Parents laughing at labour/parenting thoughts

[Firsttimemumtobee]

I'm currently 25 weeks pregnant with my first baby. My parents were over yesterday, I have a good relationship with them and talk to them a lot. They're very excited to become grandparents.
We were chatting about the pregnancy and my thoughts on different things, what I'd like to try etc. I chatted about trying colostrum harvesting and breastfeeding if possible (understanding that it may or may not happen at the time, just thinking about what I'd like to try). I saw my Dad roll his eyes at my Mum, and then he started laughing. He said I don't know how you 3 (me and my siblings) ever survived! I was shocked at his response, he's usually very supportive about anything I do/ideas I have. When he went out of the room, Mum said so much has changed since you were born, there's far too much information for you now. I said that yes, they have obviously done more research in the last 30 years since I was born, as they would have done when she had me, compared to when my Grandma gave birth. She agreed, but was still smirking. I ended up saying that I wasn't prepared to discuss anything further with them if they were going to be like this.
Has anyone else had these reactions, and how did you deal with it?

You have to develop a well-honed judgment filter. This is just the beginning.

They will probably be mocking you making use of a safe rear-facing car seat for your baby, having them sleep in your room, not giving them juice all the time as toddlers.

There are all manner of things that previous generations (and some of our peers) will roll their eyes at you for.

Be secure in your choices. There is no shame at all in making use of the latest knowledge re bringing up a baby. Just roll your eyes right back at them!

I did end up sending my mum the stats on how cot death has reduced since the guidelines for looking after newborns came in when she was questioning me insisting on a new mattress for newborn DD at their place rather than the ancient one in the loft. It helped as once you're faced with the figures you realise it's worth following the guidance.

Thats ok age catches up with us all 😂

They are entitled to their opinion,
no nonsense, stern Aquamarine.
"Labour" and "parenting" must have been much harder for these insufferable idiots then it is now.
But hey, I'm child free, so just guessing.

Insta mostly isn't evidence based - it's mainly some randoms opinion on social media (a bit like your opinion on here @Soontobe60 ).

Colostrum harvesting and "mixed views" (who's views?). is fine if you're doing it 37+ weeks. So comment about bringing on early labour are irrelevant if you're doing it as per guidelines.

I've never understood why colostrum harvesting triggers so much debate
For me it's because I've only heard of it when there have been posters here getting themselves really stressed out trying and failing to do it and worrying it means they'll never be able to breastfeed.

I can see the benefit if you do end up not being able to bf right away but the messaging seems to be it's essential and making women worry about something they really don't need to worry about in most cases.

OP@Firsttimemumtobee do you not think that your dad may actually be embarrassed?! I don’t know if all dads are quite happy to talk about their daughters breasts, periods,sex lives etc !!it might be just a bit much for him. I know my mum has expressed how much things have changed ( she was fed cows milk straight from the nearby farm from day of birth!) and I saw advice on things change from baby 1 to baby 2 myself ( nobody thought an occasional alcoholic drink a problem….)

My mum (70's) stated that a friend had a new grandchild and nowadays you can't do this and can't do that and how on earth did they manage to keep us alive and "what a load of nonsense"!

I pointed out to her that 5x as many babies died of SIDS in the 60's when she had her kids, compared to today. Therefore, we've learnt from history and an evidence base and changed guidelines accordingly and to imagine the 1000's of people alive today because of it. (she still guffawed!).

Colostrum harvesting is of questionable benefit and something which makes women in the last 3 weeks of pregnancy feel stressed and like failures if they can't do it.

@123anotherday Where did OP state that she discussed her sex life with her dad?

I've never understood why colostrum harvesting triggers so much debate. If you start after 37 weeks (as is recommended) there are no risks attached.

There may be low risk but there is still a cost. The cost is that it is time consuming, often painful (if you have sore breasts in pregnancy which many do), and stressful or worrying if you don't get a yield. So many threads on here "I haven't managed to harvest colostrum, will I not be able to breastfeed?"

The mother's time and peace of mind shouldn't be of zero consideration.

And I'm a huge fan of breastfeeding btw. But by far the best way to do it, is direct from breast to baby. Any syringe feeding is time spent not latching on.

