Due February 2025 - Thread 3

[UrbanSquirrel]

Following on from the two existing threads, welcoming all the intrepid ladies due in February, for further excellent support 🤗

Just want to echo the thoughts of not enjoying pregnancy as much this time round. I think the combo of a stressful full time job and toddler don't help, plus this time I don't have the same excitement. Last time I couldn't wait to reach the next trimester, this time I know I'll feel big and uncomfortable and am dreading it.

Also @UrbanSquirrel I formula fed my first (breastfeeding didn't work out for us after a traumatic labour) and I had a really good experience. I think I'll probably formula feed again this time as I really enjoyed it and it worked really well for our family.

@UrbanSquirrel it’s nice to see others deciding to formula feed from the outset, I think it’s definitely the right choice for me too and therefore on balance best for my baby 😊

Can I ask please as am a bit confused with how it all works (but sorry if I’m prying, feel free not to answer!) if you’ve told the midwives you want a c-section and if you’ve got a ‘medical’ reason for wanting one? I’m having a very straightforward pregnancy so far and so suspect I’ll be told that I can’t opt for a c section or at least be discouraged as it’s only a preference thing and there are no medical reasons, I’m not sure if it’s our right to get one if that’s what we want? I know c-sections aren’t necessarily easier and have their own risks but I feel like it’s the right decision for me.

On the formula feeding front I did first time round it was covid lockdown and breastfeeding just wasn't working but all the support services were suspended and it was definitely best for us. Depending on trust/hospitals you may come under pressure to breastfeed but if you've made a decision just stand firm.

Bit similar on requesting a c section you should be able to choose but some midwives/trusts will try to put you off. If you've had a straightforward pregnancy your midwife will need to refer you to a consultant as they're the only ones who can proceed with your request. This is also where sometimes it falls down as I think some consultants will be reluctant to authorise c section without 'good' reasoning but you can request another consultant if they refuse.

If you're already consultant led it's probably worth discussing with them, I've discussed birth options with my consultant.

@Moyaingoya I believe it is our right to have a c-section if we have done our research and feel it's right for us. I've read elsewhere that if a consultant tells you they cannot approve a c-section, then you are completely within your rights to ask to see a different consultant. But I'm sure there are others here with much more knowledge / experience who can confirm that. My trust has made a big thing of being pro-maternal choice, so I'm not expecting any real pushback, but I will let you know.

I don't mind sharing my reasons, with the caveat that of course everyone may come to slightly different decisions based on the same info ☺️ I have been firm with my midwife from the beginning that I want to have a section. No medical need for it though.

1. Age. I'll be within a few days either side of my 40th birthday when the baby rocks up, and I'm conscious that my body is not as fit and flexible as it used to be. I prefer to avoid any chance of vaginal delivery difficulties on that score.

1. Size. The baby is already measuring on the 90th percentile and I wouldn't be surprised if she stays big. My husband is 6' 8". I am 5' 4". Both our nieces (SIL's daughters) were on the massive side. My midwife has told me that the body doesn't grow babies that are too big to birth the natural way, but I am nervous that there would be a high likelihood of physical damage of if I were to go down that route. Again, I believe we would both be safer and require less long-term care with a c-section.

1. Risk. Unfortunately, my friends who have recently given birth have all had issues of some kind. Not one of them had a straightforward birth. Most had inductions followed by EMCS. Unfortunately there was one case where the baby got stuck, resulting in lifelong neurological damage. I say this not to evoke horror stories, but just to show what's gone into my own thinking.

Now, I stress that this is a very small sample, and the vast majority of women (including many of the lovely gang here) have had successful natural births with no issues, but I guess we just get affected by the personal stories of those around us. Again, considering the other factors, I just prefer a birth where there is more medical oversight and less of the struggle that my friends faced.

Everyone will obviously have a different take ☺️ x

On the subject of c sections vs vaginal delivery, a friend described childbirth to me as the roll of a dice.

She explained that if a 1 was a perfect vaginal delivery with no tears etc, 2 was an elective section etc all the way down to a 6 being a traumatic EMCS with PPH or similar, you can either roll the dice and aim for a 1 but possibly end up with a 6, or roll it and guarantee yourself a 2.

