Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Baby at 44

119 replies

Lunarskybox · 20/06/2023 20:09

I have two girls already - 5 and 1. I had my first at 38 and second at 42. Both straightforward pregnancies (albeit the second was conceived through one round of IVF) and I am very fit and healthy. I would love to have a third. I have have a good number of high quality fertilized embryos frozen and so this a third is a viable option for me if naturally fails to work. I don’t feel I am too old, but I imagine society does. I am curious about views - especially anyone out there who had a baby at 44 or above and how it went/is going (less about the pregnancy and more about your age and how it is raising a child as an older mum? Thanks

OP posts:
anna2101 · 13/07/2023 14:30

Don't have a perspective on the age but my sisters and I are 9 and 4 years apart both ways (so 13 years between youngest and oldest) and my mom says she doesn't understand how people have kids with small age gaps - she sees it as so exhausting. So I think there are two sides to the whole age gap argument.

mayorofcasterbridge · 13/07/2023 14:41

Vettrianofan · 13/07/2023 09:34

I had two in my 20s, two in my 30s so haven't experienced pregnancy in my 40s but I would say that you need to look at the bigger picture for your children here. Look to their future. Will you be able to help with childcare for your children's children? Be fit enough to kick around a football with them?

Anyone can be affected with poor health at any age. Mine is poor and I am 40yo but I have children 5yo+ so no babies to look after. I couldn't cope with that again!

Do what is best for everyone in your family is my best advice.

Why on earth would you factor in whether or not you could potentially provide childcare to hypothetical grandchildren?!!!

Moleinthedark · 13/07/2023 14:42

mayorofcasterbridge · 13/07/2023 14:41

Why on earth would you factor in whether or not you could potentially provide childcare to hypothetical grandchildren?!!!

Show quote history

Because it obviously matters to her?

MintJulia · 13/07/2023 14:44

I conceived naturally at 44 and had ds at 45. Apart from one snide comment from my boss, no-one bat an eyelid.

I didn't need any special help, had an easy pregnancy and a slightly slow labour resulting (after a bit of assistance) in a pink and healthy 8lb boy.

Fifteen years later, we're both still doing fine 🤗

If you want to, go for it.

MintJulia · 13/07/2023 14:48

Summermeadowflowers · 13/07/2023 09:37

Blimmin’ heck, how many fiftysomethings are incapable of kicking a football? 😂

And re childcare, isn’t the MN party line to never, ever expect this from grandparents? Besides, you don’t know how old your children will be when they have children, so even if you have your child at 25, if they wait until they are 45 to have a baby, you’ll still be in your 70s!

When I had ds at 45, I took a conscious decision to maintain my fitness so I could keep up. At 60, I still run park run, ski and cycle with my ds. It's not difficult. You just have to decide that is what you are going to do.

pimplebum · 13/07/2023 14:51

Had my fab girl at 45 no problems

pimplebum · 13/07/2023 14:52

Also downs Edwards test is a yes or no these days so you can choose if you want to continue or not

destiEos · 13/07/2023 15:13

toomuchlaundry · 13/07/2023 14:25

@destiEos how are you planning to have a baby post 48?

Smoke and mirrors 😂

gettingloud · 13/07/2023 22:46

I had my dcs at the same ages as you OP. Also about to turn 44 and I'm definitely feeling done with my lot! It just doesn't appeal, and there are all sorts of issues with having 3 rather than 2, regardless of age (bedrooms, splitting tasks with DH, after school activities etc). I think for me, my mental cutoff for being a mum was 40, which in the end I ignored anyway because I had a TFMR and trouble conceiving again, so having one at 42 was already too old and pushing my luck.

Like you, I feel fit and healthy in myself (I don't relate to those comments from mums in their 40s saying they're constantly exhausted). But I think the menopause makes a big difference and I don't think I'm near that yet, but when the time does come I'm sure it can have a huge effect on how well I could cope. I guess I want to optimise the resources I have for the 2 I have, including mental/emotional resources, and not just at the baby age, but through their teenage years by which time I definitely will be dealing with the menopause.

I don't think there's any social stigma though, especially where I am in London. And with frozen embryos the age of your eggs isn't an issue.

Original poster
Lunarskybox · 13/07/2023 22:58

gettingloud · 13/07/2023 22:46

I had my dcs at the same ages as you OP. Also about to turn 44 and I'm definitely feeling done with my lot! It just doesn't appeal, and there are all sorts of issues with having 3 rather than 2, regardless of age (bedrooms, splitting tasks with DH, after school activities etc). I think for me, my mental cutoff for being a mum was 40, which in the end I ignored anyway because I had a TFMR and trouble conceiving again, so having one at 42 was already too old and pushing my luck.

