Due July 2024 - part 3

[Oatmilktea]

I noticed the other thread was full and have started a new one.

Lovely to hear of everyone’s 20 week scans. Thanks to those of you who gave me a list of baby essentials, very helpful!

Hope you’re all doing well!

Hey Sophie 3003, I was hoping my short stature would be the leading cause but the skeletal exam yesterday wasn’t that positive. There was high resistance uterine arteries, not impacting blood flow through the chord yet but indicative that it will. So the consultant said it was a growth restricted pregnancy rather than just a small baby. Baby is only 283 grams at 20 weeks so he/she is tiny.

We have another scan in two weeks to see if there is any growth at all but right now it’s just so scary as if the blood flow to the chord stops working baby will be starved of oxygen and too small to survive outside the womb. I’m beside myself with worry xx

@Hoping4amiracle - hang on in there. I also have the same results from the uterine artery Doppler, hence the expectation I’ll get preeclampsia again. For me last time baby was fine but I went into organ failure so we had to deliver at 28weeks. He’s three now and apart from being little is incredible and a force of nature, one of the smartest kids in his class etc. We spent 8weeks in nicu which is obviously not enjoyable but survivable and there are lots of resources out there to help. We were there with babies born as young as 24weeks who are also now incredible 3 year olds so although it’s not how you’d plan your baby entering the world it still means outcomes can work out well in the end.

for you I expect it’ll be the same as me now with lots of monitoring and extra scans and they’ll keep baby where they are as long as possible. If you want to reach out for a private chat feel free to DM me

I am really sorry to hear this. I do hope all goes well for you.

@Morningcoffeeaddict thanks, it helps to hear from someone else going through the same thing. Can I ask when you found out about IUGR and was your son’s growth small for GA or was it more the risk that it would tail off?

How did you handle the stress during that time? Xx

@Hoping4amiracle - my son was never diagnosed with IUGR, the placenta issue is the same but my consultant said it either ends up as IUGR or the high BP from forcing blood through to baby causes organ failure in the mother. In my case baby was mainly ok, although always on or below 9th percentile from birth so on the small side but my liver and kidneys started struggling.

I had no warning last time but given history there’s a few things I’d recommend that I’ve done preparing this time around. One is therapy - you can request a mental health midwife to support or if you want to see someone privately I can recommend miraclemoon on instagram (and maybe facebook - I don’t have it so not sure) Frankie is a clinical psychologist who specialises in parents going through nicu/having premature/ medically complex babies. Her son was born prematurely so she’s a professional but also genuinely understands. Sessions were via Zoom obviously not Instagram.

If it’s looking like you’re going to need a stay in NICU with baby then the hospital should be able to arrange a tour for you so you can see the department and equipment, meet some of the team and ask any questions you may have. Different hospitals have different policies but mine did that for me in the couple of days I had before he was delivered. It makes it less of a surprise on arriving there with your baby then as you feel like you at least know the layout and familiar faces. Mine also had a photo wall with stories of some of their graduates and I found it comforting to hear how well those babies had done.

Support on social media is up to you - there is an incredible community out there, Facebook groups etc for eg IUGR, premature babies, nicu mamas etc who will wrap you up and try to give advice and help often from people with similar experiences and stories. I would be careful though as I found the parents with the worst outcomes tend to stay in those groups longest so you get a lot of worst case scenarios when asking for people’s experiences as the majority of parents who have gone home fine etc etc seem to move on from actively seeking out the community. I personally left a few as I found they were getting too negative and it made me unnecessarily sad. That being said, miracle moon who I mentioned and nicu natter both run pretty balanced and supportive communities.

Thanks @Morningcoffeeaddict that is so helpful and I appreciate you taking the time out to talk me through this.

I got really upset talking to the consultant and FM midwife, we have had such a long journey with infertility and miscarriages, we were 1:2 for DS and I think this was just the last straw for me, I broke. Midwife was kind though and has referred me for counselling - I’m a bit skeptical but if it helps me control stress and potentially blood pressure then I’m happy to give it a try.

