Birthing partner- mum and husband

[SophieRules]

My husband would prefer it to just be us, but my mum would like to be there. I don’t feel strongly either way, but think I might like my mum to be there. Anyone been in this position? Feel like I can’t really win with whatever decision is made, either my husband or mum will feel aggrieved.

I cited this because ir says 30 years before 2009, 5% of dad's attended births.

This doesn’t say anything about mothers being present. I literally know no one whose granny was present during their birth.

It says only 5% of dads were present 30 years before 2009. You think that means 95% of women were alone?

You'll find that you're mistaken

No with midwives presumably. I’d actually rather give birth with just midwives than have my mum present , personally.

No they weren't just with midwives, they were with female birth supporters. It's never been common for women to attend birth alone and just with clinical staff. That's why covid as so traumatic for all involved.

If you go back 100 years, you'd probably find that tjemothers were the ones delivering their daughters babies in a lot of cases, if a nurse was not affordable

Exactly.

I had a baby during Covid so I know all about it thanks. ☺️

If I was DH I’d be really disappointed at the need/want for anyone else to be there. Perhaps unfair but I always think it’s a reflection on relationship with DH when people feel the need to have someone else too. If DH isn’t your key person & biggest support, why have DC with them.

I’m talking about the 80s. Not 100 years ago !

You don't know that birthing alone with maternity staff has never been common. Obviously you don't because you argued with me about it before.

Where are your statistics to back up that it was common for grannies to be present in the 1980s. You are so determined to prove me wrong for some reason. I don’t know anyone in my circle who had a granny present. Yet you said I will find I’m incorrect..

I’m glad that you’ve made your decision and everyone’s fine with it, OP.

It’s interesting how opinions differ. I actually would have preferred my DH not to be there for the births and he wasn’t bothered either way tbh. But, he was given so much flack during the antenatal classes when I said that we were in two minds that he decided to be there. One midwife suggested that he had a “problem” ! This was 20 years ago when DD was born.

If my Mum had still been alive, I’d have preferred her to DH as my birthing partner tbh, she wouldn’t have been so liable to faint if she saw anything bloody. 😂

If you don't feel strongly about it, I would suggest honouring your OH's request, it's his baby too.
However, If you really wanted her there, I would say you're the one squeezing out a tiny human and your needs come first.

@MyOliveHelper its not that long since parents were banned from staying with children overnight in hospital, so to me it would be unsurprising if birth partners weren’t a thing in the past.

Wasn’t the article the opinion of the obstetrician who was a man.

I wouldn't have wanted dm at my dcs' births and my exdh was not very supportive. Looking back I wish I'd had dd1 with me when I had dc4 - she was 16 and is now a senior gynaecologist. It was a c section and as soon as I was in the recovery room he left to get a cigarette. I was vomiting and had no one to give me the basin!
I wasn't at either of my gc's births but both my sil's are really supportive of my dds and I knew they were in good hands. Dd1's dh is also a doctor. Dd2 is expecting her second and I will be available if wanted but otherwise I'll just visit after the birth. It's totally up to you OP.

They both need to realise that it is what you want that counts so invite either or both whatever works for you. I didn't want either with me which they accepted but the midwife wasn't happy about, she felt the father must be there.

It was normal in the 60s and still normal in many hospitals in the 70s, eg the hospital j gave birth jn. It was absolutely normal to just have a midwife with you.

This pretty much nails it.

I'm the same. Had one of mine at home. When the midwife arrived I told her that the main rule was if she let my mother in the room I'd be leaving. When mum tried to come in the midwife got her straight out, I think she knew I meant it.

Then that’s what you do. Yours and DHs feelings are the most important here not your mums

Apart from HCPs, I decided the only people who needed to be in the delivery room, were those present at conception.

My Dd wanted us both there when she had her baby . It was a long labour and we were all there overnight .
she eventually had to have a section so dad went with her and I waited in the waiting room x .
If she hadn’t wanted me at the hospital I wouldn’t have been there.