‘Older’ mom experiences

[katek88]

Hi everyone, I have 2 children already (had them both in my 20s) but have recently remarried and strongly suspect I am currently pregnant, will test in due course.

Anyway, I turn 37 next month and given that I’m significantly older than I was with my other 2, I’m interested in others’ experiences not just of pregnancy but also of being an older parent. I always wanted to finish up having kids by my early 30s but life happens! Thanks all xxx

I had 2 in my early 30’s then a 5 year gap and 3rd at 37… I actually really enjoyed it… I was able to ‘not sweat the small stuff’ as much and had lots of time while the others were at school - I didn’t go mad joining every group going every either, I took it easier and did some nice activities like park, feed ducks, look at books, cooking, games etc - I knew it would be my last so soaked it up! I used to sit on the rocking chair cuddling him as a baby while he slept.

My other 2 were close in age and it was manic plus my expectations were higher higher… I’m not saying it was easy though!! I definitely felt more tired and had to pace myself!!

I also started in perimenopause after he was born (which I only recognised in hindsight!!) but that hit me like a train - I felt warm all the time, had anxiety and other symptoms… went to the Doc aged 40 - they dismissed it… I struggled on for a further 5 years then begged for HRT! It worked - I guess I was unlucky but early menopause runs in my family. Not saying it would happen to you though.

I am so happy that I had my surprise extra one and, although it was hard, the older ones actually helped a lot, especially my 7 year old - plus they were ready made entertainment for the baby, who was fascinated listening and watching the others!

exciting times!! 🥰

37 would make you one of the youngest parents at my DS school. He’s in reception so all the kids are 4 or 5. I can think of maybe 3 mothers who are under 40. Quite a few are far closer to 50 than 40.

I was 43 when I had DS. I can’t give first hand comparison with being a younger parent as I don’t have other children however I can give the pros and cons based on other parents I know.

The baby stage was hard almost entirely due to sleep deprivation which is far harder to deal with in mid 40’s than mid 20’s. That stage of course doesn’t last long though and it’s been pretty much plain sailing since then.

The huge plus is financial security. Most of the mothers of a similar age to me are in a strong financial position and therefore don’t need to work anywhere near as much as most younger parents do.

I was mortgage free and had solid pension and savings investments in place before I had DS. I now work PT and even that is through choice rather than financial necessity. That means the logistics of looking after a young child are so much easier than it is for many younger parents. My life is now less stressful than it ever was before I had DS.

Overall I think it has been easier for me at 43 than it would have been at 23 due to vastly different circumstances at each age.

I had two of my children when I was 20 and 22. I'm 39 now and had another at 37. Best thing I ever done, the 2 year old brings sooo much joy to all our lives and I actually find it easier now being older. I'm less stressed and I'm enjoying every moment as he was very much wanted. Would love more. Go for it, you won't regret it. Children are blessings

Had mine at 33 and 37, both low risk. Getting off the floor after playing with them is interesting 🤣

Most of my friends had their kids at similar ages to me.

I honestly dont know anyone who had kids in their 20s. So older mun at 37 is kinda offensive 😂.

well I've only ever been an older one, so I don't know how it compares to bring younger iyswim, I was 33 with eldest and a few weeks shy of 38 with my twins.

yes I'm one of the oldest at the school gates for the twins, but that's indicative of the area my children go to school. was absolutely fine during my twins pregnancy, healthy typical babies

Thank you for all the replies, I have read every single one!!

Just had a positive test so let the madness commence!

We live in London and we had 3 kids when my wife was 37, 39. & 41. Totally normal age round us, but when we went back to my parents in Wales people who didn’t know us assumed we were the grandparents.
oh and the medical team will openly use the term “geriatric pregnancy” which shocked us, I still tease my wife as being a geriatric.
It was hard being a bit older, but we didn’t know any different and so just coped. You having had kids earlier may notice that it is much harder. That said you won’t be anything like as stressed this time round so it’s swings and roundabouts. Best of luck to you.

I think health and fitness have so much to do with energy levels that it is probably wise to look at diet if you think it could be improved.

I’ve just had my first at 39. I don’t have anything to compare it to but I’m no less energetic than I was in my 20s. I’ve actually got more energy than in my mid-twenties, when I got quite unfit. I think a lot of times when people say it was much harder in their thirties than twenties, for example, it can be for tangible reasons other than just age, like already having a couple of other children to parent, having more responsibility at work (upside of that is more money of course!), or having become more sedentary over the years. So much depends on circumstance as well - if I was a single mother or if my husband had to go to the office more (he works from home a lot), I’d probably be finding maternity leave much harder. As it is, I’m not at work at the moment so my only job is to parent my child and I have my partner’s support in that. I did find it very hard for the first few weeks but again that was circumstance - sleep deprivation from a long induction and the emergency c-section. I don’t mean to invalidate others’ experiences of course but I think (this is admittedly anecdotal) if you keep fit and healthy then energy levels don’t really drop noticeably until perimenopause.

I agree. I had mine at 34 and 39 and honestly I don't think I would have had one after 35 had I known what I would feel like now aged 50 with an 11yo who is very full on. I'm exhausted all the time.

Given the choice I would have had mine younger, I was 35 and 37 with mine, I would prefer to have been younger when my kids become adults but it is what it is. I sailed through both of my pregnancies though with very easy births. I also feel I’ve lived my life/built my career in my 20s and early 30s so that’s a positive.

