Gutted by gender stereotypes

[Genderstereotype]

I’ve name changed for this one as it’s outing!

I’m a lifelong (fairly hardcore) feminist and am so depressed about all the gender stereotypes you hear when pregnant and when you have a newborn!

Friends who I’d previously thought were pretty pro equality are just as bad and I feel quite down about it all!

All I get asked is ‘what are you having?’ (I don’t know) which I don’t really mind. But then they take this as a cue to launch into stereotypes about girls being <insert stereotype> and boys being <insert stereotype> It’s infuriating. I’ve heard stereotypes about dads wanting boys and mums wanting girls. Boys loving their mums more and girls being easy toddlers but hard teens. And various other BS. I don’t think I’ve ever heard such unashamed sexism in my life! Loads of it from teachers too!

I think gender stereotypes are incredibly limiting to both sexes and it’s making me genuinely upset (granted my hormones are wild right now too haha)

Is it just me? Can anyone else relate?

Oh, it’s mind-blowing! We knew, but didn’t say we knew, to try to avoid the worst excesses of gendered baby clothes bought in advance (my girl-obsessed SILs were continually showing me photos of hideous frou-frou baby frocks and matching headbands or babygros made to look like tuxedos with bow ties🤮), but their reactions when we had a boy were way stranger than I anticipated — they were terribly, terribly sad for me (because I wouldn’t be having another child), because I wouldn’t be doing mini-me shopping and nails. He occasionally wore pink hand me down baby gros as a newborn and strangers responses to him when they thought he was a girl were completely difference (in pink he was ‘pretty’ and ‘delicate’, while the identical baby in blue was ‘strong’ and ‘a real little boy’…)

It’s just idle chit chat. Don’t over think it

I think this too. It’s just become “a thing” people use to start a conversation

Once you actually have the children who couldn't care less how much you want them to not conform you will understand!

Precisely this. My father was an abusive drunk who slammed my head down a door when I was fifteen and gave me concussion. My brother is a good, kind man without a violent trait in him, but likely owing to the childhood trauma we both experienced at the hands of a horrible father, also in adulthood became an alcoholic. He's now into recovery, I'm happy to say.

My son is in no way responsible for my older male relatives' behaviour.

These arguments - any, it seems, to justify parents' own particular biases - are bizarre.

The comments about ivf and miscarriage are wild too. Just because someone has been through a deeply traumatic experience doesn't mean they're desire for a certain sex isn't rooted in sexism. Trauma doesn't male you immune to that.

Again we agree. I've also been through several rounds of IVF and multiple miscarriages.

I refused nuchal translucency screening and would only have aborted if the 20-week anomaly scan had shown up a condition that my baby could not have survived.

I'd have loved my child no matter what. The sex was the last thing that even gave me pause for thought. Parenting brings responsibility.

Well you’re clearly a much better person than 90% of the planet, do pat yourself on the back. Just a five star human being.

There are differences between girls and boys in general. Nothing you have said is actual sexism ie. thinking a person is less than someone else because of their sex.

But it’s not about your son ‘being responsible’ for their behaviour is it? It’s about the fact addiction is genetic particularly in males, and males are more likely to act out their frustrations in a way that’s destructive. See PP comment about prison populations.

@FaeryRing it's not about being the better person. We ALL have unintentionally bias around gender, myself included. It's about acknowledging where they've come from and trying to change them rather than making excuses for them and carrying blindly on.

And males are in no way more genetically predisposed to addiction than females. That's nonsense. The reason males are 'more likely to act out their frustrations in a way that's more destructive' is because they've been socialise to due to the gender stereotypes you insist on perpetuating.

@sunflowrsngunpowdr that's not the definition of sexism pal

I never got hit my gender stereotypes while pregnant - no one ever gave me the 'boys are like this girls are like that' kind of line, but I have been very disappointed as they grew up with stuff like shop assistants who (entirely well meaningly) try to police kids' choices of things, you know the 'Oh, those are for girls, sweetheart' or 'I think you want the Batman ones' or whatever. I wish people would stop doing that as kids are looking for 'rules' of how they should be and it may seem a small thing but a kid could pick up that they have broken a 'rule' or they shouldn't like something because they are a boy or a girl, and that could have a powerful impact.

Its not just you, I have an older DS and twins, DS and DD. I got quite urked with people who said during twin pregnancy 'oh a girl and a boy, your family is complete' no I just wanted a healthy baby, for all 3 of my kids, I couldn't have cared less what sex they were.

Boys and men aren't innately evil, they're poorly socialised. Do a good job of parenting and perhaps your son won't grow up to be a rapist

Never said the word evil. Socialisation can help, but men are born more impulsive and a larger capacity for violence. We know this through adoption studies. We know that just having higher levels of testosterone can make men more violent.

Society can take the edge off of this but it is willful ignorance to say that this is just male socialisation, they would be as well behaved as women if society tried harder somehow …

@DunkinBensDonuts
Men are not 'born more impulsive' and testosterone alone does not make men more violent. This is pure misandry.

Hardly a mature or considered response. I've never made any claims as to being the 'better human' here. That is your own interpretation. Sorry if I aggravate your sense of inferiority.

My only claim is to take my responsibilities as a parent extremely seriously. This is not in any way out of the common way. Nor does it indicate any form of human superiority. It is - or should be - the absolute basic, minimum standard for everyone.

They absolutely are. You not wanting to believe it changes nothing. Men have a greater natural propensity for violence and aggression. Even male primates are like this …. tell me, are they socialised too? 😂😂😂

Even where male violence is heavily punished and discouraged, we see that men still engage in violent acts far more than women.

I'm quite sure Alcoholics Anonymous and the Forward Trust will be amazed to hear your extraordinary pronoucement about a male genetic predisposition to alcoholism. And the evidence which supports it.

I'm afraid you may struggle to find the latter.

Your other arguments seem to hinge on the truism that men are far more likely to be violent or sexual offenders than women. For this reason, it seems you're stating, you'd prefer to bear female children. At least that is more honest as far as your stated preferences are concerned.

It's ironic, though, that this rigid adherence to gendered socialisation - and what else could possibly cause 'gender disappointment?' - is what perpetuates much of the misogyny (and misandry, which exists to a lesser degree given men are the dominant group) which drives that behaviour. You'd think from this argument that no man ever grew up to be a decent, non-abusive human being, learned to control their sexual proclivities, or could keep their fists to themselves.

Which has to beg the question of why the hell a woman stating these ideals would choose to have a child with a man in the first instance. Let's take a wild punt on that. NAMALT? Not my Nigel?

What’s wrong with pink, purple and princesses?

Pushing gender stereotypes on baby girls before they can decide for themselves if they like princesses?

I’ve just had twin girls and have been inundated with pink, sparkles, princesses, rainbows and unicorns.

That’s not the point I was replying to, though.

To be fair anything you buy them you will be buying ‘before you know if they like them’

Of course. But there’s a reason why I didn’t receive princess, pink and sparkles when my son was born.

I'm quite sure Alcoholics Anonymous and the Forward Trust will be amazed to hear your extraordinary pronoucement about a male genetic predisposition to alcoholism. And the evidence which supports it

They would already concede there are both genetic and environmental factors in addiction. It’s not totally one or the other. But men are more likely to engage in risky behaviours of all types and this unfortunately includes drug and alcohol abuse.

There seems to be a genuine gap in public knowledge about differences between the sexes. People always act so shocked and offended when they are presented with facts that show that males and females have naturally distinct dispositions in certain areas. It's not some patriarchal conspiracy that men are women are different. It's biology. (YES socialisation plays a role, but it's not the only factor).