If you are in the rare situation that you are prevented from even visiting your baby, you can harvest at that point and you'll get a better yield after the birth.

i was making a point-she is discussing a function of her breasts with her dad ,that’s not every dads cup of tea! Pregnancy itself is a very real example that your daughter is having sex, some people can prefer to distance themselves from what their daughters are doing and can find it embarrassing. I would never ever have discussed breast feeding with my dad .

Pregnancy itself is a very real example that your daughter is having sex

Omg where do I even start with this? How creepy do you imagine this dad to be?!

Colostrum harvesting?

Googling tells me it "could help your baby get off to a good start"

I understand the desire to do everything right, but this sort of thing really isn't necessary. Sure if your baby is premature your milk might not be in straight away - but they can literally only take in a few drops anyway?

Things do change but also older mothers didn't all raise their children with dumb luck.

(PS mine are teens now - no difference between those that were bottle fed and those that were breast fed in terms of health.
PPS - I wasn't intentionally doing an experiment!)

I would bet that most people have had that reaction tbh.

The thing is both your parents and you are right. There has been lots of research since they had you and lots of it like safer sleeping and rear facing car seats is excellent and save lives. Other areas though and massive increase of 'experts' many of which are not but have popularised parenting blogs, insta whatever makes the parenting journey very prescriptive and means you move away from trusting your senses and instincts. Not to mention the stress it can cause when you find things harder than that perfect Insta mum.

I always recommend the book Bringing up Baby by Daisy Goodwin, it's not parenting book but more of a literature review and contextualising the advice given to parents throughout the ages, it's really good at helping you see the wood for the trees and bringing everything into perspective.

Good post.

@123anotherday
So yet another example of sexualising breasts/breastfeeding/pregnancy and it's women like you that perpetuate it.

Thank you @Mumoftwo1312, my thoughts exactly as I read @123anotherday response to my post.

Perhaps you want to live in the real world ? Just because you as a woman think that ,doesn’t mean to say someone’s dad may be fully comfortable discussing it? It’s not worth getting upset with her dad about it if he is normally a good ,supportive dad.

I have no issue with OP at all. I have issue with people like you that had to sexualise a completely normal function and suggest her dad is thinking about her having sex. I am in the 'real world' by the way - I actually work in this field.

And I may well be a similar age to the OPs parents …or do you not think having some understanding of generational views might have any bearing on this! I don’t know why you think it’s perfectly ok to insult someone and state “ people like you “ …if you work in the field you know full well people in their 40s/50s grew up in a very different society .

Eye rolling by anyone, not least your dad, is very unpleasant op and I understand why you feel upset about that but I do think you are being a tad precious about this. Your parents came to see you, they love you, they are excited about the birth. That’s all good! So why are you choosing to focus on this negative bit of the interaction?

All your dad meant was that they managed perfectly well doing things the old-fashioned way. I don’t think it was a personal comment. Just a comment on how things have changed and that he doesn’t really understand those changes, which is true about a lot of people when they get older. It’s a tad irritating but nothing more than that!

In your shoes I would try and respond in a jokey way and say something like “and welcome back to the 1970s” and roll your eyes in turn. Tease him and say “surely you don’t expect all parenting science to stay the same after 30 years of research Dad do you?”. This makes the point that things have moved on, you are standing your ground and yet you are not taking yourself too seriously.

Have to admit I had never heard of the term before, but had my last child 14 yrs ago. Reading about it, on NHS sites, it seems like a useful thing to try do if possible, especially in certain situations.
Not sure about the words used though, 'harvesting' just feels a bit wrong, but not sure what other terminology you could use instead.

My MIL told me the reason I had a miscarriage recently is because I'm still breastfeeding. All my nutrients are going into my 16 month old and there were none left for a pregnancy.

Rude, offensive and nonsense. She thinks that human milk becomes as nutritionally equivelant to water at exactly 6 months.

Real reason for miscarriage: my age and my husband's poor sperm quality (our toddler is a 6 round of ivf miracle!)

They say utter nonsense. Harvesting colostrum is for in case your baby is a preemy isn't it?

I tried doing it and it was impossible and just stressed me out. I had no problems when baby was born so didn't need an emergency supply.

I think there's a very specific audience for conversations about things like colostrum harvesting and it's likely that your parents are not really in that demographic.

I'm being diplomatic here.