I agree with your comments on social media, I know the risks and I know this can end badly - but I need to retain hope so it’s probably best to avoid that kind of negativity. Xx

@Hoping4amiracle - do reach out if you need anything. It’s such a tough time and with your journey you’re allowed to be upset and let yourself feel that. I think the therapy just helps in terms of having someone to talk to that’s not impacted by it personally - I found it hard speaking to my husband because I was half wanting to protect him from how hard I was finding things when he was going through the same thing. A counsellor you can just let all your feelings out without that worry if burdening them (if that makes sense at all).

Have they suggested low dose aspirin or any BP medication that may help? I know people with IUGR babies that have hung on in there until more like 34 weeks but I’m guessing like with preeclampsia it’ll be the balancing act of constant monitoring until they have no choice about delivery and hoping they can hold off as long as possible. Sending lots of love and positive thoughts to you and baby

hey,

They haven’t mentioned anything about blood pressure medication but I’m going to mention it at my next appointment. When I’ve been getting checks they have had to take my blood pressure several times before they are happy with it so it’s obviously on the high side. I’m on aspirin and starting high dose vitamin E with it as read that can help.

Consultant said aim is 32 weeks but I didn’t feel she offered me much in the way of hope it could be ok. She was the same when we met after getting screening results, I asked her if she has ever come across someone with results like mine and baby not have a chromosomal issue and she said ‘honestly, no’. I spent a week inconsolable and baby was ok. I know nobody has a crystal ball but you kind of need your consultant to keep you calm in situations like this x

See what they say on the BP meds, it’s worth the question. I’ve been on them since my son was born but they do seem to be helping this time around although like I say for me the uterine artery issue seems to impact me more than baby so slightly different.

its good you’re on the aspirin already - I knew something was up during my scan when the FM consultant said “you are taking your aspirin right?” so it must help. I hadn’t heard about vitamin E, I’ll ask my midwife when I see her Tuesday about that one.

The consultant you have does make a real difference for these things. They may admit you for a time before baby comes if they decide they need to monitor really closely, when that happens you see a different doctor every day depending on who is on rounds and you do find they vary in their ideas (and bedside manner) which I found frustrating. They also give you steroid injections and some other meds to help baby’s lungs be ready and once they’ve got you in and think delivery will be soon. From 32 weeks they change the type of preemie classification and it’s statistically medically much easier so that’s when they like to aim for but realistically I think it’s a bit of a “wait and see” rather than them being able to give you a scientific timeline, but you’d rather they sound confident that you can trust them to do the best thing no matter what. Your baby is already defying the odds with their DS outcome so hopefully they’ll keep defying odds as they go and you’ll get a new consultant for baby once they arrive anyway who will hopefully be more reassuring.

Can anyone advise on what to buy feeding wise?!

I have bought the tommee tippee feeding kit which has a steriliser, bottle warmer, bottles. Also think I’m going to buy the perfect prep set as have heard good things.

But I’m hoping to combi feed. So breastfeeding wise - nothing?! Or a pump? Or do people usually purchase those when they know for sure how the baby will feed, as then can be so expensive!

@Lisao86 I’d hold off of anything expensive like the perfect prep or breast pump until you are sure your LO will take a bottle…

@Bali200 I took magnesium supplements from Boots last pregnancy and that really helped.

@Lisao86 I bought an Elvie in the Black Friday sale last time as I knew 99% sure I would be pumping due to returning to work at 4 months with international travel (so only scenario where I wouldn't be, was if breastfeeding utterly and totally didn't work out). That said a) there are cheaper alternatives on the market now and b) midwifes always recommend not to buy anything till you know more about your feeding situation and milk supply, anywhere between 2-8 weeks in. You can borrow/rent until then if it is something you want to experiment with. (Personally I highly recommend asking for this in hospital already, if you are in any way struggling!)

Edit: same for bottles. We borrowed a few different kinds of off my SIL, and actually ended up just keeping them as she bought new ones for her next baby lol. We only used them the first 2 months when feeding was super hard, and then later on for nursery; and at around age one baby actually started drinking from an open cup out of own accord... We sterilised with Milton, sometimes boiling, and I had a very nice bottle cleaning spray from Nimble (I think they still do that).

