Disappointing husband

[HarrietL89]

I’m pregnant and my husband has been behaving in really upsetting ways.

He will message/call to say he’s on his way home from work and then be gone for hours and hours. Sometimes all night and sometimes as late as 4am.

I’ve told him multiple times it upsets me a lot and he says sorry which I’ve said means nothing when he keeps doing the same thing. He gets annoyed at me for not accepting a false apology - as words mean nothing if the actions are always the same.

He did this to me last week and I was so upset and now again tonight. It’s Monday and it’s not how I want to start my week. I’m so upset and hurt and it’s so stressful!

Has he just started doing this since you got pregnant?
his behaviour is unacceptable
he’s not a teenager

Was the pregnancy planned?

He was doing it a bit before and stopped and now I’m pregnant he is doing it more. He’s closer to 40 than 30 and wanted to have a child. It’s so upsetting.

Does he explain where he has been?

Where does he say he's been for all those hours after work after he's told you he's on his way home?

It baffles me when grown men start acting this way. How far pregnant are you? What is he doing till 4am in the morning? My mind would jump straight to cheating (might just be me).

Man keeps disappearing at night for hours with no explanation?

Sounds like he has another woman on the go. Sorry op.

Another.vote for thinking he is cheating. Really sorry, that's not at all what you want to hear right now. Sending hugs

Sorry but I also think cheating and looking for an escape.

Where exactly does he tell you he's been all night???

Yes it is planned.

He sometimes tries to say meetings - which is bullshit if when you called you were on the way home and no meeting lasts hours on hours and in the evening. Or he’ll say sorry got carried away drinking with friends. It’s just not good enough. And I’m not stupid.

I am worried about that! As it’s so strange and to be so shady.

The other thing is I’m not the fun police if he had a planned meeting I’d be okay but they are sudden meetings when he’s lied to say he’s on his way home. It’s really strange and why lie. I’m obviously going to know he’s out.

Meetings until 4 am in the morning!

Exactly he treats me like I’m a mug. But I consider myself to be pretty smart. It’s absolutely ridiculous. And to be honest I’m the main earner in our household and im so stressed out tonight. It’s not how I should feel on a work night and a Monday it’s ridiculous. I’ve spent the whole evening crying and it’s just so unenjoyable. He’s very confusing as all weekend he’s gone above and beyond to be a helpful partner and then this. His helpful behaviour doesn’t in any way make up for being hurtful and cruel.

Well he’s still not home now and he was meant to leave over four hours ago.

I'm so sorry you are being treated like this especially whilst pregnant. My first thought before cheating was cocaine. Do you think it's possible he has started taking it when drinking? It would explain the 4am finishes and in some corporate roles it is rife like in recruitment.

He could be… the 4am suggests that. It’s the silence when he’s out and how strange it is. Like if I suddenly went to meet someone after work I’d just say hey I’m going to meet this person. I’m never out very late though either. To say you’re heading home and then just go silent and come home hours later is so weird.

Omg tell him, do it again and you’ll come home to your shit outside. And leave your keys in the door so he can’t get in. Or be out yourself and refuse to tell him where (even if it’s just your friends or parents)

really though, youre pregnant, he can step up now, or leave. it’s insane he’s not coming home till 4 am, lying, not telling you where he’s been, treating you like an idiot, leaving you waiting for him, and you’re the one worried about seeming like the fun police?!

if he (occasionally) told you he was going out for the night, likely back early hours that’s fine
but a weeknight and he’s telling you he’ll be home in a minute, then strolling in at 4am, absolutely not. You need to decide if you can trust him.
At best his argument is that his partner got pregnant and he’s lost his head? But he’s almost 40, It’s embarrassing

Whatever it is it's not fair but I can't help thinking that if he was having an affair he would surely be more discreet. A coke habit sounds more plausible but whatever it is it is not acceptable or fair on you x

In some ways it doesn’t matter why. It is unacceptable full stop. He’s not listened and he doesn’t respect you. He is a terrible partner laying the groundwork to be a terrible father. It’s easier said than done but honestly- selfish men don’t change - get rid of him.

I'm so sorry but I think this marriage is doomed given this wild behaviour. Just ridiculous, though I suspect either drugs or gambling over cheating. Cheaters are usually a bit more conniving. This makes me think he has compulsions he can't control .

I would kick him out before the baby arrives ..

He has no respect for you .

No no no.
He has no respect for you and the baby!
But regardless of being pregnant this would be unacceptable.

You really need to challenge him on this and say if it happens again, he's out!

It is very unsettling and you’d expect someone not to do this to their pregnant wife. His phones been off a while now and he’s still not home.
It isn’t making it look like he’ll be a reliable father - imagine letting a child down like this too.