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Pregnancy

Baby at 44

109 replies

Lunarskybox · 20/06/2023 20:09

I have two girls already - 5 and 1. I had my first at 38 and second at 42. Both straightforward pregnancies (albeit the second was conceived through one round of IVF) and I am very fit and healthy. I would love to have a third. I have have a good number of high quality fertilized embryos frozen and so this a third is a viable option for me if naturally fails to work. I don’t feel I am too old, but I imagine society does. I am curious about views - especially anyone out there who had a baby at 44 or above and how it went/is going (less about the pregnancy and more about your age and how it is raising a child as an older mum? Thanks

OP posts:
Mamoun · 20/06/2023 20:51

I don't really have an opinion but there are many threads about this you could look into.

mycoffeecup · 20/06/2023 20:55

Personally I wouldn't unless you can afford loads of childcare even when you're not working. It's a biggish gap you've got already - adding another baby will really limit the stuff you can do as a family (activities, holidays etc) that is age appropriate for your oldest. If you've got two healthy kids I'd count my blessings and I wouldn't roll that dice again in your situation.

Bubblesdublin · 12/07/2023 22:21

I would go for it. What age did you freeze the embroyos if you dont mind me asking.

oliveroses · 12/07/2023 22:40

If you want to I would go for it. I don't really feel the age thing when it comes to babies - it's up to you and how much energy you have and how you envisage the coming years/decades. My own mum was an older mum when she had all of us really, and my youngest sister is eight years younger than me (my mum was 42). I didn't spend as much time with youngest sis as I probably would have if the age gap were smaller while she was growing up, but we all had a great time, we're and are very happy, and mum is brilliant. Really can't see any issue with it x

Lunarskybox · 12/07/2023 22:45

Bubblesdublin · 12/07/2023 22:21

I would go for it. What age did you freeze the embroyos if you dont mind me asking.

I was just 41 and my baby born at 42 was conceived with the eggs frozen then so I know that at least one was good enough!

OP posts:
Lunarskybox · 12/07/2023 22:46

oliveroses · 12/07/2023 22:40

If you want to I would go for it. I don't really feel the age thing when it comes to babies - it's up to you and how much energy you have and how you envisage the coming years/decades. My own mum was an older mum when she had all of us really, and my youngest sister is eight years younger than me (my mum was 42). I didn't spend as much time with youngest sis as I probably would have if the age gap were smaller while she was growing up, but we all had a great time, we're and are very happy, and mum is brilliant. Really can't see any issue with it x

Thank you for this x

OP posts:
Singingthesong · 12/07/2023 22:47

I was 44 when I had my youngest. Unexpected pregnancy on so many levels. Absolute joy. You value everything.

Carsarelife · 12/07/2023 22:47

I think it's fine. It's not a massive age gap as a pp suggested. It wouldn't limit stuff you could do. Think it's sounds fine op

Lunarskybox · 12/07/2023 22:51

Singingthesong · 12/07/2023 22:47

I was 44 when I had my youngest. Unexpected pregnancy on so many levels. Absolute joy. You value everything.

That's amazing! So you had another after 44? That's fantastic- congrats! I don't feel old at all and I'm very fit and active. I kind of feel just go for it and that I'm unlikely to regret it. But life is also great with two and I guess I worry a little what people might think (I also ultimately don't care, but it does cross my mind in a way it really didn't even with baby 2 at 42)

OP posts:
Lunarskybox · 12/07/2023 22:51

Carsarelife · 12/07/2023 22:47

I think it's fine. It's not a massive age gap as a pp suggested. It wouldn't limit stuff you could do. Think it's sounds fine op

Thank you!

OP posts:
BungleandGeorge · 12/07/2023 22:53

I’d agree 6/7 years is a sizeable age gap and will make it a bit difficult to please them all very soon. Honestly I’d say no because teens are exhausting and the thought of having 3 of them in my mid-late 50s doesn’t sound attractive but there’s nothing wrong with it if you want to and have the support and means to do it

Florencey · 12/07/2023 22:54

Had my 2nd and 38 almost 40 and trying for a 3rd, I say go for it OP, I think you might regret not trying. That's how I feel anyway, if we don't catch I'm blessed with two I have but if I don't try I think I'll always wonder what if and regret not trying.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 12/07/2023 22:56

If I wanted another at 44 I'd do it (30s and single now) but get on with it! Xx

Lunarskybox · 12/07/2023 23:03

BungleandGeorge · 12/07/2023 22:53

I’d agree 6/7 years is a sizeable age gap and will make it a bit difficult to please them all very soon. Honestly I’d say no because teens are exhausting and the thought of having 3 of them in my mid-late 50s doesn’t sound attractive but there’s nothing wrong with it if you want to and have the support and means to do it

I have no idea what it's like to have teenagers - the prospect scares me! Maybe this is where blissful ignorance and naivety might help me...! They're not that bad are they...? I love them when they are so small, the teenage thing is just so hard to imagine!

OP posts:
Lunarskybox · 12/07/2023 23:03

Florencey · 12/07/2023 22:54

Had my 2nd and 38 almost 40 and trying for a 3rd, I say go for it OP, I think you might regret not trying. That's how I feel anyway, if we don't catch I'm blessed with two I have but if I don't try I think I'll always wonder what if and regret not trying.

