IVF pregnancies - Spring 2024 (thread 2)

[thislittlebird]

New thread! Do tag everyone I've missed, I'm off out to see the new Hunger Games so can add more later but need to dash! @CazzyM1983 @KG1244 @countrypunk @Misty84 @ASGIRC @TheBirdintheCave @Summerishere83

@Doughnut89 hi, welcome back. Sorry to hear you've had a difficult time, but glad to hear you're feeling better. How far along are you now?

And yes, 2nd tri has been a pain tbh. I've had a week of migraines, a week or more of congestion, nosebleeds, dry eyes, I'm still getting hives. I'm also tired a lot again at the moment, which is annoying. Sounds like you've had a crap time, if you needed an emergency anti-D then you're in the rhesus club with me? They tested the baby's blood type on Friday and I have to wait until 25 or 27 weeks (can't remember) to find out if I need anti-D. Seems late :/

I'm planning flu, covid, whooping cough jabs after christmas. I'm nervous of getting sick, assume I've never had a whooping cough one before so who knows how that'll go.

i can hide my bump well but someone at work commented that my boobs were huge, which they are, this was after I'd told them and she said she'd noticed lol. I just look a bit rotund really, but in my swimming costume (which I managed to get into) I do look more pregnant.

@Summerishere83 glad you're feeling better after covid! My heart was racing every day at the start, and now it's only once in a while.

Before we can do a nursery we need to clear the junk room out, and then get ours and that room redecorated. We're also debating getting a new bathroom, so need to get on that if we are.

@CollsR glad the scan went well!

I tried to raise my mental health with a midwife last week and just got told to be positive, which really pissed me off. I wanted to be referred to a counsellor because I'm struggling with anxiety around the huge change coming and the unknown so was really disappointed that "be positive" because negativity is bad for the baby was the response I got.

On the plus side, I went to a nursery/children's centre where my appointment was which was ok, lots of classes and groups to go to before and after birth.

@TheBirdintheCave just went to search for ons release again and found a mn thread saying they've posted that it will be out in March 2024! Not much point by then really

@TheBirdintheCave Thanks!

@thislittlebird Thanks too! Sucks you got dismissed for mental health support. Definitely ask for it again. Ask someone else if you can. One trick, if they aren’t forthcoming is to ask them to add it to your notes. “Would you mind making a note of that in my chart? Noting that I asked for a referral for anxiety & you didn’t feel it necessary & instead told me to stay positive.” BTW, not good advice for the situation… don’t really matter if you’re optimistic or pessimistic for the big stuff. You can approach your GP for a referral for CBT.

@IVFAlone & everyone really…My midwife recommended an app (called KicksCount) to track baby’s kicks & other movements. Pamphlet says will first feel them from 16-24 weeks & will vary until 32 weeks… then should be similar after 32 weeks. The app helps you track what’s normal for your baby so you can tell after 32 weeks if it decreases & you need to act. More info: www.kickscount.org.uk

@thislittlebird March?? We'll be nearly done by then. How am I going to make sure my names haven't spiked before the baby comes 😂 I wonder why it's six months delayed 🤔

Also I'm really sorry the midwife said that to you. I was turned down twice for perinatal mental health before they accepted me 🤦🏻‍♀️

@TheBirdintheCave It's really quite annoying, I want to browse the (out of date!) list for my favourite names. It's all very odd that it's so delayed, doesn't seem to have happened before.

Thanks @CollsR @TheBirdintheCave. I was thinking about approaching my GP since she offered to help me be referred to a consultant before, if my midwives weren't forthcoming. I could have rolled my eyes at the be positive spiel. Was that this time round @TheBirdintheCave? It's disappointing how they don't take it seriously.

@thislittlebird @TheBirdintheCave Is that the list for 2022?!?!?!?!?

Weve already had the top 10 for 2023 here in Portugal!!! I expect the full list to be out in early Jan, along with what time the first baby of the year was born and what their name is!!

