Petrified at the thought of a third boy

[Tegah]

Im 5 weeks with our third baby, and whilst I’m so happy to be pregnant again, I’m also absolutely petrified. We already have 2 boys, who I adore, but they are bloody hard work and high energy. Since I’ve found out I’m pregnant, my thoughts have been consumed by fears of this being another boy which I feel awful about. At the same time, I cannot deny that I am desperate beyond words for a little girl. I have longed for a baby girl for a long time now and I think that now knowing this is our final baby (for many reasons but mainly financially, we live just outside London and house prices are crippling), it has dawned on me that this is my last chance. I know that many people will jump on this post and berate me for even having a preference with gender, and I should just be happy to have a healthy baby, which of course I am and I know I am lucky to even be having a third child. But I think it will take me a while to come to terms with having another boy, and never having that bond with a little girl that I so desperately want. How do I cope with gender disappointment if this is another boy? Please be kind.

Think of the success of the Lionesses and the Red Roses! I doubt their parents are disappointed.

This.

I have two boys. If I went for a third, I could never imagine being "petrified" of having another boy 😆 but then again, I'm a weird person who'd rather take my sons to football than afternoon tea, so maybe that's why I don't need a girl 🙄

I felt exactly the same. I had the third boy. As soon as I held him in my arms I felt nothing but love. Looking at girls mums in the teenage years, I am so relieved I had boys. No drama! Luckily I have a niece to do girls things with.

I have a daughter and I do understand what your saying about wanting a girl so you have a mini you but only to an extent. My girl does share some of my features and mannerisms which I do love but she also has some of her dad's looks and traits so your sons must have some of you in them that you can see?

Also my daughter goes to a football class every week and she is obsessed and I absolutely love it and join in with her. Who says you cant join in with your son's just because its kicking a ball around? If you make it a boys only thing then thats what it will be but boys and girls can equally do any activity they want and you can show them other 'non boyish' activities if you really wanted to.

I hope you get your girl but remember she might absolutely love footy and everything her brothers love to do :)

I’m one of 3 girls and went onto have 2 girls - would have liked a 3rd child but want sure I could cope with 3 girls if I’m honest :) especially the hormones I remember living at home the teenage years was fun…..

Each one of my sisters is very different to me, we not mini me of my Mum. We all have different relationships with Mum & Dad as well.

Same with me having two girls, very very different from each other. Have a lovely relationship with their Dad. He has no desperate desire to have a son or missed anything out.

Enjoy the pregnancy and having a 3rd baby. Your youngest is about to be a big brother focus on the positives :)

Omg I have not 😂😂 please give it a rest! I have said multiple times that no child of mine would be discouraged or forced to do anything the liked or didn’t like. If my sons wanted to come to afternoon tea, they can do. It’s just that I’m my family, the women and men tend to do activities together- as many, many families do across Europe!

Thank you for your honestly @Tegah ❤️ A lot of people feel or have felt the way you are feeling whether they like to admit it or not! You are allowed to (potentially) feel disappointment. It doesn't mean you will love your 3rd child any less when they arrive. Some of the posters on here are being ridiculous in their replies and, dare I say it, wilfully misunderstanding so that they can berate you 🙄 I have girls and am still sometimes a bit sad that I never had a son especially as I have a brother that I adore and I'm a bit sad that my girls will never experience that... doesn't mean that I would change anything that I have now. Sending you lots of love and best wishes for a healthy pregnancy x

I'm genuinely surprised that this is still an issue nowadays, I thought we were moving away from all the sex stereotypes. Obviously not!

MN is quite hypocritical when it comes to the experience about parenting girls vs boys, in the sense that many posters will rush to point out how they don’t go for afternoon tea with their mums but their brother do / have a girl who is boisterous and likes rugby / have a quiet boy who is into ballet / etc. These are anecdotical.

In reality, statistically, a boy is more likely to be into football/rugby/playing with cars and a girl more likely to enjoy dancing/drawing/having a tea party. If you want to enjoy an afternoon at the spa or nail salon with your child, why pretend it is not more likely to happen if you child is a girl? ‘More likely’ doesn’t mean 100% guaranteed.

Still talking statistically, a daughter will be more likely to have a close relationship with you when she is an adult, come visit, include you in her family life etc.
Also, sharing the experience of ‘being a woman’ with a daughter is something important, that a good amount of girl mums will do, even though some won’t.

My best friend felt the same way. It was her third and final pregnancy, 2 boys already. She decided to wait until she gave birth to find out. During her 12 week scan they found an anomaly and it looked like there was a problem with the baby, she had to have an amniocentesis at 22 weeks. The results showed that she was thankfully carrying a healthy baby boy. Guess how much she cared about the gender when she received the letter?

Funny, isnt it, different feelings. My daughter has two lovely boys, and when the 3rd was on the way, everyone was saying, I bet you really want a girl this time, and oh really hope it's a girl, to the point where my daughter was getting really quite upset, she just wanted a great birth and a healthy baby.
It was in fact, a healthy girl. She would have been elated either way.
That doesn't make you wrong wanting a girl, but if it is a boy, try to be happy with your family.