That's kind of where my head is at too x

OP posts:
Lunarskybox · 12/07/2023 23:04

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 12/07/2023 22:56

If I wanted another at 44 I'd do it (30s and single now) but get on with it! Xx

Thank you! x

OP posts:
SaveMeFromMyBoobs · 12/07/2023 23:30

If you already have 2 happy healthy babies I wouldn't. If you're 44 now, you'd likely be 46 before a baby was born. I'm not saying you wouldn't be capable of caring for a baby at 46, but you'd be 64 when the baby turned 18. You'd be parenting a teenager in your 60s and 76 by the time the baby turned 30. There is a much bigger difference between a 65 and 70 year old than between a 50 and 55 year old.

I know people with older parents and they wish their parents had them younger. I have one friend - mum had her at 45, dad was older at 52. At uni he was in his 70s and she was permanently worried as he was declining, having hospital visits, heart problems and generally starting to exhibit age related frailty and starting to need care. She swapped to a closer uni in her fourth year to be closer to home and help her parents. She was heartbroken as she knew there was a very real chance at least one of her parents wouldn't live long enough to see her get married or meet her children. Or at least she'd be having children while caring for her elderly parents when all her friends had parents young enough to help them adjust to becoming a new parent rather than being an additional burden.

Your choice, I'm not saying you can't handle a baby in your mid-40s, just consider how the future will look too.

thejadefish · 13/07/2023 00:07

Had mine at 39 & 45. If I could wave a magic wand I would have had them younger but life didn't turn out that way. Energy wise I don't feel its any harder or any more tiring at 46 than it was at 40, but it does worry me a bit that I'll be approaching retirement age when my youngest is about to go to Uni and how that would affect them. That being said, you've already got a 1 year old so I don't think that a couple of years is going to make much difference in that regard. If you are healthy, want it, feel up to it & feel that you can afford it go for it.

I would have loved another myself but I don't think it would be possible even if DH wanted more (he doesn't). We would have to rely on luck/nature for any more & the thought of the risk of abnormalities and how having a disabled child would affect my existing children would very much give me pause. Sounds like this doesn't apply to you though, if you've got good quality embryos already, are healthy and have the finances I don't see why not - doesn't matter what anyone else thinks!

Moleinthedark · 13/07/2023 00:22

I'm 40 and just finished my third round of unsuccessful ivf. Considering a fourth round and very much conscious of my age. Seeing my mum soon to celebrate her 70th birthday and wondering how life might be different for us both if she was 80. She was 29 when she had me and never felt young.

If you were 44 and childless I might think differently and say go for it, but even then I question my thinking, and wonder why should you go for it as a very much older mother. It's a selfish decision to have children and perhaps even more selfish as you get older.

You have two already, what will a third give you that two already don't? What will you give them?

You have two children. Why aren't they 'enough'?

Think of the 44 year old daughter you may have on your 88th birthday - if you're lucky to still be around - and think about what might be good for HER, not you.

Centre the potential child, not you being 'fit and healthy' right now.

Wenfy · 13/07/2023 00:26

Moleinthedark · 13/07/2023 00:22

I'm 40 and just finished my third round of unsuccessful ivf. Considering a fourth round and very much conscious of my age. Seeing my mum soon to celebrate her 70th birthday and wondering how life might be different for us both if she was 80. She was 29 when she had me and never felt young.

If you were 44 and childless I might think differently and say go for it, but even then I question my thinking, and wonder why should you go for it as a very much older mother. It's a selfish decision to have children and perhaps even more selfish as you get older.

You have two already, what will a third give you that two already don't? What will you give them?

You have two children. Why aren't they 'enough'?

Think of the 44 year old daughter you may have on your 88th birthday - if you're lucky to still be around - and think about what might be good for HER, not you.

Centre the potential child, not you being 'fit and healthy' right now.

Why did you do ivf at 40 if this is your opinion?

Moleinthedark · 13/07/2023 00:32

Wenfy · 13/07/2023 00:26

Why did you do ivf at 40 if this is your opinion?

Try reading my post you fool.

You know, about how I'm questioning my decisions? About how I have zero children Vs OP's two?

About how I might not do it again because of my age?

You can clearly read so try again

SPR40 · 13/07/2023 00:33

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Moleinthedark · 13/07/2023 00:36

And I really dislike this 'do what's right for you' thinking. No, do what is right for for existing and potential children. IMO.

AliceMcK · 13/07/2023 00:57

I had my first at 36 and last at 42. At the time age or having 3 young children wasn’t an issue. However, a series of unfortunate events (many could be linked to age, e,g shortly after I found out I was pregnant my DF was diagnosed with terminal cancer and died when my baby was weeks old, my cousin and best friend also diagnosed with cancer, my FIL again diagnosed with cancer, DH couldn’t cope and went on anti depressants) non could be foreseen and they all just suddenly happened all at once. I was really effected, because suddenly it all hit me on top of being a 42yo woman having a baby. I became a very unhealthy woman who struggled with everything within a very short period of time with the mental and physical load. My almost 6yo has had very little mummy time and missed out on lots of things my older children didn’t.

My circumstances are very unique, but especially given my last pregnancy was my healthiest and most enjoyable, I never expected such a bad downturn.

What I’m trying to say, is that even though you’re healthy now, think about everything that could happen at your time of life and if you could handle what life throws at you at this age on top of having another small baby x

toomuchlaundry · 13/07/2023 01:05

Can you afford teenagers/university years? Many adult children stay at home longer and don’t leave at 18/21. Would you want them living with you in your 60s/70s?

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