again, far outside London) there were plenty my age. My only regret, not really the right word, is a that I will be an old grandmother. I’m 63 and my youngest is 20 at uni. I see women my age already with grandchildren and being able to do a lot with them. My own parents were late 70s when my kids came.

I agree with PPs that those who had children in their 30s, will never think of themselves as older. I live in London where the average woman starts having children in mid-30s so it's normal here.

likely you would if you were in your 30s and not in London or the southeast and instead in a part of the uk where having children in 30s is unusual as generally start families a lot earlier

Im due to give birth to my first - aged 39 then

I guess your experience as a new mum will be very different this time around, simply because the world has changed since you were last in this position. Depending on your area I expect you'll be surprised to find very few "free" pregnancy and baby classes. I was expecting to attend classes telling me what to expect and how to prepare but there was nothing other than free ones I found online. My recommendation would be to find out about baby groups in your area as the mums you'll meet in those could end up being your support network. Northwest mum here but definitely found mid-late 30s mums to be really normal here- you've just got to be open minded and mind your new crew :)

I had my 4th at 31 and anytime I complained about something my mum would say. You’re order now you’re 31! I was thinking wth that’s not even old. But my mum was a grandma before she turned 40 so she sees things differently.

37 is far from old. I had my last at 36 and many of my friends and colleagues had babies up until 43/44. I was no more tired at 36 than I was in my 20’s and it didn’t occur to me I could be considered an older mum. Everything was totally straightforward and no, I’m not tired at 51 with a teen. Feel the same as o always have

I think this is more the issue than your age, you are tired and time limited and your body is damaged to some extent from your existing children/ previous pregnancies.

Having a first child at 37 or older is not the same as adding a third.

I had my 3 kids in my 20's. Didnt want any more, was happy and done. Life had other plans and i had my DD when i was 40. Defiantly had more energy in my 20s, only DD at home now as the others have all left home.

I can see what @Milkwort is saying, OP.

I had my first and only at 36, but my experience is totally different to yours.

I didn't have existing children to worry about (including the toll on my body from that). I'm also in a different social circle where it is the norm to have a first child in your mid thirties or older. Any advice/ experience I could offer is coming from a very different perspective to you.

I do feel I have enough energy for my baby, but that's because I waited until I was truly ready to have children, kept myself fit and healthy as much as I could, was fulfilled in my career and personal life, and I only had one.

It's a really different experience to having had two children in your twenties and then having another later on - your situation is harder than mine. If I already had two older children I would be absolutely exhausted and struggling.