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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Baby at 44

119 replies

Lunarskybox · 20/06/2023 20:09

I have two girls already - 5 and 1. I had my first at 38 and second at 42. Both straightforward pregnancies (albeit the second was conceived through one round of IVF) and I am very fit and healthy. I would love to have a third. I have have a good number of high quality fertilized embryos frozen and so this a third is a viable option for me if naturally fails to work. I don’t feel I am too old, but I imagine society does. I am curious about views - especially anyone out there who had a baby at 44 or above and how it went/is going (less about the pregnancy and more about your age and how it is raising a child as an older mum? Thanks

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BungleandGeorge · 13/07/2023 23:17

Lunarskybox · 12/07/2023 23:03

I have no idea what it's like to have teenagers - the prospect scares me! Maybe this is where blissful ignorance and naivety might help me...! They're not that bad are they...? I love them when they are so small, the teenage thing is just so hard to imagine!

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😆 yes teens are pretty labour intensive. Make sure you live somewhere with excellent public transport or you’ll be giving lifts including in the middle of the night! When they’re little you can make everything ok for them easily with a hug and a biscuit there’s a lot more worry as they get older and lots of people also begin to have to care for ageing parents at the same time. It obviously depends on your set up slightly and whether you can afford help

Original poster
Lunarskybox · 13/07/2023 23:19

MooseBeTimeForSnow · 13/07/2023 01:31

My mom was 44 when I was born. Although both parents were around for my wedding, neither of them got to meet their only grandchild.

Sorry to hear that. And yes, although I didn't actually articulate this in my summary. It is actually one of my main worries. I would feel awful - for them (and me) to miss out on grandkids etc. I do also remain somewhat philosophical about it tho - as in, you never really know what tomorrow brings regardless of how perfectly you "plan" your life. I try not to start with the likely problems. But absolutely recognize the reality of what you say and of course experienced.

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Original poster
Lunarskybox · 13/07/2023 23:22

AliceMcK · 13/07/2023 00:57

I had my first at 36 and last at 42. At the time age or having 3 young children wasn’t an issue. However, a series of unfortunate events (many could be linked to age, e,g shortly after I found out I was pregnant my DF was diagnosed with terminal cancer and died when my baby was weeks old, my cousin and best friend also diagnosed with cancer, my FIL again diagnosed with cancer, DH couldn’t cope and went on anti depressants) non could be foreseen and they all just suddenly happened all at once. I was really effected, because suddenly it all hit me on top of being a 42yo woman having a baby. I became a very unhealthy woman who struggled with everything within a very short period of time with the mental and physical load. My almost 6yo has had very little mummy time and missed out on lots of things my older children didn’t.

My circumstances are very unique, but especially given my last pregnancy was my healthiest and most enjoyable, I never expected such a bad downturn.

What I’m trying to say, is that even though you’re healthy now, think about everything that could happen at your time of life and if you could handle what life throws at you at this age on top of having another small baby x

I'm so sorry to hear about your struggles. How awful for you and your family. Are you and your husband in a better place now? You make extremely valid points

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Original poster
Lunarskybox · 13/07/2023 23:24

Moleinthedark · 13/07/2023 00:36

And I really dislike this 'do what's right for you' thinking. No, do what is right for for existing and potential children. IMO.

My eldest would love another sibling. Part of my reasoning is that I can see how much my two children love each other and I would like a third to add to that happy little team. I think you may be oversimplifying some of the comments and their intentions.

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Original poster
Lunarskybox · 13/07/2023 23:25

thejadefish · 13/07/2023 00:07

Had mine at 39 & 45. If I could wave a magic wand I would have had them younger but life didn't turn out that way. Energy wise I don't feel its any harder or any more tiring at 46 than it was at 40, but it does worry me a bit that I'll be approaching retirement age when my youngest is about to go to Uni and how that would affect them. That being said, you've already got a 1 year old so I don't think that a couple of years is going to make much difference in that regard. If you are healthy, want it, feel up to it & feel that you can afford it go for it.

