Feeling so guilty about disappointment after gender scan

[gollyimholly]

We are expecting our second DC and have just found out today it's going to be a boy. I feel terrible about feeling so disappointed. We have a 2 year old little girl and I didn't realise how much I wanted a little sister for her. I have a sister and we are so close and I suppose I really wanted that for DD.

DH has a sister and they barely speak. My DF is estranged from his sister. My SIL (brother's wife) says she wishes she had a sister as she sees how close our family is because my sister and I organise lots of family centric gatherings etc. I really don't think I can try for another after this as this baby was already unplanned. I really really wasn't expecting to feel so disappointed and I am feeling so awful and guilty.

Please can you lovely mums and dads tell me positive stories about your one girl, one boy families?

My 21DS and 15DD are absolute best best pals. They always have been and I don’t see that changing. You are lucky to have one of each. It’s amazing!

How awful for you to find out you are going to have a little baby boy. What a booby prize. You must be gutted. Fantasy ruined.

Oh get a grip. She feels guilty about an unwanted feeling she can’t control.

She needs time to process a future she had envisioned. Not chastised for “not wanting her baby”

@gollyimholly it will be ok. And it is OK not to feel happy right now. You know your feelings will change and this particular feeling of dissapointment will fade. When you have your son you may well forget you ever felt like this. Just give yourself some grace and time. Also to add pregnancy hormones will be flying about and may make you feel some irrational and unwanted feelings in a way you wouldn’t experience the same way if you were not pregnant.

I was in the exact same situation as you and felt the same. In my family growing up I was close to my mother and my sister and I wanted my daughter to share the same bond with a sister.

I also worried I wouldn't be the best mother for a boy.

My son is such a beautiful human being - he's now a young man - he's kind, funny, thoughtful and has many female friends. He would make the perfect brother to a sister but unfortunately our daughter isn't interested in forming a close bond with him. They are polite to each other and talk if they are at the same event but there's no depth to their connection.

I think your connection with your son might pleasantly surprise you and whether he gets along well with your daughter is the luck of the draw

Having a girl and a boy means that they both get a better range of toys - and activities offered as the years go by.

The understanding you get of the opposite sex (and the different expectations the world has of each) is also very useful :)

Being close to a sibling is less about sex than about character. Two girls might just not get on.

Hopes and expectations and imagined babies are all part of pregnancy. Don't worry too much. Anyway, he won't be 'a boy' - he will be your boy.

(A wise friend warned me that after a birth you can find yourself delighted with your new baby but also mourning the imagined one. This is true even if the sex is as you wanted/expected.)

There are three of us girls, the other two hate each other's guts and never speak. They haven't spoken for years.
Im extremely close to my male cousin, he is the brother I never had. Don't make assumptions, teach them to be good friends.

One of each here. We had the same mixed feelings when we found out as DH really loves being a girl dad and would have liked another. But, we have our set. They are so different on every level, personality wise, learning style, activity level, food preferences, you name it. They adore each other, and i'm really glad how it turned out. Also, you don't have to pin your boy to the chair to get a brush through their hair when they wake up with every knot imaginable in it :). Added bonus.

I have a boy and a girl and they are super close. We just went on a 4 week holiday together, they are 9 and nearly 13, and I was worried they would get sick of each other and squabble. Not one moment of that between them.

You are grieving a future you had imagined now, OP, and that is ok--by the time your lovely boy is here you will be so happy to meet him.

I totally understand where you are coming from. On my second I really felt like I was having another girl and I had built up a little image in my head of my two girls, so close, just like the sister I never had.

My heart sunk a little on the gender scan, I kept it myself. I knew I was being silly. I had to be sad for this little fantasy I had that had now been extinguished. Once I had him in my arms I was overjoyed. Don’t worry OP, you will move on from this. Mine are the best of friends and I wouldn’t swop my lovely boy ,

I actually really like having brothers (no sisters) because it can be tricky to have male friends as a woman so it’s nice to just have that lovely platonic friendship and closeness with a man. I have female friends who I’m incredibly close to and have sister-like bonds with but it’s not really something I see replicated the other way round. It’s nice to have a mix of female and male company in life imo.

Although none of it is guaranteed. I know mixed sibling sets who aren’t close. I know sets of sisters who dislike each other, where there is always an air of competitiveness, jealousy and bitchiness. I know sisters who are best friends. I know brothers who don’t speak.

