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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Birthing partner- mum and husband

145 replies

SophieRules · 10/05/2025 13:14

My husband would prefer it to just be us, but my mum would like to be there. I don’t feel strongly either way, but think I might like my mum to be there. Anyone been in this position? Feel like I can’t really win with whatever decision is made, either my husband or mum will feel aggrieved.

OP posts:
handsdownthebest · 10/05/2025 15:42

DS and I are very close but I would not expect to be there at the birth of grandchildren. This is a special time for you and your husband especially for the first baby.
When my DD and DDIL have babies I will there waiting for when they need me or maybe not.

TheIceBear · 10/05/2025 15:47

i would find this completely overbearing . I can’t imagine having my mother as a birth partner with my DH. So awkward and weird.

TheNightingalesStarling · 10/05/2025 15:56

Don't have someone there as they want to be there.... have the person or people that will make you feel safe and supported. The last thing you need is warring birthing partners.

If you need your mum there for support, your partner shouldn't make you feel guilty. However your mum shouldn't be pushing her way in if your partner is all the support you need.

To summarise my waffling.. do whats best for you. Not anyone else!!!

namechangeGOT · 10/05/2025 16:00

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 10/05/2025 13:51

@SophieRules was your mum there to support you when you had the sex to get pregnant?? NO! of course, your mum shouldnt be there!! it is a private time for mum and dad, not granny!!

My mum was there when I conceived my son! I had IVF you see and my husband was working when I had my embryos returned for the 6th time! But I digress!

OP, I had my mum and my husband! Thing is, he was happy for her to be there! It’s quite a normal thing in both families and I wouldn’t have had it any other way! I think you need to speak to your husband, and both listen to each others perspective. Your mum however needs to understand that this is your decision and has no right to get the titty lip on if you chose just your husband!

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 10/05/2025 16:03

@namechangeGOT My mum was there when I conceived my son! I had IVF you see and my husband was working when I had my embryos returned for the 6th time! But I digress! that is totally different and you know it!! you were not having sex!!

namechangeGOT · 10/05/2025 16:14

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 10/05/2025 16:03

@namechangeGOT My mum was there when I conceived my son! I had IVF you see and my husband was working when I had my embryos returned for the 6th time! But I digress! that is totally different and you know it!! you were not having sex!!

Yeah, I know it’s totally different, it was a small anecdote regarding conception is all - and ended with the same result! Sex & Childbirth are totally different too so the comparison between them in the comment I was responding to is entirely irrelevant!

BeMintFatball · 10/05/2025 16:18

OP has your mum ever seen a birth? By that I mean a witness not being the birthing woman.

I reckon it’s a totally different perspective. First labour my husband thought it was going to be a jolly day out.

Second time he was aware of the reality of human birth and was quite frankly shitting himself.

Having said that DH was incredibly supportive and that is all you need. Tell granny to sit at home and wait for the phone call

malimoon · 10/05/2025 16:44

I was never planning to have my mum there but in the end my labour went on for three days and my partner ended up calling my parents to come in on the third night as we were both totally drained and needed some fresh blood (he wanted to go off and have a cry but he didn't want to leave me alone!). Mum and Dad both came in and hung out for about eight hours but I kicked them out to go and sit in the cafe when I was actually pushing... they came back when baby was about an hour old. That was great because the actual moment was special for me and my partner but we really appreciated having the extra support in the middle. It's totally down to your dynamic and I think it's probably more important to prioritize your husband as he is the baby's other parent. Just be prepared for things to change in the moment, I would never have predicted how it went but it turned out perfect!

Iamthemoom · 10/05/2025 17:07

I would only have your mum there if you’re very very close and desperately want her there. I had my mum because she wanted to be there and it was a disaster.

my sister gave me wise advice which I ignored in favour of my mums feelings - when you give birth you need to be a woman not a little girl and having your mother there will make you a little girl.

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 10/05/2025 17:14

Yeah. Just don't tell her when you go I to labour. It's a private moment between you and your husband. She shouldn't be there at all unless you need her for some reason. You don't need to tell her immediately when the baby is born either. Take time enjoying being a new family together first.

Original poster
SophieRules · 10/05/2025 18:37

Thanks for the replies, I would prefer it to be me and my husband but with my mum close by. I will just have to be strong enough to say how I really feel. Having us all in that scenario feels a bit awkward to me.

