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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

pregnant living with abusive cr*ckhead brother

154 replies

Alone123 · 29/07/2023 01:07

I’m 22 living with my parents and older brother, 25. Currently saving to move out but money is tight and I’m due to give birth in January. I drive, work full time and with a child on the way, my anxiety is getting worse. My brother doesn’t do any of those things.
He is an addict, has been deteriorating for years but only the past year he’s been on the hard stuff, smoking it. He has been kicked out and arrested, carried out by police multiple times but always managed to manipulate his way back in, most recently he came back in December looking awful, drugged up and malnourished. He played the perfect son for two weeks before he went back to his same shit.

He has drug induced seizures which affect the whole household as we are always on edge. He refuses to go with the paramedics or attend any kind of help (doctors etc.) he has a 6 year old
he pretends is his priority but has met him once. He makes his money by smashing up houses, collecting other peoples drug debts for them. Which makes me sick considering we’ve had this happen to our home before due to repercussions of his involvement in that pathetic lifestyle.

Just today he seizures, waking my 60 year old parents up in a complete panic at 7am and I had to enter a crack smoke filled room to pass the phone to my mum as I called 999 (pregnant!). Everyone knows he needs help, he does too, he just doesn’t want it. I know it’s selfish but I just have constant anxiety about the health of my baby and my parents who are on edge constantly.

When he was kicked out I got a job working from home, but of course my anxiety and stress worsened when he came back to live with us. He is loud selfish and demanding and can’t do anything for himself. On a day without drugs he’d bang on my office door during work to ‘be funny’ and demand to have breakfast made for him. He would talk about his criminal activity loudly while on the phone and pace around the hall just the other side of the door from where I am working. I lost my job.

He owes me money from when he took advantage and manipulated me to give him hundreds when I was drunk one weekend (before I was pregnant obviously) and still asks for money every day despite me giving him a hard NO every single time. It’s usually for weed, gambling etc.

He’s quite clearly brain damaged from all the seizures but the again he’s never really been a particularly nice person anyway. My parents seem to think he’s just buying his time as he’s also got warrants for his arrest but I hate the way he’s so rude to them. I can handle myself but they are push overs.

I had occupational therapy a couple years ago when he was really affecting my mental health and this was before the crack. I am finding it really hard to cope despite being a resilient person and so I am at the point where my blood is boiling when he opens his mouth and I really don’t want to lose it. None of this is good for my unborn child, who I fear for every single day.

Please help, and be brutal! X

OP posts:
DinoRoar14 · 29/07/2023 17:21

Sazza26xx · 29/07/2023 16:08

Doesn't mean that the OP deserves a pile on

Yes she does. Another kid born without hope in a fucked up situation.
We should absolutly be shaming and condemning the selfish and idiotic actions of adults who continue to bring children into such lives.

Redlocks30 · 29/07/2023 17:41

Hmmm, people often complain about it being a ‘pile on’ when lots of people tell the OP the same thing.

If just one person posted a reply saying, ‘bloody hell, what were you thinking?!’ and nobody else posted because it had already been said, the OP might (incorrectly) think that one person was being unfair. But, when an OP has 100 replies ALL saying that she is being unreasonable (and she did ask that posters ‘be brutal’), I actually think that is important. Lots and lots of people here think the OP’s judgement is way off.

Whattosay81 · 29/07/2023 17:42

Fed up of seeing junkies and drug dealers.

Sazza26xx · 29/07/2023 17:47

DinoRoar14 · 29/07/2023 17:21

Yes she does. Another kid born without hope in a fucked up situation.
We should absolutly be shaming and condemning the selfish and idiotic actions of adults who continue to bring children into such lives.

All you so called perfect parents need to take a look at yourselves

Redlocks30 · 29/07/2023 18:02

Nobody on this thread is claiming to be a perfect parent.

People are pointing out that deliberately bringing a baby into a household where a crack addict lives who was already causing you massive mental health issues, is a really bad idea.

PassTheSnacks · 29/07/2023 18:17

All you so called perfect parents need to take a look at yourselves

There's a very large gap between being a "perfect parent" and deliberately conceiving a baby at 22 that you can't afford to provide a safe home for when you are living with a crack addict.

Most people occupy the cavernous gap between those extremes.

Highlyflavouredgravy · 29/07/2023 18:19

PassTheSnacks · 29/07/2023 18:17

All you so called perfect parents need to take a look at yourselves

There's a very large gap between being a "perfect parent" and deliberately conceiving a baby at 22 that you can't afford to provide a safe home for when you are living with a crack addict.

Most people occupy the cavernous gap between those extremes.

And conceiving said baby with someone you are not in a relationship with!

Babies are people! They deserve better.

