Pregnancy After Miscarriage Part IV------Welcome to Knicker Checker's Anonymous

[lackaDAISYcal]

Ooops, the thread filling up sneaked up on us didn't it!

Can't see another one yet...so here we are

Tryingnotot...that is fantastic news . I hope you can enjoy your weekend in Barcelona. I heart Barcelona and am v

Ses - Time is going so slow at the moment but today is one of my positive days and am thinking that I am going to try and not worry until I have a definite reason to, well that's my thoughts today tomorrow will probably be the opposite. This is such a scary time and I am not even letting myself rub my tummy just in case, I guess it's just self preservation and getting ready in case you hear the worst again.

Listen to me I actually posted to be positive for you but I guess it shows how we are all going through this together, same fears and emotions.

I just watched the movie knocked up, don't know if any of you have seen it but have just stopped bawling my eyes out, hormones I guess but nothing like a good cry at a movie.

I meant to say welcome to wheelybug and flossie lets hope all ours stays are long and uneventful on this thread.

Thanks mm. Have cheekily managed to "work from home" today as it's too early to explain to anyone why my hormones are all over the place and really felt this morning like I'd just burst into tears for no reason.
Phoned DH earlier and he was actually v understanding.

splish splosh good to hear all is well with you, even if it isn't with your house.

Congratulations wheelie and flossie glad your feeling a little more positive

feeling nausious and tired but not complaining even had my first vomiting episode which i have convinced myself is a sign things are going well and this ones a lot stronger than the others.

Think i'll go mad waiting till a 12 week scan, but dh doesn't want to go anywhere near hospital after last 2 mcs for as long as possible.

Hello to wheely and flossie sticky thoughts to you both!

seshas I know its really hard to be positive cos of your weepy hormones and your history that naturally leads to fears, but it does sound positive, what your GP has said and advised you to plan! Good for you to stay at home - you need to really prioritise yourself at this stage as no one else will as they won't know they have a reason to! Glad your DH was understanding (tho I did chuckle to myself at your apparent surprise that he was!...bless them they just doen't get it generally do they?)Day at a time, chuck, day at a time!

mm intersting you should say that about not rubbing your tummy, aI was the same and almost still am, as I felt I did this a lot with the mmc, and have avoided it this time even tho I have got so much further.

acquababe you will indeed feel like you are going mad with waiting - just rant/panic/ponder on here in an attepmt to try to keep sane and look at the overwhelming eviudence that you are not alone! We are a funny bunch of people wishing time away so strongly to get to that 'next bit'...

swaliswan good to hear your thoughts on early scans - I think you have just underlined how individual all of this is, and what works for some of us won't for others. I think people often get anxious about 'that date' of their mmc or mc and of course if this is later then the fear would maybe be focused on that time. I know what you mean about short lived reassurance too - it only lasts me a day if that before I start to think again 'but it could be gone now'. I almost dread the kicking bit cos of how I will feel about the bits in between the kicking!

That all sounds a bit negative so just to balance that I will say that I am quite excited and starting to look seriously at 'things' for pretty much the first time - like prams and bath thingys and wondering how much of everything I need (babyclothes - 3? 6? 12?) but am not gonna do anything other than look and plan for now..dh not keen at all but dunno if thats cos he is worried about us losing it or just that he can't be arsed.

And can I just say maternity tights are the dogs bollocks!! I am so comfy!! Bugger the trousers that fall down - its legs out all the way methinks!

well today is 1 yr when i went in to have my D&C for MMC so feeling petrified and knicer checking by the half-hour. I will be 6 wks this weekend, just counting the days....so slow.
Someone mentioned a dull ache on the left, I have sim but on my right, no cramping or anything else, but doesn't feel like back ache either. Have had it all week so guess its nothing to worry about?