OP posts:
crumblingschools · 10/05/2025 18:42

@SophieRules you need to start standing up for self as you will be your baby’s advocate. This will be good practise for you

TiptoeThroughTheToadstools · 10/05/2025 18:44

SophieRules · 10/05/2025 13:14

My husband would prefer it to just be us, but my mum would like to be there. I don’t feel strongly either way, but think I might like my mum to be there. Anyone been in this position? Feel like I can’t really win with whatever decision is made, either my husband or mum will feel aggrieved.

When your DH has a baby, he can decide who's in the room, but since it's you this time, it's entirely your decision.

crumblingschools · 10/05/2025 18:47

@TiptoeThroughTheToadstools the OP just wants it to be her and DH. It’s her mum who is trying to muscle her way in

TiptoeThroughTheToadstools · 10/05/2025 18:54

crumblingschools · 10/05/2025 18:47

@TiptoeThroughTheToadstools the OP just wants it to be her and DH. It’s her mum who is trying to muscle her way in

OP said she she would like her mum to be there 🤔

BruFord · 10/05/2025 19:05

I agree that it’s entirely your decision.

Everyone has a different experience, but in all honesty, my DH was pretty hopeless during my births, I had him sit by my head and he made sympathetic faces when I winced with pain-I wanted to punch him. 🤣.

Original poster
SophieRules · 10/05/2025 19:10

DH just said his opinion but said it was entirely up to me. On reflection i felt I wanted her close but I’d feel more comfortable during labour and beyond with just me and my DH.

OP posts:
JohnofWessex · 10/05/2025 19:22

My oldest (ex wife ended up in a C Section) and Middle son was wife & her mother (different wife 2nd time round)

Worked fine in both cases

Ohthatsabitshit · 10/05/2025 19:27

I would do it as a couple unless you really really don’t trust your husband. It’s your baby that you made together. It’s the first moments of your life as a family together. Also from a purely practical perspective you will end up managing their experience and you DO NOT want that. Your husband should be there for you and your mum can see you the next day. Make time for the baby and your new roles.

BruFord · 10/05/2025 19:35

I would do it as a couple unless you really really don’t trust your husband.

@Ohthatsabitshit I don’t know whether it’s a matter of trust, because unless he’s medically trained, what can he do for her?

Except provide emotional support, of course.

I’m only going by my personal experience, I knew that my DH couldn’t actually do anything for me while giving birth!

crumblingschools · 10/05/2025 19:44

@SophieRules my DH was a complete rock for me and was my advocate. I ended up with complications and he was there throughout. Not sure I would have wanted my mum to be there when consultant was needed.

Also I went into labour at midnight, in hospital at 3am and gave birth at 6.30am, so you might have to factor timings like that if consider having your mum there

Btowngirl · 10/05/2025 19:50

I’m really close with my mum & it was never a consideration that she would be there from me or her. It’s the birth of yours and DH’s baby why would she invite herself? I feel like it’s a hangover from when men weren’t allowed to be in the room and the grannies have held firm with their steak on it! OP do what you want, though arguably if you’re not fussed either way you probably don’t really want/need your mum there.

BC2603 · 10/05/2025 19:53

I had my DH and my mum. My mum is like my best friend and I couldn’t have been without both of them there. Especially as it was a not very easy labour and ended in a section. DH was with me in the theatre though.

It actually worked well as because it was so long and I was struggling with the pain - my DH became overwhelmed and had to take a minute - I wasn’t left alone as my mum was there. On loo breaks someone was with me all the time.

I think it’s something you just know who you want to be with you. If you’re heart doesn’t immediately sink thinking they wouldn’t be there then having them just nearby would be fine

MummaMummaMumma · 10/05/2025 20:07

Your mum would feel aggravated? That's really unfair of her!!
If you don't feel bothered either way, but your husband does, then he should be the deciding factor. It's a raw time for both of you, he's likely to feel pushed out with your (obviously controlling) mum there.

wehavea2319 · 10/05/2025 20:13

It is down to YOU only, nobody (including husbands!) has to be there and they are not not there to ‘watch’ or ‘witness’, their sole purpose is to be your support person!

FWIW I don’t know anybody who had their mum there but it’s a very personal choice.