September 2024 - Thread 11

[luckyfaith]

New thread 😊

@Decaffe@PinkWatermelon88also with you on the feeding to sleep, co sleeping and contact napping 💁🏻‍♀️ it’s haaaard work. She’ll only sleep 40mins to 2hrs a night at a time.. sometimes 10
mins. I’m burnt out but surviving. People keep telling me it won’t last forever….

Ive started putting her down for naps when at home. I side feed lying on the bed, then roll away. She only does 30 mins but it feels huge! Also done the same the last 2 nights and went downstairs, first time in 7 months! It’s not a lot but helps

Mil been here 20m and already telling me that baby should only eat watery porridge (I was attempting BLW Muffins with him for the first time)

she starts panicking my partner saying to at least cut it smaller (cue me saying he will choke if you cut it small and her ignoring)

baby starts gagging a little and she’s lightly tapping the back of his head (not sure how that would help if he was choking)

”see it’s stuck in his cheek”

well better than a small bit stuck in his throat

@MommaSmith I mean, it's important to understand that in their day the advice was very different. And even I find BLW genuinely scary sometimes.

But you just need to be firm. Baby needs to learn how to chew, explain science has shown their gag reflex is further front so actually he's less likely to choke in the future if he learns now. My mum and my nanny are quite old school but I just say we'll it's better for him and that's what we're doing. Shut down any further debates.

Oh yeah, so do I but she acts like I have no idea what I’m doing considering I only did this a year ago versus her it 30 years ago

but then it’s with everything it’s I haven’t put the blanket on properly or they’re not wearing the right clothes or they shouldn’t be going outside because it’s not warm and then it’s they shouldn’t be going outside because it’s too warm

Anyway, that’s a story for another day

Last night, other than a very quick wake up and feed our kid basically slept throughout the whole night from 8:30 till seven in the morning

But today for whatever reason he has not slept except for five minutes in the morning and less than five in the afternoon

i’m guessing it’s part of the leap or he’s learning something or whatever it’sreally thrown me

@MommaSmith yikes I'd be quite short with her but that depends on how much you want her around 😅 that would drive me nuts, you have my sympathy

So my partner dropped his mum off home and he came back with some bits and pieces she’s brought for us, this includes some bowls and plates.

Now while I’m grateful she thought of us, it’s irked me a bit because last time she was here she commented on how we “don’t look after” our plates and bowls because some of them are chipped. I said it’s fine they aren’t expensive ones and it’s from the dishwasher (because her son’s rubbish at loading it and turns it on before I check but imma keep that to myself).

I also said I don’t want to get more since the kids are small and likely to have accidents for a while once I move them off plastic plates.

THEN
randomly since coming back my OH tells me I’m not feeding baby enough pouches. Excuse me. Why have you not said anything before. You know I’m feeding 2-3 times a day and it doesn’t need to always be a pouch. It’s not the first time he’s he’s come back saying either, but I have asked if he’s mum said anything and it’s always no

this is on top of her telling me every time that I should be doing more because I don’t have a job and my partner does

So Yeah, that’s what I’m dealing with

@MommaSmith that sounds ghastly!! I find the grey rock method works really well with troublesome family members. But ... the petty part of me thinks you should get one of your family members to come over and treat your DP the way his mum treats you. See how he feels when the shoe is on the other foot. 🫣 Might change a few behaviours!!

Wow, delighted to see this thread back! I just happened to check randomly last night
Current situation : sitting up, not interested in rolling will do it the odd time if he really needs to get something. 3 meals a day plus a snack. No teeth. Crap sleeper so currently doing the Lucy Wolf sleep training, it is very gentle and last night was the first night he stayed in cot all night. Granted we were awake from 4am to 5am trying to resettle but he was just grumbling not upset. (Just weaned from having 2nd bottle) Usually he would be in bed with me from 4am. Woke at 12.30 (feed) and 7.15 am. That's a success for him as he usually up 4/5 times. I had to grit my teeth for that hour and nearly gave in!

@kc92 Yes DS is fairly regular now since switching to dairy free. However when he went solids he became constipated again - i use lactulose 2.5ml when he hasn't been in a few days and give it to him the following day to keep him regular. Sometimes 2 prunes mashed up in breakfast works too!!

Lovely to hear all your updates. MommaSmith tell DH to start winding his neck in and to stop siding with Mum. Sounds awful and not sure I could hold my tongue with her.

Sorry but also "pouches" Esme has only ever had one pouch I think they are more for convenience! You know if your baby is having enough food, not MIL.

Esme eats 3 times a day, sometimes she can't get enough and eats loads, other days she's a bit off and doesn't eat so much. But she's never miserable or hungry!