My chosen name dropped from 7th to 9th last year! 😂

@ASGIRC yeah 2022, it’s a mess. Trust it to be the year I want to look at it that they’ve apparently lost the ability to run the data 😩. Every year it’s august to October roughly, and this year and this year only it is half a year later, it’s so stupid.

I guess I might get to see it before I have this kid, but the data is so out of data it’s like 🤷‍♀️

@thislittlebird Yeah with this one. I eventually discovered that it was because they're not interested in recurrent miscarriage or autism. It was the mention that I had post natal depression with my son that got me in apparently!

@ASGIRC Yup! Don't know why it's always so late with us but this year is unprecedented.

@thislittlebird sorry you have had a hard time and getting nowhere with finding help.
I’m struggling with my mental health with not being on my adhd meds and just general seriously bad anxiety and intrusive thoughts. Contacted mental health team , no help. Contacted midwife, no help.
eventually Got them both to refer me to perinatal mental health team. Not heard anything back.

contacted a private counsellor which has been some help. But I can’t afford to keep doing it. Got hypnotised, kind of helped but not solved things.

contacted Mind for weekly check ins, the day of the appointment they text to cancel and said I have to wait 28 days.

contacted mental health team again. Nothing.

I’ve found a charity called Mums Aid and they do 12 weeks counselling. If you Google them and send them an email. I’ve only just got in contact with them because I’m desperate so no idea if they are any good yet.

i know my mental health is deteriorating so i wanted to do something positive before it gets worse. When it was bad last time i couldn’t even get a shower and i didn’t eat etc. so not ideal. I’d quite like to stay away from that really but there’s so little help it’s awful.
people keep saying oh it’s your hormones, it won’t last forever you will be fine. Ummm no that’s not helpful. I know when I’m going down the slippery slope.

sending you big hugs anyway! Hope you manage to get some support x

@CazzyM1983 Thats terrible! Im sorry you havent been able to get the help you need...Hope the charity you contacted manages to help you!

And yeah, definitely not helpful to know it is temporary... Because even if it is, 4 months (or however, long it is) is still a long time!

I had my high risk unit appointment today, which went well. Baby girls seems to be doing well, fundal height is good (though they didnt tell me the actual length), and they checked my cervical length again, and it is still great! Even got to see the baby, who wasnt quite sleeping, but was definitely snoozing.

The doctor is also all ready to sign me off work due to my pain.
However, I dont want to be signed off until the new year, so will go back then.

My mom disapproves.. She thinks I should work until I basically give birth, because I somehow owe my employers, since theyve been so kind to give me a job! This has caused... some arguments.
She even asked me today if they told me why I have pain. I said "because I am pregnant". Her response? "But not every pregnant woman gets pain, why do you?" As if every single pregnancy is the same and we all have the symptoms.
It just making me really sad. Shes all about the "easy life" of having a scheduled c section (and is actively pressuring me to get one - Im not against it, so thats ok, cause Im terrified of being in labour for hours and hours on end and ending up needing an emergency CS anyway...), but staying home to have less pain is somehow skyving and the reason I will lose my job (there are a thousand protections, and my job is not at risk).

@ASGIRC thanks xx fingers crossed I get somewhere.

I totally understand about ur work situation. There’s such poor provision generally for maternity leave. I wouldn’t want to be forced into it early. I think I’d struggle losing my routine too. I’m lucky I have annual leave to use up to make my work week shorter after Xmas. So that will help me get through to my due date I hope.
all the way through my ivf and because I was poorly at early stages I felt awful about work because I felt like people were rolling their eyes about me when I was off.
like hello I’m doing the most important thing of my life here.
I just decided in the end my baby is more important and if I lose my job I’ll just worry about it then.
I am panicking about making sure I can manage but too late to worry now lol it will work out.

my friend has got ligament pain really bad too. She’s struggling with walking and she sits a lot for work but I think that’s making her in pain as well.
My friends daughter in law had it awful too, she had to take pain killers which obviously caused her stress then due to not wanting to take anything that might affect the baby.
ive got bad hip pain but it’s mainly at night due to lying on my side. It’s not too bad in the day at the moment.
my friend has got the weirdest pregnancy rash all over her body. looks diseased and contagious but it’s just to do with hormones.
im more mental than u would usually be, other people sail through it no problem.
so we are all different and there is no one size fits all with pregnancy from what I can make out so far!