I would have loved another myself but I don't think it would be possible even if DH wanted more (he doesn't). We would have to rely on luck/nature for any more & the thought of the risk of abnormalities and how having a disabled child would affect my existing children would very much give me pause. Sounds like this doesn't apply to you though, if you've got good quality embryos already, are healthy and have the finances I don't see why not - doesn't matter what anyone else thinks!

Thank you!!

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Original poster
Lunarskybox · 13/07/2023 23:25

SaveMeFromMyBoobs · 12/07/2023 23:30

If you already have 2 happy healthy babies I wouldn't. If you're 44 now, you'd likely be 46 before a baby was born. I'm not saying you wouldn't be capable of caring for a baby at 46, but you'd be 64 when the baby turned 18. You'd be parenting a teenager in your 60s and 76 by the time the baby turned 30. There is a much bigger difference between a 65 and 70 year old than between a 50 and 55 year old.

I know people with older parents and they wish their parents had them younger. I have one friend - mum had her at 45, dad was older at 52. At uni he was in his 70s and she was permanently worried as he was declining, having hospital visits, heart problems and generally starting to exhibit age related frailty and starting to need care. She swapped to a closer uni in her fourth year to be closer to home and help her parents. She was heartbroken as she knew there was a very real chance at least one of her parents wouldn't live long enough to see her get married or meet her children. Or at least she'd be having children while caring for her elderly parents when all her friends had parents young enough to help them adjust to becoming a new parent rather than being an additional burden.

Your choice, I'm not saying you can't handle a baby in your mid-40s, just consider how the future will look too.

Small difference, but I'm just 43 now and so would be hoping to have the baby at 44

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FluffyPinkSocks · 13/07/2023 23:28

Your choice. Neighbour had her children at 42 and 44. All good. My mother had her last at 45, she was an ‘old’ parent, she’s not far off 70 and my sister is early 20s. I personally think if you have the energy go for it, if not then don’t!

Mariposista · 13/07/2023 23:49

MintJulia · 13/07/2023 14:48

When I had ds at 45, I took a conscious decision to maintain my fitness so I could keep up. At 60, I still run park run, ski and cycle with my ds. It's not difficult. You just have to decide that is what you are going to do.

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I am pretty sure my mum is fitter now in her 60s than she was at my age! My MIL is just a few years younger and she still does circuit training and runs!

Vintagecreamandcottagepie · 13/07/2023 23:51

I was a bit younger than you (35, 37 and 39). Similar dilemma re a third.

Our three are a team and we feel done. So pleased we had three.

I'm 44 now, nearly 45. Having a third has been taxing tbh. I feel alot older after having another. I'm honestly not sure I would at your (our) age, especially with a relatively big age gap.

Still glad we did it tho. Older parents.have loads to offer! I think you should count your blessings whichever way it goes.

Two, or three, are a blessing and a joy.

All the best whatever you decide.

ferntwist · 13/07/2023 23:55

I’m 46 and expecting my third. Go for it! It will be lovely for your other two to have another sibling (and all the extra family that might bring them in years to come). Good luck

Original poster
Lunarskybox · 14/07/2023 07:55

ferntwist · 13/07/2023 23:55

I’m 46 and expecting my third. Go for it! It will be lovely for your other two to have another sibling (and all the extra family that might bring them in years to come). Good luck

That's how I feel. Thank you! x

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Steamedhams · 14/07/2023 09:05

I would say go for it. There isn't a giant gap between your current children. There's a 17year gap between me and my youngest siblings and we don't know each other. Your main concern should be - when I am no longer here/active will they have enough support. I think if they have each other then they will be fine. So I guess the advice would be absolutely have a third but really focus on that sibling bond between each of them so that even if they don't have you in the fullest capacity, they can rely on each other as they get older.

EnidElzzah · 27/07/2023 20:18

My youngest was born when I was 40. My eldest when I was 36. Now in my early 60s. If they wait until mid 30s / 40s will I be too old to enjoy my grandchildren. Interested to hear from anyone else who has a similar experience.

MinBins · 27/07/2023 20:27

I had a big gap between myself and siblings and we all get along just fine. Lots of opinions on this thread but the only one that can answer is you.

