‘Older’ mom experiences

[katek88]

Hi everyone, I have 2 children already (had them both in my 20s) but have recently remarried and strongly suspect I am currently pregnant, will test in due course.

Anyway, I turn 37 next month and given that I’m significantly older than I was with my other 2, I’m interested in others’ experiences not just of pregnancy but also of being an older parent. I always wanted to finish up having kids by my early 30s but life happens! Thanks all xxx

25% of births are now to mums aged 35 or over. Oxford university study found often university educated women don’t consider it late to think about having a family until they are 33. So education and job matters. As does child care costs and availability and also cost of housing. Many women expect to have good careers and delay having dc. Older mums are just normal now.

I was one 33 and 30 years ago! I didn’t really see myself as different to someone younger. I did have sufficient money for help and returned to work part time after no 1. I was 37 then. I would say I had energy and dc had a good childhood. We didn’t have to worry about money and that was good for all of us! I’m not sure you will find a whole lot of difference - you are just older and maybe a bit wiser!

I'm in Surrey. Definitely very normal around here, though tbh I would have chosen to be younger if other factors didn't exist. I was exactly a month off 35 with my first and 11 days after 37 with my second. They're 2 & 4 now. I'm sure I'm more tired than I would have been, but I am mostly calmer and more mature too. I am constantly pretty shattered but also work FT which I think contributes a lot to that too.

You'll be fine OP it's more about the position youre in relationship and finances wise rather than age.
I was 26 and 29 when I had mine 2- practically a teen mother in my London NCT group! However- when I'm 40 mine will be independent and we can crack on with travelling etc and I can't wait!

Yes but that doesn’t mean it’s not ‘older’ and that will bring biological/medical likelihoods/risks whether it’s socially average or not. So it’s not ‘very strange’ at all.

Had my son one month before turning 37 and my daughter at 40. No issues apart from hip pain with my daughter. Biggest shock was having my sleep disrupted after all those years without children.

I had one at 19 and had my second at 37. He’s 6 months old. My age wasn’t even mentioned by midwives as something to worry about and it was considered a low risk pregnancy. Pregnancy was fine but I did have some swelling in my hands and feet which I didn’t have the first time - I did work until 39 weeks though which could have contributed.

Parenting wise - I’m not sure if I’m more tired. I’m not on my own this time but I have more responsibilities in the home. Some of the advice is different but the fundamentals haven’t changed.

I don’t feel old and haven’t asked anyone’s ages at baby swimming and groups but I don’t appear to be older than the other mums.

I had my first a few days before my 37th birthday and my second when I was 39 - and yes, I live in London 😺

I had my kids at 38 & 43....no big deal or issues, I didn't everything younger Mums do, I work, I go to the gym, still go running with my eldest, I'm hoping to start my employment law diploma soon ...my kids are now 8 & 3

I had 2 dc in my teens, 1 in my 20s, 2 in my 30s and 1 in my 40s.

Literally no difference in the pregnancies, my only complications happened with my first baby.

All straight forward pregnancies and births.

I was very healthy and active, think it helped.

Thanks everyone, really appreciate the input. I will test this evening!

You won’t get hugely more monitored at 35. I was pregnant with my first at 32 and 35 with my second and the only difference in terms of care was having to do the GTT at 28 weeks! Now I’m 43 with my third and I’ve also been put on baby aspirin, high strength folic acid and I’ve been told they won’t let me go beyond my due date. In terms of how I’m feeling, I’m a lot more tired this time round, but don’t know how much of that is my age and how much of it is combining pregnancy with 2 older kids (7 and 10) and working 5 days a week - albeit school hours - rather than the 3 days I was working last time round.

Had my second at 38 I loved it I was way more ready than my first and I love having a small child in the house again she keeps me feeling young pregnancy was hard with my first and even harder with my second but I think my body just can’t handle pregnancy , no regrets seeing her bouncing around the house gives me so much joy .

I’ve had kids when I was 23, 24, 37 and then 44. I wouldn’t change any of it. Having older siblings is lovely for my younger ones and they dote on them. Possibly I am a bit more tired now than I was in my 20s but I am also a lot more relaxed and have a lot more patience and I value each stage more as I know how little time it lasts in reality. Pros and cons to all aspects really, but your life is yours alone and your story is your own. You do with it as you wish.

Lots of very snippy replies! OP - I had my first at 29, second at 33 and final one at 37. Third labour was by far the easiest- 5 hours versus 12 even though baby was 42+ 5 and 9lbs ( he’s a tiny 5 ft 5 22 year old now!). It was tiring but mostly be because I had two younger ones and was teaching full time. Good luck.