Yes, @SushiForMe , but it's not necessarily the case. You cannot predict what your children will be like, in terms of tendencies, taste and personality. The OP has used the term "petrified", so I think it's reasonable to reassure her that the sex is only one aspect of her child.

It’s normal I think to have a preference but to express your preference so vociferously “absolutely petrified” Is a a bit ….distasteful. I always wonder why …when you have such a preference people don’t go abroad and do IVF where embryo transfer based on gender is allowed. Or at least do Chinese bloody moon charts, timing conception, diet or whatever. Half the time I suspect poster who express such disappointment probably didn’t “try” that hard and then are surprised by the outcome

My dd was harder.. and they really know how to twist the knife😂

I don't think any one other than the OP can comment on how she felt when her second child was born although i take your point given she has so clearly documented her thoughts on having a girl.

I'm not sure what your point is with 'morning sickness will pass, gender disappointment may not' - i mean yes that is factual (but not exactly how it may pan out - i say that as someone who had 'morning sickness' until I was induced, and it equally likely that how she feels about gender disappointment may pass) - but what is your point. You've made it clear (as have others) that you don't think OP should have got pregnant given she has always wanted a girl - got it, don't agree but point taken.

However she now is pregnant. OP does not want to feel gender disappointment. She has come on this website to say that she is distressed by how she feels and to get tips on how to how to deal with it if it so happens.

Yes I imagine this may happen sometimes. It's very sad.

If you are 'petrified' at the thought of a third boy then you shouldn't be having a third child at all.

That’s fair… I totally agree with you on that. I have one boy. He’s an adult now. He was the most beautiful boy, loved running and jumping and getting muddy and kicking a ball, but also he loved baking and pushing his baby doll around in a little stroller and taking a little plastic trolly to the supermarket for ‘his’ shopping. He’s wrestle me to the floor but also put rollers in my hair when we were watching tv as he might want to be a hairdresser. Or a fireman, he ended up a software software engineer. . Oh my heart just thinking of all of that. I agree with you … there’s no limitations … oh I wish I could go and do all of that again! He’s a big strapping lad now with the best girlfriend ever and he plays football and still bakes cakes to this day. Sorry I went off on a tangent there … I got caught up in nostalgia thinking about him pushing that little babydoll around. Ahh… happy times.

I had two boys. During my 3rd pregnancy, I had a late scan by the obstetrician himself, who was concerned about the baby’s position. He told me the baby was a fine, healthy boy. I went home and told my sons they were getting another brother, told everyone I knew that I was looking forward to being a boy mum. Went into labour 2 weeks later and had a beautiful baby girl. My sons asked me if I’d swapped their brother for that girl baby. I went on to have a fourth child (coil conception so unplanned) and had another daughter.

I can understand how you feel because I remember my heart sinking when I was told I was having a third boy. It’s not unreasonable to want a daughter, despite what other posters say.

please focus on having a healthy baby and be grateful if you have one. i had a much wanted little girl after two older boys. she's a teenager now and we love her beyond words. however, a few months after being born, she developed a severe form of epilepsy and is now profoundly disabled (wheelchair bound and still has seizures everyday). my heart aches for all the challenges that my daughter faces so, with kindness, i'd say to not fixate on a gender but to instead hope for a healthy child.

Haven’t read all the replies, op, but just to say I relate. I had two boys - who are both wonderful- but when I became pregnant for the third time, I absolutely longed for a girl. I have very close female friends and a complicated relationship with my own mum, so I really wanted the experience of having a daughter for all kinds of complex reasons.

It wasn’t helped by the fact that all through my pregnancy, people were saying ‘omg you’ll have three boys, what a handful! Blah blah blah’ - it was quite thoughtless.

I did have a girl in the end, and I won’t lie - I was so happy I did, and she’s a delight. But…if she’d been another boy I would have, of course, loved her just as much. The dynamic between her two older brothers is amazing - so supportive and un-competitive- if anyone is going to be arguing in this house it’s my daughter and her closest in age brother! 😂

Point is, all families are different. I know lots of families who had two of the ‘same’, and then a third of a different gender actually. But also families with 3 boys or 3 girls - and they are also magical.

So ultimately I guess just to say, don’t feel guilty for how you feel right now, but whatever happens - it will be lovely either way x

The heart wants what it wants.

Personally I wanted a daughter and got one. I then had a son. I wouldn’t want a third because I wouldn’t want more than one boy. I prefer girls and girl stuff. I adore my son - he’s a lot more easygoing than DD - but I feel a greater affinity with DD because she’s female and so am I.

I cannot imagine anyone's "heart sinking" at the prospect of healthy baby.
A child is a gift.

I had a friend who had a similar experience but different emotions. 2 boys, one with complex additional needs, 3rd and final pregnancy, also needed amniocentesis and found out it was healthy boy and was still a little disappointment.
Of course she was relieved her baby was healthy! But at the same time in her mind she was closing the door on a road that she would never walk. It's not always a case of being grateful (i'm not suggesting you're saying this btw @SoOriginal ) just that emotions are complex. Everyone is different. Some people genuinely don't care about gender which is great and for others it is more important and it's almost a grieving process for something you're know you're never going to have. This is something i have never experienced but I can appreciate how hard that must be alongside the general feeling of pregnancy etc