Husband wants to abort & I’m not 100%

[RM24]

2 weeks ago I found out I was pregnant with an unplanned pregnancy- another child was not even spoken or dreamt about as we are a content family of 5 (DC 12, 9 &3)
DH immediately jumped to tell me to have an abortion (probably out of shock and panic) and at the time I agreed, I had no attachment to the pregnancy, I wasn’t seeking another baby so it was an easy (but guilty) appointment to book.

A few days pass and it brought on lots of guilt and the start of my sadness, especially as my symptoms started to kick in and now I’m questioning what the right thing to do is, do we expand our family and adjust or continue to abort?!

The day before I was due my first appointment at the hospital I was extremely distressed, I have had 2 miscarriages in the past so I knew what to expect as far as passing the pregnancy was going to be as one of my miscarriages hospitalised me as not all the pregnancy cleared so I had the pill which also failed and then had to have the suction so it’s all very triggering and I know what’s going to happen with both methods.

fast forward to my appointment, after my scan the dr said they had to disclose with me information from my scan and they told me I am expecting non identical twins (6w)
this felt like a double blow - double the guilt

I came home to tell my husband and his face dropped, and we both agreed how sad it was. I hadn’t spoken to him properly about what we were going to do until yesterday, I wanted to know if his thoughts had changed once the shock wore off, but unfortunately they havnt and he has told me he will be miserable if I kept the babies which I feel is very unfair considering he was the one who didn’t want me to have the coil, he volunteered to have the snip yet never made the appointment because of his work and ultimately he got my pregnant (and yes this is now me feeling that I need to put the blame on him as I’m hurting)

(also DH has booked in for a vasectomy since this has happened- just a little too late 😩)

I don’t want to bring children into this world when my husband isn’t on board, I love him to much to do that to him and value our marriage more than anything and ofcourse it wouldn’t be fair on the babies either but my heart is breaking into a million pieces

I’m terrified of making the wrong decision as it’s something we can never go back on especially for the odds of this time being pregnant with twins
althoygb jumping from 3 to 5 children is just a lot! Do able, but that’s ALOT of children 🥴

I have an ‘unplanned pregnancy’ counselling session booked for next week, ironically in the morning before my afternoon appointment at the hospital to discuss which procedure I want to go ahead with

I’m not sure if I’m posting this for advice or trying to think out loud as my head over the past 2 weeks has been here there & everywhere and I’m now hanging on by a thread so apologies for the length of this post!

I would go ahead with the termination as otherwise you risk ending up as a single parent of 5.

Think of the effects on your existing children.

Oh and it's not "babies" yet - anti abortion posters always like to use babies rather than the medically accurate words for the stages of development to put more emotional pressure on women thinking about terminations.

It could well adversely affect their lives.
5 children is a massive difference to 3
A bigger house needed, a people carrier and attention to be split 5 ways.

I don't know how anyone can manage 5 kids on a single income in 2025 with the CoL. Put your existing kids first.

Don't have an abortion if you don't want to. It's your body and your choice. You didn't get pregnant on your own, it isn't fair for your DH to guilt you into what he wants you to do. Your older children will adapt.

Why didn’t he want you to have the coil and why did you seek his input on this? What the fuck does it have to do with him?

The way I see it, you have done something a bit irresponsible and got pregnant by mistake. But now you have to take responsibility for your actions. Whatever that means, one way or another.
But it's not like you're a single 20 year old.

They might detest it.
It’s not fun to be in a small house on one miserable wage with sharing rooms and a husband who will probably decamp somewhere less chaotic-
Leaving OP to wrangle 5 children alone.

A lot of the posts came from people who were put into this exact situation when they were teens / preteens. So probably the better examples for the OP to absorb.

Oh dear I really feel for you OP. Not loving your husband for not wanting you to get the coil. Very odd.

It's a tough one. You don't know at this stage if the pregnancy will go to term. You could miscarry again. How would you feel if you lost the pregnancy?

Ps how can they know at 6 weeks that twins are non-identical?

Not this again

I don’t think I could forgive my husband in this situation.

Did you have therapy following your miscarriages?
How was Dh after your loses?

Ultimately it’s down to you. None of us (including your husband) can tell you what to do.

Hmmmm

What’s the point in starting another thread? The answers aren’t going to be any different.

You clearly don’t want to have an abortion so don’t.

You’ve had 400 (?) comments offering advice. You can’t complain when you don’t like the answers.

Maybe you should get some BPAS counselling.

thanks for wasting everyone's time. again.

Been a while since a flounce.

Why the second thread? You have had a lot of support on your other one. What do you actually want?

I know you’re in a tough spot but people have given up their time to offer the advice you said you were after. Your last post is completely unwarranted. By all means get advice elsewhere but no one has been toxic or unkind to you, you’re lashing out because you’re scared and now you’re getting angry.

The fact that you’re getting similar replies on both threads is a good thing. It’s a complicated situation.

Best of luck.

Of course you will regret if you abort, the majority of women do but that doesn't make it the wrong decision. Can you be a single mum to 5 children ? Because that is where you may end up. Only you can decide what is best for you and your family.

He’s the one single handed funding the household so it has everything to do with him.

I genuinely don't know what OP wants us to say.

A lot of the comments were about how posters didn't have perfect lives! So it's seems you ONLY want to hear the fairytale stories.

The rule is: do not have an abortion unless you are 100% sure it is what you want.

I worked with women requesting abortion and this was my conclusion. I mopped up those who were not 100% sure and came back with their regrets and sadness - and some returned with a new pregnancy to replace the old.

Your OH and your family will be OK with more children. It will be tough - it will be hard work, but that is how parenthood is. But it is worth thinking about the potential joys too. Our "afterthought" has been a joy and the older children have had lots of fun with her.