@Lisao86 - I’d agree with the others on waiting until you know for sure on how you’re going to feed and getting limited supplies (it all adds up really quickly if you don’t end up using half of it). Bottles for example, I know people who’ve tried one of every brand on a quest to find one their baby will take. We didn’t have a steriliser as used the mam bottles and they are self contained for sterilising, also didn’t use perfect prep as there’s mixed guidance on how hygienic they are (plenty of people use them with no problems) and we had a nicu baby so extra careful about contamination and infections. To be honest with the liquid formula for night feeds we found we were ok without one as in the day you can just make the bottle with enough time for it to cool if you know their schedule more or less. Pumps are also expensive and not everyone’s cup of tea, plus different things work for different people - Elvie seems like marmite for example. I rented a pump which worked well to give me chance to decide what I got on with, pumped for 6 months as baby never latched but honestly hated it so still undecided on whether I’ll pump again this time if it comes to it

Sorry for being a bit dense but when you are talking about borrowing pumps etc where or what kind of places rent out these kind of things please?

@Julymumtobe hospitals sometimes rent them out, I never rented one so I'm not sure how you contact them. Your midwife might know

Last time I bought an all singing, all dancing double electric pump for when I went back to work and could never get it to work. I ended up sticking with my £30 manual pump so that was a waste of £200!

We have Maam self sterilising bottles. Regarding breast pump I asked some mum friends and they all said Mendala (which is hospital grade) which is reasonably priced brand new however I found one on Vinted for a tenner. Even though I don't know if my milk will come in etc, I was anxious about not having anything. X

@Lisao86 I wouldn't worry too much about getting feeding things in advanced. Like multiple people have said everything can be bought quickly or rented. With my first, we were readmitted after 5 days as my milk was late coming in. I had to triple feed for a little while (breast feed, pump, cup/bottle feed). Thankfully, I only had to do it properly for 24 hours as once my milk came in and I pumped off the engorgement, we managed to latch pretty well and the midwives were really supportive in getting us going properly. I ordered a pump off Amazon while we were back in hospital and it arrived before I was home.

I feel differently on the feeding stuff, but probably because I like to be prepared! With DS I knew I really really wanted to breastfeed, but also wanted the option of my partner feeding with a bottle of expressed milk too. So I bought an Elvie while pregnant and took it with me to the hospital along with the breastfeeding friendly bottles I'd bought (i went for the Medela Calma bottles. I ended up loving the Elvie so much I ordered a second one to the hospital (i was there just over a week for complications). I went against all advice against pumping and giving a bottle before 8 weeks and tbh I'm glad I did. I got a good stretch of sleep while DP fed DS in the night and had a great supply. I'm still feeding DS 2 years later!

I’ve seen some barely used breast pumps on Vinted for under £10

How is everyone getting on? I have my 20 week scan tomorrow (will be 20+4) and I am just a ball of nerves! I'm excited to see her again but so worried something will be wrong as I have so many health conditions 😓 I can feel her moving around and giving me big kicks which is comforting though and I am defo starting to get a nice little bump on the go!

@missmoosh Awww good luck! I’m 22 weeks tomorrow also having a girl. I’ve only just started to feel her kicking (I assume it’s her and not wind). I don’t have a bump yet though just look bloated lol. Good luck for your scan!

Hope it goes well @missmoosh - scanxiety is horrible isn't it. I was the same at my 20 week scan, and all scans I've ever had! Let us know how you get on ❤️

I've got my 24 weeks midwife appt tomorrow, hoping I get to hear the heartbeat and that everything is ok. Time is going fast! Bump is growing and I can feel so much more movement this time than I did with my first - its so nice ☺️
I'm so tired though, I nap everyday as I can't keep my eyes open. I wasn't this tired with my first!

Hope everyone else is doing ok?

Thank you! Yes scanxiety is really hard! Thankfully it's a morning appointment so don't have to wait all day for it!

Hope your appointment goes well! It's always lovely to hear the heartbeat!

@missmoosh @chilliflakesmum I hope your appointments go well.

I've got an appointment on Thursday with a midwife in the "VBAC clinic" to discuss birth options. Not fully sure what to expect. I didn't have my C-section at the hospital I'm at now so I think it'll be going through the reasons why I had the c-section and then a plan going forward. I'm hoping I'll be able to have a fairly un-medicated hands off birth but we shall see!

@wannabe123 I had my VBAC appointment last week and then midwife was so lovely. She spent an hour with us going through exactly what I didn't want to happen again after a traumatic first birth (premature planned c section), and I feel loads better about my options going forward. We've spoken to her and also a doula and feel like we've got more options now!