I had my first at 37 and then second will be 41 (currently pregnant). I will consider a third, however only when I've had my second and how my body feels after that.

JurisGuru · 05/09/2023 06:40

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

PurposefulBear · 05/09/2023 06:48

I think you have to look further ahead, at the moment your worry is “being an older mum”, ie it’s about yourself.

It’s also important to think about what this could mean for your children as they become young adults. For example, you’d be close to retiring when they are 20. You’d be in your 70s when they had children, 80s if they follow your pattern. Whilst that all sounds fine, you’d want to be sure you are fit and healthy and giving yourself the best chance to not become unwell during those years that your children will want to spread their wings, travel the world, build a family and not have to worry about looking after or even losing older parents. Believe me, I have been there and whilst it was no one’s fault it made it very difficult for me to have the same experiences of early motherhood and being a young adult to most of my peers.

Just a different perspective.

JaukiVexnoydi · 05/09/2023 08:29

There's another thread with a woman who is pregnant at 45 wondering whether to have an abortion. It's interesting to look at the differences. Your existing children are still young so you aren't going to have a huge age gap, and the embryos already exist from eggs harvested a few years ago so some of the risks are lower.

Personally I would be unlikely go for #3 but I am quite risk-averse. I might do one 'roll of the dice' with a single round of IVF, and if that didn't work then accept that as what is "meant to be". But I would have a good look at finances first. If #3 turns out to be twins, will it put your existing children into poverty? Your first responsibility is to them.

Shopper727 · 05/09/2023 09:16

I am 44 and there is absolutely no way I’d be having another baby(I have 4 already). But you are not me and if you want one, you’re fit and healthy and already have young kids then go for it. You will only regret not trying. I have many friends who were older when they had their children keeps you young and I hope things all work out for you op

NatGee · 05/09/2023 09:22

If I get to 44 and could still have babies and wanted one then id go for it. What bearing does society have on your family and personal life?if youre fit, and able to take care of your children then youre a much more suitable parents than many many many people.

beaconhead · 17/01/2024 18:21

I’ve got a 14yo, an 8 yo and a 4yo - yes the gaps are big and it can be awkward when the youngest is very little, but it’s much easier now. They all get on brilliantly and I wouldn’t change a thing. I was almost 40 when I had my youngest, and would have no issues having another now if I felt that my family was incomplete (DH might have something to say though! 😂). I’m fit, healthy and active and often mistaken for being much younger, and would be very confident physically about having another. I definitely don’t want more, but if you do, go for it. A wise friend told me, when I was umming and ahhing about a third, that if you’re still thinking about it, you’re not done and you need to have a go. She was right - so I’d say the same to you! Good luck x

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 17/01/2024 21:41

Op have you got an update!?

Jack80 · 12/02/2024 18:02

I wouldn't I'm 43 and I feel achy some days and I work with children so it's a no from me unless I had no children already. I have teenagers and I miscarried a baby who would be 10 now. Each to their own, can you afford it. I don't go in for can you help them in uni, I will if I can, they need to get a job and support their life as well.

majorkira · 12/02/2024 18:05

Mum had me at 44. Didn't bother me as child but now it bothers me at 36 I have not and won't have the time with her that friends will have with their mum.
Hence why I had mine young

Original poster
Lunarskybox · 12/02/2024 21:12

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 17/01/2024 21:41

Op have you got an update!?

Think I'm going to try. No progress yet!

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Original poster
Lunarskybox · 12/02/2024 21:12

beaconhead · 17/01/2024 18:21

I’ve got a 14yo, an 8 yo and a 4yo - yes the gaps are big and it can be awkward when the youngest is very little, but it’s much easier now. They all get on brilliantly and I wouldn’t change a thing. I was almost 40 when I had my youngest, and would have no issues having another now if I felt that my family was incomplete (DH might have something to say though! 😂). I’m fit, healthy and active and often mistaken for being much younger, and would be very confident physically about having another. I definitely don’t want more, but if you do, go for it. A wise friend told me, when I was umming and ahhing about a third, that if you’re still thinking about it, you’re not done and you need to have a go. She was right - so I’d say the same to you! Good luck x

Thank you xx

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