Sept 2024 - Thread 9!

[SpicyMoth]

Continuation from the previous thread before it fills up - we're getting so close ladies, ahhhhh!!!

Previous thread here; https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/pregnancy/5094920-september-2024-thread-8?page=39&reply=136855271

Been having a really bad bout of sickness and general aches and pains this last week or so (hit 33 weeks now) and my work have been so good about it and have agreed to let me finish up a week earlier than planned! So I’m finishing 8th August and it’s just hit me how soon that actually is 😬 all starting to feel very real now!

@MudandMoet tough sistuation to be in. I’m sorry you’re feeling such stress over it. I’d nearly tell people in order of closeness, family, friends then neighbours. Remember you (nor any of us) owe our newborns arrival to anyone. If you want to wait a day, a week or a month then that’s your call.
Family are a bit tougher to filter, as are friends sometime. That’s when I’d arm your partner with limits and the job of managing others expectations. As you say, you can say something in your text along the lines of “we’re not in a position for visitors right now and will let you know when is a good time to visit”.
Good luck xx

@malimoon you're right, if they've been forewarned then there is no excuse and no issues with us turning them away.
@PinkWatermelon88 yes definitely, I need to get DH on board, he's not as forthright as me so he will definitely need a pep talk.
Hopefully if I dont have a c section then an after a few days of us/me (bloody harvest starts for us this week!) getting used to it all, they can come. I'm usually so laid back about stuff like this so it feels odd but I think it's because I like everything so neat and tidy and I like to host, I'll worry that I'm not up to my best and that is bloody stupid if I've just had a baby.

My birth affirmation cards have just arrived so need to start reading and taking them in!

Thisssss! You can’t be arsed to ask about me/my other kids then you can get back of the queue baby-wise 🕺🤪

@MudandMoet Sorry to hear the visitor situation is stressing you out 😞 I think your message is perfectly fine, but to reinforce it I’d probably send something around now/start of August sort out (kindly, or even bluntly if you fancy it) outlining your boundaries to manage their expectations.
you can say things like; I don’t want people messaging me asking if baby has arrived yet (this really stressed me out with my first, although some people don’t mind it so it’s up to you) - I will announce when ready. We also want to spend time together as a 3 before we have visitors so please not visits until we say we’re ready. Also we’ll be asking that there’s no kissing baby and everyone washes their hands before (or whatever you do/don’t want to happen).

I know it sounds very “demandy” but it’s not your job to people please fully grown adults. If they feel put out by that info then that’s a them issue, you have every right to set some boundaries. You can then lightly reiterate the message/requests when you announce her arrival, meaning there’s no question that they should understand what you’ve asked 💖

@Honeyandsunshine1 omg you’re so right… the “any news?!” Texts around due date did my head in!

@PinkWatermelon88 @Honeyandsunshine1 A friend of mine said she responded to the “any news?!” texts with a description of whatever her latest bodily function had been, with a swift follow up of, “Oh, was that not what you meant? I got confused because obviously I’ll announce the baby when I’m ready so thought you must have been asking about something else.”

I have this exact scenario and have no idea how to handle it. I suggested his parents stay in a hotel nearby which didn’t go down well with DH, but I really don’t want people in the house super early. It’s stressing me out!

@mrsbgb even staying in a hotel I know they would expect to be with us the entire day to 'make the most of their trip' and I just can't handle the thought.

The whole lot came up a few weeks ago and shared an air b&m together as I was still being really sick and needed peace and the FIL and step MIL phoned and said what time shall we arrive at yours... I was like erm not at all when we feel up to it we will come and see you at your place.

Even the thought of the logistics of Christmas and either having to travel with a 3 month old to stay with them or have 7 people staying in our house then is keeping me up at night but I can't really say too much to my partner as it's a sensitive subject as we see so much of mine and I know he wants his family to be involved in the baby's life

@rupertbear91 yep we’re in the exact same scenario. We have my siblings coming from America for Christmas as well, though staying with my parents who are just down the road - so I think DHs family will need to come up and stay with us. I think I’d still prefer that rather than doing a four hour drive (which feels like a lot for a 3 month old?!) when family have flown over!

I’m hoping that when the reality of lack of sleep etc kicks in once baby is here, having his family stay elsewhere will appeal more!

