Gender disappointment

[isabela0]

Anyone else dealing with this? I just found out my second baby is a boy. I have a 21 month old daughter that's my mini me and best friend I'm a girly girl and my daughter is too. I love it. I always saw myself as a girl mom and my husband as a girl dad.
Now I'm dealing with so much worry. I don't know how I'll develop a bond with a boy. I have no experience with boys. It's so foreign.
Can someone reassure me?

Haha me too! It weirds me out when grown people refer to toddlers as their best friend. I don't think children have the capacity to be an adult's best friend, nor should they be. And how low are your standards of friendship that they're totally fulfilled by a toddler lol.

Honestly, people focus far too much on the sex and not on the child as an individual. I have one of each. My daughter isn't better than my boy. I don't love my daughter more or relate to her better because we share the same genitals. In fact, my son is much more like me than my daughter. They're both brilliant kids. I love them both the same.

Oh dear OP 🫣

Yes, I'm definitely worried about the impact of society on my sons, and I didn't experience growing up as a boy. But I parent alongside my husband and so is OP, so that should help with that side. And growing up as a girl, I know how I would have wanted to have been treated, so I teach my boys how to treat girls and women accordingly.

Honestly, I don't know how I would go about raising a confident and strong women because I wasn't necessarily raised that way, and, along with the rest of us, the culture in which we grew up in also wasn't conducive to that. I wouldn't know how to tiptoe that thin line between teaching a girl to be assertive and confident vs domineering and aggressive. This goes for boys as well, but there - rightly - isn't such a focus on teaching boys to be assertive so I don't have to deliberately teach that in the way I would need to with a girl. I fear I'd go too far the other way and somehow raise a man-hating, selfish, angry person 😂🤦‍♀️ In contrast, raising a boy to be courteous, respectful and kind feels simpler and less of a minefield.

I have 2 girls, a boy and am currently pregnant with another boy, honestly you don't love them any differently or have any less of a bond with them unless you stop yourself from doing so. Rather then expecting a child to be a 'girly girl' or only into 'boys' things, it's better to let them make the choices so they know they can be free to pick clothes or toys that they actually like, rather then what they are supposed to like just because they are a boy or a girl (sometimes my son wanted to play with dolls and sometimes my daughter wanted blue clothes with dinosaurs on, there's no such thing as 'its only for boys/girls). Once that baby is here you'll love them so much you won't care anymore.

I have 5 boys. When I was pregnant with ds1 I was worried about being a mum of a bit because I had all sisters and because people made comments about what it would be like e.g. I wouldn't be "allowed" to watch casualty because ds and dh would be watching the football and he would wee in my face at every nappy change. Once I had him I realised that apart from not being able to call him "Emily" (although dh hated that name anyway so I probably wouldn't call a girl that either) there wasn't much difference between him and the baby girls at baby group. The frilly dresses that I'd admired in the shops were totally impractical and so most of my friends with girls would dress them in babygrows or tops and leggings/joggers. There is no guarantee of anything when you have a boy or a girl. Either might have long or short hair, might or might not like dancing, sport or dressing up.

I can't understand you being so desperately worried about having a boy @isabela0 and desperately wanting a girl. You already have a girl!

I know that lots of women in the Western world really desperately want a daughter. I did. Can't explain why; I just had a longing for a daughter.

My first born was a girl, and my 2nd was a girl! I was very happy with that. However, I wouldn't actually mind if my second child had been a boy - or if I'd had another boy after that. I did actually definitely want at least one daughter though. With you already having a girl, it seems weird to feel desperately unhappy that you might have a boy. It sounds like there might be other problems under the surface here. Deep rooted issues and anxiety.

Hope you're OK.

My youngest is coming up 2 years. I'm still extremely disappointed he's a boy. Had a traumatic labour which doesn't help I think.

It's weird because the disappointment is about the girl I didn't have. Like a sort of mourning. He is a separate person and I love him as much as the two I have who I was not disappointed by their sex

Hate these threads every time they come up, such a selfish view.

I can’t see men making posts like this about having girls.

Really?

Are you serious?!

Wtf people?! It's your CHILD! It doesn't bloody matter what sex the baby is as long as it's healthy. Jeeze. Get a grip!

P.S: boys rock! They love their Mums best!

Wtf, I am mourning the death of two of my children.

You having a perfectly healthy baby boy is absolutely nothing like mourning, and it's bloody offensive to suggest it is.

Hopefully you manage to reign in your disappointment around him, or he will do what I did, and stop speaking to his toxic mother.

I am pregnant with boy number 5!

My eldest son actually died age 7 in 2019 he had a rare genetic disorder and I honestly think this made me realise that gender is not important. People say “as long as they’re healthy” but sometimes they’re not healthy either and I honestly adored my son who had a disability and miss him so much.

I do try not to judge other people’s situations and I know that we are all different but a lot worse could happen than being pregnant with a boy.

School yourself also on gender stereotypes. Your baby won't be born a girly girl or a boys boy ... your child will be born as a complex person with diverse characteristics. Do yourself and your children and favour and wish for more in life than a carbon copy of yourself (who frankly sounds like a 2d rendering of what Dylan Mulvaney reductively calls "girlhood").

Getting sick of seeing these “gender disappointment” threads. Especially when the reasons are based on stereotypes about boys and girls. Just be happy that you are carrying a healthy child. Something which other people so desperately want.
You don’t know how your daughter’s personality and interests will develop and you don’t know what type of personality or interests your son will have.
Just relax and try to enjoy your pregnancy and the fact that you are carrying a LIFE inside you.

Please go to therapy, before your child starts to feel the resentment you have towards him.

This!

You'll be fine. You'll love your son. And if he's anything like mine he'll be more of a 'girly girl' than your daughter 😆

Grow up.

The term “gender disappointment” needs to be banned from the English language 🙄

School yourself that babies are a sex,male or female. I was discussing this thread with DH,he was absolutely fuming, his first wife was unable to have children . I have a relative who is obsessed with having a boy, can think of nothing else, wants his wife to keep producing until it happens. I worked in an infertility clinic, and with children with life threatening and life altering medical issues. Be greatful

Do you not have a bond with the BOY you conceived this child with

The prejudice against boys in this country is shocking, no wonder suicide is the biggest killer of young men

I have 3 boys, they are my children, I love them, they are all very different individuals

I am still a girl in my own right

Are you actually for real??
My eldest boy had a mental health crisis last week, brought upon by Finals and his girlfriend leaving him

My heart was absolutely broken, the fear he might do something rash
Went to pick him up and he sobbed in my arms, saying all he wanted was his mum

To be disappointed he's a boy???

That's not being a mother

If your 21 month old daughter is your 'best friend' then having a boy will be the least of your problems! You are meant to be parenting her not treating her like a doll. Find some adult best friends and parent your children if you don't want a spoilt little brat of a daughter and a sad neglected son.