With DD I rolled and aimed for a 1, and ended up with a 6. This time, I’m going to try again for a 1, and we’ll see what happens, but I thought it was a good analogy for anyone who feels like they need to justify why they want an elective section (not that you should have to justify it!).

Thanks so much for that @retrievermum - very helpful indeed!

I'm so, so sorry to hear you had such a tough time of it first time round 🤗 Hoping you get your 1 this time x

Mine was similar to yours and I'm hoping for a VBAC this time I think personally I want to try for this for some kind of closure. All of my friends and family have had fairly straightforward vaginal births with me being the only section and recovery was tough.

Just wondered if there's reasons you're choosing to VBAC this time too? As people seem to think I should automatically want another section.

@UrbanSquirrel

Also having a section and Formula Feeding, for me I feel they lay lots of lovely options on the table to make a vaginal birth appear tolerable, but the reality is that it all depends on staffing and demand at the time. Secondly, c sections are much more predictable, thirdly, some statistics quote up to 1 in 4 chance or 15% chance of faecal incontinence after a vaginal birth now I haven’t looked much into the duration of this but that is not a palatable risk to me especially given the length of the waiting lists to get things fixed. I guess some of it are preconceived ideas from my job (medic, but never worked in obs and gyn so very little experience). Going to FF because I have to go back to work, and despite the NHS making all the right sounds it would be very difficult to express at work….. just imagine doing chest compressions with engorged breast leaking everywhere because you have been so busy all day there hasn’t been a moment to express!

So like you @UrbanSquirrel I have chosen, on balance, what is better for me.

@5431go What an image! 😂 Oh lord, I can absolutely imagine why that doesn't appeal. How long will you be able to take as leave? It sounds as though you'll be expected back pretty swiftly.

I wondered about an elective cesarean - and like you @5431go and @UrbanSquirrel, the risks of incontinence are definitely high up in my thinking. Months ago I came across a really good comparison of the statistical likelihood of various problems in both cesarean vs vaginal delivery and annoyingly I can't find it again. In the meantime I'm planning to roll the dice since so far baby doesn't look too massive and it would be nice to feel my very pear-shaped body with overly flexible hips might be an advantage for once in my life.

Anyway, I'm writing on a phone again (which I often find results in typos and a tone I hadn't intended 🫣) but I wanted to say that I have come across such a thing as a "gentle cesarean" - you probably have too. I think one of its features is using slightly less fundal pressure, if it's possible, to let the baby have a little bit more agency in coming out. Otherwise as I recall it is just things like lighting etc, so nothing medically different for the most part, but it might be of interest in showing what is possible and therefore what we can ask for! When I get back home next week I'll look for it, it might be in Milli Hill's book. Choice all the way anyhow! X

Using the dice analogy, I also rolled for a 1 the last time and got a 6 (induction, EMCS, maternal infection, long recovery)

This time I'm planning to have an elective section booked, and if I go into labour beforehand naturally then great and will hope for the best, if not I'll take my guaranteed 2.

Just as a counter balance to rolling the worst case scenarios, I'd like to offer that I've had 5 very straight forward labours and births.
All 5 have been from 2 to 11 days early, my longest labour was 5.5 hours start to finish, which was my first. I've never had anything other than gas and air with any of them, 1 I didn't have time for anything, he came that quickly! I did tear with my first, but have never had any issues after that, and at nearly 42 and having number 6 I can confidently bounce on a trampoline without concern 🙂
All of them have been breastfed, with formula top ups for a couple who struggled with weight gain for a little while.

I just wanted to put a bit more of a positive outlook out there too, especially for first timers, because you so very often only hear of the horror stories. People don't want to know that you had an easy time of it, it's like they take it as a personal attack.

@UrbanSquirrel

I am still in training and didn’t particularly want to prolong anymore than I have to as we are planning to leave the UK, so I’ve chosen to back after 6 months.

@Lidlisthebusiness
Agreed that you generally hear the bad stories, but I also don’t think a tear is uncommon! Vogue Williams talks about how experience on her podcast with 3 straightforward births too if anyone is looking for positive stories!