You are with your baby every day and know them the best 🫶

How's everyone doing in themselves?
Its so easy to get lost in our wee ones, but how're the mamas doing?

I'm having a little trouble personally with my sense of self honestly :S
I don't think its post natal depression or anything, I love my son to bits and I'm at my happiest when I'm with him, I hate being away from him - but I'm also really struggling with "me" if that makes sense... its like... its hard to explain, anything I do for myself as like a treat or to feel better and have some self confidence just... I hate.
I put makeup on, I hate it - feels like slapping makeup on a pig honestly (I gained 3 stone in pregnancy so my confidence is just totally rock bottom)
I forked out to have my hair done at a salon the other month and ended up in tears I hated it so much.
Then I dyed away my roots to have full orange rather than smudge root, hated that.
Then I did a split dye half orange half black as I always wanted to try it, hate that too but now I'm stuck with it till my hair recovers as I'd be devastated if I tried to bleach it back and it all just fell out lol.

No matter what I do I just don't feel like me anymore, everything feels wrong, I feel like I either don't care about my appearance if I do nothing, or if I do something then I hate it and end up feeling like I don't "look like a mum" or that I'm trying too hard to look young or something, I turn 29 in June and I just feel so... Lost? I guess?

I'm at my happiest ignoring everything and just being "mum" but at the same time I feel like I look a total mess lol.

I can't win atm >.<

Anyone else? Just me? 😅🙈

You will feel like you have “lost yourself” because reality is - you have

Instead you are a NEW YOU
The upgraded version - next level

You just need to test out the new kit

@SpicyMoth what a timely post. My baby is 8 months today and I've been googling lost in motherhood 😥I had a total meltdown during the Easter weekend and screamed at DH "I never do anything selfish".

Like, never. Going back to work has made it 100 times worse as well as I have ZERO time to myself. I'm either working, pumping milk, breastfeeding, or under the baby somehow.

It's my birthday next week and I don't even want to do anything as I can't think of anything I'd actually enjoy enough to justify leaving baby.

I have just cancelled my hair appointment as well as I have not time for it. Cancelled all my physio as well (which was meant to help me with some pregnancy related shite I am still suffering from but who has time for that...).

I've also gone from being fit and put together to just a frumpy, tired, slightly overweight mum. Sigh.

Honestly I wish I had the sense to just NOT do things, I just try and forge ahead with them and end up more miserable with myself than if I'd done nothing at all!

I feel I'm constantly under my baby and have no time for even the smallest bit of self care, I can count of half a hand the amount of times I've put on makeup or tried to wear something nice - and don't even get me started on showering, I don't even want to mention how long I've gone without a proper wash some weeks 😰😷

And the worst part is, I don't even care that much - I just want to be with Bear anyway and any time I try and do nice things for myself it backfires and I feel totally lost anyway, so what's the point in getting caught up in who's showered when? I don't even know anymore.

All I know is I'm better off doing nothing nice for myself because I hate it all and make myself miserable when I don't feel like "me" anymore lol

I'm a mess :')

@SpicyMoth I think everyone has a little bit (or a lot) of that feeling in the first year postpartum. It is a wiiiiiild ride and like @MommaSmith said there's just no going back to who we were before. I was already a mum this time around so I didn't expect I'd have to find a new version of me again, but turns out splitting yourself in two for your kids leaves even less time for you. 🙈

I signed up for a postnatal fitness program last month that's helped a little! 5 weeks in and one stone down. One more to go to be a healthy BMI again. 😅 Definitely feeling low in how I look to be honest. The workouts are helping with my mood though, and I'm determined to shift the remainder of the weight this summer.

What I don't admit IRL is I wish I got to be the dad instead of the mum. My boys are obsessed with my DH, and vice versa. But he never had to sacrifice his body or his mind or his peace to be a parent the way I've had too. I am genuinely always thinking of the kids to the point I find it hard to hold a conversation about anything else. I'm a little wistful at the moment for the me that's career hungry and social and glam. Hoping I can get a bit of that back when baba is older!

I do carve time for myself every week but tbh I don't enjoy it as much as I'd like too. I think if I could just get a full night's sleep it would be dreamy.

@FuppinNora so good to hear how well your DS is doing. 👏🏻 Gives me hope mine will overcome the tummy issues!! Mine is great at rolling but not a sitter just yet!

@kc92 What I don't admit IRL is I wish I got to be the dad instead of the mum

I have less of a filter than you, I've already said that a few times 😂 and my DH absolutely agrees! So at least he does appreciate the effort 😅

@SpicyMoth bless you! I feel that post.....

Like others have said I think it's normal and we are a new version of ourselves!

