Things you didn't realise about giving birth until after the fact?

[LizzeyBenett]

Have to say some of it was a surprise for me some things I didn't know about but sure did find out :

• haemorrhoids - not one person warned me about this makes total sense but ouch

•the stretch marks (down below) that one shocked me but I suppose what do I expect after pushing a baby out.

•the hot flushes for weeks after giving birth

I'm the same
Can never lose it until I stop breastfeeding.

How long it would take, from midnight on Sunday until 7.35pm on Tuesday, I was shattered by then. That it's not a perfectly normal thing to have a paediatrician sitting there waiting for baby to arrive. He was 9 when I realised that they thought there was a problem. and the piles of course, no one ever tells you about the piles

I'd heard about all of this -, how painful recovery from elcs could be, hair loss, smellyness, long lasting lochia, painful breastfeeding, how difficult babies are, sleep deprivation.

So my surprise was that for me it was all fine! Birth (elcs) was fine, recovery was fine, recovery was neither messy, smelly (even in a heatwave) or balding. Breastfeeding was like plug and play and my newborns slept fine so I got more sleep than most of pregnancy.

Pregnancy was awful, toddlers have been a huge challenge and newborn was the best they ever slept for years, bso I didn't escape it all, but only pleasant surprises for the first bit 😄

How amazing it is. I felt so powerful afterwards. I spent my life beforehand seeing my body as transport for my brain.

How much I sweated for a few days and nights afterwards. Apparently it's your body getting rid of the excess water but I had no idea. Was changing pyjamas more than once a night as was wet through with sweat.

For me it was just the sheer brutality of a traumatic labour and birth. I felt battered and bruised and had to have so many stitches as I had had an episiotomy and still tore badly.

I couldn't sit down comfortably for almost six months afterwards, and for the first few weeks going to the toilet was scary because it stung so badly.

With my youngest DD I was actually relieved to need a c-section because of how traumatic my first labour and delivery had been. I healed from it far quicker too.

That you go from being the looked-after-one to the one-who-must-look-after in the space of a second.

That you're expected to be fully capable of caring for a baby, people tell you if you're doing it wrong but not how to do it right.

That birth stretches the whole fandooly, I think I had a bruised clit which was unexpected and horrific.

All the bowel stuff. The models in the glowy adverts with sleeping babies aren't pissing and bleeding everywhere while managing anal fissures with a screaming newborn, that's for sure.

I thought I was pretty clued up on birth but let me tell ya - I managed to miss every single mention of having to give birth to the placenta. I honestly had no idea what was happening and good lord, the size of it 🤣 Gas and air makes me giggly and my husband tells me I laughed hysterically throughout 😂

Yep, haemorrhoids.

Hardest, most painful poop of my life, about one week post birth. I thought I was going to be stuck on the loo forever

That contractions can sometimes go on for actual DAYS.

That breastfeeding is not necessarily easy.

That I was expected to be with my baby every second in the hospital - I was hoping the baby would be whisked away for a bit so I could SLEEP. I didn't sleep more than 2-3 consecutive hours from a few days before giving birth (due to contractions) until my child was 2.5 years old (due to constant night-waking). It was shit and I felt like I was just supposed to just "deal with it".

My external parts were somewhat rearranged while they were stitching me, which someone on mumsnet insisted could not happen as the doctors don't stitch you there but whatever way they put me back together, it disrupted the entire area and things have never been the same on the outside, rather than the inside/entrance. I do have scar tissue around my vagina and perineum, as well as internally, which flares up every month when I have my period. I didn't know that would happen when I was pushing for a vbac.

Agree about the after pains - I don't remember ever reading about them and I thought I was dying when they started in the middle of the night about 4 days later and I had no idea what they were. They were far more intense than any Labour pains.

My bumps did do down straight away, literally before my eyes! (Unfortunately 6 years since my last baby I'm 4 stone heavier thanks to a diet of wine and crisps in lockdown 🤣).

The smell of lochia is just "urgh". So grim!

Also how much nicer my second labour was when I trusted in my body and didn't fight against the contractions. I had a water birth and LOVED it! The midwife said she'd never seen anyone have such a calm and lovely labour so I was very smug even though it is pure luck (and with my first my labour was around 36 hours, I vommed all over with the diamorphine and needed an episiotomy).

That it can be impossible to NOT push. My body was going to eject this baby and saying 'pant through the pains' was impossible. I liken it to wanting to vomit, when you need to be sick there is no stopping it.

That my stomach wouldn't just go flat straight after. (Or in my case even 30 years later... )

I didn't get after pains, but I did get stretch marks where my pubes are, I did shiver and sake and vomit like a good one just before pushing stage and immediately after I had him. I didn't find Labour that bad but the days after, THE most painful thing for me was having a wee. The stinging was easily worse than Labour, easily.

No one tells you that actually, some babies like mine, sleep and feed really really well and the wall of tiredness that I was told would come, never did! I know I am lucky!

One other thing - those tiny little baby fists, when unfolded manually contain sweat, dust, dried skin! Gorgeous manky little things they are!

Yes! Me too.

That a very detailed birth plan is unlikely to come to fruition- you don't really need to plan out the extra cushions, battery-operated tea lights, mood music etc..

Plan : get the baby out safely, please

Yes the hot flushes!! For about 6 weeks after I was waking up in sweat and a few times felt so gross I had a shower at 3am in the middle of the night.

Ooh what to choose -

• the horrendous first poo
• the awful baby blues
• the fact my vagina will never feel or look the same

are probs my top contenders

Another thing I didn't realise was that if your waters break early in labour, or before it begins then it is not necessarily one whoosh and done.

They can actually keep flooding for hours. An obstetrician told me that broken membranes still keep producing the amniotic fluid for quite some time after they rupture. I had no idea about that until it happened to me, and I spent a very wet night and about half of the next day before it began to noticeably slow down.

Just how hugely all encompassing having a baby was.

I can remember sitting up in hospital bed and congratulatory text messages coming in.

I sent a brief reply to each.

I think I added "hope you are well" or something at the end, to be polite.

One friend who I hadn't seen in a few years sent me back a bit message all about what she had been up to the last few years and went into a load of detail about her current drama.

I just laughed and put the phone aside. She obviously just had no idea how little interest I had in her right at that minute. And it took me by surprise as well. Everything was just suddenly different.

Physically, I think i was surprised how much of the pain was felt in stomach and back as opposed to your actual nethers.

I was surprised how hard breastfeeding was and also surprised that it sometimes just didn't work. I was planning to breastfeed but unfortunately just didn't produce any milk so had to give up. I had assumed it would be easy.

Just how painful it is. I knew that it would hurt of course, but this was beyond anything I expected.

Yes to afterpains and the night sweats!

I'd add:
That contractions are not always obvious. My brain was in denial and I didn't click what was going on, just that it was some kind of pain.

How fast second baby can be. I pushed for under ten minutes. Once it started it was insane.

With both DC, the cord wasn't particularly long (why would it be?). So when baby was placed on my stomach/under my breasts, the cord was pulled tight and felt so very stingy against my poor vagina.

Agree with this

That sex and orgasms can be better after giving birth than before.