@Lidlisthebusiness That's wonderful, thank you - I am conscious that I seem to know a singularly unlucky group of people 😂 Really important and so, so valuable to have examples of all going well, as I think it's hugely important for everyone to feel have the birth experience they want.

I'm absolutely rubbish on trampolines, incidentally, but as a first timer at the mo, I have no one but myself to blame for that 😜 x

I’m the same; I’ve had really difficult feelings of failure about my first birth (which is ridiculous and irrational as I don’t think anyone else who has a section has failed, just me!), so I just want to give it another go. Similar here, a lot of my friends and all of my family have had really easy deliveries so that added to my difficulty with processing it all.

I spoke to a consultant early in my pregnancy and she automatically assumed I’d be booking an elective section, and tried to tell me it would be “easier for childcare” to have one! I was furious!

Hello, I'm rubbish with checking in but just caught up!
I actually asked about a c-section at my booking appointment and have had no challenge whatsoever. In fact they've been really supportive. I was really nervous asking about it as I had read they might encourage you not to have one.
My understanding is its your right to choose and it's a fairly recent thing.
I've no physical reason for requesting one, I'm 38 and touchwood everything has been ok so far. But I explained my anxiety around natural childbirth and how difficult I find getting smear tests. I was referred to a consultant and have had my initial appointment with them and they were supportive also. I think I'll have two more consultant visits, the next one to confirm I still want one and one around 36th week to book in the date of the section. I'm a bit nervous about the section also but nowhere near as bad if I didn't know it was possible. Good luck to everyone having the same conversations, just stick to your guns. 😊

Hi everyone, sorry to change the subject but did anyone experience quiet days in terms of movement at 24 weeks? I’m 24+3 and for the past couple of days there has been a little bit of movement but a lot less than normal, I’m wondering whether to call in at this point :/

Always call!
especially after 24 weeks.
normally I’m not one for saying that, but after 24 weeks definitely!

I’m 24+5, had very similar to you a couple of days ago and decided I was being silly not getting checked, as it would have just played on my mind otherwise! I was in and out in 20 minutes, reassured profusely by the midwife that I did the right thing, and felt much better afterwards. Go and get checked x

@ThisLimeDeer very very normal but definitely get checked, even if it’s just to ease your mind :) hope you’re okay!

@ThisLimeDeer I would deffo go get checked if your worried. I do get your hesitation though. I don't know why we feel like we shouldn't and need to snap out of it.

How is everyone's bump coming along?

I feel mine hasn't grown, still just at the bloated stage and starting to worry. I have my midwife Monday so I guess she will check but just seems weird to not have a proper bump yet, I'm 25 weeks xx

Same here! I’ve gone down a size in trousers since I got pregnant and no sickness.
almost 25 weeks too.

Had a chat to a few friends who all said with theirs first the bump was much later.
ive sfopped comparing myself to other for that reason, many of whom are second pregnancies and definitely ‘bumped’ earlier!

@herewegoagain123456 @UncharteredWaters I was pregnant at the same time as my best friend when I had DD; I had a bump almost immediately (couldn’t fit in my jeans from 7 weeks!) but she still didn’t look pregnant by the time she was 8 months gone! Both babies totally healthy, and both well over 8lbs! So definitely don’t worry about it, some women just carry differently :)

Thanks ladies, about 20 mins after I wrote that I felt him moving strong again, however this morning he moved a little bit and went quiet again. I wonder whether he’s just asleep and I’m freaking out for no reason, perhaps he’s establishing a routine.
I have had a look at the leaflet I’ve been given about movements and it says to always contact the community midwife before 26 weeks and the hospital after 26 weeks. I guess that’s my local trust’s policy for some reason. It’s really weird how all the nhs trusts do everything differently!

@ThisLimeDeer Echo what everyone else has said about getting checked but I'm like you and bit reluctant to contact anyone. I'm 28 weeks now and the movements are so different to 24 weeks in terms of patterns and strength etc... so time does make a difference, I remember having a lot of quiet periods around then.