I can't lose my last bit of weight, I have no energy to exercise and my backs in agony anyway! I feel like I barely have time for myself either! But do go and get my nails done once a month and my brows. I've tried to go to home dying too but my Grey's come through so quickly it depresses me 😭

Esme is currently having her nap and I'm sat in the garden just getting some sunshine and relaxing because I feel like all I normally do during her naps is chores I can't do whilst she's Awake!

I've stopped caring about dishes piling up etc (wish I had a dishwasher!!) it's a full on tiring job at the age they are now you can't really leave them alone for 5 minutes! Esme has a playpen (baby jail) haha and that's the only place I feel I can leave her on her own for a bit whilst I do stuff!

I go back to work 3 days a week as of beginning of may and I'm worried how tired I'm going to be, I also have low iron and on iron tablets which has helped a bit but I don't know how much

Like others say, I feel different. My body, although is the same weight as pre pregnancy (probably due to breastfeeding) my stomach is so much bigger! I feel uncomfortable in anything

i also make an effort to get my nails/toes done, eyebrows and hair so I feel a bit better for that.

im trying to work on accepting that my body birthed and grew a baby. No one else cares what we look like but us.

I am still EBF and baby doesn’t take a bottle, so I’ve never had more than 2hrs away from her… I feel angry that others can go out and do things as their partner can look after baby.

I haven’t had a decent nights sleep since I was pregnant so definitely look older. Have so many more grey hairs too

Still ebf here as well, minus the weaning solids - I just wish I could be content with what little things I'm very sporadically able to do for myself to make myself feel good - but they ALWAYS make me feel worse somehow!

Its like my brain/body isn't happy unless I'm in 100% baby mode or something, I legit feel like that bloody clown emoji any time I try and do something for me hahaha 🤡

Has anyone started to get the urge to have more chocolate and sweets recently?

i’m not sure if it’s the hormones levelling out now that I am weaning him since I’m breastfeeding
or I’m coming on my cycle again
or the same thing has happened like it did last time and I’m potentially pregnant again because I’ve also been feeling nauseous 🤢

@WinsandSam I am still EBF and baby doesn’t take a bottle, so I’ve never had more than 2hrs away from her… I feel angry that others can go out and do things as their partner can look after baby

My baby takes a bottle BUT 1) he doesn't drink as much as he would from me which means when I go out he's hungry when I come back, so if I go for a whole afternoon, he's hungry all bloody night and 2) I still have to pump. So I barely do it, it's just not worth the aggro 😅

my DH wants us to go out for my birthday I'm like it's not worth going out then not sleep all night!!

EBF is so hard at this point, as the world for some reason assumes 8 month old babies don't need milk? Like at least in the early days people were more understanding.

@MommaSmith possibly pregnant again? Hats off to you for even doing what it takes to make another baby 😂

@HuggingAnIcePack887 I agree! There is no way I would even let my partner near me 😂 I’m TIRED and grumpy most of the time.
i don’t blame you not going out, it sounds like a nightmare (I don’t pump as too lazy and she never liked expressed milk.) get a take out at home for your birthday, or a lunch out with baby. Far easier!

I also feed to sleep so no chance I can do anything of an evening

@MommaSmithno urges here but that’s basically what I live off! Have done for months. Cakes, sweets and chocolate is my staple diet. You’re a brave woman if you’re pregnant again 🤣

I think I had energy for two times, which was about 10 days ago and another one about two or three months ago

might give it another week or two and test but honestly… imma pushing for OH to get snipped at this point 😅 - if I am, it would mean 1-2 have a 16 month gap and 2-3 have a 16 month gap too 🥲

But yeah maybe it’s just the BF calories (and me not drinking enough water)

@SpicyMoth that feeling does slowly go away if you keep pushing past it! It takes practice I find, and sometimes pops back up with a bang when you think you're over it, but the more you take time for yourself the easier it gets.

@HuggingAnIcePack887 happy nearly birthday! Ironically I have 0 filter IRL but I guess I just feel guilty sometimes for wanting it to be different!! Mom guilt is a beast.

@TripleESept24 thinking of you as you start back to work. Have you found a nursery you like for Esme? I'm still struggling to find childcare locally, though I have a few more months to sort it. On unpaid leave since Feb though and finding it so hard to budget around!! I didn't realise how much I was relying on popping out for coffee and a lil treat for a dopamine hit.

Guessing no one else is feeling broody for another then? 🙈 We always said two and done but we've recently changed our minds and want three now. Sleep is out the window here still but baby is fairly easy otherwise.

@PinkWatermelon88 how are you doing now? Is your dad back yet? Hoping you've been able to get a little more rest.