Due July 24 - Part 2

[MixedCouple]

Started a new thread as the last one is full.
Got my apt letter today for my scan in Jan will be the 11th should be 12w 3D.

@Oatmilk - it is tough but what else cam we do. Have no other choixe but to suffer and keep going. I reflect very very often in the ease of my last pregnancy. Naps when I wanted. Sleep in when I wanted. Just really self centered 😂 now I am lucky to put my feet up for 10mins.

I just think loooooads of women have done, are doing it. And I need to suck it up.
My Nausea is easing up a little the last couple days. So hopefully it goes soon.

@justanotherlaura I did 8 months last time and officially went back before the summer holidays started. DH only got 2 weeks and his school weren't even sure about that one being paid. I remember we had to save quite a bit beforehand and a friend of mine had to do the same before going off with her second DC.
This time round, I'm signed off until the end of my pregnancy on full pay. (I'm classified as high risk and our company physician had to make the decision. My medical insurance will cover the pay and reimburse my employer.)
Both DH and I qualify to the max amount of maternity/paternity pay, which is £1600/month for 12 months. We can split this in different ways. I can also extend some of that to get extra money if I go back part time a little earlier. Its quite flexible, which is nice, but also makes it harder to decide what to do.

I took 4 months mat leave last time and that was fine for me. I like my job and work from home so was okay to combine. Baby started half days at nursery. Intend to take 6 months this time just because it seems stupid to go back to work in December, and we moved and the new nursery doesn't take babies till they're 6 months. Pisses me off no end the inequality between maternity leave and paternity leave, wish my husband would have to take 6 months too! And my colleagues are always super surprised I don't take a year + pretty patronising ('oh you can always change your mind and take longer dear'). Ugh I have a lot to say on this.

I guess it depends on the job you are doing. When I went back with DS last time, he was in nursery three days a week...from 7.30am to 6pm. That's a bloody long time. He loved his nursery and the ladies there were amazing. It was tricky, though, with him getting every illness possible for the first few weeks. DH had reduced to four days per week as had I, although I basically still had to do everything I would have done in a full time position just with less money. It was still hard covering the illnesses at the beginning.
I don't intend to rush back this time. I love my job and I'm bloody good at it...but I know they'll cope without me. I might ease myself back in slowly during the summer term on a reduced timetable. DH would then stay home. He's quite keen to have a more extended paternity leave. Most nurseries here don't take kids under 12 months anyway, although ours does take them from 6 months.
I could potentially take three years off, with two of those paid. I probably won't but its still quite common here for kids not to start in a formal childcare setting until they are 3. I know DH's colleague is going to stay off for three years with her second, who is due in March. Its personal preference, I guess.

Oh yeah didn't mean to come across judgemental @Busyhedgehog ! The illnesses from nursery are ridiculous aren't they. We didn't really get hit by them till we switched nurseries this September, and it's been a new virus every 2 weeks since. We have no family nearby to help... I swear we're at our wits' end.

Hey All! Had my 12 week scan today and it all went so well! Saw the baby swimming around and even spotted it extending one of its legs and retracting it back! Like a little karate kick. Could count all fingers and toes too :)

Measuring at 12w5 days and my due date has changed from July 11 to July 6th now.

@AnonymousXXIX I have a question! You mentioned you work from home & had your DC in half days at nursery from 4 months. I wanted to try and juggle WFH with a baby from like 6m-9m or so. Am I being naive? Is it impossible to WFH with a baby?? Thanks!

I personally took 14 months off with my older 2. Added my annual leave accrued onto the end of the 1 year. This was mainly as I didn’t want to miss their first steps and dealt with postnatal depression and PTSD after my first so didn’t want to leave her at all. I will see how I feel this time round with it being twins. My OH is more than happy for me to not return to work at all but I enjoy my financial independence of having a wage and adult conversation
I would gladly start shopping now but trying to hold off until we know the genders. I’m set on the Bugaboo Donkey 5 though and had a full demonstration in a baby shop today

@ExpectantEs I also had my 12 week today and am measuring one day ahead at 12+5 we have the same due date! Mine was doing reverse worm body flips 😂 feels so surreal to have made it to 12 weeks! I'm on cloud bloody 9 today

@bringmearainbow so pleased that your 12 week scan went well :-).
Looks like lots of people get a good maternity package. If this all goes to plan - I'll only be on SMP - not a great idea to move job and then get pregnant haha!

@bringmearainbow @ExpectantEs

I had my 12 week scan as well today! Measuring 12+4 due 7th July. Such an amazing feeling after previous 12 week scan was bad news! Although didn't get any good scan pics as baby wouldn't turn around!