Sometimes I think the pains are very much about us being mega aware of our bodies and what is going on in them. Only panic if it gets really really bad. Hope you get through today too - anniversaries are horrid.

red - hope you are doing ok today, any pains you have are probably muscular and the fact they have not got any worse is a good sign. Every pain, symptom, lack of symptoms has got me paranoid at the moment if it is any help to know that you are not alone. It is so horrible when you have a mmc, I had mine in May after having a mc in Dec, with my mmc it was so bad going through all the emotions and being positive for it all to go wrong again but it's weeks before you actually find out.

dan - I feel as if I am trying to stay detached from this pregnancy just in case the same happens again, if I am totally honest at the moment I can't see a baby at the end of this although I would never admit this out loud. I so hope this will begin to change next week after I have my scan and hopefully see a hb. It's horrible we want this baby so bad but are really holding back with any emotions at the moment.

I thought today I was being positive doesn't sound like it, too much thinking going on on my part. Sorry everyone have probably just made everyone feel worse not better

Hi everyone!

Congratulations FlossieF and Wheelybug. redsea - hope you are coping as well as can be expected today. I think being pg at that time makes it more difficult that it already is. Try and be good to yourself.

sussex - my community mw offered the same "imaginary symptom" scan to me, but I really didn't want to tempt fate or take up a slot meant for someone who really needed it. Nice of them to appreciate how much worry mc causes though.

I am amazed that in these days of NICE and benchmarking that antenatal care still varies so much across the NHS. I think the cut off for extra anc in my local trust in 3 mc. Still have to wait until the 15th for my booking appt - will be 17w by then. Have only had 1 scan so far (@ 11w), but saw community mw for a quick check up yesterday who found FH easily. Had almost talked myself into believing I would mc again - both have been in 2nd trimester, so I don't even relax after 12 w tbh. Will feel more attached and positive if/when I start feeling movements. A good kick in the liver is the most reassuring thing in the world!

Mmmmm....liver.....pate..... ....ggggrrrr .....bloody Jules

Hi wheelybug and flossie - congratulations .

red - hope your day is going OK. What you describe sounds perfectly normal to me, so try not to worry . I'm sure it'll be a relief when today is over, with all it's bad associations.

Now, I'm really to admit this, but I suppose I just want some reassurance from people who don't know us, as it somehow doesn't seem fair on DH to confide in RL friends. I know it's irrational, and it's driving me mad that I can't get my head around it, but DH and I haven't had sex since I conceived. This is partly because we've been living in a building site, and it's not really conducive. Even less conducive is the fact that we will be staying at my parents' for most of the next two weeks, while the worst of the work is done on the house (damp proofing, wiring, floor sanding, etc.). I know for a fact that DH is suffering (although he's too sweet to say so). We are very close, but it can't be good for the relationship and although I have moments when I really want to (when I'm not feeling too knackered or queasy) I'm scared to as well, even though I know it can't harm the baby. Anyone else felt the same? How did you get over it. Help! And sorry, sorry if TMI. I hope no one's too . Am sitting here debating whether even to post this. OK... here goes...

Brave girl! Its not at all unusual - a friend of mine who had twins didn't have sex at all for the whole pregnancy as they were both so scared of poking it out again (sorry thats a bit gross but you know what I mean...) and they also didn't for 9 months after!!! But got it sorted and are very happy.

Depends why you are or aren't - do you want to but are too scared of hurting it or doing something? Does he not want to? Are you both waiting for the other to initiate it? Cos as you know it really doesn't affect/hurt the bean and if anything I think its the best thing you can do as it makes you happy and relaxed. My DH had a worry that we were flooding it every time (bless him, biology not his strong point) ...

FWIW, I think you should have a gentle go - it does bring you closer togther, and (hopefully!) makes you happy which has gotta be good for the bean. Building site/parents will not help...why not have a goodbye one before you leave your building site? Or, if you really don't want to and he does, make it clear to him that you love him etc etc but that you are anxious...and you can always be intimate in 'other ways' (ahem)

Thats my penny's worth - do what you feel is right!!

daisy - DH and I are the same, I think we are just scared, more on my side that his to be honest and although I know it won't harm the baby deep down there is still a niggle. I was actually thinking on speaking to my GP for some reassurance on this although I already know the answer she will give. It doesn't help when you are staying at parents but that isn't the problem with us but the outcome is still the same I guess.
Don't feel about posting because it is not something you want to talk about in RL, I am sure there are more of us out there.........

