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Original poster

Partner Doesn't Want The Baby

116 replies

Bluebirde · 05/01/2024 23:02

Hi!

Looking to rant and get some support and advice here.

I'm 29 and this is my first ever pregnancy.
I'm 8 weeks today and after some discussions, my partner, 38, wants me to have an abortion. He said he would support me no matter what, but that he would prefer I terminated the pregnancy.
I really want to keep my baby.

I feel so guilty no matter what. I feel guilty that I'm considereing an abortion when I love this baby. I feel guilty that I don't want an abortion when my partner does.

My partner is very loving. He constantly tells me he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and have kids with me when we're ready. I believe him and hope this is true - but I worry about the emotional strain this abortion will put on us.

Has anyone else had an abortion for their partner? How did it go?

OP posts:
Jellycats4life · 05/01/2024 23:04

He’s 38. If he isn’t ready to have a child now, when will he?

Beamur · 05/01/2024 23:08

It's fair enough to talk this through and consider what everyone wants but ultimately it's your choice.
Personally I think it's disingenuous to say 'I'll support you whatever' and then say he wants you to terminate '.

Useruser1212 · 05/01/2024 23:09

I had an abortion at 21 when my (now ex) partner told me he didn't want to have a child yet, he wasn't ready (he was also 21 in fairness). I knew we were too young and not financially ready, even though we loved each other and would have been great parents. I made the really hard decision to have an abortion and I must say it really haunted me for some time. I am now 30, I have a wonderful husband, a 6 month old daughter and I'm 4 months pregnant with my son, I couldn't be happier and even though back then I felt overwhelmed with guilt and regret, I know now that I made the right decision. It did ultimately lead to us breaking up, not immediately but about 12 months later. I don't think I could recover from him telling me he wasn't ready, as I felt he pretty much made the decision for both of us then.

FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 05/01/2024 23:10

Good grief he’s nearly 40 and not ready? Don’t have an abortion you don’t want.

Cas112 · 05/01/2024 23:10

Jellycats4life · 05/01/2024 23:04

He’s 38. If he isn’t ready to have a child now, when will he?

This

He will probably drag you along telling you he's not ready and then when it will be to late for you when you realised what he's done.

Chaiandtoast · 05/01/2024 23:11

He’s 38. If he’s not ready now what’s going to change in the future?

GCAcademic · 05/01/2024 23:11

Jellycats4life · 05/01/2024 23:04

He’s 38. If he isn’t ready to have a child now, when will he?

Quite.

LorlieS · 05/01/2024 23:11

I'm assuming you had unprotected sex? If he didn't want a baby, why did he not use a condom?

tsmainsqueeze · 05/01/2024 23:12

Don't be pressured into aborting a baby you want , a relationship is unlikely to survive this the bitterness would eat you up.
He is unreasonable to even suggest this.
Have your baby you won't regret it ,if he leaves he isn't worth bothering about , but if he stays he owes you bigtime .
I hope things work out for you and that he turns out to be the kind of partner and father he should be.
Don't make do if he is not good enough , becoming a parent can be hard enough even in a loving relationship so don't waste your time if this man makes your life harder.
When that precious baby is in your arms you will know what love really is and your inner strength will see you through.

Milkand2sugarsplease · 05/01/2024 23:14

Definitely don't have an abortion you don't want.

If he's not ready at 38, I think he's telling you he won't be ready at all. And if a surprise pregnancy at 38 hasn't spurred him to thinking it might be something he wants to, it's even more of an indication he won't want them.

If you abort a baby you want for him, your relationship is over because you'll never forgive yourself or him.

If you keep it, your relationship might be over if baby comes between you but he also might learn that he does actually want children.

heartsinvisiblefury · 05/01/2024 23:15

I had an abortion because my partner of 11 years said he wasn't ready and didn't want it. Biggest regret of my life. I should have left him and kept the baby.

fairymary87 · 05/01/2024 23:16

You don't want the abortion, don't do it

Jingleballs2 · 05/01/2024 23:18

Jellycats4life · 05/01/2024 23:04

He’s 38. If he isn’t ready to have a child now, when will he?

That's what I was thinking! He's nearing middle age..

LorlieS · 05/01/2024 23:18

@Bluebirde Would this be his first child too?

catcurl · 05/01/2024 23:18

He is 38 and still not ready ( you don't say how long you have been together), if you are going to spend the rest of your lives together, it sounds like this might be your only chance of a baby.

You say yourself that you already consider the pregnancy a baby and that you love the baby.

Don't feel obliged to have a termination you don't want.

SleepingStandingUp · 05/01/2024 23:19

Keep the baby. An abortion you don't want, for a baby you love, will kill your relationship so fast.

Keep the baby and let the man work out what he wants. I wouldn't rush to LTB but I'd give him chance to come round. Does he have kids? What are the living and working arrangements? Why not now?

Congratulations x

Original poster
Bluebirde · 05/01/2024 23:20

Yep, first for both of us!

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 05/01/2024 23:20

No question, keep the baby.
Your relationship will not survive if you have an abortion you don't want.

Outforlunchallday · 05/01/2024 23:21

I wouldn’t believe him and his future faking.
If you want to keep your baby then keep your baby. Don’t be pressured either way. It’s your decision.
And don’t trust a word he says.

C0untDucku1a · 05/01/2024 23:21

Look, he isnt your future. Like everyone else said, he is nearly 40. he doesn't want his life changing.

I really want to keep my baby.
this is all you need to focus on. You want the baby. And it will be you or deals with the outcome.

I feel guilty that I don't want an abortion when my partner does.
Don't feel guilty for wanting the baby.

He constantly tells me he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and have kids with me when we're ready.
How long have you been together? Has he proposed? Are you buying a house together?

ignore what he says. What does he do?

Original poster
Bluebirde · 05/01/2024 23:23

@LorlieS
Neither of us have kids, we live together and we both work full time. We are only together 2 years though so not that long!

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 05/01/2024 23:24

OP

Please note: The Reply button on here does not work. If you use it you will not actually reply to that post but create a new post not linked and nobody will be able to follow the conversation.

Please use Quote (under the three dots) instead or copy part of the post you want to reply to and put it between asterisks to make it bold.

TheShellBeach · 05/01/2024 23:24

Bluebirde · 05/01/2024 23:23

@LorlieS
Neither of us have kids, we live together and we both work full time. We are only together 2 years though so not that long!

Edited

Quote works like this btw

LorlieS · 05/01/2024 23:24

I agree with @C0untDucku1a.

Absolutely do not be pressured into an abortion; your body, your choice.

But don't be at all surprised if he leaves you to raise the baby on your own.

If you want to keep the baby, you can do this!

StSwithinsDay · 05/01/2024 23:25

Has anyone else had an abortion for their partner? How did it go?

Do not have an abortion for him.