Feeling so guilty about disappointment after gender scan

[gollyimholly]

We are expecting our second DC and have just found out today it's going to be a boy. I feel terrible about feeling so disappointed. We have a 2 year old little girl and I didn't realise how much I wanted a little sister for her. I have a sister and we are so close and I suppose I really wanted that for DD.

DH has a sister and they barely speak. My DF is estranged from his sister. My SIL (brother's wife) says she wishes she had a sister as she sees how close our family is because my sister and I organise lots of family centric gatherings etc. I really don't think I can try for another after this as this baby was already unplanned. I really really wasn't expecting to feel so disappointed and I am feeling so awful and guilty.

Please can you lovely mums and dads tell me positive stories about your one girl, one boy families?

My mother doesn't have brothers. She can't stand any of her sisters. I have a brother. He's my bestie. There are no guarantees in life so no need to get disappointed about something that was never and may not have ever been.

I get on great with my younger brother and think it’s a great sibling combination. I know sisters who don’t get on at all. But it’s perfectly normal how you feel as that was your own experience.

I have a brother and a sister. Much closer to my sister.

I also have one of each, and they are thick as thieves.

These threads are never about people being sad that they’re expecting a girl. I always feel sad for friends who’ve lost babies or couldn’t have babies who’d be delighted with a happy, healthy child of either sex. Your feelings are your feelings 🤷‍♀️. FWIW I have one of each. They’re both great and sometimes both annoying because they’re people.

Why is is always boys? I don't think I have read a thread on here where the op is devastated to be expecting a girl.

I had a much-wanted baby girl first, and thought my second baby would also be a girl (I'm one of three sisters). We both thought two daughters growing up together would be lovely.
We were overcome with surprise and delight when the obs surgeon said 'You've got a little boy Mrs S!'.
It was an amazing feeling of wonder and happiness. Wowness. Completeness. We both cried with joy.
I'm sure you will feel different when your little one is here. Having one of each is fun.
Our two babies get on well 21 years later :)
Hope your pregnancy and birth goes OK.

It’s strange how the tables have turned on this - I’d always thought it was that people were desperate for a boy!

But I agree - it always seems people upset they’re having a boy.

Thank you everyone for your wonderful posts.

I know how silly I am sounding. I think it is a bit of what @Sparklingred describes. I had subconsciously fantasised about two little girls playing and having each other through the ups and downs of life - I've not found motherhood the easiest but have found so much empathy with my sister (unlike my DB is oblivious to the various challenges of motherhood) and I suppose I wanted it so much and more for DD. I know how mad I sound imagining my 2 year old as a mum!

I am hopeful that I'll stop feeling like this soon. With DD I would have been very happy either way and I feel as a person I have no preference for having a boy or a girl. However, since having DD I seem to only view life through a very DD-centric lens. It's all I know for now but I am sure I will see life through a general DC-centred lens once this baby is born.

Come on OP! You’re having a lovely baby boy and boys are wonderful (if you’re a decent loving parent). Be a good mother to your little boy and you will reap the benefits. I guarantee you won’t believe how much you will adore him.

Me and my sister did not have a great relationship growing up, we got closer when we were in our forties.

I have loads of friends who have either a younger or older brither and they are super close. My best friend has a younger brother by 4 years and they are like best friends.
Equally my husband has a brother and they don't speak.
Honestly I think it is based on many things how the relationship between siblings works out, for siblings that have issues it could be personality clashes, sometimes a tragedy or issue in the family and they take opposing views or sides, or parenting where one is favoured over the other or just general personality where they have nothing in common. This can happen with same gender siblings or opposite.
Congrats on your baby boy, I have two boys and they definitely keep you on your toes 😂mine are as different as sugar and salt, they dont like the same sports, they are good at opposite subjects, one is sociable, the other homely, one hates pasta, the other hates rice, the list goes on. I think they will have very different adult lives, despite being both boys, I think they will be living opposite kind of lives, but they are close atm, despite the constant bickering I hope they maintain a good relationship. Even though I can see one off round the world doing some sort of nomadic adventure as a youtuber or something and the other being an accountant with a volvo and a nice neat lawn.

I wasn't sure about having a boy at all. We didn't find out the sex beforehand (though the MW guessed boy). I didn't know what to do with a boy, how to bond, how to behave, how to feel.

And then I had one. He's brilliant. I adore him. It's a different relationship to the one I have with my DD, and I love that too.

Nobody ever seems upset about having a girl.

These poor baby boys. Their mothers so upset about what they are.

I was the opposite. I knew I was only going to have one and I could only picture myself with a little boy. I did have a boy and he has got Sisters from his Dad before we met.

I once told one of my best friends and she couldn't believe I didn't hope for a girl but I really didn't.

DS is close to his Sisters even though they are older.

Says the poster who started a thread about her 20 years ago old DS who for the past 3 years has done nothing aside from wallow in his bedroom and eat junk, never does anything around the house or contributes in anyway, and she is at the very end of her tether with him @AnotherGreyMorning

he tells you to fuck off
squares up to you
smashes up the house
and you “never went to see him again “

Eh? What has that got to do with his sex? Utterly bizarre and irrational post

”poor little baby boys”

judgey

Judgy? To feel sorry for baby boys whose mother would rather they were female? @Someiremember

And again, please do explain the link between my troubled 20 year old ds and feeling sorry for baby boys?

Or is it just a dumb statement of twaddle?

Don’t assume that because you had two girls they will have a great relationship like you and your sister. I know plenty of sisters who really don’t get on at all and fought all through childhood.

My sister is a violent alcoholic and I have nothing to do with her. Even growing up we were like chalk and cheese.

I have a DD and DS and they get on great. DS is much more low maintenance than DD if that makes you feel any better 🤣

My mum and her sister are very close.

Me and my sister have hated each other from the off.

There are no guarantees with these things.

I suspect it’s because a lot of women think they're going to be ‘besties’ with their daughters.

I have two wonderful sons. Wouldn’t change them for the world.

Boys are amazing just as girls are. You are very fortunate to have one of each, even more fortunate to have healthy children.
I'm sure your dh is excited to have a boy. Instead of focusing on your dd not having a sister maybe think how nice it will be for dh to have a son 🥰

I freaked out a bit when I found my first was a boy as I figured girls would be easier for me to understand - then when I was pregnant with a girl I looked at my son and I wondered if actually another one of him would be more amazing. Now they are both here (very young) I couldn’t love them more. I also like the fact on a selfish level that I get the experience of being a boy and girl mum and can say things like “you’re my favourite boy/girl in the whole world” to them. Don’t worry - your minor disappointment will disappear in favour of the overwhelming love you feel for them when they are here.

Has anyone ever seen a sex disappointment thread when the unborn baby in question is a girl?

🤔

Poor little thing.