Gender disappointment

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readyforroundthree · 19/04/2024 13:47

Hi Op,
I have two boys and pregnant with third baby (don't know what it is yet).
please don't worry, being a boy mum is amazing, they are so loving and whilst yes they have more in common with my husband such as football, PlayStation etc and see him as 'the fun parent', they look to me for comfort and a sense of calm.
It's also so common to feel like this with your second pregnancy in general, I was terrified I would never love my second child as much as my first, but you absolutely do ☺️ I'm sure all the other boy mums on here will say similar things x

HermioneWeasley · 19/04/2024 13:48

This is what happens when people internalise gender stereotypes. There is no guarantee a second daughter would be “girly”. My DD’s favourite colour was blue, she lived in her big brother’s cast off clothes because they were worn in and soft, loved sharks, dinosaurs and wolves and insisted on having her hair short because she hated having it brushed.

my DS is loving and affectionate and really sensitive. He’s really nurturing and has always loved younger kids - when he was a toddler he loved entertaining friends’ babies.

let kids be kids.

sexnotgenders · 19/04/2024 13:49

Oh great, another 'girls are girly' and boys are disappointing thread. Because we don't have enough of these. OP, girls are lots of things. As are boys. Their genitalia has no bearing on any of it

sexnotgenders · 19/04/2024 13:50

And also, I'm not sure thinking that your daughter is a "mini you", and stating that as a reason why you love her and don't want a boy is narcissistic enough 🙄🙄🙄

Tygertiger · 19/04/2024 13:51

Why did you get pregnant when there was always going to be a 1 in 2 chance of being so disappointed?

Your problem is you are pandering to stereotypes. At 21 months you have no idea of your daughter’s future interests. I have a DD who loves football and hates dresses and a DS who hates sport and is interested in the same things as me. Your children’s personalities are not defined by their genitals. Stop thinking that they are.

spiderlight · 19/04/2024 13:52

Boys are brilliant. My DS has always been much closer to me than to his dad. I had very little experience with boys and had a fleeting phase of terror when I found out I was having one, but honestly he was, and still is, fab. He's 17 now, nearly 6 ft 2, but he's still very huggy and affectionate and I wouldn't change him for the world. You'll get to know your DS as a lovely little individual with his own character and have loads of fun with him.

romdowa · 19/04/2024 13:54

My ds loves dancing, the colour purple and barbie . A child is a child regardless of their sex. Everyone is an individual

Nannyfannybanny · 19/04/2024 13:54

Being as there are in the main, just two sexes born, male and female, gender is a man made concept, feel free to pick a gender
There are over 100 now to choose from apparently. Agree with previous poster,let children be children.

BiggerBoat1 · 19/04/2024 13:54

Boys are so gorgeous. You’ll love every second when he arrives. He’ll probably tell you he wants to marry you when he’s about four because he loves you so much. Congratulations

rosed1008 · 19/04/2024 13:55

This was me! My second is a boy, I was one of four girls and my husband is not “laddy” in anyway- we were so anxious about being parents to a boy.

I couldnt have been more wrong. My son is literally the light of our lives, he is so funny, beautiful, loving and wild. He adores his older sister, she loves bossing him around. They are now 2 and 4. My husband suits being a boy dad so much they have so much fun together. He also gives me such intense cuddles, much more than his independent sister! Also rather anecdotally i love seeing our genetics in male and female form!

Honestly it does not matter once they are here.

Dartmoorcheffy · 19/04/2024 13:58

I wouldn't worry, the way the world is going by the time your son is 11 he will identify as a girl, or a cat, or a tree...

Cheetocat · 19/04/2024 14:00

I have a ten week old little boy and I can't think of anything that would be different in our lives if he was a girl. He wears cute pink vests, bright coloured pyjamas and has a bottle with a purple unicorn on it. Kids are what you make them, if you want cute things and bright colours for your child then get them, if you want a child with similar interests to you and your daughter then include them. You don't have to raise him any differently.

InTheShallowTheShalalalalalalalow · 19/04/2024 14:00

isabela0 · 19/04/2024 13:41

Anyone else dealing with this? I just found out my second baby is a boy. I have a 21 month old daughter that's my mini me and best friend I'm a girly girl and my daughter is too. I love it. I always saw myself as a girl mom and my husband as a girl dad.
Now I'm dealing with so much worry. I don't know how I'll develop a bond with a boy. I have no experience with boys. It's so foreign.
Can someone reassure me?

Your 21 month old is exactly what your shaping her to be, clearly stereotypes are your thing so she will be 'girly' because you buy her stuff and she's too young to choose herself.

I have 2 sons and 4 daughters, they are all entirely different and individual, and I've always supported who they are as people and what they like, not placed any expectations on their likes and dislikes based on what genitals they have.