I have 2 brothers, one 5 years older and the other 9 years older. Im sure they werent pleased about getting another sister🤣
We barely spoke as kids, i was always the 'odd one out' however as we've gotten older, im now 28 expecting my first, my brothers have always been close until recently when they fell out and im now closest to my brother whos 5 years older than me. We text each other every other day and have such a great relationship and im sure my brother and my son will have the best relationship too! I do have 3 sisters which are a lot older than me, theyre from my dads previous relationship and was rarely there when we was all young, im not close to any of them and dont feel as though i missed out on any time with them, even when one of them used to live with us i dont remember that time, because i was never bothered about having a sister to be honest i still feel the same now🤣
My OH has an older sister shes a year and a half older than him! Theyre closer than ever and have always been like this even when they were young and did different things! Hes always been very protective of her and shes same with him!
I dont think its bad having a boy and a girl. You'll find they might be best friends as they grow up! When hes born you'll find that the disappointment will go when you see his little face! I was adament i didnt want a girl when i had my own, im now having a boy and im over the moon and say if i have another one i wont be bothered whether my next one is a girl or a boy as they will still have a sibling to play with! X

I have a brother and a sister (I’m female). I love my brother. We are incredibly close and so are our kids. Not close at all with my sister

I also felt gender disappointment at the scan of my second. I absolutely wouldn’t want it any other way now. Enjoy your baby. All will be fine xx

So I guess having 3 boys isn't a set and I am not blessed?

I remember with my 3rd son, only a few days old a lady asked if I was disappointed.

I've got a brother and a sister. I love them both and get on with both but I'm much closer to my brother. Yes, we did stab each other with forks when we were younger, but I adore him anyway 😅

I've got one of each. Oldest is a boy. We're early days, the girl is only 8 months! Obviously at this age, genders don't come into it, but they absolutely adore each other, my son is very protective of her.
I sometimes think people dont get on for a few reasons, and it doesn't automatically mean its due to the gender. You can have completely opposite personalities, there can have heen comparisons and competition from the parents, there can be a few reasons and be completely unlinked to the sex.
I feel blessed that i have one of each.

I had the same situation, I had a dd then ds. I was worried dd wouldn’t have a sister, and wouldn’t want to play with ds. When dd found out she kept asking for a sister. As soon as he was born, she couldn’t care less that he was a boy and now he’s a toddler she plays with him and they have such a good bond. There’s no difference to my friends who have two of the same sex. I think it’s personalities rather then sex that determine they’ll be close and get on well.

At least you got a daughter, I only ever had sons and often feel sad that I’ll never have a girl at all. Look on the bright side.

My brother is my best friend which is part of the reason I wanted one of each. I understand the feeling of wanting the sibset that you’ve grown up with though!

I don’t know if my two will end up as close (though I’ll do my best to encourage the relationship!) but I just wanted to say that brothers and sisters can be good friends too. My brother and I go on holiday together with our families and live ten minutes away from each other.

That's really sad, it must have been so hurtful that your beautiful baby boy wasn't 'good enough'
People like this are usually just projecting their own feelings. We should all ignore these types of people.

Agree and there are even lots of threads where people did sneak peak or nipt, have been told they are having a girl and are “worried” in case it’s incorrect and looking for reassurance. It’s really sad. It’s natural to have a preference but if it’s that strong don’t get pregnant.

Might have known it would be a boy. Rarely do women act so silly and selfish when they find out they are having a girl.

My sister was absolutely not my best friend growing up (we are good friends now but it took forty odd years!). My two sons get on really well together, always have, but neither are they each other’s best friend. They have their own friendship groups and their own ‘best’ friend and have done since they first started school. I think you’ve been a bit Pollyanna about the siblings being best friends from day 1, it’s probably not as common and natural as you think.

What a horrible thing to say! Perhaps she would have said the same if all three had been girls.

Me and my sister fought like cat and dog as kids. There was hardly a day we weren’t at each other’s throats. I had a best friend who felt more like a sister to me. (We are still friends decades later, never had a fallout in fifty odd years). I am close to my sister now but I still can’t deal with her for extended periods of times.

My DD is good friends with her brothers. Of course they drive her mad on occasion but you can see the bond. They are all grown now and I think they are probably closer than they were as kids.

Older son younger daughter, really good mates late 20’s onwards, absolutely fine with each other. All I cared about was that they were healthy, didn’t care what sex they were. It’s how you bring them up that matters.