MonsterCalling · 29/07/2023 18:36

Sazza26xx · 29/07/2023 17:47

All you so called perfect parents need to take a look at yourselves

You are welcome to check my posts because I don’t think I’ve said anything unkind or cruel. I also don’t think you are helping her as much as you think you are. ‘Not living with a violent dangerous crack addict’ is a pretty low bar for perfection.

DinoRoar14 · 29/07/2023 18:38

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Sazza26xx · 29/07/2023 18:52

This reply has been deleted

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Does calling someone names whos clearly in a vulnerable state make you feel better?

Sazza26xx · 29/07/2023 18:55

PassTheSnacks · 29/07/2023 18:17

All you so called perfect parents need to take a look at yourselves

There's a very large gap between being a "perfect parent" and deliberately conceiving a baby at 22 that you can't afford to provide a safe home for when you are living with a crack addict.

Most people occupy the cavernous gap between those extremes.

Let me give you some insight into my life, I got pregnant at 20 with someone I had slept with after a first date, contraception failure, I lived at home with my parents, we made a go of our relationship and he turned out to be abusive, he made my life hell. I feel like Mumsnet can be very judgemental and black and white, I managed to escape the abuse when my son was 13 months. I will say I think I'm a damn good mum, I would do anything for him.

PassTheSnacks · 29/07/2023 18:55

Does calling someone names whos clearly in a vulnerable state make you feel better?

Does pretending that her behaviour that will put her baby at serious risk of trauma and harm to "make her feel better" do anything to improve the likelihood of the baby having a decent life?

Telling someone they are right when they are being irresponsible will encourage that behaviour continuing.

Most of the posters here are more concerned for the baby's welfare than the OP's feelings, and rightly so.

PassTheSnacks · 29/07/2023 18:56

@Sazza26xx this post is not about you. What you describe is an entirely different situation. Many posters here have lived through the type of childhood that the OP is in danger of inflicting on her child so I'm not interested in your attempt at moral superiority.

DinoRoar14 · 29/07/2023 18:58

Sazza26xx · 29/07/2023 18:52

Does calling someone names whos clearly in a vulnerable state make you feel better?

I'm not "calling her names" I'm describing the clear situation she has created.

DinoRoar14 · 29/07/2023 18:59

Sazza26xx · 29/07/2023 18:55

Let me give you some insight into my life, I got pregnant at 20 with someone I had slept with after a first date, contraception failure, I lived at home with my parents, we made a go of our relationship and he turned out to be abusive, he made my life hell. I feel like Mumsnet can be very judgemental and black and white, I managed to escape the abuse when my son was 13 months. I will say I think I'm a damn good mum, I would do anything for him.

Cool Story bro. And?

DinoRoar14 · 29/07/2023 19:00

It's probably a lot of 'kindness' and softy softy that has led ro 2 siblings being completely incompetent and failing to thrive and make sound decisions in life.

Sazza26xx · 29/07/2023 19:00

PassTheSnacks · 29/07/2023 18:56

@Sazza26xx this post is not about you. What you describe is an entirely different situation. Many posters here have lived through the type of childhood that the OP is in danger of inflicting on her child so I'm not interested in your attempt at moral superiority.

It's not moral superiority, ive not said she's right, Its done now she can't go back on being pregnant. I'm entitled to talk about things, the way some of you are carrying on is pretty dire,almost like you're judging her for being 22 and using her parents etc, Im not going to be dictated to by you sweetheart if I wanna say something I will.

PassTheSnacks · 29/07/2023 19:01

You can say what you want. I can also say it's not relevant to the thread.

PassTheSnacks · 29/07/2023 19:02

And nobody asked for "insight into your situation", however fascinating you may believe it to be.

Sazza26xx · 29/07/2023 19:03

DinoRoar14 · 29/07/2023 18:59

Cool Story bro. And?

You're lovely aren't you, hope nin of your kids go through what I went through.

Sazza26xx · 29/07/2023 19:04

PassTheSnacks · 29/07/2023 19:02

And nobody asked for "insight into your situation", however fascinating you may believe it to be.

Fascinating? Seriously what a disgusting thing to say, you have no idea.

DinoRoar14 · 29/07/2023 19:04

Sazza26xx · 29/07/2023 19:03

You're lovely aren't you, hope nin of your kids go through what I went through.

Thank you. I am hoping my children are raised with the most basic understanding of contraception and good choices as well.

Sazza26xx · 29/07/2023 19:06

DinoRoar14 · 29/07/2023 19:04

Thank you. I am hoping my children are raised with the most basic understanding of contraception and good choices as well.

So was I? Things happen, hope your kids don't turn out to be judgy and unkind like you.

DinoRoar14 · 29/07/2023 19:08

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Sazza26xx · 29/07/2023 19:09

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So because I had a contraception failure and was in an abusive relationship something basic failed? Wow.