Feeling so guilty about disappointment after gender scan

[gollyimholly]

We are expecting our second DC and have just found out today it's going to be a boy. I feel terrible about feeling so disappointed. We have a 2 year old little girl and I didn't realise how much I wanted a little sister for her. I have a sister and we are so close and I suppose I really wanted that for DD.

DH has a sister and they barely speak. My DF is estranged from his sister. My SIL (brother's wife) says she wishes she had a sister as she sees how close our family is because my sister and I organise lots of family centric gatherings etc. I really don't think I can try for another after this as this baby was already unplanned. I really really wasn't expecting to feel so disappointed and I am feeling so awful and guilty.

Please can you lovely mums and dads tell me positive stories about your one girl, one boy families?

You've got the set! You are blessed

Honestly, don't beat yourself up! You will feel very differently when baby arrives. Don't assume that your kids relationship will be like your family's other relationships. If this was the case many people would be doomed to poor relationships before they're even born! I get on really well with my brother (18 months apart), always have done.

You never updated your UAE thread??!

You can give him to me if you don’t want him. Poor kid

I’m great friends with my brother, we speak probably daily via WhatsApp.

I didn’t have a sister and don’t feel like I missed out on anything.

TBH a lot of the sisters I know seem very competitive and at each others throats most of the time.

I have one of each and they are really close. They’ve definitely had their sibling moments over the years but now as young adults, they are in the same university, confide in each other, and call each other to gripe about us olds!

i also only have a brother and we are way closer than my DH and his DB.

My sister after is a bloody nightmare, I wish I had a brother

Hi, sorry you're feeling this way. I can understand, I lost a little girl late in pregnancy a couple of years ago and I'm now pregnant again and I'm certain it's a girl again due to symptoms so I'm actually really worried if it does turn out to be a boy as I know I'll be disappointed which is awful I know as I really I just want a healthy baby.
I already have 3 older ones, boy, girl, boy. All I can say is my daughter and youngest son have always been so close, there's only 16 months between them and when little they always played together which was lovely. Now they're 15 and 16 and they still sit and chat in each other's rooms and share secrets etc! It's really sweet that they're still so close ❤️ x

This. I’d love another child. My DS is incredible and love him so much. Imagine being unwanted before he’s even here.

I havd a brother and we're very close. Im close with his wife too. I have a sister too and also a great relationship there.

I think it just comes down to personalities: there's no guarantee two people will get on but no reason a brother and sister can't have a fantastic relationship.

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

If it helps: I have a younger brother (3 year age gap). We were close growing up and remain so now. We took our kids camping together a few weeks ago and see each other about weekly. I don't think your sex determines how close you'll be to your sibling.

PS. For god's sake don't have another to get a girl, whether or not you think you can afford it - that way madness lies!

Yep. My sister is psychotic and we are no contact.

You honestly can't say that if you had 2 girls, they would be best friends later on like you were. They might end up hating one another.

I think it’s about the way we nurture relationships, most people expect 2 girls/2 boys to be best friends and less so with a girl/boy so why are the girl/boys going to end up as besties? Obv not in every circumstance but a lot I think. Also some just won’t get on no matter the gender. You can put them in the best position once you have given yourself a minute to process and move past these feelings.

I have 3 sisters so do get it to some degree, but my niece and nephews are young adults and literally so close. They all have partners and the 6 of them hang out all the time, when my niece went travelling and one of the nephews were at uni they had a face time every Sunday no matter what etc. My SIL/BIL have done a fantastic job bringing them up generally but the sibling relationship they fostered is beautiful. FWIW our niece is the oldest with 2 younger brothers too, 8 years between her and her youngest brother!

I'm so sorry for your loss and I hope that all goes smoothly with this pregnancy xxx

That is so lovely about your youngest two! ❤️

I have 2 girls and they really don’t get on (hoping it will improve as they become adults). Have a great relationship with my DB though

I have 5 sisters and they druve me bloody barmy 🤣

You're being so silly and what a shame for your wee boy. I'm every bit as close to my brother as to my sister.

I have a brother and sister. I’m super super close with my brother, I don’t speak to my sister at all! Most women I know with sisters don’t get on as adults to be honest, but maybe it’s just my social circle! 🙈

I didn't grow up in 1 boy, 1 girl family. My family has 3 girls, 1 boy. And to be honest my brother had and still has a closer relationship with his sisters, than his sisters have to each other.

I have 3 girls and 1 boy. The boy is the one all girls rely on and love spending time with. He is close to all 3.

Not that the sisters dont get on they are just each close to their brother.

Dont make assumptions about how your sibling set will be gender has fat less to do with this than upbringing. As you are close to your sister you will likely see this mirrored with your two as they see being close as normal and see it encouraged through their family relations.

I have a sister and a brother. I am close to both but spend a lot more time and holidays with brother as we both have kids. Brother is younger by 18 months. Sister is a year older.

My mother cried for 2 days after I was born, she had my sister already and she wanted a boy. She’s an amazing mother, I love her and I know she loves me. Those 2 days mean nothing to me and have never felt anything other than love from my parents. Ignore people saying ‘poor kid’. In fact we laugh about it.

I had a boy and my mum said “I finally got the boy I wanted” looked at me with such love, kissed my forehead and said “thank you”. I felt amazing, what a great woman.

I have a boy and a girl, they adore each other. It has been a great family, they’re 23 and 19 now.

I felt the same when I found out we were expecting a boy. My DD was also 2 at the time and I was fantasising about my two little girls playing together and being best friends.

My DS is almost one now and he’s the most amazing baby. Very easy, attached to me (his sister is a daddy’s girl) and is in awe of his sister. She adores him and they’re the cutest when they play together.

I still worry sometimes that they won’t have a close
bond when they’re older, but all I can do is encourage them to play together and love each other.

There’s no guarantee that two girls or two boys would grow up to be best friends either. My DF and his brother have been estranged for 20 years, but he was still close to his sister until she passed away. My DH is also closer to his sister, but hardly speaks to his brother. My mum is close to one of her sisters, but not the other, as they have a personality clash. So you never know.

Try not to dwell on the guilt and instead focus on nurturing a close bond between your toddler and baby.

Hi just wanted to let you know I’m in the same boat as you. I have a girl & just assumed I would have another girl so they could be besties etc. currently pregnant with a boy & due any day now! I am an only child so can’t compare but a lot of my friends are close to their brothers & I am actually really excited to have one of each now, it just takes a while to settle in!