My own mother had a clear preference towards sons, and it showed throughout my childhood, and we no longer speak at all, so I suggest that you stop with the stereotyping bullshit and think about the individual you're going to give birth to.

SameMistakeAgain · 19/04/2024 14:02

I had a girl first, I was one of all girls when growing up, no brothers, and my cousins were also all girls. I had no experience of young boys, and I felt like i only knew what to do with girls (though I didn't find out sex before the birth, so my second born being a boy was a surprise). I don't think it's disappointment that you're feeling, I think it's probably more unfamiliarity. You've only raised a girl so far, and you're also female, so a boy seems more of an unknown. And despite what people say about there being no difference between boys and girls, there is a difference (obviously not differences like "boys will like football and girls will play with dolls", but there are differences between male and female, which is why we have different spaces/things for males and females), so ignore people telling you that boys and girls are exactly the same to raise - they're not, but also one isn't harder/ worse than the other. You can't predict their personality and likes/ dislikes, and you are likely to find many ways in which you and your son are very similar, so don't panic on that front :)

You're going to be just fine. Honestly, when he's born, you won't think about your current concerns at all. He'll just be your son and part of your family, and you and he will slot right into your roles :) it's all fine.

FrenchandSaunders · 19/04/2024 14:02

A boy could end up being more ‘girly’ than a girl. Don’t put them in these boxes. How will you cope if you’re ‘mini me’ turns out to play football and has a girlfriend 🤷🏼‍♀️

Peonies12 · 19/04/2024 14:04

HermioneWeasley · 19/04/2024 13:48

This is what happens when people internalise gender stereotypes. There is no guarantee a second daughter would be “girly”. My DD’s favourite colour was blue, she lived in her big brother’s cast off clothes because they were worn in and soft, loved sharks, dinosaurs and wolves and insisted on having her hair short because she hated having it brushed.

my DS is loving and affectionate and really sensitive. He’s really nurturing and has always loved younger kids - when he was a toddler he loved entertaining friends’ babies.

let kids be kids.

This. Your poor son. Your children can be whoever they chose to be. Open your mind to that, for both your children's sake. And it's the sex you have found out. It's such an important distinction. Their gender is how their express themselves in the world, not what is in their pants.

MissyB1 · 19/04/2024 14:07

Jeez OP let go of your gender stereotypes! And your daughter is not a mini you, she’s her own person, and that’s what your son will be too.

Meadowfinch · 19/04/2024 14:08

OP, honestly, don't worry. I thought I was expecting a girl, we don't really have many boys in my family. Very rare.

When I came round and they told me I had a boy, I was stunned. It took about a week to be completely besotted. Now I wouldn't have it any other way 😍

Compsearch · 19/04/2024 14:11

What on earth is a “girl mum” and a “girl dad”.

Honestly OP you need to get a grip! Fortunately for you you are going to adore this baby as soon as you set eyes on him.
please come back on here and tell us when you’ve realised what an idiot you were to feel disappointed for even a second.

PleaseletitbeSpring · 19/04/2024 14:16

I was shocked when my second baby was born and found he was a boy. I had never had anything to do with boys as I'd only known girl babies.

It took me weeks to bond with him. He displayed interest in all things masculine from around a year old and he taught me how to be a boy's mum. I'm so glad I had him as he adores me and is far more loving than my girls. I think that if I'd known in advance I would have coped better. It's not being anti boys, but not knowing how to cope with bringing one up.

TallulahTaboo · 19/04/2024 14:19

This was me when I found out my first child was a boy. I only had nieces and no experience with boys and was naturally anxious if I would be a good boy mum. But I can tell you that boys are amazing! And after struggling for a second, having a baby is just amazing regardless of their sex! Try to embrace the fact you're having another healthy child which ultimately is the most important thing.

And I feel guilty every day for allowing myself to feel that way about him before he was even here! He proved me absolutely wrong and I'm forever grateful for that!

Homecountieshome · 19/04/2024 14:21

Your poor children.

Gettingbysomehow · 19/04/2024 14:24

Why is the gender disapointment always a boy? That's awful. I love my boy.

BingoMarieHeeler · 19/04/2024 14:25

You’ll look back and be……. (Disgusted is too harsh…….) shocked that you ever wrote that OP. Honestly it’s your own prejudices and sexism that’s fuelling this. You’re in control of how your son turns out (to a massive extent but obviously not entirely).

Wilfrida1 · 19/04/2024 14:27

But surely you got pregnant to have a BABY, not a specific gender? You do realise there's a 50/50 chance of what you will get, don't you?

I hope no one TTC is reading this ghastly ungrateful thread. They would give anything for a healthy child, I am sure.