Had my first child at 37 and second at 38. I love it, I didnt feel any more tired than I guess most mothers with babies would, I think now I’m older I have more patience than what I would have done when I was younger. I do think I might have done more active playing with them if I was younger though. But mainly for me it’s been a really positive experience. I’m slightly older than the other school moms but not much, and definitely not the oldest. Congratulations 🥳

I second a lot of these comments - 37 is not old! In London or the south east - I’ve lived in both - I’m very much average. It’s great - don’t worry at all. I think I’m a great Mum as I’ve had such a rich and fulfilling life - I’m able to completely focus on them with zero regrets. Not to say you can’t do that when younger - I simply mean, there is zero part of me that doesn’t want to be with them xx

Congratulations! Sending sticky baby dust your way.

I just had my second at 35 and didn’t have any additional monitoring, considered low risk and had her at the birth centre. Pretty easy pregnancy and a dreamy birth experience. My colleague had her third last year at 39 after a ten year gap and said 40 seemed to be the magic number for when doctors get worried about age on its own terms.

I had a really positive experience. My mam was about 4 years younger than we when she was pregnant and got a lot of stick about her advanced age. Not once did anyone mention it to me negatively at all - I actually brought it up with the midwife and she said it just wasn’t a big deal and they see far more over 40s than under 20s these days. I had a nice pregnancy but comparatively felt much more knackered than I did the first time around. Now that the baby is here, I don’t find the sleepless nights much harder but my dh does so he’s not as helpful in that respect.

The biggest positive for me (and there have been may) has been seeing my older children become siblings when they’re old enough to know what’s going on. They really do dote on the little one and it’s lovely to see.

So I have a London job. Pandemic. Moved home to the north west etc. had a baby at 37. My one and only. At work, my age for having a child is similar to my workmates. However, where I live now, im definitely an older mum. Literally the same age now as some of the grandmas (41 with a 3 year old). My DH has an older daughter and all of our friends have older children. I’ve found it hard making mum friends if I’m honest with the age difference. I’m tired. So tired. DH says he is more tired this time round than last time. However, wouldn’t have it any other way.

I’m 37 and when I saw your title I thought you meant late 40s! Never really considered myself an old mum?! I have a three year old and currently pregnant with no. 2. One thing I’ll say is having a baby at 34, and this is only my experience, was quite a shock as I was very settled in my career and life so a baby turned this upside down! She was planned but I don’t think I realised what it would entail. I went from working 5 days a week , earning a decent salary as middle mgmt to working 4 days and giving up my mgmt role (it wasn’t feasible for me to continue). Money that was normally for me went on nursery fees, baby clothes and experiences etc which I had of course known would happen but the adjustment was a lot! It was more my independence, both financially and personally, that were affected and I simply hadn’t realised how much it would impact me.

I’ve had your experience, 2 children in my (early) twenties and a planned DS at 37.
im going to be brutally honest but also remember your experience will not be my experience.

i found pregnancy so much harder, i was permanently exhausted, developed anemia had migraines. My DDs who were 13 and 15 were at a difficult age which didn’t hep. It was a stressful experience

Birth was great, quick and no issues. Recovered quickly

i struggled a lot adapting to a newborn after being so far past that. DS did not sleep and had awful reflux. I knew so much more this time around and I found myself feeling anxious overwhelmed and worried all the time. Google does not help!

The toddler years were hard , I had two teens in full on strop mode and a trantruming toddler. I felt guilty that I didn’t have much time for my girls.

its been a struggle and a blessing. I’ve aged a lot, at 37 I looked around 32. I’m 47 now and I look around 50. (Obviously menopause isn’t helping) Myself and dh have felt exhausted for ten years it’s taken a toll. But DS loves his big sisters and they love him, they have such a close relationship and it’s kept us all close as a family. They are also great babysitters!

Prioritise yourself, get lots of rest, don’t be afraid to ask for help and make sure your dh pulls his weight. It is lovely having a baby together and connecting your family even more.

You're 36!! Not old. With cost of living etc I think 36 is about average. I thought you meant your first children were in their 20s or something! Your child is literally in Year 2. Congratulations, enjoy!

I had my first at 22, second at 33 and last at 40.

I have far less patience now. I’m now 46 and I was a far better parent when I was younger. I buck the trend of older parents being more patient.

Pregnancy is alway shit for me as I suffer with HG, so that was no different.

I was also given the most difficult child last, which was fun. I could halve dealt with no sleep and horrific tantrums when I was in my early 20s, but I had to get a child like dd when I’m old 🤣

I don’t think that 37 is too old. 40 was always my cut off, but dh is 6 years younger than me (he is not the father of my first child!) so that made me feel better about it.

@katek88 i don’t think it’s strange question at all. I’m currently pregnant with my third and I’m 39, had my first at 24 and second at 29. It is much harder being pregnant at this age in my experience.

Had my second at 38, there is a 9 year age gap. I am exhausted but so much more stable (job, home, relationship) than i was when i had my first.
Had to have a c section but have an amazing hubby who helped to make recovery an absolute breeze!

It isn’t a strange question at all. I was 27 when I had my baby, most Mum’s I met at that time were a similar age. I’m 45 now and would not consider having another baby now.

Ok let me put it this was , I’m having my 4th at 43 , this week I started telling family , I was then told by my cousins she was pregnant too ( she is 42 ) then today I got call from another cousin telling me his wife of 20 years is pregnant they are 47 and 48 total accident but they are over the moon .
I had my first at 19 second mid 30s , 3rd 40 and obviously now 43 .
I haven’t found any massive differences , if anything in found more benefits to being a older mum , I’m certainly more confident now than my 1st and I’m more patient too . Pregnancy was more tiresome but 🤷🏻‍♀️

Congratulations! I was 36 when I had my DD, 32 when I had my DS. TBH, I never wanted kids at all until I turned 30. I now take city breaks with my DD, she 19 now, and we get on so well, DS and I get on great, he’s now living with his GF. I miss them both being small, but am loving life with my young adults. Good luck xxx