“Mid September” is my due date lol I remember the bombardment last time and when you’re over due and want the baby out, all hell can break lose after a “any news!?” Text 🙃

My MIL rang me every single morning after my due date and 'jokingly' said 'any baby yet?' at 5 days overdue I completely lost my shit with her and snapped 🫣😂 the day after she didn't call. Which was the day I was also in labour 🤣

@Lillers my partner has also had to give up his man cave! Also where he gamed/played guitar. He said he doesn't mind but still.

I'm also getting a lot of poking on my left side, it kept me awake last night as make was pushing into the bed 😬

@TripleESept24 well done you! I have the patchiest fake tanned legs as can't reach them properly!

@HRP1990 in the same, I don't mind visiting early days or in hospital if my direct family. Friends can wait a few days. I also am pretty laxed about germs/kissing etc.
you're so right about people who have made any effort, especially friends.

@MudandMoet that sounds a lovely idea! I wouldn't accept any guests just turning up, especially in first few weeks. You just wouldn't do it.

I'm lucky in that my family are all within a 30 min drive so don't need to host/house them.

I'm due a c section and just keep telling people mid//end September. I'll probably only tell my mum and brother the actual date as am closest to them

Just caught up on the thread and feel abit opposite to most on here, I'm only 33 weeks but rather then feel bombarded by anyone I feel abit forgotten about. I haven't seen my sister's in ages and they haven't asked about how the pregnancy is going or anything for a very long time, today was my official last day at work and apart from two ladies saying make sure to visit us with the baby, no one batted an eyelid that I was leaving, no one else has really bothered to ask me about anything either. Sorry I always feel like I'm just coming on here to moan 🤦🏻 I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself as I have thrush (again) and since having a 24hr sickness bug a couple of weeks ago I just don't feel like myself, I can't put my finger on it but I just feel so crappy and awful all the time 😔

i think I’m lucky my MIL lives on the other side of the country and won’t see baby for a while. My parents (although I don’t actually mind them and they are very helpful) happen to be on holiday when my C-section is booked. My FIL will be helping with our eldest when I’m in hospital and so I don’t mind his presence. He also lives round the corner so he won’t overstay his welcome.

Sorry to hear you feel that way 🫶🏼 if it’s any consolation, I have 6 siblings and only my sister about a month ago, asked me how I was feeling. My mum has had my daughter twice this year for a few hours lol, you get my drift! Everyone is near by, too, but none have visited either! I know everyone will want to know when the baby is here but they can politely shove it 🙃

I’m very independent and probably a detriment to myself, but my children will know who was there for us when we needed them! (Fortunately my friends have been amazing and they’ll be welcomed with open arms when baby is here)

All your baby needs is you 🫶🏼

Checking in :) and also a bit of an honest post because I'm scared friends will judge but need to know if anyone has felt this way, so I already have a 15 month old and rather than being exited for this baby the past few weeks I have felt sad for my first and sad that it won't be just us two anymore, has anyone with more than one child felt this way or feeling this way? I just have massive guilt and the baby isn't here yet! I'm hoping it's my hormones and that I'll feel completely different when she is here, I really am so so grateful to to carrying this baby so I'm not sure why I'm feeling this way, I don't know if it's it's overwhelm now it's getting close or what but I feel terrible about it, we put up her new furniture in his room as they will be sharing and I just felt anxious the whole time making it - what's wrong with me! X

@hol92 I totally get you, my daughter’s only coming up to 17 months and I have definitely had a few thoughts of being sad that I won’t get longer with just her. This age is so different and has been my favourite age so far. I am hoping she won’t know much different and will get used to the baby fairly quickly but can’t help but worry about it. Iv been worrying about childcare too as originally we were going to keep her in nursery twice a week but lately iv been leaning more towards taking her out completely and I just don’t know which one is the better one for her.

@SantasRubiksCube don't worry, I'm due to have a leaving lunch on Wednesday before I start my leave.. turns out everyone is either sick or on holiday so only 3 of us. I've said not to bother as a waste of time. Hope you don't feel so alone with your rubbish send off now.
One of my closest friends has text me once through pregnancy to ask if I'm ok. Never asked about baby or how we're doing. Never asks to see me. I know she has some reasons but that's enough for me to say I won't make any effort with her.