Your mum sounds like my mum. If you’re not dying then what are you complaining about and stop making a fuss lol. Is your mum around 70? I just tell myself my parents are how they are because their generation was very different.
my mum didn’t even say good luck on my transfer day and wouldn’t acknowledge I’m pregnant until recently and I’m 22 weeks now.
funny ducks.

i keep having nightmares about giving birth and I’m super anxious about it. I haven’t had any discussions about planning or anything yet with midwife. I haven’t seen a consultant yet. I’ve only had info from me reading things and from going to birthing class. I think the lack of discussion about it is making me worse.

birthing class was talking about induction and the pros and cons and that sent my head in a spin. I haven’t even thought about c section. I just know I don’t want birth to be traumatic. Might have traumatised myself already tho lol

@CazzyM1983 Hahah yes, my mom does think that if you arent dying, then you need to drag your carcass to work!
She also had the easiest pregnancies of anyone Ive ever heard of (and was 23/24 when she was pregnant back to back - my brother and I are 10 months apart), so she just doesnt understand pregnancy struggles.

My dad was saying yesterday, that about 3 days before I was born, my mom was running for the train, to go to work! Running! I can barely walk faster than my 85 year old step dad! She had zero symptoms (apart from an aversion to coffee), and zero pain in labour!

She is 64, so same generation!

I didnt tell my mom about my transfer, but shes been pretty good with the pregnancy stuff, apart from the empathy regarding me not being well, and particularly as it pertains to work.

But that really shouldnt surprise me. 3 years ago, during covid, I was working at a call centre (my industry was destroyed, and I needed some money!), and I was really struggling with it... And she was all "you must grin and bear it! People work jobs they dont like all the time". Which wasnt helpful at all. Fortunately I managed to get a different job not long after.
She also thinks people who have mental breakdowns dont have resilience...

I am TERRIFIED of birth. I dont do well with pain... so... yeah! The thought of a normal delivery that isnt lightning quick is... panic inducing! If I had the guarantee of having deliveries like my mom, I would NOT hesitate to have a normal delivery. With me, my mom didnt even have time for an epidural!

However, I know (and my mom also knows) that her deliveries were the outliers, which is why she is pushing ofr a planned c section. And some of my friends whove had them said their recovery was amazing, and really quick!

On the other hand, some other friends have really traumatic deliveries, going up to 48h in labour, and pushing for 6+ hours. I know I am not equiped for that.

So while I am VERY happy with the care Ive had at my local maternitym the fact that they dont allow elective c sections on the NHS is pushing me towards private hospital for labour (which is why I also have a private OB)

@thislittlebird Yea I'm in the Rhesus club. I think they should send you the blood results before 25 weeks. My initial injection wasn't supposed to be until then but because I had a lot of bleeding they rushed me in to get an emergency one. I still have to have another one at 28 weeks.

I'm so sorry for the feedback you got from your midwife in response to your mental health. That is absolutely awful. My depression and anxiety has been flagged in my pregnancy notes so they ask at every appointment whether it's a midwife or obstetrician if I'm doing alright or if I need to be referred to the wellbeing team. I have private counselling through work so I haven't taken them up on it but if I did get referred I don't know if it would take ages to get a response like @CazzyM1983 - I'm sorry you've been struggling too. I hope Mums Aid helps. I highly recommend The Positive Birth Book by Milli Hill if you're anxious about giving birth. It really helped me, also I've signed up for a hypono-birthing course xx

@CollsR Thanks so much for the Kicks Count recommendation, I have downloaded the app and it has been so lovely tracking the bumps movements. He seems to have become really active this week which is so nice to feel. @IVFAlone I think you're a few weeks behind me so don't worry if you don't feel something every day, I have only just got to that point at 22 weeks and everyone is different some people it can apparently take until 24 weeks.

