Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Partner Doesn't Want The Baby

116 replies

Bluebirde · 05/01/2024 23:02

Hi!

Looking to rant and get some support and advice here.

I'm 29 and this is my first ever pregnancy.
I'm 8 weeks today and after some discussions, my partner, 38, wants me to have an abortion. He said he would support me no matter what, but that he would prefer I terminated the pregnancy.
I really want to keep my baby.

I feel so guilty no matter what. I feel guilty that I'm considereing an abortion when I love this baby. I feel guilty that I don't want an abortion when my partner does.

My partner is very loving. He constantly tells me he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and have kids with me when we're ready. I believe him and hope this is true - but I worry about the emotional strain this abortion will put on us.

Has anyone else had an abortion for their partner? How did it go?

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 05/01/2024 23:26

Do you own a house together?

Woristag · 05/01/2024 23:26

Keep the baby. If you abort, you will deeply regret it down the line and resent your partner.
Especially since, given his age, it's not very likely he will change his mind in the future.
What if you have the abortion and he still leaves you?

Read online about women who have decided to abort a baby they really wanted and the mental impact it has had on them.

Original poster
Bluebirde · 05/01/2024 23:26

TheShellBeach · 05/01/2024 23:24

Quote works like this btw

Edited
Show quote history

Thank you!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Bluebirde · 05/01/2024 23:27

TheShellBeach · 05/01/2024 23:26

Do you own a house together?

No but we are renting one together

OP posts:
LorlieS · 05/01/2024 23:28

@TheShellBeach How does this make a difference?

LorlieS · 05/01/2024 23:31

@Bluebirde Don't worry about not owning a property together. My husband and I still don't and we're 43 and 47 with a toddler! We both work ft as you and your partner do but we simply can't afford a mortgage. Are you both on the Tenancy Agreement?

Mumofteenandtween · 05/01/2024 23:32

You are calling it a baby. You say you love the baby.

There is no decision to make here.

Coyoacan · 05/01/2024 23:32

Well there is a lot more to having a baby than just wanting one. I'm in favour of you keeping it but have you thought through the practicalities?

Original poster
Bluebirde · 05/01/2024 23:34

LorlieS · 05/01/2024 23:31

@Bluebirde Don't worry about not owning a property together. My husband and I still don't and we're 43 and 47 with a toddler! We both work ft as you and your partner do but we simply can't afford a mortgage. Are you both on the Tenancy Agreement?

Yeah we're both on the agreement! House prices are just too brutal these days 😂

OP posts:
Vinrouge4 · 05/01/2024 23:34

Please don’t abort a baby because someone wants you too. You sound like you already love it. Please put the baby first.

honeylulu · 05/01/2024 23:35

He's very arrogant isn't he? Wants you to terminate but doesn't seem to give a thought as to how that will affect you and/or your feelings for him. Seems to think the relationship will just continue as if nothing happened.

If I felt pressured to terminate by partner when I didn't want to I don't think the relationship would survive. I just don't think I could feel the same way again.

LorlieS · 05/01/2024 23:37

@Bluebirde Tell me about it!!
I know it's probably something you don't want to think about, but would you be OK to cover the rent if it ended up being just you? I know you would likely get government top-ups if under earning thresholds etc (I was a single mum in rented myself for a number of years).

Snugglemonkey · 05/01/2024 23:41

I would keep the baby. Your relationship may well not survive, but if you want this baby and abort for him, the relationship is unlikely to survive anyway. So you may as well enjoy the baby.

thegreylady · 05/01/2024 23:45

If you were ambivalent about the pregnancy then the conversation about abortion would be valid but you are not. You want your baby therefore that is what you do and if he genuinely loves you he will support you.

SwordToFlamethrower · 05/01/2024 23:48

No man should tell a pregnant woman who wants to be pregnant, to get an abortion!!!

Do not abort a wanted baby, it will eat you up and destroy your mental health.

Dump the man, keep the baby. Be happy.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. I wish you a beautiful birth and a healthy and happy baby

Badbearday · 05/01/2024 23:49

We didn’t own a house till our youngest was 3.

I’m sorry OP, I wouldn’t have an abortion for him. It’s not like either of you are very young & have some growing up to do. You’ve both been grown for some time.

I don’t think there’s ever a good time to have a baby to be honest. Our youngest certainly wasn’t planned to arrive when she did & we could have benefited from at least another year before she was born 🤣. But we made it work. I’d have massively resented him he’d pointed me towards abortion when we found out.

Good luck.

SleepingStandingUp · 05/01/2024 23:50

Bluebirde · 05/01/2024 23:23

@LorlieS
Neither of us have kids, we live together and we both work full time. We are only together 2 years though so not that long!

Edited

We were married within 18 months, TTC immediately. It isn't too soon if you want it

TeaGinandFags · 05/01/2024 23:59

DO. NOT. ABORT!

This is your decision and your baby and I think you have made it.

At 38 he's as ready as he'll ever be. Him saying you'll have your unspecified children at some unspecified time is just his way of keeping you dangling at the end of a piece of string.

Sit him down and explain that his future child is on its way and tell him what support you want. If he buggers off he'll have done you a favour even if it breaks your heart. Just make sure his parents know the wrong he done you.

And remind yourself that no woman who wanted a termination spoke about her baby when she could speak about her crisis pregnancy. You're a mum now.

Snowdogsmitten · 06/01/2024 00:01

Don’t abort a baby you want for a man. Especially not one who’s totally future faking you.

He’s already 38 and will be ready for kids ‘one day’, but not now for some reason? Come off it.

TheShellBeach · 06/01/2024 00:14

LorlieS · 05/01/2024 23:28

@TheShellBeach How does this make a difference?

How does what make a difference?

ohmyohmy123 · 06/01/2024 00:18

If you are meant to be then he would want to support you at this time irrespective of how difficult. Asking you or suggesting to you that you abort means he isn't in it for the long term.

Do what suits you. He will leave no matter what you decide.

Minewasthesame · 06/01/2024 00:19

Why? Why isn’t he ready? Why do you feel ready?

WhereIsBebèsChambre · 06/01/2024 00:21

Jellycats4life · 05/01/2024 23:04

He’s 38. If he isn’t ready to have a child now, when will he?

Sadly I agree, he'll always have a reason why nows not quite right timing.

WandaWonder · 06/01/2024 00:27

So you are prepared to do this as a single parent is basically what you will end up doing

If so continue

No matter what knives come out towards the man in this it appears he is being honest

Symphony830 · 06/01/2024 00:36

I can hand on heart say that I had an abortion and it was the worst thing I ever did because I wanted to have a baby. He didn’t… and was quite manipulative.

Immediately regretted it - just like I knew I would. Afterwards, all I wanted to do was to get pregnant again to right the wrong. The relationship didn’t last much after that.

I strongly recommend that you speak to a close friend or a family member. Don’t keep this a secret! I was due to meet a friend a few days before to discuss but she had to cancel. Had I met her, I know she’d have said ‘follow your heart’ and the outcome would have been different.

They say few women regret an abortion, but I am one of those stats that did: it haunted me for years.