Had my one (and only) at 38. To be honest it was a pretty easy pregnancy. Being both ‘older’ and also overweight I assumed I’d struggle and be closely monitored but medical professionals seemed unbothered as all was progressing well. I did trigger a diabetic check (based likely on weight and family history) but that was all clear.

I randomly ended up being seen by a consultant once due to my mother having a history of blood clots (in her 60s after a surgery so not hugely relevant but triggered a consult!) so I guess it depends on any family/health issues. Your age alone won’t trigger anything.

I did end up paying privately for foetal genetic testing early doors though, as was aware risk if abnormalities was higher and wanted that information early. Again, all clear.

In terms of post baby…VERY tired and didn’t cope well with the lack of sleep! Definitely feel I had a child and then seemed to enter ‘middle age’ almost immediately 🫣 but you are a few years younger and everyone is do different. At least you’ll know how to keep them alive more than us oldie first timers so they will alleviate some stress! 🤣

Best of luck - and if there is one on the way hopefully some doting older siblings will be good!

OP, I had my only DS at 45y2m. My dm had three dcs in her 40s. All my sisters have had a child in their 40s. It is completely normal for us.

Yes I left it late, but I was then very careful to maintain my fitness to ensure DS didn't have an 'old' mum. I swam, cycled and skied with him until he was 14.

Ds is now 17 and I'm 62. I work full time and still run & cycle.

If nothing else, focus on maintaining your fitness. Apart from that, it will be just the same as having a child in your twenties. Good luck.

I had 2 boys one at 38 and 1other at 41. I wish I'd had them earlier to be honest but my job as a teacheŕ was all consuming and maternal instincr didnt kick in unrmtil later.They are now 17 and 20 and its exhausting. The 20 year old has mental health issues which doesnt help.

I've experienced this also, I had 3 kids (at ages 29,31, and 35) then remarried and had my 4th child at age 45, so he's a decade apart. All were easy pregnancies and natural births (albeit difficult births, different issues each time). My energy level remained the same for all babies/kids. You're very young still, I wouldn't think you'd experience much generational change in the other parents you'll be around this time. I did experience that though myself! ...all good, just weird how much had changed....The other issue is a very late "freedom", I'm in early 60s, still raising child, and just became a grandmom. My husband and I, although tired Now, have always felt lucky to experience it all again- together, and any "inconveniences" are relatively minor.

I also have a 17 year old at 62, as I struggled with infertility for years. And I work very hard on my fitness too, gym 3 times a week etc. I work full time, so far thank God I feel great.

I had 2 in my 20s and 1 mid 30s. Baby stage was fine, maybe even better. I didn't feel the same pressure to have everything perfect so I spent most of my time cuddling him, I didn't feel the need to have a pristine home or have perfect hair and make up when I went out. Toddler years were much tougher and less enjoyable. I definitely had less energy and less enthusiasm. In my 20s I could be running around soft play with them for hours, I planned lots of fun activities at home like crafts and baking and I really enjoyed doing it with them. I still had energy in the evenings and would socialise or exercise. With the third, I am very tired, child focused activities feel more like a chore than fun and I am absolutely shattered by the time he goes to bed at 7. On the plus side, I feel a lot more secure in myself and I don't worry about my parenting being judged like I did in my 20s.

I had my son at 35 (3 weeks short of my 36th birthday). We tried and fell pregnant the first time (much to my surprise). My son is 15 now, and I recently turned 51. A friend of mine had her two eldest children young at aged 19 and 23. She divorced and met someone else who didn't have children, and she had a baby with him at 44!

Mine were 37 and 39, in professional London circles I'm definitely not above average age. I have nothing to compare it to but I've not found it any harder than I expected. I'm tired but I don't know how much of that is age and how much a 1 and 3 year old and very demanding job. If I'd had kids in my 20s, I couldn't have managed as I worked very long hours for (in London) very little money, lived in a shared house with 3 other girls and was in no way in a position mentally, financially or practically to have kids.

I had my 2 DS’s in my early 30s then a lovely surprise just after my 40th, realised I was pregnant.
Our DD is now 15, her hormones are raging , mine are at age 56 but somehow we manage to meet in the middle. She gives me lots of hugs, makes me a cup of tea when I seem tired/anxious.
I remember being really tired whilst pregnant with her, couldn't walk up the stairs! Had to take iron tablets.
Its all gone far too fast, dont regret a moment of it.

Many women has their “last” in their 30’s
there are pros and cons…pros is you know yourself a bit more and handle things differently. Cons…the biggest is perimenopause around the corner and that is about it!

I had kids at 22, 25 and 38.
I have a lot more patience this time, appreciate every moment and didnt try to rush her growing up. You have more perspective and the benefit of hindsight. You know phases dont last, and they grow up so quickly; it’s been a pleasure quite frankly!