Should I tell midwife that my father is a pedophile TW

[Lifeisanillusion]

Hello,
A couple of years ago I found out that my dad was looking at sexual images of children on the internet. I was living at home at the time and he has always been abusive so I reported him to the police and moved out, the police said they would look into it but nothing happened.

My sister has recently told me that my mum has caught my dad looking out of the window at the neighbors children and sexually pleasing himself. I have reported the incident to crimestoppers. My mum still lives at home but my mum suffers from severe agoraphobia and is scared to leave on her own.

I have recently found out that I am pregnant so I am now terrified after finding out this information. I have my first midwife appointment tomorrow and I am not sure whether to tell them what's been going on? Would social services end up being involved? I do not have contact with my dad.

Thank you

Absolutely tell her, however she would have a duty of care to report this to SS ?
Your dad needs reporting before he does something in front of or to a child. Your midwife would have training on this and may give you good advice.

Yes and I hope you have absolutely nothing to do with him?

I hope you never have your child in his presence

or her mother

I said in an earlier post that I would report it as a safeguarding issue to Social Services but just to clarify, safeguarding for the kids he was watching and his wife. But also for the sake of her own child in the long term.

And what if she does tell the midwife, the OP has clearly stated she has reported him to the Police and that she will not let them near her child? And what if it does go on her record that she not only had the consideration to report it to the Police, she was upfront with the midwife? They are here to help not persecute.

And I know this is extremely unlikely, but what if the OP (God Forbid) had an accident and her child was orphaned, they look to next of kin for care where possible and if she doesn't say something, her child could end up with her parents! Or what if her Dad does assault some poor kid, how would she cope with that, knowing she didn't voice her fears (well again - as she has already had the guts to tell the Police). She is obviously a decent woman with genuine concerns.

And someone said that Paedophiles rarely get prosecuted, well some (but by no means all) maybe because the Police can't prove it and this OP has been brave enough to highlight her concerns about her own Dad (very brave) so she must continue to do the right thing as background info like this helps to reinforce the picture if anything ever happens.

The midwife is not responsible to report the OPs father to police.

So the OP will not be responsible if he harms another child.

Also this narrative of holding victims responsible for the possible future behaviour of perpetrators is off the mark.

Victims are victims. Part of their victimisation may be that they simply cannot bring themselves to report the perpetrator and indeed many people go on playing happy families for years out of mental trauma. That is not on them.

The OP has already reported her Father to police. If she wishes for the threat to be removed then she should follow up on the last report. But telling the midwife could result in interference that may or may not be positive. It's a risk. In this instance, since Grandparents can't enforce access and the OP has no intention of bringing the child to the GP house, ever, then there is little point reporting to the Midwife. The OP also says she was not SA.

If the OP wants support for other abuse and the trauma of having a parent involved in such awful disgusting behaviour, it is far better to start a self referral to her NHS therapy services now ahead of time or speak to her health visitor after the birth.

Look at H.E. Nothing has been done and the man is on the streets, despite it being very high profile. Little will be done with the OPs father. I think the OP should enjoy her pregnancy and not invite possible unwelcome judgement or drama into her and her babies' life especially during that bonding time, which starts now.

I'd be cutting contact with my mother if it were me.

That's the only way to propel your mother out of her denial is for you to stop enabling her by not calling her on her behaviour.

She sees what he's doing and she does nothing.

Definitely report it. They need a record to prove you’ve done what you can to keep your child safe. If something happens to you they might give your child to your parents. Also write a will asap outlining that the child should have no contact with your parents.

I never said the midwife would report it to the Police, the OP has previously reported him to the Police herself..

We need to agree to disagree, as I couldn't disagree more if I tried.

If she mentioned this to the midwife, how long would the SS need to check on them? is it only when an infant or even longer, considering what the OP mentioned about watching neighbour's kids as narrated by her mum?

Sorry, I think I got the first part of your post mixed up with someone else's. Apologies.

The second part isn't helpful. State why you disagree.

OP, I would report it to your midwife. I would want a clear record of this in case anything happened to me.

As i didn't hear anything back from the police I just presumed they decided not to take it any further. I just tried to move on with my life without having contact with my father. But after hearing about the recent incident and being pregnant it has worried me and I am unsure about what to do which is why I have asked for advice here.

Did your sister report the masturbation to the police?

But the op has said she’s no contact I’m assuming she’s a grown up and by the looks of it doesn’t appear she lives with him so I can’t imagine anything would happen?

If you’ve moved on with your life you don’t live with him your nowhere near him…in reality I wouldn’t say anything to the midwife as they will report to ss and they will get involved ruin your pregnancy make sure that you are away from him and you are telling the truth…honestly if your being truthful by saying your no contact and you know your child will never be exposed to him in any way then seriously I’d not mention a word!

Never seen such a bunch of stirrers tbh! Saying that you should! O and ss could very easily twist things so it’s not so much in your favour my friend escaped dv well and truly got away and someone maliciously lied saying that she was interrogated like she was never the victim! Had a new partner etc took her 1.5years to get rid of them! So be very careful.

No she told me and then I reported it to crimestoppers

and when you reported the child images to the police and “they didn’t get back” to you… did you follow up?

O and your child would a million percent end up on a plan as a result because they believe that kids that grew up in abusive households will become the abuser! So be prepared for everything they will throw at yourself! And I’m telling you the absolute truth here that’s why care kids that have kids automatically have ss involvement they’ve never harmed a child but they have to have extremely heavy involvement! Incase they become abusive as ss believe it’s genetic…

I would have fuck all to do with both your mother and sister

i would be relentless in pursuing the police on my father

does your sister allow her children to be with this paedophile and his enabler, your mother

Yep previous posters are correct you need to cut all contact with your family as they are enabling him they need to kick him out! So that’s a conversation you need to have with them of very much so I’m not having anything to do with any of you whilst your enabling this behaviour!

To crimestoppers?! Op this ain’t adding up love…you need to report to the police THEN they end up ON crimestoppers!!

Why are you worried if you don’t have any contact with him?

You can report a crime anonymously on crimestoppers and they will send the information to the police

If he finds out I have had a child he might try and have contact and I am frightened of him because of past abuse