Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Found out I’m pregnant but father is in long term relationship (I didn’t know) he is now trying to force me to abort

127 replies

Bumblebee1230 · 23/09/2023 18:11

Hello

Just looking for a little bit of advice

i have recently just found out I am pregnant, roughly about 7 weeks. I’m 31 and this would be my first pregnancy. It has just come to light the guy I am pregnant too is already in a long term relationship with two children (something I didn’t know at the time and only found out after becoming pregnant)

When I told him I was pregnant he has taken the news really bad and is demanding I get an abortion. He is saying this would ruin his life and it’s unfair for me to go through with it as he should get a say on what happens. He said he can’t believe I haven’t been on contraception and I should have at least been taking the morning after pill

I do agree he should get a day but I don’t want to abort. I told him he is free to walk away and have nothing at all to do with this. I wouldn’t want child maintenance or anything from him, I have a strong support system around me and a decent job so I know I could raise the baby alone

he has said this isn’t good enough and I am selfish. I have told him again I would be keeping it and he is now threatening to leak explicit photos of me and saying he will contact my work and make lies up to get me sacked

i am really scared about the photos being leaked and also scared about him contacting my work. I feel so stuck right now and really unsure on what to do

am I being selfish wanting to keep this baby against his wishes? I feel backed into a corner and like I don’t have much of a choice even though I would love to keep it

any advice would be massively appreciated x

OP posts:
Chichix · 23/09/2023 20:20

I would report these threats to the police. Keep all the messages. Seek some support from Woman's Aid x

Uggtrending · 23/09/2023 20:23

Surely if he leaked the pictures his wife is likely to find out? How long have you known him. I mean you don't know him very well to be honest it sound like you will have to tell the wife if you are going to keep the baby.

Being a single mum isn't easy and I wouldn't wish it upon anybody you dont know how it may turn out for you OP.

wednesdayatone · 23/09/2023 20:30

He sounds hideous

I would consider aborting and cutting all ties with this creep

Choos future partners
More carefully

GodDammitCecil · 23/09/2023 20:30

I absolutely would not have a baby in these circumstances, but fully support your choice to go ahead.

Tell him that you will be speaking with the police about his threats and to leave you alone. And in future, when he cheats on his wife and family, to take responsibility for his own contraception.

Remind him explicitly that any fall-out from this is his responsibility, and his alone.

Mumsgirls · 23/09/2023 20:37

Why do people on here say ‘ don’t put him on the birth certificate ‘ as if it is a choice. You need his co- operation or a court order to put him on. A man if not married to you you cannot just be put on by the mother alone

Longbarn5 · 23/09/2023 20:39

I agree with Bax765. He sounds desparate and nasty and although they wont be able to do much, I assume, since no crime has actually been committed, they will at least have a record of your report. I worry that he could become violent!!

Aside from that, I would just break contact with him completely if you can. He has played his hand, he is a nasty piece of work and doesnt deserve your attention.

You have and love this child if that is what you want to do and I am sure you will make a wonderful mummy so good luck.

satellitesunshine · 23/09/2023 20:43

revenge porn is a crime so contact the police. the choice is yours of course so do what YOU want, but i personally would terminate at this stage. i had a termination at 8 weeks when i was younger as my ‘partner’ cheated on me and turned emotionally abusive - it was awful at the time but i now have 2 children with a lovely dh and have zero regrets

Sunshinenrain · 23/09/2023 20:43

This is completely your choice but I had a baby by someone who didn’t want one (not in a relationship) and I wouldn’t advise it.

Not only is it difficult being a single parent but he has made my life difficult.
Being a single parent is stressful but having that extra stress on top has been an absolute nightmare at times.

There is also the issue of your child growing up without a dad and knowing that they’re not wanted.
This is horrible for them.

Send a message to both him and his partner saying that you have done nothing wrong and that if the threats continue you are going to the police.

Make sure you screenshot all the messages and record any phone conversations.

Comeonbarbiebrianharvey · 23/09/2023 20:46

Threatening to leak explicit photos of you, and ruin your job unless you get an abortion is illegal and just despicable.

I urge you to contact the police, this is a crime, yes he hasn't committed it but he has threatened, and I would hope that they would warn him of the severity of such actions, and stop him in his tracks. If your employer is approachable I would talk to them too.

Block him, your decision is yours alone but please please don't let him blackmail you contact 101.

MammaTo · 23/09/2023 20:48

I personally would be getting a termination in your case.

This is a horrible situation to bring a baby in to. You’re still young and can find a loving partner to have a baby with and live a lovely life together and get rid of this waste of space from your life.

I wouldn’t want to be tied to this situation for life with a poor innocent baby as a reminder of it.

Coyoacan · 23/09/2023 20:50

As you are still relatively young, I would question bringing a child into the world with such a horrible father.