Ah, thanks dan and mm. I do feel better reading what you say. I think it's because I've heard that it can bring on contractions, and I know that's only if they're ready to be brought on, but it scared me all the same... Also, my cousin mc'd her first too, and her consultant told her not to have sex with the second - I know that's because she bled almost all the way through her first 20 weeks and our circumstances are not the same at all, but somehow it's just stuck in my mind.

Lol at 'flooding' the baby or 'poking it out'. That's made me realise that my fears are a little silly (I mean in a good way, not that you've made me feel silly ).

Too late for a building-site last hurrah as I'm out of there already, and DH is joining me tonight. I think we might spoil ourselves with a hotel room one night. I suppose that could make us feel pressurised, but I think we deserve a bit of a treat anyway, and DH is so good at not being pressury that it might be the answer. And as you rightly say, there are 'other ways'.

I love this thread - thank you wise ladies.

xx

Daisy - can identify with what you are going through. I think that it natural to worry about being too....ahem...active, especially in the early stages. Be open and honest with your dh, tell him how you are feeling and get him to tell you his side too. Maybe try to find other ways of feeling intimate if you really don't fancy sex. If you do want to go ahead with the deed, plan the evening - nice meal/take out maybe, bath, massage, leading on to whatever you feel up to.

It sounds as though you are living in a building site - not conducive to romance, unless you have a thing for Bob the Builder that is.

If it is any consolation, things are very quiet in the bedroom dept here too . I have to make a real effort to remember that dh is not as knackered, hormonal and paranoid as me and has needs too. Personally, a good backrub and long cuddles are what I want most at the moment. I think it is a natural lull that most people go through, particularly if they have experienced problems in their pregnancies.

Hi daisy. This brought back memories of when I was pg with DD (10yrs ago eek where does the time go!!!). My DH was really not keen, he was convinced he would poke the baby on the head . Now not that I'm saying anything about his appendage but I did have to give him lots of reassurance that really wouldn't be the case!. I think you should go with what you both feel comfortable with. They do advise it's safe to have sex in pg.

However I have to say this time we're not risking it at all but that's more to do with trying to be 4th time lucky and the fact he lives about 300miles away makes it a bit easier to resist. So grumpy due to pg and no sex I'm going to be really good fun

welcome and congrats to wheelybug and flossie

Oops, sorry Daisyj - x-posted.

Thanks for more wise words scotlass and winey. I know it's one of those things that everyone makes there own choice about. I suppose I feel that DH does so much for me and I want him to be happy too. Sigh.

Anyway, I really appreciate all the thoughtful responses. .

Off home now. At least we can have lots of cuddles even if we are are my parents...

winey I look forward to a list of euphemisms - I need a bit of entertainment right now

Have a great weekend everyone.

xx

By the way, winey, just looked at your pics. Your DS is sooo cute.

finally done the birth announcment

Not that I want to show off, but we have had brilliant time in the bedroom dept since preg!! In fact since the mmc, hence i think me getting preg straight away...we were told wait two weeks cos of infection and we did but only just and were gagging for it by the minute the two weeks were up!

Think its purely and simply down to the fact that its for fun/lust (! rather than for baby making - it took us 18 months the first time and tho we did try really hard not to make it the focus, it was really hard not to, certainly for me if not for dh.

Anway if its any consolation, I do know I am the exception rather than the rule - wayyy heyyy...

Thanks for the welcome everyone - its great to be here !

Congrats ILTS !

Saw consultant today (took 2 hours waiting ) and as thought - will be having lots of growth scans and no midwife care - all consultant. Its good to know they'll be looking at me closely but am not looking forward to the wait time in the antenatal clinics !!

Wheely - will you not even be seeing the community mw who will be coming post-natally? I have consultant-led care too, but also get to see my mw at the local health centre. Probably helps to relieve the strain on the hospital ANC. Saw her yesterday and will next see her at 28w. So not a huge amount of contact, but it is nice to know who is going to coming to prod and poke you and your lo.

No, apparently not - I did question that I wouldn't see a midwife at all and that was correct. TBH, I think its a team here anyway so you don't necessarily see the same one. If its the one I had when I was pg with dd then I'm actually quite pleased not to see her - the day after my c-sec (she happened to bump into me in the hospital) she pulled my trousers down to check what pants I was wearing . I've never quite got over that.