@Savvy21 thanks lovely I only get smp too sucks 🙄

@LStar1 ahh amazing! Yes I know what you mean my first mc was bad news at the 12 week now I'm just grateful ive graduated from the EPU 🙈 ahhh no naughty baby. We just about managed to get one pic that was good and that was it

@ExpectantEs I think 4-9 months was easiest haha, then baby started crawling and things got more challenging! We started with 2 half days at 4 months, then increased to 3 half days at 9 months, and 4 half days at 12 months. When baby was 18 months we moved house and nursery and switched to 4 full days. I had no desire for full days before that, as I liked having some control over eating and sleeping (we're a breastfeeding contact napping kind of family). Fyi, my husband also works from home, but he literally pretends he's in an office between 9 and 5 and is completely useless during that time. He did however walk the baby up and down to nursery every day (10 mins down the road), and now drives up and down (20 mins each way) without complaining. He's also in charge of the nursery app and any correspondence and calls.

At the start obviously baby still napped loads (despite a very real 4 month sleep 'regression' in our case 😭), and otherwise played on a play mat next to my laptop. Napped in my arms while I replied to emails, or in the pram during lunchtime walk. I always tried to schedule any meetings during awake time, so I could make noise without worrying lol. Even now, I block out my calendar between 12 and 2 so no one can call me while the baby sleeps (although currently going through a phase where will only nap in pram, so I would around the house 10 times and then park in the garden haha... but still, I would rather have my lunch in peace than schedule meetings).

From 12-18 months the half days with baby home were a bit challenging to actually get work done. We had 2 mornings and 2 afternoons, so I could be available for meetings with clients in any timezone. The non-nursery halves of the day we went to the park or the library and I would answer emails on my phone, but generally block off my calendar for important calls unless absolutely required. I should say though, I am an efficiency machine - it turns out I can actually do a 40 hour workweek in 20 hours without anyone noticing any difference. Don't tell my boss, because I am still very much getting paid fulltime haha. (And I am a bit sad to think what I might have accomplished in my career if I had worked the full hours the last 2 years! Maybe I would speak fluent Spanish now? Who knows!)

And this is obviously with the major disclaimer than I am lucky to have this particular job - with colleagues who simply respect that I deliver my projects and meet my deadlines and don't ask questions about how I do it.

Yesterday's scan went well! (12+6 and kept the estimated due date of 4 July). So relieved!!!

At one point the sonographer had me lift up and jiggle my hips to get LO to change position, which felt pretty silly, but it worked.

This is my second and I'm in some of my maternity clothes already. I hadn't lost the previous baby weight yet (he's only just over a year old) plus I've been on ivf meds which seem to add to the bloat. When I went back to work in Nov after mat leave I had to buy some new work clothes a couple sizes bigger than my previous work clothes, so currently living in them and some maternity dresses and leggings.

I get out of breath when I walk uphill or climb stairs, so even though I need the exercise, I'm finding it challenging to do much. (I used to run regularly, and I miss parkrun!) I've heard swimming is great for pregnancy, so maybe I'll try to find a pool nearby. I'll have to change things around in order to make time.

I think I may have to drop my hours at work.... I'm finding everything in general really stressful right now, and I'm not sure my 44-yr old body and mind can handle full time work and a one year old and a high-ish risk pregnancy all at once.

Wow busy day for scans, I also had mine today too! They’ve measured me slightly ahead at 12+3 with a new due date of 8th July. Baby was chilling upside down on it’s tummy, @Bluebonnet3 mine had me do a wiggle too but baby refused to change position, it just started kicking it’s legs about in disgust 😂 but I’m so glad everything is looking healthy after a mmc in August ❤️

@bringmearainbow How nice our due dates are the same day! & @LStar1 on the 7th! The dates are so close. Exciting times.

I'm on cloud 9 today too, went to H&M and bought a little tiny baby Gilet and a pack of socks to mark the day.

@Bluebonnet3 We might have had the same sonographer because I also had to put my feet on the bed and do a wiggle. Felt like a belly dancer.

@AnonymousXXIX It sounds like we have similar jobs, in terms of client facing calls and calendar scheduling. This has given me a little bit more clarity of what it's going to be like with a baby at home whilst I'm working. I may have to message you closer to our due dates for a little more help if that's alright?

I usually scheduled 12-2 as lunch previously so I could go to the gym everyday. Now it's going to be so my baby can nap everyday. Life is really changing - bit scary.

@Bali200 Same at my scan with the wiggle and the kicks haha. Happy everything went well ❤️

Congrats to everyone who had their scans today! Glad to hear they went well.