Blueeyedmale · 23/09/2023 20:50

He's in no position to tell you what to do your assumption and were led to believe he was a single man,you want this child,have this child and be happy, he manipulated you,he was cheating without using protection himself,how dare he try and preach to you about contraception, like you say you have a good support network around you,you got this good luck with your pregnancy, men like this make my skin crawl

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 23/09/2023 20:53

There is also the issue of your child growing up without a dad and knowing that they’re not wanted.
This is horrible for them.

I am astounded that so many women totally disregard this angle when deciding to proceed with a pregnancy.

New humans should be enthusiastically wanted by two stable, committed parents. As women, we have the power to choose wisely.

Distinguishedandmature · 23/09/2023 20:57

If you have the baby he may cause problems further down the line. He may want involvement and the child will want to know who their father is eventually . Do you really want the child to be involved with him and his family?

Bored1000 · 23/09/2023 21:00

Tell him if he does that that you will go to the authorities / tell his partner/ his friends/ family and also his workplace.

Tell him if he wants to play dirty so can you.

Distributing private explicit photos without your consent is illegal.

Also how dare he try to put all the contraceptive responsibility on you, no one forced him to have sex with you, it was his choice so he must have known there was a chance a pregnancy could have happened.

He is in this situation because of his own doing not yours! …..and yes, he should be paying child maintenance, if you don’t need the money, put it in a savings account for the child’s education in the future.

StampOnTheGround · 23/09/2023 21:07

Make sure you save all the messages he is sending, in case he really does pathetically follow through with any of the threats.

It's his fault in regards to cheating and ruining his current family, that's not on you. He had unprotected sex, he should also pay maintenance - but completely understand if you want no ties to him at all.

Definitely do not abort, this sounds like a much wanted baby for you, and he doesn't get a say on that. Everyone knows what can happen if you have sex, he can't play dumb now.

Congratulations on your pregnancy 😊

Ponderingwindow · 23/09/2023 21:13

If he is threatening to leak photos, contact the police.

you are fully within your rights to have this baby. His right to have an opinion was when before his genetic material entered your body.

the only catch is that if you do proceed, you will be linked to him for the rest of your life. It’s not really as simple as saying you will raise the baby on your own. He can change his mind and decide to be involved.

HikingforScenery · 23/09/2023 21:15

I’m sorry you’re in this situation. i’d go to the police too and hopefully, they’ll talk to him about the threats and that’ll put him off actually releasing the photos.

With the support you’ve described, i can’t see why you wouldn’t be able to look after your child. All the best to you

TinkBevan · 23/09/2023 21:16

Report this threats to the police, I know of a girl who went thru similar, and thanks to her making that report, when her ex eventually tried the same thing with his next partner, and showed the pictures, the new partner reported and now this girls ex is awaiting court for domestic abuse and sharing intimate pictures without the subjects consent… if friend hadn’t made the report, the case wouldn’t have been able to get to court

SirVixofVixHall · 23/09/2023 21:16

Cas112 · 23/09/2023 18:36

Personally I'd be getting the police involved if he was threatening me like that. Releasing explicit photos of someone without there consent is illegal

Do not let him bully you into abortion

This.
It is your body and your choice, he has no say in this whatsoever. Did he wear a condom ?
Do what you want to do OP, and report him to the police.

Sugargliderwombat · 23/09/2023 21:22

Blahblahblah2 · 23/09/2023 18:27

You're still young - there's plenty of time to meet someone, establish a relationship and have children in a more stable environment. Imagine this from the child's perspective, in the future, when weighing up your decision. Growing up with no contact with a parent is terribly painful, no matter how good your primary carer is. The dad sounds like a piece of work.

She already said she didn't want to abort and would love to keep it.

Drfosters · 23/09/2023 21:22

His opinion has absolutely zero relevance in this situation. If YOU want to terminate then it is your decision alone but sounds very much like you are very happy and so don’t want to do it . Nothing good comes from you doing it when you don’t want to. You will have so much regret. Report him to police (do you have proof of the threat) and get advice from police. They might give him a gentle warning. Then cut all contact, get a lawyer to give you advice and then block him. If he wants a relationship with the child he can get himself a lawyer.

whereaw · 23/09/2023 21:32

When did pro choice become making a woman feel bad for choosing to keep their child?

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 23/09/2023 21:34

whereaw · 23/09/2023 21:32

When did pro choice become making a woman feel bad for choosing to keep their child?

It's not presently a child; it's a small collection of cells.

Practicalities must be a factor in this decision.

Grushenka · 23/09/2023 21:35

I’m on my own with two kids since my marriage broke down, and it’s hard enough being a single parent with an ex who adores and wants our kids, who chose to have them and who doted on them from day one. Seriously - it’s difficult, he’s been through poor mental health when he couldn’t see them, the rejection and confusion was tough for them and they were too little to understand.

To have to co-parent (or just have someone lingering around) who is actively dismissive of the child you love, it’s just awful. I wouldn’t go through with it in your position. Not in a million years.

Swipe left for the next trending thread