Like you, I feel fit and healthy in myself (I don't relate to those comments from mums in their 40s saying they're constantly exhausted). But I think the menopause makes a big difference and I don't think I'm near that yet, but when the time does come I'm sure it can have a huge effect on how well I could cope. I guess I want to optimise the resources I have for the 2 I have, including mental/emotional resources, and not just at the baby age, but through their teenage years by which time I definitely will be dealing with the menopause.

I don't think there's any social stigma though, especially where I am in London. And with frozen embryos the age of your eggs isn't an issue.

Yes, i hear you. I think the menopause is a real consideration. It's an unknown in terms of the impact and it could make things really challenging. I am a bit of a believer that we just adapt to deal with more challenging situations, but I don't want to make life difficult for me and my family. Also agree re social stigma - I suggested that was a concern of mine, but if I'm honest that's not really it - and like you I live in London and most mums of small ones I know are in their 40s. It's a tough one for sure. And I'm clear there is no 'right answer' per se. thanks for your comment! Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
Lunarskybox · 13/07/2023 22:59

pimplebum · 13/07/2023 14:51

Had my fab girl at 45 no problems

Smile
OP posts:
Original poster
Lunarskybox · 13/07/2023 23:02

MintJulia · 13/07/2023 14:44

I conceived naturally at 44 and had ds at 45. Apart from one snide comment from my boss, no-one bat an eyelid.

I didn't need any special help, had an easy pregnancy and a slightly slow labour resulting (after a bit of assistance) in a pink and healthy 8lb boy.

Fifteen years later, we're both still doing fine 🤗

If you want to, go for it.

Thank you - and that's great to hear!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lunarskybox · 13/07/2023 23:04

anna2101 · 13/07/2023 14:30

Don't have a perspective on the age but my sisters and I are 9 and 4 years apart both ways (so 13 years between youngest and oldest) and my mom says she doesn't understand how people have kids with small age gaps - she sees it as so exhausting. So I think there are two sides to the whole age gap argument.

The 5 year age gap between ours is amazing at the moment - they adore each other and don't compete over things. I imagine the eldest will lose interest in the little one at some point in the future tho

OP posts:
Original poster
Lunarskybox · 13/07/2023 23:07

MotherofDogs3 · 13/07/2023 12:03

Someone sounds very bitter and jealous! Just because you haven't been able to have kids that don't give you a right to be cruel to others who can!

OP you already have a 1 year old so having another young baby will make no difference in regards to your age. Go ahead and have that baby if you can and I wish you all the best 🥰

Thank you! Yes it's really not that different to where I am now. Three might be the hard thing!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lunarskybox · 13/07/2023 23:07

DamaskRosie · 13/07/2023 11:27

Go for it, op.

I think some MNers always approach this question as if it were "what is the ideal age to have a baby?" rather "should I have a baby at 44?" Eg PP mentioning above that her mum had her at 30 and she worries about how many years she has left, and this would be worse if her mum had been in her 40s. Yes, that may be true but it's a bit of a leap from that to "and so it would be better never to be born than be born with an older mum".

Spot on - absolutely agree

OP posts:
Original poster
Lunarskybox · 13/07/2023 23:08

VillageFete · 13/07/2023 10:54

I think you’ll be in good company, OP.
So many women having babies later now, it’s not particularly unusual.

I see no harm in rolling the dice and going for embryo transfer, if you think you’ll desperately regret it in time to come if you don’t.

There’s definitely no right or wrong here, but do give all of the pro’s and con’s careful consideration. One massive pro being that your youngest is only 1, so you’re still in the thick of it.