@ASGIRC @thislittlebird and @TheBirdintheCave have you all chosen your names already?

@ASGIRC congrats on your scan looking positive. I have my final cervical scan on the 2nd January and if my length is still looking fine at that point then I won't have to have anymore. I'm still thinking of opting for a c section though. Sorry your mums not been that supportive about your pain and experiences. My mum is 66 and has a similar attitude to yours and @CazzyM1983 mums. She did struggle with her pregnancies and had bad symptoms but she had to "suck it up" and feels if she still managed to work why can't other people lol. We also had issues at the start when I first decided to go down the route of having a baby on my own and she didn't get my decision. She has however since been supportive and come to a few appts with me. Though she did tell me if the baby is born on the 27th April when she has an event planned that she won't be my birthing partner as that takes priority 🙃My older sister has offered though and she came with me on the day of my egg collection too

@Doughnut89 Yep :) Husband and I chose our favourites pretty early on in our relationship 😂

@Doughnut89 I had typed a long ass reply last night, but it somehow got eaten!

Anyway, my mom was always on board with me having a baby on my own. My dad and steodad, on the other hand, not so much!
And my mom has been pretty supportive from the start (though I didnt tell anyone but MN that I was having the transfer done, as I didnt want questions).
She was all happy to have bought my baby a first present (from her), but the truth is she paid for the tub, the pram (both second hand) and all my private scans and exams, so shes done more than enough!

And she will be my birthing partner!

My dad didnt take the news of my pregnancy well. I sent him a pic of my 7 week scan, and he left me on read for days. I was really pissed off. But hes come around, and takes great interest now, always asking how she is, and when my appointments are.

I chose the name pretty early on. I had a girl name picked out, and an idea of a boy name, but since it is my brothers name, I was going to ask him for permission to use it.
In the end it wasnt needed, as Im having a girl
Her name is Margarida (Daisy), and will also be Maggie for short. And Ive told literally anyone who will listen what her name is, and Ive only gotten good feedback, so thats good (even if people havent liked it, they havent let me know, which I am grateful for!)

Just wanted to hop on and say hope everyone has a wonderful Xmas and let’s hope this time next year we’re all spoiling our little bundles of joy xxxx

I’m going to gp today about mental health so hopefully I feel a bit better after that!

have a great Xmas and new year everyone xxx

Sorry for going MIA, all good here, went away for a few days for a little break. I had my 20 week scan today which all went well. Cannot wait to find out the gender on Xmas eve - I will let you all know ❤️
Hope you all have a lovely Christmas and a happy new year. This time next year, I’m definitely dressing my baby up a Christmas pudding!! #yummymummies2024 ❤️

@CazzyM1983 really good to hear, I know it can be hard to ask for support (took me ages when I was struggling with my mental health a few years ago). Take care of yourself lovely xx

Had my 20 week scan today :) Baby is all good and nice and wiggly.

Oh my placenta is low lying though so I have to have another scan for that later on. Sonographer didn't seem concerned though.

Have a great Xmas everyone!!

And Im really glad your scans went well @KG1244 and @TheBirdintheCave !!!

Congratulations on the scans @ASGIRC and @TheBirdintheCave !!

It’s a boy! 💙

Congrats! @KG1244 how do you feel now you know? I’m still not sure whether to find out.

@thislittlebird thank you! Really excited but also a little bit nervous, no idea about boys as I come from a girl heavy family so did have a slight gender preference to a girl but then reminded myself that stereotypes are stereotypes and I am so so blessed to be pregnant and having a baby boy. ❤️

I’ll reply to everyone another day, I’m currently in Dartmoor having a very boring, wet, windy Christmas and looking forward to going home in a couple of days.