Should I tell midwife that my father is a pedophile TW

[Lifeisanillusion]

Hello,
A couple of years ago I found out that my dad was looking at sexual images of children on the internet. I was living at home at the time and he has always been abusive so I reported him to the police and moved out, the police said they would look into it but nothing happened.

My sister has recently told me that my mum has caught my dad looking out of the window at the neighbors children and sexually pleasing himself. I have reported the incident to crimestoppers. My mum still lives at home but my mum suffers from severe agoraphobia and is scared to leave on her own.

I have recently found out that I am pregnant so I am now terrified after finding out this information. I have my first midwife appointment tomorrow and I am not sure whether to tell them what's been going on? Would social services end up being involved? I do not have contact with my dad.

Thank you

Eh? It’s her dad not her partner.

Same! They only care about protecting their own arses and flexing their 'power'.

What a broken system.

It's difficult. I wouldn't lie if the midwife asked, but I'm not sure I would declare.

However, if she does ask or you decide to declare, I'd have your key points ready to demonstrate how seriously you take this. Ie: you've reported him to the police (provide the crime reference number). You've had no contact in any form since X, and will never have any contact in any form with him again . You will never go to his house. You have phone contact with your mum, but she will never be alone with your child and you will never send her photos/videos. You have already specified in your will that your child must not go to your parents/have any contact and why.

If the midwife writes notes, make sure all these points are captured, because the notes will follow you and your child around for years.

I think I would go strictly no contact with your mum and dad to ensure the safety of your child however, telling the midwife will most likely get social services involved and social services wouldn't be the way I would go here. If your baby has no contact with that household they aren't at risk. I would make sure no images of your baby get shared with your family either though and stay off social media just in case.

But the way to do that is by reporting him to the police again, perhaps with the news (yes, it's hearsay, not evidence) about him masturbating while watching children, while also referring to your earlier report.
A midwife is more or less duty bound to pass this information on and put it on your medical notes "just in case". She will have to cover her own arse.
But once it's on your notes it stays there, possibly even after the father has died. Likewise, SS will have a duty to follow it up.

@MissSkegness1951 do you know how many paedophiles get convicted? Hardly any, yet there are more than millions out there. The truth is that unless they are part of some massive ring that are actually kidnapping children they are not interested because we are having to let criminals OUT of jail as they are so full. THIS does not mean they are not peadophiles and if you see someone accessing CP of any form then yes they are peadophiles they just are not convicted paedophiles

I wouldn’t, what’s the relevance? You don’t see him so your child isn’t at risk.

what?

how did you report?

I am not sure why, I just never heard anything from them after reporting it

you didn’t follow up?

I think you should with details as to when and where.

In your shoes I would have alerted all your parents' neighbours who had children, being factual about you reporting it.

100%. Please for the sake of all children everywhere, report him and get this escalated. His abuse will continue and it will increase is severity.

Grandparents rights aren’t a thing in the uk….

My god.

Yes. Tell her.

Get yourself out of that house, and keep your baby out of it.

Your poor mother is both a victim and an enabler herself and needs help. But it's not your job to do that.

It's your job to keep yourself and your baby safe from them.

You have a lurching piece of personal development to do right now - from being the child of an abusive father and facilitating mother, to being a protective and proactive mother of a helpless new baby.

It's going to be hard. But this is your duty.

İ'm going to go against the grain here and say don't say anything until you've had the baby, if you can.
Otherwise it could taint your birth experience, as your relationship with your midwife will be different and it could be something you're reminded of when you give birth, knowing that the people helping you to deliver may know about your family horror.

Could you wait until you see the health visitor in the first instance after getting home with baby. She will be the one who would be involved in your life for a couple of years after having your baby and could support you through any issues which arise with your mum wanting contact.

I’d tell them, and did tell them about my own problematic family, because it looks worse if they find out on their own, and they will ask about any family issues/contact with people unsafe around children/sexual offences, so you’d need to outright lie to avoid that.

I’d just say that you’re no contact with your father and have very low, digital only contact with your mother, because of concerning and suspicious behaviour that you reported to the appropriate authorities… and then move on. They’ll offer you support; you can say if you want it or not; and that’s all.

No she doesn’t midwives don’t automatically have access rights to reports or convictions. So I don’t know where you’ve got this information from? Op they ask for medical history to check possible problems.

Someone who murders someone is a murderer whether they have been convicted or not. Likewise someone who is attracted to children and has been caught masturbating whilst looking at children and images of children is a pedophile whether convicted or not.

This! I personally wouldn’t! You will have ss heavily involved as a result and it’s not really necessary as long as your child or you are nowhere near him…don’t know where abouts you are op but in the uk grandparents don’t have any rights so he wouldn’t ever gain any access unless it was from yourself or a family member.

This and you have already passed on info to Crimestoppers

You don't have to let his story be a part of your mat care, especially since you are no contact. If you want to talk a bout it feel free of course, but it should really be about what's best for you. Very sorry you have to deal with this op.

That 'support' may come with an unwelcome price.

And if you're not going to accept support and you have no intention of bringing your child around the perpetrator why say anything to midwife?

It's the police the OP needs to report him to. It's weird that the OP hasn't followed up with police who are in the position to help, but wishes to report to a midwife.

A lot of health trusts have a self report counselling service that I would advise the OP to use if that is available.

*self referral

Did your sister report it? Jesus!

I wouldn’t bother telling the midwife but I’d be sure to disclose guardianship in my will to make sure my children did not end up there