Regarding teenagers - fuck, yes, they are mentally and emotionally exhausting. I was 24 when I had my DD, she’s now 13 and I struggle. Hardest stage of parenting BY FAR.
This could be because I have a 4 year old and pregnant again at age 38 (My last baby!!) I feel I don’t have as much time and patience as I should have, whereas for you, you probably will when your DD’s are teens. You won’t have younger kids to deal with and you’ll be well established in life in general with your career etc…

Thank you - v helpful perspective

OP posts:
Original poster
Lunarskybox · 13/07/2023 23:08

destiEos · 13/07/2023 10:29

Had my first at 48, he's just turned 1 - probably going for a second soon. I can still kick a football 😬

If you want, think you can cope with, and can afford it, I'd say go for it and very good luck to you! 💕

Thank you Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
Lunarskybox · 13/07/2023 23:10

toomuchlaundry · 13/07/2023 10:10

Other issues with being an older mum is being there for DC, menopause and possibly having elderly parents to look out for, it’s a tough mix

Very true. And this is the reality. It could certainly mean a tough 5-10 years. But how bad that might be is unknown!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lunarskybox · 13/07/2023 23:11

Summermeadowflowers · 13/07/2023 09:37

Blimmin’ heck, how many fiftysomethings are incapable of kicking a football? 😂

And re childcare, isn’t the MN party line to never, ever expect this from grandparents? Besides, you don’t know how old your children will be when they have children, so even if you have your child at 25, if they wait until they are 45 to have a baby, you’ll still be in your 70s!

Haha yes, I'm running half marathons, I do weights sessions, I walk everywhere. Im fitter than most. Touch wood I can maintain this!

OP posts:
DyslexicPoster · 13/07/2023 23:13

If you have a 1 year old, I'd say go for it asap. All the downsides mentioned already already apply to your 1 year old. I had my last at 40 and a mc at 43 which at the time felt a lot older than 40, but a few years is nothing. I had my first at 29 and terns can be bloody hard at any age. After 45 I think your natural choice will be gone, but you have frosties so you good to go surely

Original poster
Lunarskybox · 13/07/2023 23:14

Hibiscrubbed · 13/07/2023 09:20

I don’t think I’d think anything of it if you were my friend. I certainly wouldn’t be harbouring judgement about you. Especially as you’re fit and healthy, which is more than a lot of people who embark on pregnancy at any other age.

It must be strange thinking you have lots of potential children waiting there. That’s always been something I’ve wondered about with IVF. I hope that’s not an insensitive thing to wonder about.

Not insensitive at all!! And I think it actually makes the urge stronger. Especially conceiving one this way already. I see my baby and feel like their sibling(s) already sort of exist. I know that's probably a weird and not ideal way to look at it!

OP posts:
Isitthathardtobekind · 13/07/2023 23:14

Moleinthedark · 13/07/2023 00:32

Try reading my post you fool.

You know, about how I'm questioning my decisions? About how I have zero children Vs OP's two?

About how I might not do it again because of my age?

You can clearly read so try again

Show quote history

Why do people need to be so rude?! She asked a question. She may not have understood or read your post quickly as many people do in a thread they are catching up on. Your tone is terrible.

Original poster
Lunarskybox · 13/07/2023 23:14

Bunny2006 · 13/07/2023 09:09

My mum had me at 44 (unexpected 3rd child), I've never felt I 'suffered' having an older mum. Still did everything younger mums would, holidays, active play etc. It's only now a bit upsetting that she is older, health problems rising and not as able to do things. I've had my first child young (26) but she's still not able to pick her up, active play etc. I don't expect my parents to look after my child, it's not their responsibility, but at the baby groups it seems grandparents are all taking on the childcare when parents return to work whereas I won't have that option even if they wanted to, physically would be too much. I also have no grandparents myself left and it's a bit sad when my partner for example his grandma is younger than my mum, seems a lot of people will have longer with their family than I will. But overall I wouldn't question some one who chose to have a child at 44

Really helpful, thank you for sharing...

OP posts:
Original poster
Lunarskybox · 13/07/2023 23:16

Macaroni46 · 13/07/2023 06:40

Personally I think it's too old. You may be fit and well now. I was at 44 with bags of energy and no health conditions. Fast forward a few years and I'm in a very different position health wise coupled with menopause. There's no way I could effectively care for 3 young children now. You've got 2. Enjoy those.

Yes, I can see this risk for sure.

OP posts:
Cece92 · 13/07/2023 23:16

Hi if you want another baby at 44 then do it. I'm 31 with a 10 year old and at 21 it was hard. I feel physically better now than I did back then. Would I have any more? Not sure but if it did I would wait a good few years (I have my reasons) I just didn't think in 2023 women/men would be judge for having babies later in their lives. Everyone has their reasons whether it be career, relationships, infertility. As you said you feel great and in good health. I really wish you the best OP. my friend is 46 and has. 6 year old and 3 year old. She never met her partner until she was 38, and I'm sure he's maybe older. They are great parents and her husband is an amazing father very very hands on. When I spend time with them it was meant to be (which sounds weird) xx