Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

pregnant living with abusive cr*ckhead brother

154 replies

Alone123 · 29/07/2023 01:07

I’m 22 living with my parents and older brother, 25. Currently saving to move out but money is tight and I’m due to give birth in January. I drive, work full time and with a child on the way, my anxiety is getting worse. My brother doesn’t do any of those things.
He is an addict, has been deteriorating for years but only the past year he’s been on the hard stuff, smoking it. He has been kicked out and arrested, carried out by police multiple times but always managed to manipulate his way back in, most recently he came back in December looking awful, drugged up and malnourished. He played the perfect son for two weeks before he went back to his same shit.

He has drug induced seizures which affect the whole household as we are always on edge. He refuses to go with the paramedics or attend any kind of help (doctors etc.) he has a 6 year old
he pretends is his priority but has met him once. He makes his money by smashing up houses, collecting other peoples drug debts for them. Which makes me sick considering we’ve had this happen to our home before due to repercussions of his involvement in that pathetic lifestyle.

Just today he seizures, waking my 60 year old parents up in a complete panic at 7am and I had to enter a crack smoke filled room to pass the phone to my mum as I called 999 (pregnant!). Everyone knows he needs help, he does too, he just doesn’t want it. I know it’s selfish but I just have constant anxiety about the health of my baby and my parents who are on edge constantly.

When he was kicked out I got a job working from home, but of course my anxiety and stress worsened when he came back to live with us. He is loud selfish and demanding and can’t do anything for himself. On a day without drugs he’d bang on my office door during work to ‘be funny’ and demand to have breakfast made for him. He would talk about his criminal activity loudly while on the phone and pace around the hall just the other side of the door from where I am working. I lost my job.

He owes me money from when he took advantage and manipulated me to give him hundreds when I was drunk one weekend (before I was pregnant obviously) and still asks for money every day despite me giving him a hard NO every single time. It’s usually for weed, gambling etc.

He’s quite clearly brain damaged from all the seizures but the again he’s never really been a particularly nice person anyway. My parents seem to think he’s just buying his time as he’s also got warrants for his arrest but I hate the way he’s so rude to them. I can handle myself but they are push overs.

I had occupational therapy a couple years ago when he was really affecting my mental health and this was before the crack. I am finding it really hard to cope despite being a resilient person and so I am at the point where my blood is boiling when he opens his mouth and I really don’t want to lose it. None of this is good for my unborn child, who I fear for every single day.

Please help, and be brutal! X

OP posts:
DinoRoar14 · 29/07/2023 19:10

Sazza26xx · 29/07/2023 19:09

So because I had a contraception failure and was in an abusive relationship something basic failed? Wow.

I don't know how myself and other posters can further politely explain that we couldn't care less about you and your story.

ThanksItHasPockets · 29/07/2023 19:11

@Sazza26xx You feel strongly that you want to defend the OP. That’s fine. However you have totally derailed her thread and made it largely about you. Do you honestly think you are helping a vulnerable OP right now?

Sazza26xx · 29/07/2023 19:11

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

DinoRoar14 · 29/07/2023 19:12

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

No need to. I have a husband to sort that out :)

Sazza26xx · 29/07/2023 19:12

ThanksItHasPockets · 29/07/2023 19:11

@Sazza26xx You feel strongly that you want to defend the OP. That’s fine. However you have totally derailed her thread and made it largely about you. Do you honestly think you are helping a vulnerable OP right now?

Surely it's better than all you vultures piling on her.

Sazza26xx · 29/07/2023 19:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ThanksItHasPockets · 29/07/2023 19:15

Sazza26xx · 29/07/2023 19:12

Surely it's better than all you vultures piling on her.

Thanks for confirming you haven’t read my other contribution to the thread. I have reported your vulgar personal attacks.

