Baby at 44

[Lunarskybox]

I have two girls already - 5 and 1. I had my first at 38 and second at 42. Both straightforward pregnancies (albeit the second was conceived through one round of IVF) and I am very fit and healthy. I would love to have a third. I have have a good number of high quality fertilized embryos frozen and so this a third is a viable option for me if naturally fails to work. I don’t feel I am too old, but I imagine society does. I am curious about views - especially anyone out there who had a baby at 44 or above and how it went/is going (less about the pregnancy and more about your age and how it is raising a child as an older mum? Thanks

My mom was 44 when I was born. Although both parents were around for my wedding, neither of them got to meet their only grandchild.

Personally I think it's too old. You may be fit and well now. I was at 44 with bags of energy and no health conditions. Fast forward a few years and I'm in a very different position health wise coupled with menopause. There's no way I could effectively care for 3 young children now. You've got 2. Enjoy those.

My mum had me at 30 and I'm in my 30s now. I worry about how many years I have left with her at this point and just think that it would be much worse if she had me in her 40s.

No need to attack me. It’s the same logic whether it’s your first baby or last. I personally think your post was rather manipulative. There’s no difference between 40 or 45 when having a baby - if OP wants one, they can afford it, and she has made financial plans related to the 3rd child she should have one.

My mum had me at 44 (unexpected 3rd child), I've never felt I 'suffered' having an older mum. Still did everything younger mums would, holidays, active play etc. It's only now a bit upsetting that she is older, health problems rising and not as able to do things. I've had my first child young (26) but she's still not able to pick her up, active play etc. I don't expect my parents to look after my child, it's not their responsibility, but at the baby groups it seems grandparents are all taking on the childcare when parents return to work whereas I won't have that option even if they wanted to, physically would be too much. I also have no grandparents myself left and it's a bit sad when my partner for example his grandma is younger than my mum, seems a lot of people will have longer with their family than I will. But overall I wouldn't question some one who chose to have a child at 44

If you have good quality eggs frozen and can afford more IVF I can see why you would want to go for another.

Ultimately, you’ll get judgement and a lot of projection (‘I can’t imagine parenting teens in my 60s’! Etc - I must admit, as a 46 yr old parent of teens, this was my first thought!). But it’s your life.

I don’t think I’d think anything of it if you were my friend. I certainly wouldn’t be harbouring judgement about you. Especially as you’re fit and healthy, which is more than a lot of people who embark on pregnancy at any other age.

It must be strange thinking you have lots of potential children waiting there. That’s always been something I’ve wondered about with IVF. I hope that’s not an insensitive thing to wonder about.

MN teens must all be a particular breed, I honestly do not know what they are all doing that is so exhausting. At any rate, I’m 43 and about to pop (I hope.) This pregnancy was fine until about 32/33 weeks and then I got cursed with sciatica which isn’t very pleasant. Good luck, @Lunarskybox

I had two in my 20s, two in my 30s so haven't experienced pregnancy in my 40s but I would say that you need to look at the bigger picture for your children here. Look to their future. Will you be able to help with childcare for your children's children? Be fit enough to kick around a football with them?

Anyone can be affected with poor health at any age. Mine is poor and I am 40yo but I have children 5yo+ so no babies to look after. I couldn't cope with that again!

Do what is best for everyone in your family is my best advice.

Blimmin’ heck, how many fiftysomethings are incapable of kicking a football? 😂

And re childcare, isn’t the MN party line to never, ever expect this from grandparents? Besides, you don’t know how old your children will be when they have children, so even if you have your child at 25, if they wait until they are 45 to have a baby, you’ll still be in your 70s!

Teens can be emotionally exhausting, and need ferrying around a lot (if you don't live in an area with good public transport). They are also expensive! And as stated above many adult DC are living at home longer, well into their 20s, so may need to factor that into your retirement plans

I think the teens point is that when you’re in the phase of having very young children you can get caught up in a world of cute babies and sweet little kids doing finger painting and playing in the park.

You don’t necessarily think about having three adult-sized people with annoyingly childish ways taking up space and resources and energy .

It’s worth thinking about, at least.

I wish @LooseInTheCity , I’m very caught up in a world of ‘no’ ‘mine’ and 6am wakeups! He is cute though

I do take the point re emotional energy and don’t wish to be flippant but I do think if something is draining emotionally then so it is irrespective of age: a teen going through an awful time is hard at 40 and at 55. I do find my toddler exhausting but I am not sure how much of this is age or not and in any event it is not forever!

Other issues with being an older mum is being there for DC, menopause and possibly having elderly parents to look out for, it’s a tough mix

Had my first at 48, he's just turned 1 - probably going for a second soon. I can still kick a football 😬

If you want, think you can cope with, and can afford it, I'd say go for it and very good luck to you! 💕

I think you’ll be in good company, OP.
So many women having babies later now, it’s not particularly unusual.

I see no harm in rolling the dice and going for embryo transfer, if you think you’ll desperately regret it in time to come if you don’t.

There’s definitely no right or wrong here, but do give all of the pro’s and con’s careful consideration. One massive pro being that your youngest is only 1, so you’re still in the thick of it.

Regarding teenagers - fuck, yes, they are mentally and emotionally exhausting. I was 24 when I had my DD, she’s now 13 and I struggle. Hardest stage of parenting BY FAR.
This could be because I have a 4 year old and pregnant again at age 38 (My last baby!!) I feel I don’t have as much time and patience as I should have, whereas for you, you probably will when your DD’s are teens. You won’t have younger kids to deal with and you’ll be well established in life in general with your career etc…

My eldest will be 24yo when I am 48 , just couldn't imagine doing sleepless nights at that age😫

Go for it, op.

I think some MNers always approach this question as if it were "what is the ideal age to have a baby?" rather "should I have a baby at 44?" Eg PP mentioning above that her mum had her at 30 and she worries about how many years she has left, and this would be worse if her mum had been in her 40s. Yes, that may be true but it's a bit of a leap from that to "and so it would be better never to be born than be born with an older mum".

Someone sounds very bitter and jealous! Just because you haven't been able to have kids that don't give you a right to be cruel to others who can!

OP you already have a 1 year old so having another young baby will make no difference in regards to your age. Go ahead and have that baby if you can and I wish you all the best 🥰

Someone sounds very bitter and jealous! Just because you haven't been able to have kids that don't give you a right to be cruel to others who can!

OP you already have a 1 year old so having another young baby will make no difference in regards to your age. Go ahead and have that baby if you can and I wish you all the best 🥰

We get it, you’re pleased you had yours in your 20s and 30s. I wish we could refrain from passing judgement on women who are older/whatever else some people decide to hold against them.

They may be in a much better position financially than you, better travelled, maybe they didn’t meet someone until later, or suffered infertility.

Let’s live and let live.

@Hibiscrubbed I agree with you and I had all of mine by 25. My youngest is at uni and I am younger than the lady that had her first at 48.
I haven't travelled, was cash poor, difficult relationships (as I wasn't mature and 'picked' unsuitables). I wish I had lived a little. I had a limited career that had to fit in around having three children (two with significant sen) and now have cancer.
Basically fucked at forty.

Also I need to point out that wealthy people don’t need to support their grandchildren with hands on childcare. It’s so common in my circle for grandparents to pay a salary for a nanny / nursery/ private school / extras. So common in fact that when we started at our local nursery the bill went to my parents (who were listed as emergency contacts)!

@Vettrianofan I've found myself to be roughly on par with the other mums from my bump and baby group in terms of coping. But I've not had one younger so can't really compare.

@destiEos how are you planning to have a baby post 48?