@hol92 although I'm a FTM, I've heard this from friends in the past. Feelings of guilt and loss. I think totally understandable as you're reaching a big change in all of your lives 💕

I need some quick advice please ladies - we’re supposed to have a tradesman over tomorrow afternoon and I’m the one at home to oversee him/answer questions etc. He needs to do his work before we have another trade over on Wednesday. However - I’ve just been told his DC has come down with chicken pox yesterday. The tradesman says he has had chicken pox as a child so presumably he can’t get it again. I’ve been asked if I want to postpone him what do you all think? The Wednesday tradesman could be postponed it would just be a shame as I have been looking forward to getting it all done (nursery!).

Can someone tell me without having to watch the silly ads what "spritz for bits" actually is? It's all over my insta and Facebook feed ads

@Honeyandsunshine1 I can be unintentionally blunt sometimes and therefore have to run some of my messages by DH because I worry about causing offence with how straight talking I am 😬 I think sending a message or putting the feelers out now and then reiterating it when she's here is a good shout.

@WinsandSam ahhh I think the same, you'd never just turn up unannounced but some folk just don't think do they? I am expecting some for sure! I think a note on the door is pending!

@SantasRubiksCube sorry you're feeling crappy. I hope you can take a bit of solace from @HRP1990 post -
She's right, baby just needs you. Folk are just fuckers!

Sorry @Decaffe I've no idea how easily caught chicken pox is, hope someone can come along soon and say what would be best.

@TripleESept24 I have some as I believe it's going to make my nunny feel brand new and all nicely soothed when I've hopefully pushed a 6/7/8lb baby out of it. I bet it doesn't but I think it's got witch hazel and other healing properties, I think you can either spray it directly on or onto a pad for some relief. We'll see 🫣

@hol92 @Cat2022 I totally get this, my girl just turned 2 and I feel the same. She’s a proper little girl now, and my little best friend. Trying hard to savour these last few weeks with just her, but it’s hard when you’re also feeling so sore/tired etc.

I find reminding myself that I’m not bringing another toddler home really helps 😂 I know that sounds mental but stick with me here.. it’s not like we’re bringing home a “rival” their age and stage. She’ll still be the only one chatting to us, moving around, playing games, eating meals with us, reading stories with us etc etc. There will be SO much that’s still just us and them, even with a tiny little wriggly thing here now too ♥️ and by the time the baby can join in with those things, I’m sure we’ll all wonder what we were so worried about because it’ll just be our new norm… right?! 😂

@PinkWatermelon88 soooo irritating isn’t it? And also anxiety-inducing because you’re also waiting and nervous, so nudging me for an update makes me feel even worse

@Lillers your friend has the response spot on 😂😂😂 “any news?” “ 🤷🏻‍♀️ did a big poo at 2 o clock today that was quite noteworthy”

@hol92 Dont feel ashamed for feeling like that. You’re a good, thoughtful mum ❤️ almost too thoughtful that you’re stressing yourself out and making yourself feel guilty for loving your first as much as you do and feeling all the emotions. Especially as birth is coming up, you’re probably feeling overwhelmed and panicked. I remember feeling the same, I was also convinced that there was absolutely no way I could love another child like my first. Absolutely imposssible. So I really fretted over how I’d do it 😫 well, he arrived and I couldn’t love them both any more if I tried. It was as if our second had always been here, even though we’d only just met him. The love literally doubled, never split

I will say that I did have guilt and sadness over feeling like I couldnt give them both my “all” initially. We did a lot of “divide and conquer” - partner take eldest out, I stay home and feed baby and relax. Then we’d swap occasionally and each time I’d feel bad for the one I wasn’t with, like I was missing out on them (this might only be exclusive to me though as my eldest wasn’t in nursery yet and was/still is a total outdoor creature so needs a lot of outside time 😂 and isn’t easily entertained indoors) but it was just a brief season. They’re now 2.5 and 4.5 and inseparable. They do pretty much everything together out of choice, I’m actually worried About September as my eldest will start school and they’ll have to be apart 🥺 sorry, waffled on but I’d say expect some (really normal) low-level guilt when baby arrived, if you do have to divide and conquer to survive that newborn bit, but I really promise you that everything does align in the end ❤️❤️❤️

@TripleESept24 think of it as a toner for downstairs! Supposed to remedy discomfort there after having a new human passed through it.