AnotherEmma · 29/07/2023 19:16

ThanksItHasPockets · 29/07/2023 12:30

I mean the following with kindness, OP, but it might be a difficult read. Nevertheless you need to grasp the following in order to start making informed decisions in the best interests of you and your baby.

Your parents are never going to kick out your brother or cut him off. If they were capable of doing so they would have done it by now. It is painful to realise that they aren’t prepared to do this for you and I wonder if on some level you think that producing a grandchild will make them start prioritising you. I’m sorry but it won’t.

You cannot stay in your parents’ address. It is a target for some very nasty people indeed. It is the base that your brother will always come back to when he is violent or using.

Once you have accepted these very difficult truths you can make some decisions. You have some options but in your current situation you are at real risk of having your baby removed from you. I wish you good luck.

Good post. Hope you're reading, OP.

Sazza26xx · 29/07/2023 19:16

ThanksItHasPockets · 29/07/2023 19:15

Thanks for confirming you haven’t read my other contribution to the thread. I have reported your vulgar personal attacks.

Good for you.

GoogleMeNot · 29/07/2023 19:22

PassTheSnacks · 29/07/2023 17:02

It's not a "pile on" to point out that she needs to recognise her irresponsible behaviour in order to change it, and do it fast. Otherwise her child will be at serious risk of harm. Social services will not hesistate to "pile on", as you put it.

Agree with you on this. Why "deliberately" conceive a baby when you're not in a remotely stable situation?
Did the father know that you were trying to conceive? Did he agree that you were both trying for a baby? If not that is rather manipulative to use someone for his sperm??
100% understand that people can fall into hard times, shit happens but no way should society be responsible for people (financially and emotionally) when they deliberately make stupid decisions.

ConnieTucker · 29/07/2023 19:25

Oh op, you sound like you have had such a difficult upbringing. Your home sounds chaotic and dangerous for a baby, and your parents, no matter what your mum told you, will not be throwing out your brother permanently, if they do at all.

you do need to speak to your midwife as this is not a safe environment for a baby.

and you need to ask for some counselling too, as making a conscious decision to have a baby with a friend rather than a partner, while living with and being dependent on a mum who is disabled and a dad who suffers mental health issues and an addict brother is a poor decision.

Luxell934 · 29/07/2023 19:32

Sazza26xx · 29/07/2023 19:09

So because I had a contraception failure and was in an abusive relationship something basic failed? Wow.

Your situation is completely different to the OPs own situation though. You got pregnant accidentally, she got pregnant on purpose.

You had an abusive partner, she doesn’t even have a partner just a sperm donor.

I assume you wouldn’t have willingly gotten pregnant to someone who was abusive to you whilst living with them and having no financial means to move out?

OP lives with her drug addict brother, but willingly got pregnant despite already going through therapy because he was causing her mental health issues. She also knew she couldn’t afford rent or a mortgage.

PassTheSnacks · 29/07/2023 19:44

You're lovely aren't you, hope nin of your kids go through what I went through

What you don't appear to be grasping is that some of us did. As children. Without the option that an adult had: to leave.

Saschka · 29/07/2023 19:48

Sazza26xx · 29/07/2023 19:03

You're lovely aren't you, hope nin of your kids go through what I went through.

But OP is deliberately bringing a baby into a worse situation than you went through, because she wants a baby and screw the consequences. Actively TTC in this situation. She does want her child to go through what you went through.

Sazza26xx · 29/07/2023 19:48

PassTheSnacks · 29/07/2023 19:44

You're lovely aren't you, hope nin of your kids go through what I went through

What you don't appear to be grasping is that some of us did. As children. Without the option that an adult had: to leave.

I do grasp that, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone

Sazza26xx · 29/07/2023 19:50

Saschka · 29/07/2023 19:48

But OP is deliberately bringing a baby into a worse situation than you went through, because she wants a baby and screw the consequences. Actively TTC in this situation. She does want her child to go through what you went through.

