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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Disappointing husband

58 replies

HarrietL89 · 06/11/2023 19:39

I’m pregnant and my husband has been behaving in really upsetting ways.

He will message/call to say he’s on his way home from work and then be gone for hours and hours. Sometimes all night and sometimes as late as 4am.

I’ve told him multiple times it upsets me a lot and he says sorry which I’ve said means nothing when he keeps doing the same thing. He gets annoyed at me for not accepting a false apology - as words mean nothing if the actions are always the same.

He did this to me last week and I was so upset and now again tonight. It’s Monday and it’s not how I want to start my week. I’m so upset and hurt and it’s so stressful!

OP posts:
Original poster
HarrietL89 · 06/11/2023 22:41

It’s extremely disrespectful.

OP posts:
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 06/11/2023 22:42

HarrietL89 · 06/11/2023 19:41

He was doing it a bit before and stopped and now I’m pregnant he is doing it more. He’s closer to 40 than 30 and wanted to have a child. It’s so upsetting.

This was my exact scenario! Same age and the nights out get worse and worse... I think they think it's their last chance of freedom or some ring but it's awful

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 06/11/2023 22:44

Ps I know from experience being pregnant you feel so powerless and like leaving or telling them off isn't an option you just feel like crying 'why can't you be nicer you're meant to be looking after me'

  • get tough. Get strict. Get some boundaries. Tell his mum what he's doing (I'm not joking) send him off to stay with her. Scare him. Show him that you mean business.
theunbelievabletruth · 06/11/2023 22:50

I mean this kindly OP but you do seem quite passive about this. If that were my husband I would have lost my shit the first time and told him if he ever behaved so disrespectfully again then his belongings would be on the doorstep and a divorce petition in the post !

It seems he has done it once, you got 'a bit cross' and he has taken that as opportunity to continue as there are literally no consequences.

Tonight should be the end of this one way or another . I would not be there when he gets home and not answer my phone for 8 hours either. Show him how shit it is. Then I would move to my parents or sisters and ask him to have a good think about his behaviour and the impact on you and the baby. Last chance. Or he is gone.

Blueeyedmale · 06/11/2023 22:52

OP I have to agree with some of the other posters I think he's likely to be cheating, no way is he in meetings till 4am, he wanted a child he needs to man up and take responsibility and act like a man and not a child, you don't need this stress especially when pregnant

Loubelle70 · 06/11/2023 22:55

Pumpkindoodles · 06/11/2023 21:13

Omg tell him, do it again and you’ll come home to your shit outside. And leave your keys in the door so he can’t get in. Or be out yourself and refuse to tell him where (even if it’s just your friends or parents)

really though, youre pregnant, he can step up now, or leave. it’s insane he’s not coming home till 4 am, lying, not telling you where he’s been, treating you like an idiot, leaving you waiting for him, and you’re the one worried about seeming like the fun police?!

if he (occasionally) told you he was going out for the night, likely back early hours that’s fine
but a weeknight and he’s telling you he’ll be home in a minute, then strolling in at 4am, absolutely not. You need to decide if you can trust him.
At best his argument is that his partner got pregnant and he’s lost his head? But he’s almost 40, It’s embarrassing

This

Scouse51976 · 07/11/2023 06:57

I understand your frustration. Have you talked to him about it? A serious conversation might help.

NotObligedToArgueWithStrangers · 07/11/2023 07:10

I'm with pumpkindoodles and where is he going until 4am on a weeknight presumably if he disappears after work? I know what I would think and none of it is good.

Unapologeticbehaviour · 08/11/2023 22:13

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CheeseyOnionPie · 08/11/2023 22:19

Start doing the same to him

GoldDuster · 08/11/2023 22:21

Unless he's regularly involved in some very high level business acquisition lawyer scenarios, or he's a top politician on the campaign trail, what job does he have that requires him to be in meetings that go on all night? You know that's not what he's doing.

I think it's a good time to realise what's right there under your nose, he may have told you he wanted a baby but in reality he's not an acceptable partner, and it's unlikely he will be an acceptable father. I think you should cut your losses now, don't wait until you've got a newborn in the mix.

Pack his stuff into bin bags now and stick it outside the front door and leave your keys in the lock. Text him and tell him his things are outside and to collect them and make alternative arrangements, as you aren't the doormat he has you mistaken for.

Lili132 · 09/12/2023 10:41

Sounds like cocaine habit OP. Sorry.

Whothatbe · 09/12/2023 11:21

Is he driving home after? Is he drunk? Could be gambling either.

XenaTheWarriorPrincess · 10/12/2023 02:50

Whatever the reason for what he's doing, it's unacceptable. Just leave him, he clearly has no intention of changing the behaviour.

Floatinginatincan · 10/12/2023 03:05

What does he do for a job, op? The only job I would think this is plausible is a chef? ( not saying it's OK, just believable). I would be having a really serious conversation about the future of this relationship. I personally felt really vulnerable when I was pregnant. A loving partner will understand that & do what they can to make you feel safe, secure & loved.

babysharkdoodoodedoodedoo · 10/12/2023 03:46

I would have been tolerant the first time and gone absolutely ballistic the second. He’d be gone by now if there was a third.

Original poster
HarrietL89 · 14/12/2023 18:13

I think I’m done - he seemed to listen and get better but has now backtracked and I’m just fed up. I just want someone normal! It’s so incredibly depressing!

OP posts:
Original poster
HarrietL89 · 14/12/2023 18:24

I feel so isolated and lonely and let down and it’s just shit to be honest. Why couldn’t I have married someone normal.

OP posts:
TheGrimm · 14/12/2023 18:26

He thinks you are pregnant and helpless. Prove him wrong. Leave and give your child the best start you can which, is without him in your life. Of course he can still be in the child’s life however, he sounds like the type that won’t be. Be strong. Once you have a child they must always come first.

GrumpyPanda · 14/12/2023 18:33

Kick him to the curb OP, this is no good. What's your living situation? Could you go and spend Christmas with your family? Or even rent a lovely cottage in the countryside for a few days?

Cressie2 · 14/12/2023 18:37

Just putting it out there, but he could be terrified of being a dad and what that entails and is blowing off steam/having as much time as he can before the baby arrives. He should be able to speak to you about that though and his shadiness is not acceptable.

Don’t show him your weakness. Tell him you need him to step it up and if he can’t, then take yourself away from him for a bit. You’re a strong woman. Respect yourself, hold your head up high, confront him and then go to a friends or family for a few weeks. It will hit him at Christmas time. Explain to his family what’s going on beforehand too and do so with strength. Really hope you’re ok. You’ve got this.

Original poster
HarrietL89 · 14/12/2023 18:42

I don’t feel strong right now just so incredibly sad and down. I’m so frustrated and angry. If he does want to make the most of life before a baby he should say, but it shouldn’t involve disappearing for 12 to 24 hours and being so selfish. I just feel so depressed.

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