Feeling so guilty about disappointment after gender scan

[gollyimholly]

We are expecting our second DC and have just found out today it's going to be a boy. I feel terrible about feeling so disappointed. We have a 2 year old little girl and I didn't realise how much I wanted a little sister for her. I have a sister and we are so close and I suppose I really wanted that for DD.

DH has a sister and they barely speak. My DF is estranged from his sister. My SIL (brother's wife) says she wishes she had a sister as she sees how close our family is because my sister and I organise lots of family centric gatherings etc. I really don't think I can try for another after this as this baby was already unplanned. I really really wasn't expecting to feel so disappointed and I am feeling so awful and guilty.

Please can you lovely mums and dads tell me positive stories about your one girl, one boy families?

You should feel guilty! Sick and tired of these threads.

Oooh judgy @Someiremember

Come again?

One girl and one boy is the absolute best. You get to experience bringing up both sexes. You get a child of your sex and so does your husband. Your son grows up with a sister so he can be taught to value and respect women. Absolutely ideal.

MN threads are always women being disappointed to have a boy. Conversely, social media 'gender reveal disappointment' videos (a genre I find absolutely bizarre - I can't imagine what possesses someone to upload to the internet a video of them being disappointed with the sex of their unborn baby) are about 95% videos of a dad being visibly disappointed (or, just as often, visibly furious) that they're having a girl.

Plenty of historical favouring of boys over girls, since time immemorial.

Is it any wonder women want girls when men can be such shits?

Once your baby is born you really won't care if boy or girl, just a lovely little bundle of joy.

What a helpful, constructive comment for the OP.

I have a brother and we get on great.

My own children- same as you- a girl followed by a boy. They are really really close. They played together loads as kids, and they GIGGLED so much together with their own little private jokes. They had their own bedrooms when they were little, but when they were about 6 and 4 they asked if they could share! So we had a spare room for a while. Obviously they ended up in their own rooms as they got older. Now they are 19 and 17 and are still great pals. They tell each other stuff they don’t tell us. They are supportive and kind to each other. And they still giggle like loons at times (mostly when they are taking the piss out of their Mum and Dad 😂)

I honestly have never heard them argue, which I appreciate is probably unusual, but they are great friends and there is every chance yours will be too. Sometimes personalities clash and siblings don’t get on, but I don’t think it makes any difference what sex they are.

Same. My son is an utterly adorable human!

I have 1 of each and they have always got on brilliantly together and never have any arguments.

I think it’s really bad form to trawl someone’s previous posts as a kind of gotcha 🤨

How do said women find men to have babies with if men are so shit eh?

I have two girls and the most loving, infuriating, funny, messy, caring son a mother could wish for. I swear he is head and shoulders above anyone else’s boy. So there.

Sex. Gender is cobblers.
and it’s probably just anxiety that you know what you’re doing with a girl and are picturing the same again. It’ll be fine.

I have a younger brother, we’re very close and he’s one of my favourite people. He’s a brilliant uncle to my boys and a great cheerleader in my life. Wouldn’t be without him. It will be ok! Foster their relationship and there is no reason they can’t be close. The disappointment will settle :)

Except it really wasn’t even a gotcha. It was pathetic @Someiremember

I have one of each and they are very close - had their moments in primary years - but think that’s just siblings! Very close now as young adults and get on really well. I don’t think two girls or two boys are necessarily close - lovely that you and your sister are.

Definitely not a gotcha

when the situation is as dangerous as you describe for your other three kids

so apologies

Absolutely refreshing to read a thread that isn't about DC1 being a boy, and being pregnant with another....

I’ve got a brother , 3 years my junior ,
we get on like a house on fire , but didn’t really until l left home , when I was 21 & he was 18, we are now both in our 40s, Speak every few days & socialise together reasonably often . I don’t have a sister so can’t compare but will echo what others have said that totally depends on the siblings, nothing to do with gender or sex .
My partner has a sister and they can barely be in the same room as each other & probably never would be if not for family gatherings . They are civil but that’s it , I think when their parents die they won’t have anything to do with each other .

My ds and dd played together a lot as young children. They shared a room for many years so they could share the other room as a play room.
As young adults now they are great friends. They live in two different cities and miss each other when they haven't seen each other for a while.
They have a lovely relationship independent of me or DH ie they text each other outside the family group and chat together when they both happen to be home at the same time.

At a population level, the sample size of relationships you’re comparing the potential ones between your children’s to is tiny. There’s absolutely no way of knowing how any sibling relationships will turn out, and I’m sure you know that rationally. I have a girl and then two boys, and although all children are different and there is no absolute boy or girl type of child, it’s a constantly surprising ride raising a girl and two boys, having grown up with only a sister, and I’m really grateful to have the opportunity to do both. And there is a pure sweetness to the way that boys love you that is really unmatchable.

Thank you everyone for your very positive replies and stories - I really appreciate them.

I was doing some introspection on why I took it so badly. It's sort of taken me aback really because, like I said, I didn't have myself down as someone who really cared about the sex of the baby. Either way I have always thought it's a blessing. But I realised following some birth trauma and PTSD after DD, I wasn't sure about another baby. But prior to that I'd always wanted a big family (4 children was the dream!) and perfectly happy with a mix (or no mix!) of boys and girls. And so where I was nervous about having another baby, when I found out I was pregnant, we hadn't been trying.. and it was indeed a surprise, but I thought at least DD will have a sibling and best friend and go through the journey of life with someone who has a shared history with her. But for some reasoni kept imagining a girl and fast forward to now and how I'm feeling...

My DD wanted a sister but, after the scan, when I said he was a boy she got over it straight away as I explained he'd still be a cute baby and need her help. He was so cute in his baby grows and rompers and for years was her shadow. They don't chat so much now (but they are teens with a 4 year gap and DD is working already).
He was the most loving little boy and I'm glad I know the face of my son as well as daughter (taller than both of us now!).