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Original poster

Found out I’m pregnant but father is in long term relationship (I didn’t know) he is now trying to force me to abort

127 replies

Bumblebee1230 · 23/09/2023 18:11

Hello

Just looking for a little bit of advice

i have recently just found out I am pregnant, roughly about 7 weeks. I’m 31 and this would be my first pregnancy. It has just come to light the guy I am pregnant too is already in a long term relationship with two children (something I didn’t know at the time and only found out after becoming pregnant)

When I told him I was pregnant he has taken the news really bad and is demanding I get an abortion. He is saying this would ruin his life and it’s unfair for me to go through with it as he should get a say on what happens. He said he can’t believe I haven’t been on contraception and I should have at least been taking the morning after pill

I do agree he should get a day but I don’t want to abort. I told him he is free to walk away and have nothing at all to do with this. I wouldn’t want child maintenance or anything from him, I have a strong support system around me and a decent job so I know I could raise the baby alone

he has said this isn’t good enough and I am selfish. I have told him again I would be keeping it and he is now threatening to leak explicit photos of me and saying he will contact my work and make lies up to get me sacked

i am really scared about the photos being leaked and also scared about him contacting my work. I feel so stuck right now and really unsure on what to do

am I being selfish wanting to keep this baby against his wishes? I feel backed into a corner and like I don’t have much of a choice even though I would love to keep it

any advice would be massively appreciated x

OP posts:
ThisIsNotThePostYourLookingFor · 23/09/2023 18:21

No you are not selfish wanting to keep the baby. He is obviously just wanting you to abort to get rid of any evidence. If he threatens to leak photos again I would tell him you’re going to the police and you’ll also be contacting his partner. Leaking private photos are now concerned revenge porn and it will ruin him more in the long run.

You may be happy doing it all on your own but you also need to think about the fact your child might want to know its father at some point when it’s older and ask for contact information.
You also need to think about the fact he may go for access if he changes his mind and wants to be involved. Can you potentially raise a child with this man?

The choice is completely yours and no one else’s at this point. Do not let him force you into making a decision you are not ready or comfortable to make. You have plenty of time. Block him if you have to.

thetrainatplatform4 · 23/09/2023 18:24

You have to ask yourself if ultimately this is in the best interest of this child? Not you or him but the child. To grow up yes very loved I'm sure but born out of lies and deceit and an absent father?

Peacendkindness · 23/09/2023 18:25

Stop contact with him and block him for the moment.

your body and your life - if you want it - do it. I did my boyfriend when I was 34 didn’t want to know and I did it alone - yes he demanded an abortion repeatedly until the police told him to go away and I did it alone. He didn’t pay CMS but it was the best thing I have ever done. My daughter is now over 16 and the best thing I have ever done. Far easy as a single parent than on a relationship with a fuckwot!

Stephy1024 · 23/09/2023 18:26

Firstly congratulations on your pregnancy, even if the father is a D bag!
He gets to have his say like you said but the final say is yours and yours alone. You didn't force him to lie and cheat on his partner. And if he was that concerned he would have been wearing a condom. (Unprotected sex leads to pregnancy)
It's illegal to post revenge porn do you have it in txt that he's threatened to post the pictures? And odd as it sounds do the photos have your face in them? Unfortunately we can't stop him posting the pic's but I would be informing the police if he does.
Don't not have a baby you want for this man. Its not an ideal situation but it's the situation your in. Do what's right for you.

Best of luck my lovely, whatever you decide.

Blahblahblah2 · 23/09/2023 18:27

You're still young - there's plenty of time to meet someone, establish a relationship and have children in a more stable environment. Imagine this from the child's perspective, in the future, when weighing up your decision. Growing up with no contact with a parent is terribly painful, no matter how good your primary carer is. The dad sounds like a piece of work.

YaWeeFurryBastard · 23/09/2023 18:28

Of course he can’t force you into an abortion and sharing explicit content without your consent is a criminal offence so I’d remind him of that. He sounds like an absolute jerk to have been cheating on his partner and an extra jerk for not using contraception. If he threatens you with any of this shit again just go to the police.

However, why weren’t you yourself using contraception? It’s really not a wise idea to play fast and loose with these sorts of things when you barely know the man. I think you need to face up to the fact if you continue this pregnancy you’ll be doing so alone, or worse with a man you can’t stand having PR and a say over your child.