I would say domestic violence is pretty serious, I nearly lost my son as I tried to unalive myself after, I think why I'm so touchy is probably my own trauma coming out,maybe I should have just avoided this thread, sorry everyone

Saschka · 29/07/2023 19:52

Sazza26xx · 29/07/2023 19:50

I would say domestic violence is pretty serious, I nearly lost my son as I tried to unalive myself after, I think why I'm so touchy is probably my own trauma coming out,maybe I should have just avoided this thread, sorry everyone

And OP say her home has already been done over by rival drug gangs seeking revenge on her brother - did you miss that part? Just as traumatic for a toddler to witness as domestic violence.

Luxell934 · 29/07/2023 19:54

Sazza26xx · 29/07/2023 19:50

I would say domestic violence is pretty serious, I nearly lost my son as I tried to unalive myself after, I think why I'm so touchy is probably my own trauma coming out,maybe I should have just avoided this thread, sorry everyone

But your situation with domestic violence happend after you got pregnant. Whilst awful it isn’t the same situation as the OP so is irrelevant to this thread .

GoogleMeNot · 29/07/2023 19:55

@Sazza26xx Sorry that you went thru' a hard time. There's no denying that it sounds like you were in a terrible situation.

The point is, your situation is different from the OP's. You did not choose to put your baby in bad circumstances but the OP has. I commend you for the kindness you're showing her. Hopefully she finds a solution but people should educate their children on having food judgement.

What struck me most is how she refers to her brother as "manipulative", but ironically she manipulated someone into being her sperm donor as she wanted a child - at least that is what I understand from her posts.

GoogleMeNot · 29/07/2023 19:56

GoogleMeNot · 29/07/2023 19:55

@Sazza26xx Sorry that you went thru' a hard time. There's no denying that it sounds like you were in a terrible situation.

The point is, your situation is different from the OP's. You did not choose to put your baby in bad circumstances but the OP has. I commend you for the kindness you're showing her. Hopefully she finds a solution but people should educate their children on having food judgement.

What struck me most is how she refers to her brother as "manipulative", but ironically she manipulated someone into being her sperm donor as she wanted a child - at least that is what I understand from her posts.

Good not food judgment - excuse the typo !

fireflyloo · 29/07/2023 20:04

Have you contacted your local housing association? They may be able ti help with rent costs and you may be eligible for UC.

TerfTalking · 29/07/2023 20:05

Honestly, I feel sorry for your parents.

as a mother of a son and daughter, why do you think the issues you bring to their door are lesser than your brothers?

you need to own your own situation and move out, relieving yourself from your brothers problems and halving those of your parents.

drpet49 · 29/07/2023 20:57

DinoRoar14 · 29/07/2023 17:21

Yes she does. Another kid born without hope in a fucked up situation.
We should absolutly be shaming and condemning the selfish and idiotic actions of adults who continue to bring children into such lives.

Completely agree with this. I’m fed up of hearing about irresponsible, selfish parents.

Oatycookies · 29/07/2023 21:36

Motnight · 29/07/2023 09:00

Op you are young and have made some shit decisions putting your wish to become a mother over the welfare of a baby.

I hope that things improve for you, and that your baby is born into a safe and loving environment.

This. I felt bad for her initially reading the post but now as I find out this was all planned, I feel worse for her parents who have two irresponsible children, and most of all the baby. At age 22 even if you wanted to go solo why not wait until you saved up for that deposit even if it took another 5-7 years you’d still be under 30!

Oatycookies · 29/07/2023 21:38

drpet49 · 29/07/2023 20:57

Completely agree with this. I’m fed up of hearing about irresponsible, selfish parents.

Yep, as someone who worked in social services with young people in care it really upsets me. OP, casually said she’ll go down to the council and what irks me about that is the council will also have people (individuals and families alike) who for no fault of their own ended up in a situation where they need housing having to compete with someone who deliberately created an unstable situation.

Swipe left for the next trending thread