I had another private scan this evening as we wanted to check all was still ok before telling DPs family over new year. It was lovely to see baby looking more like a baby and less of a blob. She said I’m measuring at 10w3d. Looking forward to my 12 week scan two weeks today!

@ExpectantEs of course!

I've felt a lot less nauseous today... And instead of feeling relieved I feel super anxious. I know placenta should start taking over now and that can help... But last pregnancy I was super sick till at least 16 weeks. 2 weeks till scan... Oh I would give anything to have one tomorrow instead!!

@ExpectantEs I’m another one who has juggled working from home with little one (a bit anyway). It is doable but like above you need to be a bit organised with it. I probably also cram more hours of work into a shorter day but boss claims not to have noticed and is happy with what I’m getting done so I’ll continue. I managed with nursery half days until my son was about 2 as he still had a solid 2 hour nap in the afternoon and you could easily rave in that boys room without waking him bless him, so no concerns about waking him if I’m on a call.

It definitely gets trickier the more they’re awake and the less they nap - my son is 3 now and it’s pretty impossible to work with him here.

@Bali200 my 12 week scan put me at the 8th July too!

@Savvy21 I have no idea what will happen with my maternity pay 🤦🏼‍♀️ I will have been in my job for nearly 2 years by the time baby is due but my contract gets renewed every September, based on finances. So I have no idea if I'll even get SMP after August as my contract will have ran out. Although, if I wasn't on maternity leave, is probably still have a job there and would love to go back after 12 months.
I started with again (new job) when DS was 11 months and felt ready.

@Savvy21@bringmearainbow I'm on SMP too... its crap! Currently trying to work out how we're going to manage to afford nursery fees while on stat and it's pretty stressful. Especially as I won't be eligible for the taxfree childcare for the last 3 months while I'm not being paid.

It makes me really mad that my company don't offer any form of enhanced pay for maternity - they get reimbursed for stat so it's like they just don't want to invest anything to keep me. They make good profits and I deliver outstanding work for our clients so there's no reason really why they shouldn't.

We had to move our timeline for baby #2 up as I've recently been diagnosed with early stage MS and the medicines can affect fertility/pregnancy so ideally we needed to have baby #2 before starting them, otherwise I'd have found a new job beforehand!

@BunBun221 that sounds a rubbish situation to be in. Sorry to hear that. Will the changes to childcare not help at all? We're lucky that DS turns 3 in February so will have free childcare hours from April. Although I think it will drop to 15 hours once my contract ends.

Hi @wannabe123 we 'should' get 15 hours from next Sept but that only works out to 1 day a week (w/o the consumable costs) so it's still about £500 a month we'll need to.cover - because of DS's age we'll only be eligible for 30 free hours from Sept 2025 (he was born June 2022) - childcare is a minefield - its exhausting trying to work it all out! 🤯

@Yummum19
Ahh, lovely!! I hope you rest assured that your baby is doing well!! When is your next scan? I see, that makes sense. I don't know what to expect so I wasn't sure which week the movements start. I also heard that babies hiccup and the mom feels it?!

@MrsHousePlant
I'm glad you had a good time! I resonate with your feelings about returning to work. I have a lovely little nap between breakfast and lunch that I don't think I could give up once I go back to work!
I'm doing absolutely fine! No nausea, just a bit of heartburn if I have something spicy which is the only thing I crave. My next scan is on 22nd Jan at 13 weeks.

It can be overwhelming, and you'll feel like you need absolutely every baby product. Just start with your basic kit only, and add to it little by little. Maybe you can start with just your hospital bag items.
I'm so keen on not spending too much on baby things because they always go to waste. I don't know how I'll feel when I'm in the being nesting phase, but I only plan to start buying at 30+ weeks. I am also determined not to buy any maternity clothes, since I have quite a few oversized things in my wardrobe. Instagram has been flooding me with ads.

@wannabe123 I think you'll qualify for SMP as you'll have been in work between particular dates. You can check here: https://www.gov.uk/maternity-paternity-calculator
It says it's for employers but it is pretty easy to fill in your information :-).
@BunBun221 ah no that's rubbish. We've been trying for 2 years for our 2nd and it just felt like I was trapped in my old job. Childcare is a nightmare - government seems to want all mums back at work but there is not really a system in place to support that!

@Savvy21 thank you for that! Seems from the calculator that it doesn't matter that my contract will run out because I had a contract with them in the qualifying period. I'll be telling work when I go back in January so I'm sure they'll give me proper confirmation but you've given me hope!