ASGIRC · 23/09/2023 18:28

Its your decision. Go with your gut.
And report him to the police. Revenge porn is a crime.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 23/09/2023 18:28

thetrainatplatform4 · 23/09/2023 18:24

You have to ask yourself if ultimately this is in the best interest of this child? Not you or him but the child. To grow up yes very loved I'm sure but born out of lies and deceit and an absent father?

This.

MintJulia · 23/09/2023 18:28

The threats he has made are illegal, so tell him that if he repeats them or acts on them, you will report him to the police,

It's your body and your choice. He should have used a condom if he was so desperate to avoid a pregnancy. Perhaps he shouldn't have lied about his status either.

pavillion1 · 23/09/2023 18:28

Id go to the police

arethereanyleftatall · 23/09/2023 18:28

If you want the baby, you have the baby xxx

Kittensat36 · 23/09/2023 18:29

I would also mention it to your HR Department so if he does try to contact your employer, they will be aware of the situation.

And - as I have read on here before - don't put him on the birth certificate.

fearfuloffluff · 23/09/2023 18:29

If you have sex, pregnancy is a possibility. No contraception is 100%, not even vasectomy.

He doesn't get to choose what you do with your body. You'd also be well within your rights to claim cms. If you make a baby, you pay for it.

His threats make him sound like utter trash. Is have the baby and leave him out of it.

Spirallingdownwards · 23/09/2023 18:32

I agree if you want the baby to have it. I can't believe all these responses. The baby will be loved by their mother.

As for revenge porn, tell him to crack om and refer him to recent cases which have led to imprisonment. In fact because of his attitude I would say go to CMS tk get maintenance for the child, even if you put evey penny into an account for them to access when they are older.

Spirallingdownwards · 23/09/2023 18:33

And he is the one "ruining " his life by relying to have a bit om the side without telling you he was in a relationship with children!

blahblahblah1654 · 23/09/2023 18:35

Revenge porn is illegal. He's threatening you because he's desperate not to be found out. It's your choice ether you abort or not. Decide what's best for you and the future baby.

comfyshoes2022 · 23/09/2023 18:35

Spirallingdownwards · 23/09/2023 18:32

I agree if you want the baby to have it. I can't believe all these responses. The baby will be loved by their mother.

As for revenge porn, tell him to crack om and refer him to recent cases which have led to imprisonment. In fact because of his attitude I would say go to CMS tk get maintenance for the child, even if you put evey penny into an account for them to access when they are older.

I agree with everything in this post. I am surprised by the posts suggesting it would be in the child’s best interest for you to have an abortion. If you want to have this baby, you should have it.

Cas112 · 23/09/2023 18:36

Personally I'd be getting the police involved if he was threatening me like that. Releasing explicit photos of someone without there consent is illegal

Do not let him bully you into abortion

timeforachangeagainn · 23/09/2023 18:37

Call 101 for advice and to log what he’s said . Speak to HR . Did you post a few days ago about him?

farnhamgal · 23/09/2023 18:38

MintJulia · 23/09/2023 18:28

The threats he has made are illegal, so tell him that if he repeats them or acts on them, you will report him to the police,

It's your body and your choice. He should have used a condom if he was so desperate to avoid a pregnancy. Perhaps he shouldn't have lied about his status either.

This. And screenshot any threats he's made now so you have the proof.

mummy21blueeyed · 23/09/2023 18:40

The absolute audacity of this man he’s a cheat but wants to ruin your life. You could ruin his without the baby being the reason if that’s his attitude! Do not abort. He could be done if he leaks explicit photos of you and he needs to be told if he even so much as tries to ruin your life you will be seeking out the police and telling his partner.

monsteramunch · 23/09/2023 18:41

I have told him again I would be keeping it and he is now threatening to leak explicit photos of me and saying he will contact my work and make lies up to get me sacked

Screenshot all messages.

Call 101 for advice.

He's broken the law with the threat to leak intimate photos of you.

What a fucking cunt he is.

CareBears48 · 23/09/2023 18:43

If you want the baby, have the baby. Don’t let anyone force you to do otherwise for their own convenience.

You are absolutely capable of doing this on your own, if you want to.

Report his threats to the police, then block him. Focus on you & baby.

ilovelamp82 · 23/09/2023 18:47

The irony of him calling you selfish given his actions. Congratulations on your pregnancy. Go to the police about his threats. If you lose your job, he'll be shooting himself in the foot as you'll need child maintenance. Do what is best for you and protect yourself.

Bax765 · 23/09/2023 18:48

I would contact the police now about the threats.

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