Social services referral?

[Kat140]

Hi so I had a midwife’s appointment today and she said that she has to refer me to social services because of my age, I’m 16 years old and will be 17 having the baby. I’m just wondering if this is true as it’s never happened to anyone I have spoken to that has had children younger than me?!
May I also add that I have no involvement of social service and never have nether has my baby’s farther and when the baby is here she has no threat to harm agains her and will be well looked after.

My Mum was only 18 when she had me back in the 1970’s and frankly it was a nightmare growing up with her constantly going on about her missing her own childhood.

By all means have the baby, but the social services engagement isn’t for you - it’s for the other child in this situation which is your baby.

You will want the best for your baby and in today’s environment, society classes children born to children as vulnerable and therefore social services become involved.

And you know this how?

I would be a bit annoyed about this too because it's purely based on age. You describe a loving home and two sensible parents so they will probably be making sure you have support and it sounds like they'll be satisfied. Please don't let it worry you and try and enjoy your pregnancy as much as you can x

Congratulations @Kat140. You will be fine. It's a good sign, they are just doing their job and working to protect you and your baby. If you look at it from a midwife perspective you could have been groomed or anything (I know you're not but see it from their side).

Work with them and be honest, they will soon see that you are likely not in need of their help - but if they offer support do consider it. No one can prepare you for becoming a mum and you may find (like mothers of all ages) that support is welcome once the baby arrives.It can be an interesting time in your brain when you have had a baby and sometimes MH support can be useful.

Good luck.

Ps. AIBU is a funny place but there are plenty of excellent forums within Mumsnet that offer less knee jerk reaction. Don't let it put you off!

You’re backing up so fast you’re practically beeping !! This is what you said:

however, you are still under the legal age limit to be having sex.

Which is nonsense. The age of majority and the age of consent are totally separate.

You also said: well technically... if an over 18 is having sex with a minor, you will find the law has been broken! but obviously you know better. the OP asked why Social services were to be involved.. the midwife told her why, and this is why?.

Also nonsense, and not at all why she was referred. It’s not illegal for an over 18 to have sex with an under 18 unless they are in a position of authority or trust, and so all things being equal, an 18 year old isn’t doing anything wrong by having consensual sex with a 16 year old. There’s nothing ‘technically wrong with it and it’s not a grey area.

SS are involved because OP will be a young mum. It’s purely supportive to make sure she has everything she needs. Bottom line - your previous posts are there for all to see, so it’s not a good idea to try to backtrack. This is MN if you post things you can’t defend with fact, people will dismantle it.

You are incorrect.

In the eyes of the law in Scotland, children are not considered adults at age 16

https://learning.nspcc.org.uk/child-protection-system/children-the-law#article-top

Id be concerned that a referral wasn’t made tbh, you may disagree but you are still a child and unfortunately it is well documented that children of teenager parents are at higher disadvantage of health, poverty, education, and earnings.

Don’t see the referral as negative, the services they could offer you should advantage you and your child life.

Please don’t be scared, OP. They are just going to check that you do have support and a plan to make sure the baby will be well looked after. I’m sure you can understand that not all parents of your age are in a good place to provide that without extra help from social services. They are not trying to terrify you or judge you, they just need to see whether you need help. I’m sure it will be fine.

And yet she's still not accepted that she's wrong.

No, it is an accurate realisation of what very young parenthood can mean. I hope things go well for the OP and her baby, but it is going to be a long hard road and there is no point sugarcoating the task she is taking on.

Posting a load of negative stats based on age under one individual expectant mother's post is patronising bollocks tbh. Correlation is not causation. I was a mother at the same age as op and we're doing fine now op sounds like she has a good support network. So why come on with negativity it's a bit late for that now she's already conceived her child anyway

How patronising

Yes, sorry. Not sure where OP is from and she was insistent about age 18 so l assumed England or Wales - should have clarified.

Different areas do Different age cut off some is 16 some is 18

Girls have been having babies at 16/17 since the beginning of time and although in our current society it is less than optimal all round, the fact is this thread has been in part very unhelpful to a young soon to be mother, in fact in places extremely judgemental.

Way to put off any teenagers who need a bit of advice and support on becoming parents.

These are for any age, not just 16/17. The midwife has referred her because she’s young and ss can provide extra support. Why are you trying to scare this young woman with ignorant nonsense ? The 1970’s were 50 years ago. Times have changed.

I'm 32 now so I don't know if things have changed but I was 17 when I fell pregnant with my eldest. (Baby's father was same age and we are still together, married for 10 years now). I had no social services involvement at that time but I wouldn't be surprised if it's protocol now for them to offer additional support for younger parents.

The 70s was 50 years ago. Lots of things have changed since then - it doesn't mean it's new!

good luck OP. I had my first child at 16, he’s 31 now. It didn’t ruin my life and I have a great relationship with my adult son. I also have a great career and income. Social services weren’t involved with me ever, I don’t think it’s standard procedure.

@Kat140
It will be a check to make sure you've got the support you need. Sounds like you've already got a good support network.

I've got a relative whose mum was 16 years 2 months when they were born. That baby is now running a successful million pound business.

Is it? I’ve never been a teenage parent but this post was along the lines of what I would be saying to my own child and what I would be encouraging them to do should they get pregnant/impregnate someone at 16/17. It happens, it always has, it’s not ideal, nor is it the end of the world, but having a baby as a teenager is a decision that comes with very adult consequences, it’s not patronising to be honest about that or to advise them to seek access to work/study to make a good life for themselves and their growing family.

Congratulations @Kat140 . Change user names and hand around. Mumsnet can be helpful.

Cooperate with SS and let them do their job. They might offer support but as long as you are doing everything right you’ll be fine.

Be aware they will probably force you onto contraception after the birth too, they claim its not 'forced' just a 'non optional referral' but it bloody was forced on me and they caused physical injury in the process. I wasn't even 'young' I was weeks off turning 20 and had I have been 20 they wouldn't have bothered as it only applies to 'teens'.

Having had 2 more children over 10 years later I found the treatment wildly different, you get much more respect and the only actual 'hard' part of being a young mam was everyone treating me like a 'child' who had no say in anything.

I assumed that was because my oldest is now your age (so it happened a while ago) so things would have changed drastically but was shocked to see recently when looking up how to apply for contraception after my youngest was born that its still 'non optional referral' for teen parents here.

Also suggest not posting under AIBU. Debating is sort of the point of that part of the forum. The parenting topics tend to be more helpful.

@Kat140 they will do what's called a pre-birth assessment. But if you tell them everything you've said here, have your support with you / allow them to speak with them, you'll be all good 😊.

They are likely to suggest a referral to an agency that help young mums, in my area it's family nurse partnership! And then are specifically there to help.

I know it's easier for me to say, but don't fear them - they want to keep parents and their babies together! And you sound like you are in a really positive position with support! Good luck! ❤️

OP didn't ask for this unsolicited advice, seems to be well supported, they're earning and doing a course. It's patronising, embarrassing and makes the offerers of such advice look like fucking idiots, quite frankly.